


Wild In the Streets

by i_amthecosmos



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: 80's AU, Asexual Character, Attempted Sexual Assault, Closeted Relationship, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Found Family, Multi, Partying, Sex, Skateboarding, Unsafe Sex, alcohol and drug use, chad is kinda nice here, cuddling and sweetness, it's descendants, punk/metal scene, rebellious Teens, safe sex, skater au, they all have terrible parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-01-25 02:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 127,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21348808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_amthecosmos/pseuds/i_amthecosmos
Summary: This is the third goddamn punk au in three fandoms in a row. I don't know what's wrong with me.  Somebody needs to come over here and kick my ass. Anyway, this is inspired by that skater gif going around. The one with the long-haired guy kissing his blonde girlfriend mid-trick. It was so Jaylos I couldn't stand it. So here we are.
Relationships: Chad Charming/Gil, Evie/Mal (Disney), Harry Hook/Uma, Jay/Carlos de Vil
Comments: 118
Kudos: 128





	1. Day In the Life

**Author's Note:**

> This is the third goddamn punk au in three fandoms in a row. I don't know what's wrong with me. Somebody needs to come over here and kick my ass. Anyway, this is inspired by that skater gif going around. The one with the long-haired guy kissing his blonde girlfriend mid-trick. It was so Jaylos I couldn't stand it. So here we are.

**California, 1989**

_Sscccappe, slap.___

_ _Carlos turned over in bed. He looked at the clock, it was eight am. Shit, he was late._ _

_ __Scrapppe, slap._ The sound of wheels on a hard surface_ _

_ _Carlos sat up, and got a hot Coke from the nightstand. The noises were coming from outside. He put on a shirt and some shorts, opened the window, and stuck his head out. _ _

_ _“Jay! It’s too early for this shit!” _ _

_ _Jay was in the backyard, in front of the half-pipe they had all built in the backyard. Jay was out there shirtless, in big shorts, and grinned at Carlos, shielding his eyes from the sun. _ _

_ _“Carlos! Get out here and join me!” Then he pushed off and did another kickfip, making the same slapping noise. Right now he was just dicking around on the smooth surface, not hitting the half-pipe yet. _ _

_ _“You know I have school,” Carlos said. Out of the six people who lived in their house, only two of them were full time students. That was him and Evie. Mal worked full time, their other housemates did whatever. As for Jay, he skateboarded. _ _

_ _He skateboarded well enough that he was started to grab attention, get endorsement deals and stuff. So really, he should practice but it was still way too early for this. “I have to get a shower. You want anything to eat?” _ _

_ _“I’ll get something later. Go get ready.” Jay grinned up at him. “Go kick ass in class, I’ll be fine.” Carlos waved at Jay, then headed for the bathroom. _ _

_ _Evie was still in there, but the door was open. She was fixing her hair, her makeup already done perfectly. She was doing her hair half up and half down, which should be an easy style, but of course she was overthinking it. She was dressed for school, wearing her usual short skirt with leggings and a colorful top. _ _

_ _“Hey. I gotta shower, can I come in?” _ _

_ _Evie huffed a little. “I’m almost done!” _ _

_ _“Evie, you’re gonna make us both late. Let me in. You already look perfect.” Evie was his ride to school, with a cute car given to her by her mom. Evie kept it spotless, and barely let anyone but Carlos and Mal in the passenger seat._ _

_ _“Well, come on in, I won’t peek.” Carlos rolled his eyes and stood behind her, stripping while he turned on the water. He showered quickly, and Evie was out of there before he got out. He scrubbed his hair with the towel, dried off, and then fixed his hair quickly before putting his clothes back on. _ _

_ _He got his shoes, then went to the kitchen. Mal and Evie were sitting at their old table, drinking coffee. Carlos got himself one and drank it quick. Mal looked super grumpy this morning, and was just staring ahead. Evie was right next to her, but not talking to or touching her. _ _

_ _When Carlos was done with his coffee, he went to the living room to wait for Evie. While he was there, Chad came down. “Hey ‘Los! How are you?”_ _

_ _Chad was a rich kid skater. He was pretty good on the board, but not as good as most of the other people they ran with. But Chad owned the house they were staying at, and gave them cheap rent. _ _

_ _(“I can’t give you free rent, my dad would ask questions,” he’d said. “But this way you can do what you need to, and live together. So it works out.” They had all agreed.)_ _

_ _“I’m okay, I got a test today.” Carlos mustered up a smile. He didn’t always get along with Chad. They had clashed at first, Carlos not liking the way Chad made fun of people. It took repeated reassurances from both Jay and Chad to get Carlos to see Chad didn’t mean any harm. _ _

_ _“Okay. What time are you getting back? We’re going to the park today.”_ _

_ _The skate park. They went to the skate park every single day. They almost lived there, and they were well-known. “I’ll try to come by and bring my camera.” This was his main contribution to the scene-Carlos took pictures. He took _good_ pictures. He’d even sold some of them to Thrasher and other magazines. It was a good source of side income. But he had a lot more he hadn’t sold, thinking of making a book someday._ _

_ _“Awesome. See you there.” Then Chad went to the kitchen to get his first beer of the day. _ _

_ _Carlos waited another minute before getting Evie. “Come on, I have a fucking test, let’s go.” Evie finished her coffee, then turned to Mal. The kiss was brief, and then Evie got up and got her purse. Chad was in the room, but he said nothing. He’d learned not to wolf-whistle at the girls in fear of Mal decking him. _ _

_ _“Sorry, let’s go now,” Evie said as they walked through the living room with the big “Silence = Death” poster on the wall. _ _

_ _…_ _

_ _“How do you think you did on the test?” Jay was still shirtless, and drinking a Coke while lounging outside. He didn’t like being inside if he could help it. Carlos sipped his Coke, realizing he was kind of hungry. He hadn’t eaten that day. _ _

_ _“I think I did fine.” He was studying engineering, since his mother would not pay for an arts degree. Luckily, he was very good at it. He decided he didn’t mind doing photography on the side. “I managed to get there on time, at least.”_ _

_ _“You need your own car.” Jay didn’t have a car either. When he’d left his dad’s house last year, he had nothing but the clothes on his back and his board. Now he had a steady place to live, and a bicycle. Before they all found this house though, he had been couch-surfing at the houses of other skaters. _ _

_ _“Yeah maybe I can sell more photos.” Carlos didn’t want to get a part-time job. He liked to go to the skate park even though he didn’t skate in public himself. He liked taking pictures and being near Jay. “And I think I’ve got some drawings that can be used for logos.”_ _

_ _“Fucking great,” Jay said. “I know a guy who might need logos. There’s a new skating company starting. They could use designs for boards too I think.” _ _

_ _“Will they be at the park?” Carlos was starting to relax after his day at school. He loved school, but it stressed him out. He was in their backyard, Jay was with him, things were good. He still needed to eat though._ _

_ _“Yeah, I think so. I got a call from them yesterday, they’re thinking of sponsering me.” Carlos smiled. _ _

_ _“They should.” Carlos got up. “I think I need to eat something. Let me know when we’re going.” He went back inside and to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he saw a half-full carton of eggs, some juice, some lunchmeat, beer, and some American cheese. The freezer had ice packs and a bottle of vodka. There was no bread. _ _

_ _He wound up wrapping the lunchmeat in the cheese and eating that. It was alright, so he ate two or three of these meat and cheese pinwheels before Jay came in. “Okay, I’m gonna get ready. Chad’s coming with us.”_ _

_ _“Is Chad sober?” Jay laughed._ _

_ _“Yeah, I finally convinced him to follow my lead. No booze until after skating.” Carlos knew that Chad had drunk this morning, but maybe he was finally learning to pace himself. Chad didn’t even live with them full time, but he had his own room. He would spend a few days with his parents, then crash with them. _ _

_ _“I just don’t want him to eat sidewalk. I’m gonna change shirts.” Carlos was wearing Jay’s shirt, and while nobody at the park might notice, he still wanted to be sure. He walked back to their shared room, pulling his shirt off. Jay whistled at him, making him smile._ _

_ _He put on a shirt he and Evie had silkscreened, that had one of his drawings on it. When he turned around, Jay was right behind him. “Hi,” Jay said softly, and kissed him. _ _

_ _Carlos immediately put a hand at the small of Jay’s back and came in closer. They kissed for a long minute, Jay with his arms wrapped around him. “We don’t have enough time,” Jay whispered in his ear, and Carlos kissed his neck. _ _

_ _Just then, they heard Chad yelling for them from the front room. “Shit,” Jay said. “Guess we’ll finish this tonight.” Jay tried to pull away, but Carlos didn’t let go, kissing him one more time. “Goddamn, you’re the best,” Jay said. Then he walked away, adjusting his shorts. _ _

_ _Carlos waited a minute before he came out front. Everyone else was at the door. Mal, Jay and Chad all had their skateboards. Carlos grabbed his camera and sketchbook. Evie had her jewelry making tools. “Okay, I’m ready,” Carlos said. _ _

_ _“Let’s go,” Jay said. Mal, Jay, and Chad all hit their boards and glided down the sidewalk towards the park. Carlos and Evie walked behind them. Carlos never minded this, since it gave him and his best friend a chance to talk. It was only about a mile anyway._ _

_ _They did talk on the walk there, but just chatter. Nothing too important. Evie had a dinner with her mother coming up, which made her anxious. Carlos could relate to that. When they made it to the entrance of the park, their friends were waiting for them._ _

_ _When they got to the park, Carlos could hear Metallica blasting out of someone’s boombox, making Mal smile. Metallica was her favorite band. She had been really quiet all day, and Carlos figured she was ready to quit her job. She was the only girl working at a skate shop, and she took a lot of shit sometimes. _ _

_ _When they got closer, Carlos could see the usual suspects at the park that day. Nearly all guys, riding around and warming up. Carlos could see groups of kids, older skaters, people they sometimes partied with. And then he saw Uma’s crew._ _

_ _Mal hated Uma’s guts, and the feeling was mutual. They were the only girls who were really part of their scene, and they clashed constantly. Neither of them could stand to see the other doing well, and they both had to be right all the time. Basically, Evie was the only person standing between Mal and Uma trying to bust each others heads open. _ _

_ _As for Uma’s crew, it rotated a bit, but the two main members were Harry and Gil. Harry was a rough skater who liked to cause trouble. He’d been banned from one competition for fighting, and was disinvited from another for the same. _ _

_ _As for Gil, he was very mellow and chill until he started skating. He had a smooth style and athleticism that was rare. Carlos had heard he’d used to play football before he got his first board. It had alienated him from his football hero dad, but Gil didn’t seem to care. _ _

_ _“Hey Jay!” Someone yelled at them, Carlos didn’t know the voice. “Jay!”_ _

_ _“Jay fuck you!” Someone else chimed in. _ _

_ _“Mal’s here! Fuck it up!” Mal tried not to grin at that, but an evil smirk appeared. Good, Carlos thought. Maybe she would cheer up._ _

_ _“Carlos, you got your camera?” It was Carlos’s turn to smile when he heard this. That was his claim to fame, what h was known for. He didn’t mind, most of the time. _ _

_ _They all gathered around the biggest bowl, and Carlos and Evie sat down some distance from it. Evie got out her jewelry making supplies, and started making bracelets. She never paid attention until it was time for Mal to skate. Carlos just started getting his camera ready. _ _

_ _When he was ready to shoot, he got closer to the lip and started shooting. There were some good people that day, and a few he hadn’t seen before. Most of them weren’t very good, but he did see a man with brown skin and an elegant way to him that could skate surprisingly well. Carlos took a few pictures of him. _ _

_ _Then Uma came next, to cheers. Mal glared at her as she dropped into the bowl and started going hard. Carlos took pics of her too. Just because their crews didn’t get along didn’t me he wouldn’t take photos of her in action. He had to pay his share of the rent after all._ _

_ _Uma did a few basic ollies and kickflips and people watched. Then she built up speed as she came close to where Carlos was and grabbed the lip of the bowl and her board, legs in the air and a stray braid swinging free from her ponytail. Carlos shot as many pictures as he could, and he could see her smile as she descended. _ _

_ _When he looked over at Mal, she had her arms crossed and looked pissed. Before Uma was even done, Mal had gotten her board and dropped in. Everyone cheered, clearly hoping for a fight. Instead, Uma came to a stop and got out of the bowl. Carlos wondered if she was going to start something, but she just watched as Mal took her turn. _ _

_ _Mal’s style was fast and stylish. She did the same tricks as everyone, but she looked good doing it. And now she was motivated, trying to show up Uma. She got up speed and did a few tricks before doing a backside 180 to cheers. Uma watched, nodding slightly, and let Mal finish up. Carlos expected for her to take another turn, show Mal up, but instead she left and let Gil go next. _ _

_ _Carlos looked over at Evie, who had appeared at his side when Mal took her turn. “Wonder what’s going on there.”_ _

_ _Evie pursed her lips, thinking about it. “Maybe Uma is trying out fair play. As an experiment or something.” Carlos laughed at that and took some photos of Gil. _ _

_ _After Gil, Jay dropped in. Carlos pushed even closer to the rim of the bowl, taking photos at lightning speed. Jay was smiling as he rode, but if it was because of Carlos he couldn’t tell._ _

_ _Jay rode hard and stuck every trick he tried, earning him cheers and jealous boos. Carlos caught as much as he could. When Jay was done, he grinned again and ducked a Converse someone had thrown at him, and left the bowl. _ _

_ _A little while later, after Chad had skated and Mal got another turn, Carlos went looking for Jay. He found Jay in the parking lot, talking to a man with sunglasses and loud shorts. Carlos didn’t get any closer, just watched Ja’s expression. His brow was furrowed and his arms crossed, but he seemed to be really listening. After a few minutes, Jay shook the dude’s hand, and the other man walked off. _ _

_ _“Who was that?” Carlos said when he was sure the guy was gone. _ _

_ _“He’s representing a skateboard company,” Jay said. “He wanted to know if I was signed anywhere, and I said no.” This was true, Jay’s previous endorsement was over and he’d never signed a contract anyway. “I’m thinking about it, but I want to see the contract.” _ _

_ _“Yeah, at least. And maybe he could take you out for dinner too.”_ _

_ _“Yeah, I’m not gonna be a cheap date,” Jay said, clapping him on the back. “Let’s go back home, my legs hurt.” _ _

_ _“Okay.” Carlos figured there would have company. “Let’s get going before Chad invites half the skate park-shit, I can see him already.” Chad had a group of kids around him, and was no doubt planning to get the beer. “We can’t have a quiet night ever.” _ _

_ _“We can still veto him,” They walked toward Chad, and sure enough he was inviting some kids they didn’t know to the house. Jay stood next to Chad, and started glaring at them until they left. Then he looked at Chad. “We’ve fucking told you about bringing minors in here to drink.”_ _

_ _“Technically, you two are minors,” Chad grumbled, but he didn’t push it. “But fine. I guess we don’t need to get raided by the cops.” Chad got on his board. “I’m gonna head home. I think Evie and Mal left already-Evie’s going to the store. We need food.” _ _

_ _“Yeah, I noticed,” Carlos grinned. “Is Mal going with her?” _ _

_ _“I dunno,” Chad said. “Let’s hope not.” Mal liked to cook for them. That didn’t mean that she was good at it. “See you guys at home.” Then he pushed off and headed down the sidewalk._ _

_ _Jay walked with Carlos. “You know, you have a board,” Jay said. “But you never want to skate with me. It would be a lot faster if we both skated back.” _ _

_ _“You could,” Carlos said, but Jay shook his head._ _

_ _“Don’t want you to walk by yourself. When it’s you and Evie it’s one thing.” The neighborhood they were in wasn’t super high in crime, but things could happen. They walked towards their house, stopping at the 7-11 for Cokes and chips. “Have you talked to your mom this week?”_ _

_ _Carlos shook his head. “I’ll wait until I get my test grade back. She only wants to hear about school anyway.” His mother had never been much interested in his life, but liked to control the purse strings. Evie had much the same problem, but with more nagging about finding a man. At least his mother didn’t give a shit about his personal life. _ _

_ _“Hope wherever my dad is, he’s having a bad time,” Jay said, and they finally made it home. “Ugh,” Jay said. “I need a hot bath.” Carlos could tell he was sore and sweaty. “I’m gonna start one.” He went halfway up the stairs, and then turned around. “Wanna join me?” _ _

_ _Carlos had homework. But he also had very little time alone with Jay. He grinned at his boyfriend and bounded up the stairs. _ _

_ _..._ _

_ _By the time Mal and Evie got back, Carlos and Jay were in the tub, Carlos leaning against Jay’s front. Steam wafted from the water, and Carlos had his eyes closed. Jay kissed his neck as the girls chattered and put up groceries. _ _

_ _They escaped notice for a while. But eventually Carlos heard Mal say “Where are those little shits?” She called out. ‘Hey, Jay, Carlos. I’m gonna make dinner.” Jay groaned. _ _

_ _“We’re gonna get heartburn,” Carlos muttered, trying to keep it down. Mal wasn’t above banging on the bathroom door. Jay kissed his neck again. “Are you getting out?” Carlos stood up first, feeling the water run off his body back into the tub. _ _

_ _Jay got up and toweled both of them off. Then he tied the towel around his hips and walked out. _ _

_ _Carlos put his old clothes back on. Everyone in the house knew about them, but they tried to keep it discreet anyway. Carlos just wasn’t ready to be as open as Mal and Evie, and Jay had his skating career to think about. So even in their own house, they worried about being too blatant. _ _

_ _Carlos went back to his and Jay’s room. Jay was already gone, and Carlos could hear him sniping with Mal about something. They bickered all the time, but it was out of love. He stayed in the room, getting some of his reading done for class. _ _

_ _“Carlos! I fixed dinner!” Carlos groaned and got up, wondering what today’s abomination was going to be._ _

_ _Mal grew up a latchkey kid, so she had to cook for herself, Problem was, she never learned how to cook good food, just junk. They were all teenagers, and even they thought it was too much. Today Carlos went into the kitchen to discover microwave burritos covered in canned chili and a ton of grated cheese. There were a few sliced raw vegetables on the side, no doubt Evie’s contribution to dinner. There was also beer. _ _

_ _Jay had opened a beer and was now staring down his burrito as if it was going to make the first move. “Just fucking eat it, Jay,” Mal said. “I’m the only one who even tries to cook around here.”_ _

_ _“Not true,” Evie said. “I cook sometimes.” _ _

_ _“Yeah, but yours is all diet food. You don’t need to diet, E,” Mal said. Evie made a face, and picked at her burrito. Carlos and Jay shared a wary look. Evie’s mother put a lot of diet crap in her brain, and she sometimes didn’t finish her meals. Or start them. _ _

_ _Mal gave Evie a worried look, but continued. “Jay would just live off beer if I didn’t fix him something. And Carlos is too busy with school to even think about it. Don’t even get me started on Chad. Oh, hi Chad.” _ _

_ _“Fuck you too Mal. What have you fixed? And am I going to be tasting them for the rest of the night?” Mal punched his arm. “Ow. You punch as hard as a man.” _ _

_ _“Thank you. It’s just burritos, have some.” Chad looked at the dish, shrugged, and got a plate. _ _

_ _They ate together in silence after that. Chad ate two burritos and burped loudly. Evie tried not to roll her eyes, and took everyone’s plates when they were done. “I can run the dishwasher,” Carlos said, but she just smiled and took them to the sink. _ _

_ _Carlos was going to go back to his room to study when there was a knock on the door. He went to get it, having a good idea who it was going to be. “Yeah?” _ _

_ _“Carlos!” It was some guys they knew from the park. Not the same bunch that Chad had invited either. But nope, a few guys they knew around town and some new friends. “You gonna let us in?” _ _

_ _“I dunno, I have to study.” Jonas sneered at that, and yelled around him. ‘Hey Jay! Can we come in?” _ _

_ _Jay pushed his hair away from his face and grinned. “Maybe. You bring anything good?”  
Carlos moved away from the door, and the small mob pushed inside, Jonas showing Jay the bottle and baggie he had on him. Carlos just went back to his room. He wasn’t in the mood for a big party that would probably get the cops called. Again. _ _

_ _His and Jay’s room had a lock on it, which he was grateful for daily. He pulled it shut and locked it, and went back to his reading. He could hear the laughing and the music being turned up-Guns n’ Roses. Chad must have gotten to the turntable first. _ _

_ _He’d gotten through a few more chapters when he heard “Hey, where’s Carlos?”_ _

_ _Chad answered, “He’s studying. He’s got grades to keep up. Evie does too, she’ll probably disappear next.” _ _

_ _“Aw man, boring,” the person said. “He could take pictures.” Carlos clenched his jaw, then told himself it didn’t matter. Normally he didn’t mind being known for his photos, but he was still a person. He might not be anything other than a human camera to these guys, but his roommates knew the real him. _ _

_ _He listened as the party continued. The music changed to punk, Black Flag and other older stuff. That meant that Possum had dropped by. He was an older guy who drank a lot and was their sixth roommate, when he was around. He spent a lot of time away, doing God knows what. Carlos liked him, but he was pretty mysterious. _ _

_ _Carlos heard some people leave around then, probably thinking Possum was too weird. Carlos could see it, although he was used to him. After a few more minutes, there was a knock on the door. “Carlos, it’s me,” Jay said._ _

_ _Carlos put his books down and opened the door. Jay’s face and eyes were both red, and he was grinning like an idiot. “Everyone’s gone, don’t worry. I brought you something.” He handed Carlos a Coke and some Ho Ho’s. “I would have gotten you some of the pot if I thought there was a chance of you smoking.”_ _

_ _“Glad you didn’t.” Carlos didn’t drink or smoke if he could help it. He’d tried having beers with his housemates, but it just made him more anxious. He didn’t mind what Jay did, but he didn’t want to join in. “How are you feeling?”_ _

_ _“Dizzy, let’s lie down.” They curled up on Jay’s bed. That was where they slept. Carlos had a twin in the corner, but it was mostly just a study space. “I’m sorry you were cooped up in here so long. I probably should have shown those assholes the door. But...”_ _

_ _“You like being around people more than me,” Carlos said, leaning over for a kiss. Jay kissed him back, pulling him in. They kissed a long time, Jay sweet and giggly from the pot. That was one reason Carlos didn’t mind Jay smoking up-he was such a teddy bear after. _ _

_ _After a while, Jay rolled them over so Carlos was under him. “You are so pretty,” he said, Carlos tried to scoff, but Jay wasn’t having it. “No, you’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen. Your eyes.” Jay smiled softly, and kissed his cheek. _ _

_ _Carlos turned his head and kissed Jay again. “I’m pretty crazy about you,” he said, and Jay giggled. “What to you want to do?” _ _

_ _“Ummm, maybe just make out. I drank too much.” Carlos worried about Jay’s drinking sometimes, but maybe it was just because his experiences with his mom made him wary. “Maybe I can get you off,” Jay continued. “Even if I can’t.” _ _

_ _“I won’t tell you no,” Carlos said, and they both laughed. Jay started touching Carlos under his clothes then. Carlos tipped his head back as Jay slowly explored his body. Soon Jay was kissing down his chest and stomach, pushing his shorts out of the way. Carlos grunted and put a hand in Jay’s hair. _ _

_ _When Jay was done, he came back up, wiping his mouth. “Let’s sleep, you can do me back tomorrow when we wake up.” Carlos wriggled the rest of the way out of his shorts, and then turned to cuddle around Jay. Jay sighed. “Night baby.” _ _

_ _Carlos knew that Jay would probably get up before Carlos again, to go outside and practice his moves. He knew they’d be stealing time away like they always did. But he kissed Jay’s shoulder, holding him. “Goodnight.”_ _


	2. The Leader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to do a chapter from Mal's POV, wound up doing it sooner than I thought I would. I'm going to keep changing POV's, but I think Carlos will have the most.

Mal was probably the last person to work customer service, but there were few jobs she could get with the long purple hair and the attitude. So she worked at a skate shop near the beach, and it was total hell. Daily.

Like today, she had rushed in, just making it without being late. Jeff the manager just grunted when she came in.

“Glad you’re on time. You need to get a car.”

Mal wanted to say she knew that, but she didn’t make enough money to. But she kept her cool and took the coffee Jeff handed her. “You can work stock today, so you don’t have to talk to customers if you don’t want to.”

“Thanks, Jeff.” She sipped the burned coffee, and got to work stocking the shelves. The truck had been by and they had new boards. She looked at one for a minute, caressing the slick wood. 

“Yeah, that one’s cool.” Mal looked up at her co-worker. Scott must have come in before her. “Something to save up for.” 

“First I need a car,” she grumbled, and he laughed, patting her on the shoulder (she gritted her teeth). 

“I’ll see if my cousin has any to sell.” 

Mal wanted to say she wouldn’t trust his cousin not to sell her a lemon. She wanted to say many things, but she just went to work putting stuff up. She didn’t want to talk to people today. But there was little chance of getting away with that.

When the customers came in, Mal tried to be at least halfway pleasant. But really, it was a skate shop., so ‘pleasant’ mostly meant not kicking people out for being annoying. Most people just wanted help with the boards or wheels they sold. Sometimes it was someone who knew her from the park and was nice. That usually cheered her up.

But then there were the creeps. 

She had a few ‘regulars’ who mostly only asked questions so they could stare at her tits. Annoying, but nothing she couldn’t put up with. The guys who stood there and watched her for hours, though? Fuck that. 

There was one right now, a repeat offender. Scott noticed him though, and stood in front of Mal, asking the creep if he had any questions until he went away grumbling. “Thanks,” she said.

“No problem. I hate that guy.” Scott actually wasn’t so bad. 

It was a short work day, only five hours. So she got to leave in the afternoon, and take the bus back to the house. She got off a stop early and picked up some takeout. She didn’t know who all would be home, but she got enough Chinese for her and Evie.  
When she got there, Evie was back from school, reading at the table. Mal leaned over and kissed her cheek. Evie didn’t turn around. “Hey. Talked to your mom?” Evie nodded, eyes on the book. “Want to talk about it?” 

“Not yet.” Evie closed the book and turned to face her. Mal grabbed her in a hug, rocking her back and forth. “It’s okay,” Mal said. “She doesn’t know or care about the real you. She doesn’t know what she’s missing.” 

“I think she does,” Evie said, sniffling. “She keeps asking why I’m not engaged, why I don’t have a boyfriend. And she found out I was volunteering at the AIDS Outreach building. She yelled at me about it.” 

“You’re eighteen, you shouldn’t be engaged. You’re not fucking Mormon,” Mal said. “Shhh, don’t cry. She’s out of touch, that’s all. Hey, I brought us some food. You want to eat with me?” Evie wiped her eyes and looked at the takeout. 

“Did you bring me hot and sour soup?” Mal nodded. “Then okay.” Mal got a real bowl and spoon, and gave it to Evie. She hated takeout spoons. Mal ate her kung pao chicken while Evie slowly had her soup. Mal left her egg roll and some rice where Evie could sneak bites. 

When they were done, Mal put up the leftovers. Evie looked like she was trying to pull herself together, so Mal said “Hey, want to go out? We could go for a walk or to a shop or something.” Mal had just spent the better part of the day in a shop, but Evie liked to browse. 

“Mom’s keeping track of the gas mileage on the car,” Evie said. Mal had a minute of pure fury, and imagined breaking down that woman’s door to kick her ass. “She said she bought it, it’s her right.” 

“For the hundredth time, fuck your mom,” Mal said. “We can walk or take the bus then.” Evie shook her head. “Why not?” 

“We could go back to our room. Nobody’s home yet.” Evie smiled sweetly, and Mal wanted to do her right then, against the table. “And I haven’t seen enough of my Mal this week.” Evie held her arms out, and Mal was right there, holding her. She smelled like the Poison perfume her mother had bought her for her birthday, and Mal kissed her neck. 

Evie purred, and then took Mal’s hand. They went back to their room, on the second floor of their crumbling old house. Mal’s side of the room had Metallica posters and ticket stubs on the wall, Evie’s had a Madonna poster and a vanity with her makeup and the beads she used for jewelry making. Their bed was in the middle. 

Mal sat on their bed and watched as Evie got undressed. It was always a performance, as Evie took off her heels and skirt, then her stockings. She took her blouse off slowly, and Mal saw her pretty blue bra and panties set. “You look good enough to eat,” Mal said, her eyes fixed on her girlfriend. 

“You better,” Evie said, smiling. 

“Come here then,” Mal said, and Evie laughed as she undid her bra. 

…  
It was late afternoon when everyone else arrived. Mal and Evie were in bed, snuggled under the blankets, but they heard the door slam. Followed by Jay yelling about the skate park. “He doesn’t sound happy,” Mal said.

“Hmmm, don’t care,” Evie said, her head on Mal’s shoulder. Mal brushed her blue-tinted hair back from her face. Honestly, Mal didn’t really care either. She was fine where she was. But after a minute, she heard Jay yelling for her. 

“Fuck,” Mal said. “Should I go?” Jay was the closest thing she had to a brother, even though he could be a jackass and was really cocky. Evie sighed and rolled away, letting her get up. “Sorry, I’ll be back.” It was almost dinner time though, so she probably wouldn’t. 

Mal got dressed, and came down the stairs to find Jay with a bruise under his eye. “Holy fuck Jay, what happened?”

“He dropped in on Harry,” Carlos said. “Harry took it personally and they wound up fighting.” Carlos was holding Jay’s hand, Mal noticed. That was probably the only thing preventing Jay from running back down the street to find Harry and continue the fight. 

Mal sighed. “Okay. Jay, stay here and put something over that eye. I’m going to find Uma.” 

Jay shook his head. “Mal, beating Uma’s ass won’t help, it’ll just start a war.” Mal heard footsteps behind her, and there was Evie, re-dressed and her hair pulled back. “Maybe we should just let this go.”

“Or maybe we can try to broker a truce,” Evie said. “Uma hasn’t really instigated anything the past week or so. Most of it’s actually come from us. Maybe we can talk to her.” Mal scoffed, but Evie was serious. “You know her number. Call her and arrange a meeting somewhere neutral.” 

“How is this my life...sure. Fuck, why not.” Mal went to get the cordless phone from the living room. She did have Uma’s number, gotten it from a girl who hung out with both crews. She called it, pacing and swearing under her breath, waiting for Uma to pick up.

Four rings later: “Yeah?”

“Uma. You and me need to talk.” 

“You looking to defend your boy’s honor? How touching.” 

“No.” Mal looked over at Evie, who nodded. “We need to talk about stopping the fights between us. It’s getting out of hand. Jay has a shot at getting signed, we don’t need these kind of distractions.”

“Did Evie put you up to this?”

Mal’s free hand balled into a fist. “What do you think?” Uma knew that Mal would never have called to make up if Evie didn’t make her. “Look, let’s meet tonight somewhere. Does the McDonald’s on Fifth work for you? I’m bringing Evie with me.” 

“Good call, she’s probably smarter than you.” Uma laughed, the shit. “I will bring Gil. Harry needs to stay home tonight-I told him he needed to stop fighting.” Mal raised an eyebrow at that.

“Okay, when can you be there? I can come whenever.” They worked out a time, and Mal hung up the phone. “Okay Evie. We’ve got a couple of hours to prepare. Let’s go figure out what to say.” 

“You’re just going to go back to your room and make out,” Chad said. He had been at the park too, and had a new bruise on his arm. Mal didn’t know if it was from the fight or from skating. Mal glared in his direction, and he held his hands up in surrender. “Okay fine. Let me get the ice packs. Jay needs one.” 

Mal watched as Chad left. Jay and Carlos were on the couch, and Carlos was holding Jay’s hand. He looked scared and small, and Mal wanted to ask if he was okay. But she had to take care of this first. “Hey Carlos,” she said. He looked up. “Get dinner for these guys, if you can fix anything. I’ve gotta do this.”

“We won’t starve,” Jay said, but she was already going back to her and Evie’s room. 

…

Mal nibbled at her fries. Her and Evie were in the McDonald’s, waiting for Uma to show up. “She’s not going to come,” Mal muttered. “She’s just playing games with us.” She stuck a fry in her vanilla shake and ate it. Evie made a face. “Shut up, it’s good.” 

A few minutes later, the door opened. Uma came in. Mal looked at her artfully destroyed jacket with teal trim, and wished she didn’t like it so much. Gil was with her, wearing a tattered t-shirt and brown jacket. “Hi,” he said. 

“Hi Gil,” Evie said. She looked at Uma and nodded. “Glad you could make it.” Then she looked at Mal pointedly. 

Okay, fine. She could be polite. “Hi guys. Thanks for accepting my offer.’ 

Uma sat down across from her. “Gil,” she said, not looking away from Mal. “Get me a Big Mac, fries, and a Coke. Get yourself whatever you want.” She reached into her jacket and gave him a wad of money. 

Mal stared back at her, then sighed. “So, I can apologize for Jay if you want, for dropping in.”

“I’d rather hear it from him, but thanks,” Uma said. “I do agree with you though, things have gotten out of hand. But lately, it hasn’t been from us.” She looked between Mal and Evie. “Did either of you notice, that I’d been holding back?”

“I did,” Evie said in a soft voice. “You didn’t react when Mal tried to steal your thunder at the park.” Mal looked at her, bewildered. “Remember? Carlos took her picture and you got mad.” Mal felt her face burn as her girlfriend told on her. Uma giggled. 

“Jesus, fine. I was upset. And I shouldn’t have been, I know Carlos sells what pictures he can.” Mal sighed. “Do you want me to say it was stupid of me? Because it was.” Mal didn’t like having to eat shit in front of Uma, and from the gleeful look on her face, Uma knew it. 

Just then, Gil came back with two trays. “Here,” he said, putting Uma’s dinner in front of her. Gil had got himself a bunch of chicken nuggets and a large strawberry shake. He looked at Evie and smiled, then it faded off. “You just have water. Do you want some of my nuggets?” 

Uma gave him a warning look, but he was oblivious to it. Evie shook her head, smiling politely. “No thank you. I don’t like to eat fried food. I ate before I left.” That was a lie, but Mal wasn’t going to say so. 

Mal watched Gil as he decided to drop it, and started in on his food. “So, we both agree that my crew’s been in the wrong the last few times. What do we do now?” 

“Well, since this is as close to an apology I’ve ever seen you give, I’m accepting,” Uma said. “I really don’t want us to fight. We could do much more if we got along. We’re the only two skater bitches here, we’d be even scarier if we were friends. Don’t you think?” She had a wicked gleam in her eye, and Mal had to smile despite herself. 

“I don’t know if I’m ready for full friendship yet, but yeah. We can try.” Mal stuck another fry in her shake, and this time Uma made a face. “You don’t know what you’re missing. Okay, should we get our idiot boys to apologize to each other? That might be a good step in the getting along department.” 

“One question first,” Uma said. “Why did we start fighting in the first place? Because I’m not sure I know what it was.” 

“I think it started at that party on the beach a year ago,” Gil piped up. He was already nearly done with his nuggets, and sipping from his shake. Uma glared at him, but Mal thought about it. 

“He may be right. First time I remember seeing you was a bonfire party. Some surfers I knew threw it. I went up to you to say hi.” Mal remembered going over to Uma, and the sneer and laughter she got from her and Harry. 

“Oh. Huh.” Uma looked a bit embarrassed. “I thought you were going to hit on Harry. And I didn’t like your clothes.” 

“I know, you made sure to tell me,” Mal said. The memory still stung. Uma had looked great that night, with Harry drunk and hanging off of her. “And I think we know now I had no interest in your man.” Mal poked at her melting shake. “So that was pretty crappy.” 

“I...yeah. I can’t talk my way out of that one. I guess I was jealous or something. I had heard about you.” Uma dragged a fry in her ketchup. “Everyone said that you were good and also scary. I guess I didn’t expect you to try to be friendly. And then we just hated each other.” 

“So. We both admit we made mistakes then?” Uma nodded, but didn’t want to look at her. “Anything else we should talk about?” 

“Well, we do need to get Harry and Jay to talk to each other,” Uma said. “I’m mad at Harry for taking the bait like that. If it was bait, I don’t even know if Jay did it on purpose.” Mal shrugged-she didn’t know either. “Do you think Jay is ready for that?”

“Well, he told me not to instigate it further, so maybe he’s ready to roll back tensions. I know Carlos is done with all of this. Chad thinks we’re all being stupid. He just wants more people to party with. I think that’s his favorite part, more than skating.” 

“I always thought the fighting was stupid,” Evie said, smiling. “Maybe we give the boys a chance to apologize, and then you could come over to ours sometime.” 

“Well, that might be a bit too fast,” Uma said. “But I agree about the apologizing. So...” Uma took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for the stuff I did, like making fun of you. There, I said it.”

“Okay. I apologize for the stuff I did. And we never should have dragged our friends into it. I mean, Gil is a nice guy.” Mal gestured over at Gil, who smiled. “Harry...I don’t know him that well.” 

“He’s a disaster,” Uma said, laughing. “But he’s my disaster.” Uma finished her food, and stood up. “Okay, give me your number. I’ll call you later and let you know when we can arrange another meeting with Jay and Harry. Glad we got this settled.”

“Me too. Hope it is settled.” Mal wasn’t sure if they really could get along. They were too much alike, too competitive, and most of the guys on the scene wanted them to hate each other. Honestly, that was a good enough reason for them to team up. Fuck those guys who wanted catfights. 

“We’ll work on it. Might not happen overnight. Well, see you later.” Uma nodded her head, and Mal did as well, with a little smile. 

“Bye,” Gil said, and they left, getting into Gil’s car. Mal let out a breath.

“That went a lot better than I expected,” she said to Evie. Evie looked thrilled. 

“You didn’t even need me to say much, you did this yourself,” she said. “I’m so proud of you.” 

“Shut up,” Mal said, rolling her eyes. “I can be an adult.” She’d been living on her own since she was eighteen, after being emancipated and living with her friend's mom two years before. She could take care of herself, she had been most of her life. 

“You can. But you’re not always great at accepting other people. Now, let’s get back home, we have to catch the bus.” Evie took her water with her, while Mal took the rest of the fries and dumped the shake. They walked to the bus stop. Mal wanted to hold Evie’s hand, but she didn’t. 

…

When they got back home, surprisingly there was no party. Jay was on the couch with Possum, and sharing a bong, but nobody else was in the living room. “Hey,” Mal said. “We got things settled, and now you and Harry are going to have to apologize. And be sincere about it.” 

Jay glared for a minute, then shrugged. “Fine. I’ll do it. Carlos has been yelling at me for starting shit.” 

“Better to get it over with,” Possum said. He was slumped on the couch, dirty hair in his face. Jay nodded. Mal had a lot of reservations about Possum as a person, but he got along well with Jay. Mostly because they liked to get high, but it still counted. 

“Okay. She’s going to call to arrange a meeting between you and Harry. I guess that’s it.” Mal was nervous, because she hadn’t skated today. Her day had been full dealing with everything, and now she was on edge. 

She wound up in the kitchen. She was still kind of hungry, since the shake and fries were all she’d had. She wound up checking the fridge, and found some hot dogs. She butterflied two hot dogs, and put American cheese in the middle, then put them under the broiler. Carlos came out of his room in time to see that. “That’s so weird.”

“I’ve been making them since I was ten,” Mal said. “Split cheese dogs, yummy.” Mal couldn’t help it if her mother never cooked for her or bought her healthy food. The bitch chose to hoard all of her money and didn’t even leave Mal with a sitter unless she had to. So Mal learned to make do. “Did you fix anything?”

“I made fried rice,” Carlos said. He’d also gotten left alone a lot as a kid, but his culinary skills were slightly more advanced. “Me and Jay had it, Chad went to dinner with his parents, and Possum just made a peanut butter sandwich. He’s trying to go vegan.” 

“Wonder how long that lasts.” Mal tried to think the best of her housemates, but Possum had no known means of supporting himself and was gone for unexplained reasons. Mal figured he was probably dealing, and she didn’t need the chance of him bringing the cops on them. 

“Don’t, he could probably hear you,” Carlos said. “Possum’s okay.” Mal looked in on her hot dogs and said nothing. Maybe Carlos was right-he didn’t always accept people right away either. “Hey,” Carlos said. “Come with me later, we can watch movies in the basement. And then I have to develop some pictures.”

The basement was free space for everyone. There was a TV with a VHS player, the silkscreen stuff that they made T-shirts with, a few guitars. Carlos didn’t have his darkroom there, but he liked to hang out with them before going to the attic.

But Mal didn’t feel up to it. “I kind of just want to eat and then go to my room,” she said. She was restless, but kind of wanted to be left alone at the same time. She got a plate, and when her food was done, put them on a plate with ketchup. She had forgotten to buy buns.

Carlos didn’t say anything, but he did rustle around until he found an apple and put it next to her. Then he left, probably to check on Jay. Everyone at their place looked after each other. That was the best part. 

The worst part, sometimes they encouraged each others worst habits. Like getting high, or Jay letting Carlos isolate himself. Mal sighed, not wanting to think about it anymore. She just finished her hot dogs, washed her plate, and took the apple up to her room. 

Evie came up later, after Mal had finished the apple and was lying on the bed, reading some paperback horror anthology she’d gotten at a thrift store. “Hey honey,” she said. “You don’t want to come downstairs?” Mal shook her head. 

Evie got into bed next to her, close enough to touch but not. Mal read for a while, then sighed. “Time for bed?”  
“Sure,” Evie said. She kissed Mal’s cheek. Mal smiled at that. She’d gotten lucky with Evie. So lucky. Tomorrow was going to be more work, probably more problems. But in some ways, her life was pretty great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that this Evie would probably wear Giorgio perfume, but of course her mom bought her Poison. It was the most expensive bottle of perfume at its time, it was strong to the point of being obnoxious, and came in an apple shaped bottle. Perfect for the Evil Queen.


	3. Personal Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos has to deal with Harry, and then his mother.

“This is stupid,” Jay said. He was walking, with his board. Carlos walked with him. “Harry’s not going to apologize. I don’t care how whipped Uma has him.” 

“He’s not whipped,” Carlos said. “Just because he listens to her. I mean, you listen to me. Sometimes.” They were headed to the park, to meet Uma and Harry. “And he has to, since the girls agreed to put this feud to an end. You have to concentrate on other things, remember?”

“Yeah. I might be seeing that guy again, about getting sponsored.” Jay had left a message with the number he’d gotten. He hadn’t gotten an answer yet. Carlos figured that was to be expected. Jay probably wasn’t the only person they were reaching out to. Jay touched the bruise under his eye. “Fucking Harry though. He really decked me.” 

“Just, try to put it aside,” Carlos said. They were nearly at the park now. Carlos could hear the music and people being loud. “You both apologize, and hopefully that’s it.” They made it to the park, and saw Uma, Harry and Gil near the entrance. “Shit, here we go.” 

They took a few more steps, and then Harry jumped off the fence he was sitting on, walking fast in their direction. Jay stopped, glaring as Harry came towards them. Jay balled up his fist on instinct, and Carlos grabbed it. “Hey Harry,” Carlos said, trying to defuse the tension. 

Uma came over then, standing a little behind Harry and watching all of them. “Well boys?” She looked bored, but Carlos didn’t buy it. Carlos let go of Jay’s hand, and he dropped his fist. 

“I’m sorry I dropped in on you,” Jay said to Harry. Harry had his own bruise, which he’d covered with makeup.”We shouldn’t have fought. It makes us look stupid.” Jay waited for Harry to say something, but he got a terse nod instead. “Um, okay. Truce?” Jay held a hand out.

Harry smiled then, wide and predatory, and took Jay’s hand. “Fine by me. I’m sorry about the black eye. And I’ll assume you’re also apologizing for this.” He pointed to his cheekbone. Jay nodded. “I’m still going to compete against you like mad, but I won’t fight anymore.” Harry’s slight English accent was poking out. Carlos used to think it was fake, but no. Harry’s dad was English. 

“Fine with me, I like competing.” Harry grinned wider, and pulled Jay in for a half-hug. Jay stiffened up, but took it. Harry didn’t seem to notice things like personal space. Then Harry let go and he looked at Carlos. 

“Hi,” Harry said, and Carlos felt his face flush. Harry was looking at him like he was a full meal and Harry was starving. He took a step back, Jay took a step forward, and then Uma grabbed Harry’s arm and pulled him away.

“Well, shit.” Jay looked at Harry’s retreating back. “I just said I wouldn’t fight him and then he hits on you.” 

“That was more flirting,” Carlos said. “Do you think he knows about us?” 

“He’s not stupid. He knows we’re always together. But he’s with Uma. What the fuck?” 

“Maybe he’s bisexual.” It would fit with what little he knew about Harry. He was flamboyant, liked eyeliner and attention. He also lived lived with Uma and Gil, not too far from their house. 

“He needs to stay away from you, I don’t care what he is.” Jay looked straight ahead, angry. “Fuck it. I’m gonna skate better than him today. If he bothers you, let me know.” Jay strode ahead of Carlos then, heading for the big bowl. 

Carlos set up near the side with his camera. Later, he felt a touch to his arm. It was Mal. “Did Jay do it?”

“Yeah,” Carlos said. He was relieved it was Mal and not Harry. “Harry was kind of an ass though.” 

“He didn’t apologize?” Mal looked concerned. “Uma told me he would.”

“He did. And then he flirted with me and Jay wanted to rip his head off. You can thank Uma for getting Harry out of there before he did. Fuck, he’s an asshole.” 

“Uh oh. Uma, Harry and Gil are coming over tonight. Maybe make sure you’re not left alone with Harry.” Carlos nodded, and then put his camera up. He wanted to get out of this conversation and take some photos. Mal got the hint and left. 

…

That night, they had just gotten home and ordered some pizzas when Uma, Harry and Gil came over. There was a second of awkward silence, then Mal stepped forward. “Hey. We just ordered pizza. I hope we got enough.” 

“Thanks,” Uma said, and there was a pause. “So, I know most of you. Who else lives here?” 

“Chad-it’s his house.” Chad grinned and saluted Uma with a beer. “And Possum isn’t here right now.” He had mumbled something about an appointment before they went to the park and wasn’t back yet. 

“Possum? Okay.” Uma looked around. Harry was touching her arm, and looking over at Jay. Jay was glaring back. Carlos mostly wanted to disappear into the couch. So he got up and headed back to his room. 

“Hey.” Carlos had made it as far a the kitchen. He turned around to see not Harry, but Gil. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine. I just have to study.” He tried to leave, but Gil put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t do that.” His voice was shaking, and he hoped Gil didn’t notice. 

Gil dropped his arm. “I’m sorry. But we’re trying to get along, and that’s all of us. And I know that Harry’s intense, but we’re trying. Can you stay long enough to have some pizza?” Carlos looked at Gil, who seemed sincere. He nodded. “Okay. You can sit by me if you want.”

“I’ll probably sit by Jay, thanks,” Carlos said. Gil nodded, and they walked back in. Mal and Uma were in the corner, trying to make awkward small talk. Chad was talking to Harry, and Carlos went to sit by Jay. Jay handed him a Coke, and Carlos sipped it. He was still shaking a little, and he was sure Jay noticed. But he said nothing.

Gil did sit by him, but said nothing for a while, Then he pointed at the Act-Up sign on the wall. “That’s cool. Where did you get that?” 

“I got it,” Evie said. “I’m a volunteer at the AIDS Outreach clinic. I do all kinds of things for them-deliver meals, do errands.” 

“Give out condoms and dental dams at Pride.” Mal smirked. There was some laughter, and Evie just grinned. “She’s the safe sex guru of the house.” Jay winked at Carlos. They always took the condoms and such from Evie, but they didn’t always use them. Carlos wasn’t going to tell Evie that.

“Thanks for not calling it a ‘fag poster’,” Jay said. “People have come over here to party and said that. And then we kick them out.” Gil looked at Harry, and laughed. Harry handed Gil a beer. “What’s so funny?” 

“I wouldn’t do that. I’m gay.” Gil sipped his beer, and Carlos felt a kind of relief. Maybe he wouldn’t have to be so closeted around Uma and her posse. “I’m glad that I’m not the only one. A lot of people don’t want to be friends with me because of it.” 

“Right,” Harry said. “I’m pansexual.” 

“Huh,” Carlos said after a moment of silence from everyone. “I’ve read about that, but I’ve never heard someone I know use it before.” Jay looked confused. Carlos turned to him and said, “Like bisexuality, but...more so?” 

“Basically,” Harry said. “Gender’s not a factor to me. Life is too short and people are too beautiful.” Then he looked at Carlos with that old intensity. “So, did I go too far earlier? Are ye dating anyone?” 

Carlos was frozen at first. He looked at Jay, wondering if he wanted to be out to Uma’s friends. Also, why did Harry feel so comfortable hitting on him in front of his own girlfriend? Jay was pretending that he wasn’t listening. Carlos looked back at Harry. “I’m spoken for,” he said, and said nothing else. He didn’t look back at Jay. 

There was a tense silence. Harry looked between him and Jay. Uma looked like she wanted to say something or leave. Then Harry said “Ah, all right then,” in a chipper voice. He stood up and went to the stereo. “Can I pick something or am I not allowed to touch the records?” Carlos laughed nervously, and Mal went over to make sure Harry didn’t mess up her rare Metallica imports. 

“I’m straight,” Chad said, a minute behind the time it would be appropriate to do so. Gil laughed, and Carlos mockingly saluted him with his Coke. 

Carlos wanted to go back to his and Jay’s room. Harry had put him on the spot. But Gil was still on his other side, and he’d promised to stay and eat some pizza. He had a thing about keeping promises. Jay kept trying to meet his eyes, but Carlos wouldn’t look at him. 

“Hey,” Gil said. “Can I ask you about your photos?” 

Carlos looked over at Gil. It was sweet that he wanted to break the tension. “Yeah, what do you want to know? What kind of camera I use?” 

“Yeah. I don’t know much about it, but you can tell me.” Carlos grinned and started telling him things about his camera. Nobody except Jay would let him rattle on about them. He decided Gil was nice. Anybody could have touched him without asking first. It was an accident. 

After a few minutes, the pizza showed up, and Evie went to get paper plates, beers and more sodas as everyone moved to sit around the coffee table. Carlos sat on the floor and picked up a big piece. Jay sat closer to him, and Carlos felt Jay’s hand on his knee, as if trying to silently apologize. Carlos ignored him. 

Carlos had two pieces of pizza, and took part in some of the conversation before he begged off. “I’ve got to study, see you.” Gil waved, and Carlos waved back. Then he went back to his room and locked it. Then he got a book, lying on his bed. He would study later, right now he had to forget about what had happened. 

At some point, he heard a conversation between Uma and Harry near the door. He couldn’t make out the words, but he could hear Uma’s brittle tone and Harry being apologetic. He filed that away for later-it seemed like Harry couldn’t get away with everything.

About an hour later, everyone left. He heard a knock on the door. “Hey, it’s me.” Jay sounded unsure, like he thought he would get rejected. Good. 

Carlos thought about letting him stand there, but after a minute he unlocked the door. “Carlos, I’m sorry,” Jay started. Carlos sat back on his bed, getting the book. “Come on. I can’t tell Uma’s crew-what if we start fighting again next week? I’m just trying to protect us.” 

“You didn’t claim me,” Carlos said, not looking up. “Harry was trying to get with me and you acted like it didn’t happen. Fuck you.” Jay sat on the bed, and Carlos scooted further away. “Nobody has to ask what my sexuality it, I don’t have to make a statement. Everyone can tell. You don’t know what that’s like.” 

“No, I don’t.” Jay was silent for a minute. “Can you please put the book down and look at me?” 

Carlos didn’t really want to, but he slowly lowered the book. Jay wasn’t drunk or high, which was unexpected. He looked upset, and was twisting his hands in his lap. “I’m sorry. But we agreed to keep this a secret except to our friends. Harry’s not our friend, not yet. And that’s some shit-asking if you were single right in front of Uma.”

“I guess she doesn’t care,” Carlos said. He decided not to tell Jay what he’d heard. “Or maybe she’s waiting until they’re home to kick his ass.” Carlos didn’t really care what kind of relationship they had. But he guessed it could be rude of Harry. “I’m still mad at you.” 

“I know you are.” Jay looked over at him. “I guess I can’t touch you yet.” Carlos shook his head. “Okay. I’m going to go outside. Do you want anything?” Jay stood up. Carlos looked up at him. Jay was so beautiful. 

“Just get me a glass of water,” Carlos said. Jay smiled, taking it as a peace offering. When he left, Carlos laid back on the bed. When Jay came back, he put the water glass on the nightstand, and left without a word. 

Carlos was in his room for a little while more, then left to go back to the kitchen. He found the leftover pizza and had another slice at the kitchen table. Evie came and sat beside him. “Hey. How are you?”

“Kinda pissed, kinda hungry. Kinda confused.” Carlos took another bite. “Did you eat today?”

“Yes, I had lunch with my friends at Outreach. But I’m asking about you.” Evie got up and got a glass of water with lots of ice. Carlos wished he could make her eat pizza, but forcing the issue never helped. “You wanted Jay to tell Harry?”

“I guess. I know it’s probably a bad idea.” Carlos picked onions off his pizza. “I know what we agreed to, but it sucks sometimes. And it’s weird, someone else being interested. Jay’s the only one I’ve ever been with. I don’t even think of anyone noticing me.” 

Evie nodded, and sat back down, sipping her water. “I get that. Every day I’m with Mal, it’s a choice how far out we’ll be. And how much I want to deal with guys hitting on me right in front of Mal, either because they don’t know or they don’t care.” Carlos nodded-he’d seen Mal break a guy’s nose when he laughed at them, saying two girls wasn’t a ‘real relationship’. “It never really stops, and we’re pretty far out there. The only person who doesn’t know is my mom.” Evie blinked back tears. 

“Don’t cry. Mal loves you, even if your mom doesn’t.” Carlos was in the same situation, so he knew. “Oh, I have to have lunch with my mom next week.” Carlos and his mother had lunch at her favorite four star restaurant once a month. Most of the time, she just called. 

“Take care of yourself,” Evie said, and pulled him into a hug. She was one of the people who could do that without asking. “Don’t listen to a word she says. I hate that we depend on them for school money.” Carlos hugged back. There wasn’t a lot he could do about it right then. He hoped that by the time he hit his junior year he could have enough money to pay for it himself.

“I know,” Carlos said. Seeing his mom was always stressful, and he usually hid for a while after. “Do you think I’m wrong for being mad at Jay?”

“Maybe a little harsh,” Evie said. “But I know how it is. Sometimes you want to be seen for who you really are. But most of the time, it’s terrifying.” Evie pulled back and kissed his forehead. “We love you. Me and Mal, Jay. I think Chad even loves you a little.” 

Carlos laughed. “I dunno. He mostly just tolerates me.” 

Evie drank more of her water, and crunched the ice. “I think he cares more than he shows. Maybe I just like thinking the best of him. Our better halves are outside. Do you want to watch them now?” 

“Please, I’m the better half,” Carlos said, and Evie giggled delightedly. Carlos finished his pizza and they went out the back way. Mal and Jay were doing tricks and mocking each other, trying to show each other up. Carlos watched from thee screen door. “We’re dating a couple of competitive maniacs,” he said. Evie squeezed his hand. 

After a minute, Jay looked over and smiled. It was more a half-smile, a little unsure. Carlos smiled back, waving. Jay’s face lit up in relief, and Carlos felt some guilt for making Jay feel bad. It was okay now.

…

Carlos took a cab, an expense he only did for this, and went to Spago, trying to get there on time. When he got there, the hostess took one weary look at him, and led him to the table. His mother was already there. She was giving the wine steward holy hell about something when he walked up. “Darling, there you are. Sit down with me. I’m trying to order us some wine.” Carlos sat down, feeling the eyes on him. 

His mom had been a fashion designer, once. Then came a flurry of charges, lawsuits, and claims of everything from animal abuse to not paying her help. She had stayed out of jail, but her reputation had never recovered. But nothing kept his mom down. She still had her money, so dirty looks didn’t phase her.

“You know I don’t drink mom,” he said in a soft voice. She ignored him, demanding a bottle of wine to be served with the meal, and a gin and tonic before. “And get my son whatever he likes.” The wine steward turned to him, a big smile on his face and contempt in his eyes.

“Mineral water, please,” Carlos said. The steward gave him a nod that seemed almost sincere and then got out of there. Carlos took a deep breath. “Hi mom. How are you?”

“Surrounded by fools, same as always,” she said. “Now they tell me I can’t smoke in here. Something about a new law.” She drummed her fingers on the table. “Can’t wait to get my drink.” She looked at her nails. “I have to go to the manicurist after this, I look awful.”

His mom looked about as good as she always did. She was rail thin and well dressed, but with frown wrinkles and a nasty scowl. “Now, let me see your report card.”

“They only give those at the end of the semester,” he said, trying not to sink into his chair. His mom had never taken being told ‘no’, well.

“Oh. I suppose you’re right. I remember you told me over the phone that you got an A on your exam.” Carlos nodded. “Good, glad you’re not wasting my money.” Her drink and his water arrived then. “Thank you darling,” she said to the waitress. “Carlos, you order first. I have to find something I can eat here.” 

Carlos ordered himself a simple salad and pizza. His mother went over the entire menu, finally settling on a pasta with no tomatoes, heavy spice, dairy, or too much oil. She had a terrifying list of dietary requirements. Cruella then took a sip of her drink, leaving bright red lipstick on the glass. 

“How are you doing in that dreadful house of yours?” Carlos didn’t say anything. “Those roommates are riff-raff. You should be living somewhere better.” Carlos didn’t say that the amount of money she gave him every month wasn’t enough to allow him to live somewhere else. “I do wish you’d live with me. But you’re a young man now. I suppose you like being on your own.”

“Yes.” He wanted to be further on his own, away from her for good. But that wasn’t happening until he got out of school, most likely. “I like my friends, mom. They’re good to me.” 

She sniffed. “If you say so darling. It’s not like I have any. Those lies the press told about me, nobody will be seen with me. And I admit that Evie is a nice young woman. Polite.” His mother had met Evie exactly once. Evie had later said she had thought of strangling his mom. Cruella had no idea. 

Carlos said nothing, not sure how to keep the conversation going. His mother had no interest in his life. She knew he took photos, but since it wasn’t fashion photography, she couldn’t care less. So he let her ramble on about whatever came into her mind, and then their food was served.

Carlos slowly ate his crisp pizza with artichoke hearts and duck confit. It wasn’t anything like the Pizza Hut they ate all the time at home. He thought of taking Jay here sometime, just to see his reaction to a tiny pizza that cost an arm and a leg. Too bad he’d never be able to afford it himself.

When the meal was done, his mother asked if he wanted dessert. “No thank you,” Carlos said quietly. 

“You’re still a growing boy, you should have something,” Cruella said. “And I don’t want you to go yet. I only see you once a month.” Carlos didn’t say that once a month was almost more that he could handle. But telling her no might lead to her cutting him off for the month. It had happened before. So he nodded.

He wound up getting some sorbet with shortbread cookies, the least pretentious thing on the dessert menu. His mother had an Irish coffee, despite saying she didn’t want dairy in her food. Carlos guessed that having enough liquor in something was enough to make up for whipped cream.

Carlos talked about his studies for a while. He hated to admit he actually liked engineering, so he didn’t say so. In fact, if his mom thought she liked it she might be disappointed. “I’m glad you’re doing well, darling,” she said. Carlos didn’t say anything. She didn’t actually care.

Then finally, she got out her checkbook and started scribbling. She handed the check to him with a flourish. “There. For your expenses for the next month.” 

“Thank you.” Carlos looked it over. It was a little less than last month, but still enough to work with. 

“Now you won’t have to get a job and can concentrate on your studies.” Carlos nodded. His mother wasn’t ready for him to be entirely free of her. He didn’t have a trust fund for that reason, instead he had to see whatever she felt like giving him that month. Sometimes it barely paid his rent. And he shared rent with five others. 

Carlos finished his dessert, but didn’t move. He had to wait for his mom to be ready to leave first. She took her time, fussing at the waitress for something she couldn’t control, then finally slapping her credit card on the table. Carlos hoped his mom tipped the waitress.

“This place needs better staff,” she said. Carlos said nothing. It was the most well-known restaurant in LA, the staff was as good as it got. He had been here close to an hour and a half. He just wanted to go home. 

Finally, the check came back, Cruella scrawled out a tip, and then stood up. Carlos got up too and waited. Then his mom had her skeletal arms around him, squeezing him hard. Like everything else, her hugs were a way to show her control. He put his arms around her and waited for it to be over. 

She held him for over a minute, and Carlos knew that anyone could see how uncomfortable he was if they looked. “I should go, mom. Thank you for lunch.” Then his mom finally let go. She pinched his cheek, a little too hard, then took off in a blaze of drama and irritation. Carlos stood there a moment, but left before he got in the way of the staff. 

On his way out, he saw a model who had worked for his mom years ago. She gave him a look of pity, which Carlos ignored. He just went up front and had the hostess call him a cab. 

…

When he finally got home, he wanted to hide in his room. But instead, he got his books and studied outside, on the back steps. He was still alone, but at least this way he was open to someone talking to him. Nobody much was around. 

Finally, he felt someone sit next to him, and he looked up to see Jay. “How was it?” Carlos gave a short laugh.

“It’s never good. She talks nonstop, abuses the staff, and finally gives me a check. I should’ve put it in the bank on my way home. But I just wanted to get back here.” Carlos rubbed the bridge of his nose. “At least you don’t see your dad anymore.”

“Walked out on my eighteenth birthday,” Jay said, pride in his voice. “I don’t think he misses me.” 

“He’s stupid then. You’re amazing.” Carlos knew Jay had flaws, sometimes they fought, but he still felt like Jay was one of the best people he knew. Jay giggled and shoved his arm. “You are. I love you so much.” 

“I’m glad. I’m sorry when I fuck up. I know it’s hard sometimes.” Carlos grinned at him, then leaned in for a kiss. Jay always made things better, in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first time I saw the phrase 'pansexual' was the mid-90's. But I know it existed before then. And Harry couldn't be anything else, so there we go.


	4. On My Way Up (Rising)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter from Jay's POV.

There wasn’t anything Jay liked better than skating. Or if he did, it was Carlos. 

As soon as he got out of bed every morning, his first thought was _When can I get my board?_ And then he would be outside, either in their back yard or skating down the street. On his board, the wind in his hair-it was the best kind of life. 

He skated all he could. He didn’t have a full time job-he just paid the rent with any prize money he got, or his housemates put in extra for him. He felt like a leech sometimes, but he was trying. Nobody became famous overnight. You had to keep going.

Like today, he was getting out of bed and putting his clothes on, no shower, so he could go outside and skate. Carlos was still asleep, his hair sticking up all wild, his freckles visible in the sunlight. He bent down and kissed Carlos’s cheek.

“Mmph,” Carlos said, and he opened one eye. Jay struggled not to just get back in bed with his boyfriend and mess around with him. Carlos didn’t have school today, he could. Carlos opened the other eye and oops-he was a little grumpy. “Woke me up.”

“Sorry baby,” Jay said. “I’m gonna go out. Go back to sleep.” Carlos frowned, then turned away from him. Jay wanted to spoon behind him, but he got his shoes on. When he was headed for the door, he could hear soft snores. 

Fuck, his boyfriend was _adorable_.

He went out back at first, and just skated around. Practiced. Ollies, kickflips. Just warming up, really He’d just woken up, he didn’t have any coffee or Cokes or any food. Just being outside on his board was enough to get his blood going. 

He was outside for about an hour, and it was already hot. He was sweating, and figured that by now he had to really stink. So he went back inside, to see if the shower was free. It wasn’t, someone was in there. He tried knocking. “Hey, Carlos?” 

“Hey.” Yep, that was him.

Jay grinned. He tried the door, but it was locked. He heard a huff, and then a second later the door jerked open. Jay saw Carlos’s cute little ass as he jumped back under the spray. “Can I get in?” 

“Yes, hurry up and get in here. You owe me for making me get out.” Jay laughed at how cranky Carlos still was. Then he got in, and crowded Carlos up against the shower wall. “That’s good,” Carlos said, running a hand down his back. 

Jay kissed Carlos’s neck, his mouth. He forgot all about getting clean with his boyfriend so close. He lost track of time, and they didn’t leave until the water ran cold and both of them were satisfied. When they stumbled out of the shower, Jay kept holding Carlos by the hips. 

“I gotta dry off,” Carlos said, and Jay dropped his hands and grabbed two towels, tossing one to his boyfriend. Carlos dried off quick and then put on some briefs and his shorts. Then he got his hair care products. Jay watched as Carlos tried to tame his curls, and then Jay got the dryer and went to work on his long hair. 

When they got out, they ran into an annoyed Chad in the hall. “Did you two fuck in the bathroom again? And if so, did you clean it?” Jay tried to look innocent, but Chad was glaring at them and he just started laughing. (Carlos blushed and hurried to their room.)

“You guys are assholes,” Chad complained. “I need to find a girlfriend, see how you two like it.” Then he went into the bathroom. Jay heard him spraying cleaner, and went back to their room. He couldn’t help it if Chad’s anger faces were funny. 

Carlos was getting dressed in fresh clothes. Jay had just put his old ones back on. “You need deodorant,” Carlos said to him. “You’re still gross smelling. Your hair looks good though.” 

“That’s what matters.” Jay tried reaching for Carlos again, but Carlos laughed and ducked him.

“We just came,” he said. “You can’t still be in the mood.” 

“And you just came, and you’re still cranky. Why are you riding my ass so hard this morning?” Carlos was actually grumpy a lot when he just got up. But today was unusual. “You need me to make some coffee? You’re being a little bitch.” 

“Fuck off,” Carlos said, smiling. “I’m just tired, that party kept me up.” Jay winced-he had stayed up way late and Carlos was asleep by the time he got to their bed. “And I’d love some coffee if you’re making it. What are we doing today?” 

“We?” Jay liked the sound of that. “Anything you want, as long as we go to the park at least once.” Then he thought. “Wait. I have to meet that guy from the skate company tonight. He’s taking me to dinner.” 

“Oh. Good.” Carlos looked surprised, but not upset. “What time?” 

“Uh...” Jay had to think. “I wrote it down.” He went to the kitchen, where they had a cork board. “Oh, good, here it is. Six o’clock. We’re meeting at Romeo’s.” That was the Italian place that was close enough for Jay to ride his bike. “So tell Mal I won’t be here for dinner.”

“Lucky you,” Carlos said. “Although really it’s our fault. We need to be taking turns fixing dinner.” Carlos went over to him and gave him a hug. “I’m really proud of you,” he said. “I hope you get this, you could use the money.” 

“Yeah, maybe we can use it to get a car. Or a place by ourselves.” Jay loved his housemates, but it got hectic sometimes. And if they lived alone, they could fuck in the shower all they wanted. Oh well, it’s not like they held back as it was. 

“Maybe, we’ll see how much you get.” Jay hummed in agreement and moved a hand down to Carlos’s ass. “Horny bastard,” Carlos said, and let go. “Come on. Let’s get some coffee and something to eat, I know you haven’t eaten yet.” 

“You know me too well.” Jay grinned and followed Carlos to the kitchen. 

…

After their breakfast (coffee and some Twinkies for Jay, coffee and a fried egg for Carlos), they headed to the park for a while. This time, Jay nagged and fussed at Carlos to skate with him. “If I do that, I can’t bring my camera,” Carlos said. Jay knew damn well that Carlos was good enough to not fall, but he’d seen how much that equipment cost him. Jay guessed he couldn’t really blame Carlos for being cautious. 

So, they walked. Jay didn’t really care, even though skating to the park was faster and more fun. But any time with Carlos was a good time. He let Carlos talk about his studies as they walked, even though Jay didn’t understand much of it. 

When they got to the park, Jay whistled and got on his board, just riding around for a bit. He saw Carlos shake his head, and start getting his camera out. Jay kept moving slowly, just outside the bowls, keeping an eye on Carlos.

Carlos got bullied sometimes. Mocked. Because of his eyeliner, his fine bones, his clothes that he wore with such flair. That was a major reason that Carlos hated to skate where people could see him. He didn’t take ragging well, even when it was just a joke. Carlos was only kind of accepted because of his photos, and because of Mal and Jay. No matter how big of assholes skaters were, they were too vain to turn pictures down. 

After a while, Jay skated over to Carlos, who smiled and raised his camera. Jay grinned and let Carlos take a few pictures of him standing on his board. He got some speed going and did a few tricks, as Carlos moved in a circle, trying to get a good shot. 

“Carlos! Take pictures of everyone, not just your boyfriend!” Carlos’s face went dark red at the laughter. Jay started looking for the little shit who said it, wanting to immediately kick some ass. But. He couldn’t do it. They weren’t out like that, so he had to ignore it. 

But, Carlos was still his best friend, far as everyone knew. “Hey, shut the fuck up,” he said, with enough of an edge in his voice to warn anyone off. “Carlos can take any pictures he wants.” 

“Fuck. Sorry okay.” Jay watched the kid-maybe only fifteen, hard to tell-leave in a huff. 

Carlos didn’t say anything, and Jay could tell from how he was clenching his jaw that he wanted to leave. He could, but Jay would worry about him walking alone with that expensive camera. So he skated closer and whispered “If you wanna go, I’ll go with you. I can always come back.” 

Carlos shook his head. “I’m fine,” he said. “I’m gonna go over here.” Carlos went to sit near one of the bowls. Jay sighed. He didn’t like seeing Carlos upset, even when he didn’t cause it. He decided to let it go, and went over to skate the bowl, waiting his turn.

…

They stayed at the park for a couple of hours, then headed back. Jay had a bit of a sunburn and his calves ached, but he was still good to walk home. “Get lots of good pics?” Carlos nodded. “Yeah?” Jay hoped Carlos wouldn’t be quiet all day. If he had to draw him out, he would. 

“I think so,” Carlos said. “I got a good one of that guy. I don’t know his name. Dresses a little preppy but skates good.” Jay thought about it. 

“I’ve met him. His name’s Aziz, he’s the son of some kind of Middle Eastern royalty. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. He won’t answer questions about it. He said it wasn’t important.” Jay figured that having rich parents was pretty important to him, but maybe Aziz didn’t want to be known for that. 

“Huh. He’s pretty good, I hope the picture turns out.” Carlos seemed better then, happier. So Jay started thinking about the dinner. “Shit Carlos, do I need to dress up for this? Do I even have anything nice to wear?” 

“Let’s just get you a shower and make you smell better. Then you can worry. If you want, we can try to get you a ride so you don’t have to mess up your clothes with your bike.” 

“Good idea, do you think Chad can let me bum a ride? I know Evie probably can’t.” 

“Maybe. Or we can even get a cab. It’s not far, it won’t cost much.” Jay wasn’t sure-that was a big expense for them. “Anyway, we’ve got a couple of hours. Let’s get you another shower and I’ll go through your clothes, see what you have. Okay?” 

Goddamn, Jay had really struck gold in the boyfriend department. “You’re the best,” he said, and Carlos ducked his head and smiled. 

When they got home, Mal had just arrived and was fixing herself coffee and some frozen fries. “Hey guys. Saw the notice on your board, you gonna get ready?” 

“Ready for what?” Chad looked like he’d slept all day and just woken up. He went to the coffee maker. “Enough for me?” 

“Jay is having dinner with that guy about getting a sponsor,” Mal said. “And he needs to change.” Chad looked at him and grinned. 

“Awesome,” he said. “Maybe wear those black pants you have. You still have them right?” 

Evie came in the kitchen then. “He needs to braid his hair, it looks amazing like that. Is there time to clean under your nails?” 

“As long as he doesn’t stink,” Mal said. 

“Okay, first off, fuck you all,” Jay said. “Second, Carlos is picking my outfit. Third, I’m taking a shower right now, Jesus.” Jay wasn’t really upset, but boy his friends could be meddling little fuckers when they felt like it. 

“Okay,” Mal said. “Go get clean and let Carlos work his magic. He’s got good taste.” Mal didn’t say _unlike you_, but she didn’t have to. Jay wanted to give her the finger, but he didn’t. Mal was the closest thing he had to a sister, so he just let that one go.

“See you,” he said, and went back to the bathroom. He started the water, and wondered if he should wash his hair. Sure, why not. He soaped up, got clean, and then dried his hair and half-assed picked at his nails. 

When he got back to their room, Carlos had an outfit picked out. His black pants, and a black shirt. “You can wear your good sneakers, since it’s not a fancy place,” Carlos said. “And wear that gold chain, it looks nice against your skin.”

“You even picked out my socks,” Jay said. “What would I do without you?” 

Carlos grinned. “I just found the clean pair with no holes in them. Okay, get dressed, we can call the cab-mumph.” Jay had stepped forward and was kissing him. He wished he didn’t have to get ready, because he wanted to pull down Carlo’s shorts and suck him off. 

Carlos wriggled away, the little shit. “Jay. Get dressed and I’ll call the cab. Don’t get distracted now. Oh, make sure to actually read the contract before you sign it, if he has one.” 

“Probably doesn’t yet,” Jay said. His arms already missed Carlos. “And if he gives me one, we’re both reading it. Evie too if she wants.” Jay knew he wasn’t the brightest member of his family. So he trusted the ones that were to help him out. 

“Good. Now, get the fuck dressed already. And put those shorts in the hamper.” Jay grinned as he stripped them off. Carlos turned away, but Jay could see he was a little interested. Jay figured it was time to stop teasing and he just got dressed. The shirt was one of the few he had with long sleeves, and he stood in front of the mirror, making sure it looked good. Carlos slipped out of the room at some point. 

Jay fussed with his clothes a bit. Maybe he should have braided his hair. Instead, he got a tie and pulled it back in a low ponytail. Okay, he looked good. Then Carlos came back. “Hey, called the cab. Here’s some money for the ride back.” Carlos handed him a few bucks. Jay didn’t carry much money on him-he didn’t need to pay for much besides rent, food, and weed. 

“Thanks baby. I wish you could come with me.” Jay figured that would be a bad idea. As far as anyone knew, they were best friends, but there was the poster on the wall, the rumors. They honestly weren’t in much of a closet. But Jay had to have plausible deniability if he wanted to get anywhere in skating. 

“I know. But it’ll be fine. Just don’t agree to anything yet. Okay, I think the cab is here.” Carlos came in for a brief kiss, and Jay pulled him in for a hug. “Good luck. Now go.” Jay got his wallet, and left the room, high-fiving Mal on his way out. 

…

Jay got to Romeo’s about thirty minutes later. He was still a little early, and he waited near the front until the guy showed up. He was dressed better than the last time Jay had seen him, wearing a pair of black pants as well. He had brown hair, a mustache and bleary eyes. “Hey,” he said. “Jay.” He was pretty sure that the guy would remember his name, but it couldn’t hurt.

“Jerry,” the other guy said. “Glad to see you.” They got a table near the back. The restaurant was beautiful, with red and gold interior and booths that had curtains you could pull back for privacy. 

Holy shit, if he got any money from this deal, he was _so_ taking Carlos here. 

“So I hear you’ve won two competitions at your level, and come in second or third in a few others.” Jay nodded. His level was about one or two tiers below the biggest known guys. He was still new. “Very well done, considering your competition.” 

“Yeah, there’s some great guys out there.” Jay grinned. He didn’t get jealous of people better than him. He just wanted to try harder. “But it’s best when I win, I admit.” Jerry laughed, and Jay thought that maybe he could do this, even without Carlos. 

“Hey,” Jerry said. “Do you want a drink? I know you’re underage, but they don’t card here. You want to share a bottle of wine?” Jay frowned-he’d never drunk wine before. Jerry must have seen that, because he followed up with “Or we can have beer. Some beer’s good with this. I’m paying for everything, so don’t worry.” 

“Okay, I’ll have one.” Something in the back of his mind was giving him warning bells. But he wasn’t wasn’t sure what to do. It would be rude to say no. And he hated turning down a free drink. When the waitress came, he got a nice beer, and a glass of water. Jerry got wine. 

“So,” Jay said, trying to think of what Carlos told him. “Tell me about your company. They’re pretty new, yeah?” 

“Only two years.” Jerry smiled and leaned forward a little. “We haven’t really sponsored anyone, and we were looking for someone on their way up. Someone that hasn’t ever been locked into a contract. You could really rise up in the ranks if this works out. We could pay for you to go to competitions overseas, for instance.”

“Wow.” Jay hadn’t even thought of that. “That would be great.” The waitress came then with their drinks and to take their order. Jay looked over it, trying to decide what to order. This place was a little pricey.

“Get whatever you want, I’m paying.” Oh yeah, Jay had almost forgotten. Now he had another problem, he didn’t know what half this stuff was. He’d eaten spaghetti and meatballs, and lasagna, but most of this wasn’t familiar to him. 

“Try the veal piccata,” Jerry said. Huh, he must have looked confused. “Or the chicken if you don’t like veal.” Jay had no idea if he liked veal or not, so he decided to try it. Jerry ordered chicken-something. Marsala? He didn’t know. “Sorry if this place confuses you.”

“Yeah, I didn’t grow up with much,” Jay said. That’s all he would say about his childhood to people who didn’t know him. It wasn’t any of their business. Jay had a sip of his beer. Normally he just chugged the stuff, but he was trying to make a good impression.

“Drink up, drink up,” Jerry said. “It’s a special occasion.”

Jay took a larger sip, but he felt a bit wary. He loved to drink and get high, but this was a business meeting, right? Did people normally get loaded at those? And come to think of it, Jerry had never really told him much about the company he worked for. 

Jay knew he wasn’t booksmart -he still needed to get his GED. He’d only had temp jobs after being forced to work for his dad. But there was a lot weird about this. He decided to play it cool. “So, you didn’t tell me a lot about Arise Skateboards.” 

Jerry looked slightly surprised, then laughed. “I can give you a few of our bank statements so you can see for yourself that we’ve got the money to back up what I’m promising,” he said. “We’re not fly-by-night. We put off looking for a skater to sponsor until we were on fairly solid ground.” Jerry drank a bit. “I’ll have to mail them to you, I don’t have them right now.” 

Jay nodded. He sipped some water, pretending he was Evie and needed to buy some time. “That would be great,” Jay said. “If you don’t mind.” 

“Not at all,” Jerry said. “I do want to remind you that, if you’re going to be the face of our company, you will have to follow some rules.”

“Rules. Like what?” Jay didn’t think that skating had rules. It kind of went against the spirit of the thing. “Like, not fighting?”

“It would be best to avoid it if you can,” Jerry said. “I heard you had a fight with Harry Hook.” 

“I did. But we got together and agreed to stop. Both of the crews are trying to get along now.” Their food arrived, and Jay looked at his cutlet with some kind of sauce on it. He got his knife and fork and cut a little bit off. “Mal and Uma are trying to put things behind them.”

“Yeah, the two women in your scene,” Jerry said dismissively. Jay felt a slow burn of anger, along with some surprise. He knew that kids on the scene could be stupid, but this was a grown man. “They’re good, but we can’t sell boards to young boys with girls.” 

Jay put his fork down. “Mal is basically my sister,” he said slowly. “And for the record, she taught me how to skate, and not the other way around.” Jay thought about walking out. Maybe this was a mistake. 

“Hey, hey, I didn’t mean it like that.” Jerry started backtracking immediately. Jay knew he was glaring, but he couldn’t help himself. Who did this guy think he was? “It’s just, skating is marketed as a boy’s sport, you know that. We can’t go against the tide.” 

“Mal’s won more competitions than me,” Jay said, but he knew that wouldn’t mean anything to Jerry. Since she went up against other girls, she might as well not have won at all. Mal got much less prize money, and no offers for sponsorship, or really, jack shit. 

“I know, I know, but hey. Right now, we’re looking at you. And if you’re really pissed at me, you can go. But I’d like it if you hear me out.” 

Jay nodded. “Okay. But my friends are the best, okay?” Jerry nodded, and changed the subject back to the kind of proper behavior they expected from their star skater. Rebellious, but not too. No fights, no hard drugs. Reasonable, really. 

Jay listened and ate his veal. It wasn’t bad, the tangy sauce being something different but nice. “I did hear you like to party, but that’s normal for someone your age.”

Jay grinned. “I don’t party until after skating. House rule.” Jerry laughed. They ate their food and bullshat back and forth for a while, until their entrees were done. “Hey,” Jay said. “Do you have a copy of the contract? I’d like to look it over if that’s okay.” 

“Oh yeah,” Jerry said. “I’ll give it to you before we leave. But do you want dessert first? I mean, I am paying so you should get whatever you want. Have you had panna cotta? It’s really good.” Jay wasn’t sure what that was, but he ordered it. 

While Jay ate his weird jiggly dessert (like rich people Jello), he said “Hey. My best friend is a photographer. Is it possible that he could shoot some of the pictures for the ads? If you take me on that is.” Jerry took a bit of his tiramisu, and seemed to think it over.

“We have some people already,” he said. “But, is this de Vil?” Jay nodded. “That skinny kid who hangs around your crew?” 

“He doesn’t hang around, he’s a full member,” Jay said. Carlos got that a lot-people considered him a hanger-on, a groupie almost. Like Carlos didn’t bust his ass shooting and developing photos every chance he got. “Look, just let him show you his portfolio, it’s great.” 

“Well, if this goes well, and it comes to that, sure.” Jay grinned. He was sure Carlos could get some work out of this too. He deserved it, his photos were the best. “Gotta admit, I’m impressed that you think so highly of your friends.” 

Jay was confused by that, but he just nodded. “Sure,” he said. “They’re my friends.” Like, why wouldn’t he? But he didn’t want to say that, so he finished his dessert. Jerry tried to get him to order an after dinner coffee. Jay shook his head. “If I do that, I’ll be up half the night, trying to skate in the dark. It would suck if I broke my arm.”

“Yeah, don’t do that.” Jay laughed, and then Jerry went into his briefcase and took something out. “You said you wanted to look over the contract. Here you go, take a look and get back to me in a couple of days.” Jay took it. It was a few pages long, and the print was small. Yeah, maybe Carlos should look at this. 

Jay watched as Jerry paid the tab, then stood up. “Thank you for dinner,” Jay said. “I’m going to call you soon.” Jay held his hand out, and Jerry shook it. 

“I’ll be looking forward to it,” Jerry said. “I’ve gotta tell you, you’re more of a gentlemen than some of the people I’ve talked to. One guy wanted to fight the waiter.” 

“Oh, that’s not cool,” Jay said, and thought _Other people? Huh._ He’d have to mention that to Mal and Carlos later. “I’ve got better self-control than that, at least.” 

“You were a perfect gentleman,” Jerry said as they walked to the front of the restaurant. “Do you have a ride?” Jay nodded. “Okay, I was going to say I could take you, but it’s not a big deal. I’ll be waiting on your call, bye.”

“Yeah, bye,” Carlos said. As he watched Jerry get in his sports car, he took a deep breath. Then he used the pay phone outside to call a cab. He’d done it. 

…

Jay got home to find everyone gathered in the living room, listening to music. Even Carlos was there, with his textbooks. When Jay walked in, Carlos got up immediately. “How’d it go? You didn’t sign anything, did you?” 

“Nope. But I got the contract.” Jay held it out. It was in a nice binder. “I’m gonna need you to look this over, maybe Evie too.”

“Or you know,” Chad said. “You could hand it over to me, and I can get my family’s real fucking lawyers to make sure you’re not getting screwed over. Carlos is smart as fuck, but for this, you need a professional.” 

“How am I gonna pay for that?” Jay said. Chad shook his head. 

“I’m gonna offer to do Jessie a favor. And pay her myself if it comes to that.” Chad drank more of his beer. “But I’m not letting you get a bad deal because nobody in here knows legal doublespeak. It’s a sports contract, those are some serious shit.” 

“I...” Jay didn’t know what to say. “You’d do that for me?” He liked Chad, but didn’t hold him as close as his other friends. Chad got up, walked over and put a hand on his arm. 

“Sure. What are slumming rich friends for?” Chad took the contract. “Huh. It’s not very long. That can be a good sign. I’m gonna take this upstairs so I’ll see it when I wake up tomorrow.” Then he walked up the stairs with it, leaving the rest of them staring at each other. 

“Looks like you’re gonna owe Chad a favor,” Mal said. 

“He doesn’t usually keep score,” Possum said. Jay looked over-he’d thought Possum had passed out. His eyes weren’t even open. “If he wants to help, that’s good right?” 

“Yeah, I guess.” Mal looked annoyed that she was agreeing with Possum about anything. “We should stick together when we can.” Mal got up then and gay Jay a hug. “I’m glad you did this. I know it’s important to you.” 

“Yeah,” Jay said, pulling her in. “I could go on tour, Mal. I could go to Europe.” Jay started to feel excited about this. “Oh fuck, I hope I get it. I’ve just been sponging off all of you for so long.” Mal whapped the back of his head. “Ow!”

“Take that back, you have fucking not.” Mal pulled back, and looked at him. “We want to help you, don’t forget that. And you paid your rent this month, remember?” Jay nodded-he’d actually picked up a little work for once, as a barback at a surf bar owned by an old hippie he’d met at the skate park. He’d just been coming in to cover shifts, but he’d made some okay money.

“Yeah. Thanks Mal, for everything.” He looked at everyone. “That’s all of you really. Thanks.” Then he let go of Mal. “Carlos, come back with me?” Carlos put down his Coke and got up. Mal wolf-whistled, and Jay gave her the finger behind his back. 

When they got to their room, Jay shut the door and grabbed Carlos in a hug. “I am so, so lucky to have you,” he said. “I never would have known what to do if you hadn’t talked to me about it. It was weird, I think he was trying to get me drunk, maybe so I’d sign the contract right then. I don’t know if I can handle this, but I still want to do it. Am I gonna be okay?” 

“Shit, really? That’s kinda fucked up.” Carlos rubbed Jay’s back, and Jay tried to relax. “Hey. You did great. I can tell you’re not drunk, and it sounds like you did your best. I wish I could have gone.” 

Jay kissed Carlos, hand cupping his face. “Oh yeah,” Jay said. “And I told him you took pictures. He might want to see your portfolio if you want. Maybe we can both get some money out of this.” Jay watched with joy as Carlos first looked confused, then beamed. 

“You’re kidding,” he said. “You really did?” Jay pulled Carlos in for another kiss. “Wow,” Carlos said when Jay let him up for air. “That’s...wow. Nobody ever did something like that for me. I don’t know how to handle it.” 

“Don’t freak out yet, I have to get it first,” Jay said. “But yeah, why wouldn’t I? Your photos are awesome, and I want you to do well. And you’re mine.” Carlos blushed at that, putting his hands over his face as tears started in his eyes. Carlos always got emotional when Jay told him how much he really meant. 

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Jay said. “We’re gonna let Chad’s lawyer look at the contract, and if it’s good, this will get us so much money. I could really rise in the ranks if I had support. And you could make a name for yourself. This could be great.” 

“Fuck, I hope so,” Carlos said, moving his hands. He pulled Jay in for a kiss, biting his lip. “Get on the bed.” 

“Holy shit, did I trigger your top side?” Jay pulled his shirt off while toeing off his shoes and got on the bed. “Hell yes.” He watched as Carlos made sure the door was locked, then stripped. “What are you going to do to me?”

Carlos stood at the foot of the bed, naked. “How about I get these pants off and then you’ll find out.” Jay undid his pants just before Carlos pulled them off. Then Carlos was getting the lube and condoms, and Jay just spread himself out. This had turned out to be a great day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing soundtrack: "Home", Iggy Pop, "Destroya", My Chemical Romance


	5. Unity (Us Against the World)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money becomes an issue, but the house sticks together in good times and bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while. I was trying to pace the party scene like the one in the movie Lords of Dogtown, but it's basically its own thing.

Carlos was doing the dishes when Chad came in. “Hey ‘Los,” he said. “I got my lawyer to look over the contract. Then she gave it to an entertainment law buddy of hers. He’ll have it back in a couple days. Is Jay here? I should be telling him this.” 

“He’s at the park,” Carlos said. He wiped off his hands and got a glass of water. “I can tell him, if it’s not very complicated.”

“It’s not,” Chad said, grinning. “Basically it’s not a bad contract. But there’s a couple of things. The entertainment lawyer can get in touch with us. I’ve got his card. I’ll hold on to it until Jay gets back.” Chad put a hand through his hair, ruffling his curls. “And now I have to get ready to do the favor I promised Jessie.”

“What’s that?” Carlos had no idea what kind of favor a lawyer of a rich family would want from Chad.

“I promised to escort her oldest daughter to her deb ball. Now I have cut my nails and make sure I look good. It’s this Saturday. I might get a facial.” Carlos laughed as Chad left the kitchen. _Vain fucker_, he thought.

When he got done, he sat in the living room for a while and checked his homework. It had been a boring day for him-he didn’t feel like going to the park, and he basically wanted to be left alone. Right now the house was empty except for him and Chad. 

When the phone rang, he left it go to the answering machine. It was his mother. Weird, she rarely called this early in the month.

“Darling, just wanted to check in. There’s no news, just reminding you of our lunch in two weeks. Do well in school darling. Oh, and there’s some silly misunderstanding regarding the taxes. Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it handled. Bye darling.” Click.

Carlos froze. _Oh shit._ He ran upstairs and knocked on Chad’s door. He opened it, a little annoyed. 

“What?” 

“Hey, do you have any tax lawyers I can talk to?” 

…

When Jay finally got home, he found Carlos and Chad on the couch with Chad talking to every lawyer he knew to see about the possibility of Carlos at least keeping his school money. But since they had no information about what was actually happening, they couldn’t get anywhere.

“What’s going on?” Jay said. Carlos told him, not looking at Jay. He just wanted to go to their room and hide. “Shit. I don’t know what to say. That’s so fucked up.”

“I should’ve known there was one more part of my life she would screw up,” Carlos said, and he covered his eyes against the tears. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

“For what? You didn’t do anything.” Jay gently moved Carlos’s hands, then kissed him. He pulled Carlos into his arms, rocking him. “And you need to be calling the university. Like, right now.” Carlos nodded, and tried to get the phone from Chad. Chad jerked it back. 

“Okay, sorry. Thanks for trying to help. I gotta give the phone to my friend now.” He hung up and handed it to Carlos. “Yeah, call.” 

Carlos called the university with shaking hands. After a while of getting transferred, he hung up. “I’m paid up for the semester,” he said. “They recommend that I take the next off and apply for student loans. I wouldn’t qualify for financial aid right now.” 

“I know engineering wasn’t your first choice,” Jay said. “Maybe when you go back you can change majors. If you decide to go back.” Carlos was silent. “And hey, you could work on that book you wanted to do.”

“I won’t be getting any more money from home, probably,” Carlos said. “I might have to get a job.” Carlos had never worked other than taking photos, and that was a glorified hobby right now. 

Chad grinned at him. “I can probably get you a job as an office clerk. Something simple so you can get some money. My parents have so many businesses, you can just pick one.” Carlos looked over at Jay.

“Maybe. But I still want ‘Los to show Jerry his portfolio.” Carlos nodded. It would be great to get paid for what he loved to do. 

“Well all right, but maybe consider a part time job. I’ve worked the clerk job sometimes and it’s not bad.” Carlos was surprised that Chad had ever worked at all. He knew Chad’s family thought he was a deadbeat.“So keep it in mind.” 

Carlos looked at Jay again, who shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve never worked in an office,” Jay said. “But it might be good to have something steady while you’re hustling your pictures around.” Carlos nodded. 

“Maybe I will, since Chad is being so helpful today. Might as well take him up on it.” Chad laughed, and grabbed the phone again. 

“Time to make another call.” 

…

Carlos found that he liked his three-times-a-week clerk job at an ad agency. He basically did errands, filed, and was left alone. Nobody paid much attention to him. He made enough to pay for his share and also have food money. Enough to get by, but low enough to make him want to hustle his photos harder. 

His mom hadn’t called again, or answered his. They did have lunch, but she refused to talk about it, even when he brought up his school tuition. (He did get a check from his mom, but it bounced.)

He called his mother’s accountant to try to find some info, but apparently he was in deep shit and couldn’t tell him anything. He thought about calling the IRS, and knew he probably should. But he just couldn’t deal with that. 

Meanwhile, Jay was going back and forth with Arise over his contract. They seemed surprised that he even had the nerve to get a lawyer. Carlos figured most skateboarders wouldn’t have thought of it, and really, they hadn’t. Chad had saved their asses, more than once this month.

Finally, after a few weeks, Jay came into their room, and tossed a check in Carlos’s lap. “My advance,” he said. 

Carlos looked at the amount, mouth dropped open. “I’ve got a two year contract, and they’ll sponsor me for bigger competitions. I’m gonna go to Europe. I might even go to Japan. Holy shit, ‘Los, it’s happening.” Carlos looked up at Jay, who was beaming. 

“Fuck!” Carlos got up and hugged him tight. “Oh my god!” He came in for a kiss, Jay putting a hand in his curls. When they broke apart, he saw the check had fallen to the floor and he grabbed it. “Shit, we gotta get this to the bank. What bank do you use? You got a checking account, right?” 

“Um, about that.” Jay gave him his most charming smile. “Can you show me how to open one?” 

…

“I got it!” Jay yelled as they walked through the door. They had spent a frustrating hour at the bank, with Carlos trying to explain how to open an account, and the bank manager looking at both of them like he should call the cops. Now they were home, and everyone was in the living room.

“No shit?” That was Possum, who immediately got up and went to the fridge. He came back with a beer and handed it to Jay. “Good job. You worked hard.” Carlos looked over as Mal mouthed _unlike you_ behind his back, and stifled a giggle.

“We should celebrate,” Chad said. “Want me to call some people?” 

“Yeah, but not many,” Jay said. Then he looked at Mal. “Hey, should we invite Uma and her crew?” 

Mal sat there a minute, thinking it over. “Sure. I got her number.” Then she went to the phone, taking it into the kitchen. “Okay, they’re coming. I’m going to call for pizza. Or Chinese. Or hell, everything. Jay can afford to pay for it now.”

“Fuck you, no I can’t. The bank is waiting a few days to see if the check is legit. They didn’t believe that I could have that much money.” Jay was drinking his beer and looked proud. “I’ll have it soon, though.” 

“Give it some time,” Chad said. “You did great.” Chad went and got more beer as Mal called for pizza and Evie went to hug Jay. Carlos sat alone in one of the chairs and watched everyone, smiling. Things were turning out good. 

…

It took less than an hour for people to start showing up. Uma, Harry and Gil were first. Gil went right up and gave Jay a hug, squeezing him tight. “I heard someone was trying to sign you. I’m glad you got it. Are you excited?” 

“Yeah, a lot.” Jay grinned at him. “Thank you.” Then Harry came up, and the smile dropped off. Carlos watched as Jay’s shoulders went up and his hands flexed. Gil slowly backed off.

Harry stood in front of him for a minute, then held out a hand. “Congratulations. You got a sponsor before I did. Ah well. Well done.” Jay nodded at him, then took the hand. 

“Thanks. I hope you and me can get to be better friends,” Jay said. Carlos was sure Jay was lying his ass off, and knew he’d keep an eye on Harry, especially where he was concerned. “Hey, come and get a beer, Chad just went and got loads.” 

“Thank you, I will,” Harry said. Harry looked over at Carlos, and Carlos tensed up. But Harry just nodded towards him and went to the kitchen. Carlos went over to say hi to Gil. Gil almost hugged him too, but he just shook his head and Gil’s arms dropped. 

“Not your fault, I just don’t like being touched unless someone asks,” Carlos said. It was already loud, so he had to lean in. But Gil grinned and nodded. 

“I understand. Everyone’s got something they don’t like. Hey, do you want to go outside? Can we use the half-pipe?” Carlos grinned. 

“Let’s ask Mal.” Carlos found Mal sitting on the kitchen table, talking with Evie and Uma. “Hey, Gil wants to skate, can he?” Mal looked up from her Coke and gave them a bored nod. “Ok get your board, it’s out here.” Gil ran to get his, and Carlos had an idea.

He went to his room, got his own board, and ran back out. When Gil got there, he was slowly doing circles on the flat part of their setup. “Wow. I didn’t even know you skated,” Gil said, eyes wide like saucers. 

“Usually I don’t. I’ll rather be in the background. But I didn’t think you’d make fun of me.” Carlos had no idea why he was trusting Gil, other than he seemed trustworthy. “If everyone comes out here I might stop.”

“Your form is good,” Gil said. “Do you do tricks?” Carlos shook his head. Not any that would impress Gil, anyway. “Why not?”

“Don’t practice enough.” Gil frowned. “Like I said, it’s not something I do much. I really like photography, so I focus on that. But yeah, maybe I should do more. It feels good.” He always liked how skating made him feel, like he was more graceful and more centered in himself. He glided around for a minute, then stopped. “You go now.” 

“Thanks,” Gil said, and Carlos got off the surface while Gil went next. He went up their pipe, getting enough air to fly over and back down. When he was done, he skated over and skidded to a stop in front of Carlos. “You might be fun to skate with, maybe we should sometime.” Carlos was struck by how friendly Gil was being. He wasn’t flirting, was he? 

“Sure. Maybe. Jay always says I should skate more. He might be mad if I did it with someone else though.” Jay could get territorial sometimes regarding the strangest things. 

That got Gil’s attention, and Carlos realized he’d said too much. Gil came up closer, even though they were the only two out there. “So I’m right? He’s your boyfriend?” Carlos looked at him a long minute. “It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone. I promise. I won’t even tell Harry.”

Carlos nodded, and Gil beamed at him. “See, it’s okay. I’m glad for you.” He wet to clap Carlos on the shoulder, but dropped his hand just in time. “Sorry!” Gil took a step back, as if afraid he was in Carlos’s personal space too much. “I think he’s a good match for you, from what I know.” 

“Thank you. Yeah, he’s the best person I know.” Jay had his faults, but Carlos stuck to that. Nobody had ever treated him the way that Jay did, like he mattered. “I’m glad you won’t tell anyone. It’s best if we don’t say anything.” Gil nodded at that. 

“Yeah, people are so stupid,” Gil said. “I mean, I was the same person after I came out to my dad that I was before, but he still threw me out. And to this day he won’t answer my calls. It’s stupid.” Gil looked sad, and Carlos wanted to put an arm around his shoulder. But he didn’t think he was ready for touch yet. “I guess Jay has to maintain a rep to get a sponsor.” 

“Yeah,” Carlos said, rolling his eyes. “Oh, good news though. He’s going to set up a meeting with the skateboard company to show them my photos. I could get some work from this.” 

“Really? That’s great!” Gil grinned. “Let me know how it goes. You have the house phone number, don’t you? If you want, maybe we could be friends?” Gil looked happy but also hopeful, as if he wouldn’t be surprised if Carlos rejected him.

“Wow. This is weird for me, most people just ignore me,” Carlos said. “Yeah. Let’s hang out sometime.” Then he extended a hand. 

Gil shook it, grinning. “Okay. I’ll try not to touch you without asking, but I hug a lot, so just let me know if you need me to back off some. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“No problem. When I feel more okay with it I’ll let you know.” Gil beamed, and then Carlos heard the back door slam. Harry was there, beer in his hand. Carlos shrunk back on instinct, and Gil moved ahead of him just a little.

“What’s up lads?” Harry said. He looked at Carlos’s skateboard. “The pup was skating? Wish I’d seen that. Can I have a turn then?” He looked between Gil and Carlos, sly. Gil looked at Harry, a little nervous.

“Well, might wanna ask Mal,” Carlos said. “Gil did.” Harry considered that with a shrug. 

“She doesn’t like me as much as she does Gil I reckon,” Harry said. “Most people don’t. And anyway, if we stay out here every other bastard at this party will be waitin’ for their turn, won’t they?” Harry grinned at Carlos. “I might sit out here a while. You goin’ back in? Do ye want a beer?” 

Carlos smiled at Harry. He was being okay, not too familiar. “I’ll go back inside, yeah. I don’t like to drink much, so no. I’ll get myself a Coke. Thanks though.” He walked past Harry, expecting him to try to touch him or ask him out again. But Harry just let him go. 

Carlos could hear Gil talking to Harry, but couldn’t make out the words. He just walked through the kitchen, which was more crowded than before. There were lots of people, most of whom he only knew from the park. No way were most of them invited-they must have just heard about it. He had to push through the crowd, which made him nervous. 

“Hey Carlos!” Jay’s voice cut through the crowd. “Jerry’s here!” Jay was on his way to tipsy, with an arm around a guy with a scruffy beard and a pair of board shorts. He was in his thirties, and looked like he was trying too hard to be hip with the kids.

And he was staring at the ACT-UP poster on the wall. _Shit._

Carlos moved in closer. “Hi, I’m Carlos.” Jerry looked at him, and Carlos could feel himself getting judged by appearance. Jerry was sizing him up, and he clearly didn’t make the cut in his eyes. Jay didn’t seem to notice, still excited. Carlos decided to ignore it for Jay’s sake. “Thanks for signing Jay, we’re all really proud of him.” 

“No problem. He was the best choice.” Jerry gave him a smile that made Carlos a little nervous. It didn’t reach his eyes. “So Jay tells me you might have some photos to show me.” Carlos nodded. “Is there anywhere we can take a look at them? As long as I’m here.” 

Carlos forced a smile back. “Yeah, let me get it.” The portfolio was in his room. The house was getting loud, so he didn’t want to show Jerry the photos out there. Jerry followed him, and Carlos said ‘Hang on.” He closed the door to his and Jay’s room, got his portfolio, and got out of there. He didn’t trust this guy in his space yet. Jerry didn’t say anything, and Carlos took Jerry downstairs, to their hobby and hangout space.

They sat down on the old couch, in front of the TV. Carlos was nervous, being alone with this guy. He remembered what Jay had said about him, how he tried to pressure Jay to drink, and he tried to keep calm. He could do this. He needed the money.

“Okay,” Carlos said. “Here’s what I got. I’ve taken these over a one year period, since I got out of high school.” He handed the portfolio over to Jerry. He flipped through, not seeming very interested at first. Then he saw a photo of Jay on their half-pipe, about a foot in the air over the edge and holding his board, hair flying and a fierce expression on his face. “Yeah, I love that one.” 

“Have you sold this one?” Carlos shook his head. “We might be able to use it then. You still have the negatives?” 

“Of course,” Carlos said, and Jerry laughed. “What?”

“You’d be surprised how unprofessional some people can be. But you’re a pretty organized kid. Wait, your last name is de Vil? Any relation to that crazy fashion designer?” 

Carlos didn’t react. “She’s my mother. We don’t have a very close relationship, but she pays for me to go to school.” At least, until now. 

“Gotcha. Sorry to bring it up.” He didn’t look very sorry. “Is she glad you’re into photography? She could have used you before her business was shut down.”

“She never asks me about it. Like I said, not close.” Carlos stayed calm, but he hated questions about his mother. He wasn’t her, but people didn’t want to understand that. He took the portfolio back and flipped to another photo. “Here’s a good one I took of Gil.” It was from a few months ago. In it Gil is midway into a jump, his brow furrowed in concentration.

“Yeah, you seem to take better pictures of the cute ones.” 

Carlos looked over, dumbfounded. Jerry just laughed, shaking his head. “Don’t worry. I don’t actually care. They are good pictures.” Carlos knew he was still staring, speechless, but he couldn’t stop. “Hey, look, I’m sorry. I was just trying to make a joke. Don’t take it so seriously. So you don’t like those kind of jokes, got it.”

“Not used to it, more like,” Carlos said. He’d been getting cracks about his sexuality since fourth grade. He’d never gotten used to it. “I’m glad you think the photos were good.” Carlos held out his hand for the portfolio. Jerry gave it back, and Carlos a photo dropped out of the back. “That’s from the day we all moved in.” Jay was in the middle of the shot, his cheeks red from the beers he’d had. Mal was flipping off the camera, Evie smiling next to her. Chad and Possum were on the edges of it. Carlos, of course, was taking it so he wasn’t there. “It’s not really a pro shot, but I like it.”

“You guys are really close,” Jerry said. “I think that’s great, but...” Carlos got ready for whatever was coming next. “You all are so...unusual.” Jerry looked at him. “Don’t take that personally. But you guys stand out.”

‘You mean the poster. And Evie and Mal. And me.” Carlos tried to keep calm, but his hands were shaking. “Evie got that from her job, you can tell anyone that if they ask. She helps out as an AIDS activist. Jay’s our friend. He’s family. And I know that’s a lot for people to deal with.”

“Are you saying he’s your token straight friend?” Carlos said nothing, just shrugged. “I guess it’s none of my business. It’s just I’ve got the headaches of making sure this deal doesn’t go bad for us. I don’t have any bad feelings about you guys, but I have a job to do. And mostly Jay is a fucking dream to work with.” Jerry rubbed his red eyes. “I’m glad you let me have a look. I’ll let my boss know that your photos are legit. He thought maybe you were just a kid with a disposable camera or something.” 

“Thank you.” Carlos stood up and shook Jerry’s hand, ignoring the red flags he felt. Jerry headed back upstairs, and Carlos sat down. So Jerry had made a joke about him. He didn’t know how to feel about that. 

…

Carlos stayed downstairs for a while. Maybe thirty minutes, maybe longer. He was thinking, about how people dismissed him, either as a spoiled rich kid or a weird gay kid. He got that a lot. He thought about high school, how his senior year the bullying got so bad he had to take classes in an empty room. He remembered how he thought it would all blow over when he got out of high school. It didn’t.

He stood up after a while, wondering where Jay was. Maybe he should talk to him, about how weird Jerry was. Jay seemed to like him all right, although he had his own misgivings. 

Carlos went back up to find the house so crowded he could barely move. He slowly made his way through the throng of people with beer on their breath, the smell of pot everywhere. It was making his nerves tingle, and he went to find someone-  
Evie, Jay, somebody. 

He found Evie still in the kitchen. Mal, Uma, and Harry were playing beer pong at the table, and she was watching with an expression that was politely disgusted. “Hey,” he said. “You seen Jay?” 

“Not in a while,” she said. “I saw him talking to Jerry, Jay introduced me. He spent the whole conversation talking to my tits.” Evie made a face. “Then Jerry and Jay went into the hall and talked for a minute, then Jerry left.” 

“Do you think they fought?” Evie gave him a look. “Jerry was kinda weird to me. Do you think he said something to Jay?” 

“They seemed civil enough when Jerry left,” Evie said. She watched as Mal drank another beer, then burped. “Ugh. What do I see in her?” Evie laughed. 

“She treats you well. Same as Jay does to me.” Carlos kissed Evie’s cheek. “You’re the best. I’m going to look for Jay now.” Evie waved and Carlos walked back to his room. Normally Jay didn’t go back there during a party, but maybe he had.

When he opened it, he expected to see Jay. Instead, he saw two men, faces obscured in the dark room. They were against the wall, kissing and one of them had a leg wrapped around the others’ waist. “Hey,” he said. “This is a private room.” 

They broke apart, and Carlos felt his mouth drop open. It was Gil and Chad, Chad dropping the leg he’d had wrapped around Gil. Chad’s face was red, and his eyes dazed. Was he drunk? “Oh. Shit.” Chad blinked at him. “Hey Chad. You know where your room is?” 

“Yeah,” He said. He sounded kinda drunk, but not wasted. “But...so many people.” Carlos looked at Gil, who was still looking at Chad like he wanted to eat him alive. He looked back at Chad, who was now meeting Gil’s eyes. Yeah, Chad was into this. 

“Okay. Chad, go to your room now. Say you need to sleep it off if anyone asks.” Chad nodded and wiped his face with his hand, then put on a big smile as he left the room. Carlos looked at Gil. “I’m gonna show you the back staircase, don’t tell anyone else about this. I don’t need people doing drugs on the stairs, okay?”

“Yeah. Show it to me.” Carlos ducked through the door and showed Gil the back side of the house. Their crumbling Victorian style house had a lot of secrets. Gil bounded up the steps. “Thanks!” 

“No problem. Be gentle with him.” Carlos couldn’t believe it. Chad too? Was everyone in this house queer? He was getting distracted. He had to find Jay. Where did he get to? Carlos went back outside. 

The crowd in the back yard was almost as big as the one indoors. The sun was setting, and people were skating and chatting, loudly. Carlos shook his head-the neighbors were really going to have something to say. Carlos saw Aziz, wearing a white t-shirt and long board shorts. “You’re Aziz, right? I’m Carlos. Have you seen Jay?” 

“Hey, great party.” Aziz held out his hand, and Carlos took a deep breath and shook it. “He was back here a few minutes ago, but then he left. I think he said he wanted to go down to the park. He said he was starting to get a headache.”   
“Thanks. I’ll go down there and see if he’s okay. It’s good to finally meet you.” Aziz grinned and waved. Carlos found his board and rode it down the street, to the cheers of some party goers who’d never seen him skate before. He ignored them and headed for the park.

The park was nearly deserted, everyone at the party except for a few stray younger kids. Jay was sitting on the edge of the biggest bowl, his board next to him. “Hey,” Carlos said. Jay looked at Carlos and his skateboard, and smiled. 

“You’re riding it! Cool!” Jay held an arm out. “Come here. I was just taking a break. That party is getting wild.’ Carlos grinned and hopped off his board, sitting next to Jay.

“Yeah, we might need to send everyone home before the cops come,” Carlos said. “I wanted to find you. I was worried that you were upset or something.”

“No, a little overwhelmed,” Jay said. “I wanted to come back here, since this is where it started. Where Mal taught me to skate. Where I met you,” Jay smiled. “I noticed you right away, this skinny Goth kid with a camera. I couldn’t even believe you went outside during the day.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Carlos said. 

“You were so beautiful,” Jay continued, eyes straight ahead and a dreamy expression. “You were so shy, you barely wanted to speak to me. I had to keep trying though. I didn’t want you to get away. Do you remember when we first really talked?” 

“Yeah. You saw me taking pictures and you asked me to go to the 7-11 with you.” At the time, Carlos had been recluctant. “You had kept talking to me and seeking me out, and I didn’t know why. But we walked down and you kept talking to me. About my Depeche Mode t-shirt, and then just stuff in general. I was a little scared, but you were so nice.” 

“I told you I was looking for a place to stay,” Jay said. “And immediately, you said ‘Yeah, me too. Maybe we could find a place if you need a roommate.’ You didn’t even know me really. I almost died, I really wanted to live in the same house as you.”

“I had no clue,” Carlos laughed. “I didn’t think I had a chance with you.” Carlos watched as an eleven year old tried the bowl near them. It was getting darker, and they would all have to leave soon. “I liked skating, and being around it. But you, Mal and Evie were the first real friends that I had.” 

“You thought I was straight too. Hell, I did.” Jay looked at him. “But I knew I was into you. I just had to convince you.” Carlos remembered the friendship they built, how he soon didn’t mind Jay touching him. He remembered the night that Jay pulled him into an empty room at the house he was crashing at to kiss him. Things happened fast after that. 

“We’ve come a long way,” Carlos said. “You’ve gotten your chance to make it. I’m working and I might sell some photos. I just worry about Jerry a little.” 

“Yeah. He told me he thought he offended you. He swears he didn’t mean it.” Jay sighed. “It was really tough not to get all protective. But I did tell him that you were really important to all of us, and to treat you like a pro photographer, because that’s what you are going to be.” 

“He did like some photos,” Carlos said. “He wasn’t a total asshole. But I dunno. He bothers me a little.”

“Well, we gotta work with him, so we’ll do what we can,” Jay said. “Anything else happen?”

“Yeah, I made a friend.” Jay looked over, surprised. “Turns out Gil is a really nice guy. He wants to go skating with me some time. Aziz is nice too, but I just asked him where to find you.” 

“Wow. That’s great. He wants you to skate with him?” Carlos nodded. “That’s not flirting for him, is it?” Carlos laughed at that, and shook his head. “You sure?”

“I caught him in our room later, with someone else.” Carlos didn’t know if he wanted to name Chad. “I had to tell them to leave the room, but it looks like Gil’s interests lie somewhere else.” Carlos looked at Jay, getting serious. “He asked about us. I told him yes.”

“Fuck,” Jay breathed. “That’s...a lot. Do you really think he’ll stay quiet?” Carlos nodded again. “Okay, if you really think so. You’re a pretty good judge of people.” Jay stood up. “Let’s head back. We need to kick everyone out before it gets too wild.” 

“I don’t think he’ll tell. He swore he wouldn’t.” Then they got on their boards and headed towards the house, making it as the last rays of sunlight faded. Carlos stood by quietly as Jay told everyone the party was over, and to please fuck off and go home.

It took a few minutes, but nearly everyone left. Carlos didn’t see Gil, and figured he was still upstairs with Chad. The last people to leave where Uma and Harry, both of them staggering toward the door. “Great party,” Harry slurred as Uma nearly dragged him. “Good luck with yer sponsor.” 

“Thanks man,” Jay said. “See you later.” Carlos looked around the house. There were beer bottles and empty pizza boxes everywhere. They were going to be spending a lot of time cleaning up. 

Mal came out of the kitchen then, weaving her way over to Jay. “I won beer pong against Uma,” she said, giggling. She pulled Jay into a hug. “I love you. You’re my favorite person besides Evie.” Jay laughed and hugged her back. Drunk Mal was a lot more open with feelings then normal Mal. 

Evie came into the living room and gently pried Mal off of Jay. “He knows you love him, it’s okay. Let go.” Mal pouted but let go of Jay and immediately wrapped her arms around Evie. “Awww, sweetie. Let’s go upstairs.” Evie led Mal upstairs, waving at Carlos behind her back. Carlos laughed and shook his head.

Jay turned the stereo off, and looked at the ceiling. There was the distinct sound of a squeaking mattress. “Huh. Chad’s getting laid. Maybe he won’t complain about us for a while.” Carlos didn’t say anything, and just took Jay’s arm. “Oh, am I next?” 

“I still haven’t rewarded you for getting your advance,” Carlos said, and winked at him. They got to their room, and Jay locked the door while Carlos closed the shades in their room, and took off his shirt. “How do you want me?” 

“Fuck. Kiss me first.” Carlos grinned and came in for a long kiss. “I love you, you’re the best. I can’t believe it, things are gonna be good.” 

“That’s right. Love you too.” Carlos realized then, that he’d never actually told Jay about how he felt about Jerry. He pushed it aside. Now wasn’t the time. Everything might just be okay. They Jay started kissing down his neck, and he forgot about it.


	6. Femme Fatale (Blue Hair and a Sharp Mind)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life of Evie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just turned my real world AU into a mildly fantasy one. I decided that Evie's mom was basically Martha Stewart. That way she has an empire, terrified, underlings, and a deep interest in traditional roles for women-especially her daughter. This also means she has a vested interest in Evie seeming straight. Can't get the tabloids involved, you know.

Evie woke up at seven, her alarm blaring. Mal groaned and turned over, and Evie tuned it off. “Sorry babe,” she said, getting out of bed. She stood in the middle of the room and stretched her arms over her head, then touched her toes. She did this ten times before putting her pj’s and robe on and heading to the bathroom. A little stretching always made her feel better, like she did when she was in dance class. 

Then she went downstairs in her robe and slippers, sure that everyone else was asleep. When she got to the kitchen the stench of stale beer, pot and cigarettes hit her. _Ugh_ The place was a wreck. She needed to start cleaning it, but first, coffee. 

She started a cup for her, and got a glass of water to put on the nightstand for Mal. Mal was sure to be hungover. Then she went to the fridge and opened the door.

She closed it. Then opened it again. 

Closed it.

Finally, she got one egg and a saucepan. She put the egg on to boil, and fixed a piece of toast. She didn’t hear footsteps until they were in the kitchen. “Hey.” 

Evie turned around, holding her robe. To her surprise, it was Gil. “Sorry! Um, I’m just getting ready to go.” He was in last night’s clothes, and looked flushed. “But can I have some of that coffee?” 

Evie blinked for a minute. She’d had no idea Gil was even here. “Okay,” she said, and poured him a cup. “Cream and sugar?”

“No thanks,” Gil said. He took the cup and stood on the other side of the room. “I’m sorry to scare you. I can go in the other room if you don’t want me to see you in your robe.” Evie paused, then shook her head. “Okay.” 

Evie looked over at her egg. Was it done? She had gotten distracted. If it wasn’t exactly right, she couldn’t eat it. She got her toast, giving her egg another minute, and cut it into four long strips, the exact same size. Then she retrieved her egg from the boiling water bath, and put it in an egg cup. She picked her favorite plate, and sat with her soft egg and toast strips. 

Gil said nothing, but he finished his coffee and washed the cup. “Thank you,” Evie said. He stared at her for a second brow furrowed. “For cleaning up after yourself. I’m going to have to do something about this mess later.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of a wreck,” Gil said. “I don’t like to make much mess. Harry does enough of that. Okay, I better go. Thanks for the coffee.” Then Gil headed out the front door. Evie finished her breakfast, even though the egg wasn’t perfect. Mal had been nagging her to eat in the morning, so she was trying to. 

When Evie finished her breakfast, she heard the sound of Chad coming down the stairs. He was wearing boxers and a robe left open. “Hey Evie,” he said, looking around blearily. “So...is he gone?”

“Who? Gil?” Chad nodded, and suddenly, it hit Evie like a truck. She must need more coffee, because she didn’t even think that Gil had been with Chad before now. “Oh. Oh my god. He just left you?” 

“Looks like it,” Chad said, and he sat down at their kitchen table. “I don’t know why he didn’t say goodbye. I was kinda drunk, did I say something?”

“Wait, I thought you were straight,” Evie said. “You had sex with Gil?”

“Yeah,” Chad said, looking at the table. “It was a lot of fun, but I told him I’d never been with a guy before. Maybe he thought I was going to be mean to him. I don’t know. I don’t know.” Chad’s voice dropped to a whisper at the last. 

“You wouldn’t be mean,” Evie said. “Not on purpose anyway. Sometimes you say the wrong things, but you don’t mean it.” Evie got up and squeezed Chad’s shoulder. ‘Maybe you can call him later, we’ve got their number.” 

“I don’t know if he wants me to,” Chad said. “But I’ll hold on to it.” Evie found a pen and post-it, and gave Chad the number. “Thank you. Thanks for not making fun of me either.” 

“Why would I?” Evie grinned at him. Chad tried to smile back, but it was faded compared to his usual grin. “Okay, now I have to give Mal her water and get my clothes. See you Chad. It’ll be okay.” She got the glass and went upstairs.

Mal was still asleep, flopped over on Evie’s side of the bed, her hand outstretched like she was trying to find her. Evie put the glass of water closer, and got the aspirin. “Here honey,” she whispered. Mal had to work, but not until later. “Feel better.” She kissed Mal’s forehead, and she grunted. Evie smiled.

She picked out her clothes for the day, (it took a few minutes) and tiptoed back to the bathroom. 

…

When Evie was dressed and ready for the day, she went back to the kitchen. Chad was gone and Carlos was there, reading a book and looking smug. She could see the hickeys on his neck. “Hey sweetie,” she said. “Good night?” 

“Very,” Carlos said. “You?”

“Kinda. Mal was pretty drunk so mostly we just kissed until she passed out and started drooling on my shoulder.” Carlos laughed. “Wait, do you have class today?”

“I’ve got one today,” he said. “Later than yours, but if you can take me I can get back here myself. I’ll take a cab or something.” Carlos got up and got himself another coffee. “I’ve got to take some time off after this semester. I’m trying to decide if I want to switch majors.”

“You can do anything,” Evie told him, patting his hand. Carlos smiled and then fixed himself some peanut butter toast. Evie’s stomach growled, but she ignored it. She had eaten, she didn’t need more. 

“Hey, where did Chad go?” Evie asked Carlos as they headed for her mom’s car. 

“Dunno, he was gone when I got there,” Carlos said. “He had a guest in his room last night.”

“I know. Gil. He got a cup of coffee from me before he left.” Carlos cracked up as Evie headed towards the school in the Mercedes her mother lent her. “I didn’t even put it together that he’d been with Chad until later!” 

“I caught them in my room,” Carlos said. “Wait, so Gil sneaked out? Is that what you’re saying?” Evie nodded, trying to get into the next lane. LA traffic was a beast. “Wow. That’s kind of low. Gil seems so nice too.” 

“I told Chad to call him if he wanted to. He seemed a little sad.” 

“I might have to talk to Gil,” Carlos said. “We decided to be friends. It was pretty strange for me. Maybe I should be out at these parties more.” They were silent for a while then, Evie turning the radio to the dance station. “I’m amazed that Mal puts up with your Madonna fixation, Eves,” Carlos said. 

“I put up with all that speed metal, so we’re even,” she said. Then they finally made it to school, and Evie parked the car. “Okay, have a good day. I’ll see you at home.” Carlos kissed her cheek, and then left. 

…

Evie had two classes that day, both in the morning. She took good notes and paid attention, then went back to the car. She was whistled at by some jackass in a Camaro, but she didn’t look over. Why did men think she was wearing pretty clothes and makeup for _them_?

When she got into her mother’s car, she sat there for a few minutes, trying to clear her head. Someone honked, and it jolted her out of her thoughts and she put the car in reverse. She had somewhere to be. 

She didn’t want to go there.

It took another solid hour of LA traffic, but she made it to the office building her mother ran her empire out of. There was a TV studio, for her cooking and decorating show, the offices where her magazines were put together, and the design room for her collections of housewares and other branded items. Her mother ran it all with an iron fist.

She came up to the receptionist’s desk, and she got a fake smile. “Evie,” she said. “I’ll tell your mom you’re here.” Evie nodded. The receptionist wasn’t that bad.

“Oh look, Princess is here,” said a passing photography assistant. That was the welcome she usually got. Her mother’s poor employees called her the Evil Queen behind her back. Evie was just called Princess, even though she had nothing to do with her mother’s empire. Nor did she want it. 

Evie sat in the reception area with her hands folded in her lap, waiting for her mother to summon her. Evie wished she had brought a book or magazine. The only magazine available in the reception area was her mother’s. And Evie already got enough of that.

Finally, the receptionist said “She’s ready. She’s in her office. She said she has lunch.” Evie smiled and nodded, trying not to show the dread she was feeling. She just walked to the elevators and went up. 

When she got to her mother’s office, she could hear her on the phone, giving someone holy hell. She was ranting about the price of something, Evie didn’t want to know what. She didn’t even look over when Evie came into the room. There was a table set up away from her mother’s office, and some salads set out. Evie sat down at the table, eyes on her lap. 

“I told you how much I was willing to pay. Either send me my order or I’ll stop using your business,” her mother said. Then she hung up. Evie waited for her mother to notice she was in the room. 

“Evie,” her mother finally said, giving her a tight smile. “Wearing that blue skirt, I see.” Evie looked up and nodded. “I should give you a higher clothing allowance. It’s a lovely skirt, but maybe it’s time for a new one.”

Evie liked her blue skirt. But she wouldn’t turn down new clothes. “Thank you,” she said. Her mother sat across from her, staring at her. “How are you mom?”

“I’m all right I suppose,” her mother said. “Have some salad, I had it ordered from across the street.” Evie nodded and took a tiny bite. It was mixed greens with some fruit and a light dressing. It was good. She would try to finish it.

“I have no idea why you do that to your hair,” her mother said. Evie put her fork down, appetite gone like that. “You’re such a beautiful girl. Really, _blue_? I don’t understand it. Boys with money don’t like that.”

_No, but girls with purple hair do._ Evie said nothing. “Really,” her mother continued, “I keep hoping you’ll meet someone suitable at school. Oh well, you do very well at it, so it’s not a waste. I just don’t know why you picked public health as a major. I was hoping you’d get a degree in business and help me.”

_I picked public health because people are dying, mom._ Evie sipped her iced tea as she thought that. Her mom knew about her AIDS activism, and wasn’t happy about it. But she seemed to think it had nothing to do with Evie’s sexuality, and was just because Evie had gay friends. 

“I’m glad you’re happy that I’m doing well in school,” Evie said, choosing her words carefully. She couldn’t appear to be negative or upset at her mom. Her mother didn’t take that well. “I’m enjoying them.” 

“That’s good I suppose. Being unhappy will make your face droop.” Evie looked at her mom, at the angry expression she had whenever she wasn’t on camera. Her mother did her best to seem perfect, but it was all an act. “How are your roommates?” She said that with a sneer.

“Good,” She said, smiling and sitting up. She was used to ignoring her mother’s contempt. “Jay got a sponsor for skateboarding. It’s the first time he’s really brought in any money. He’s very excited.” 

“I didn’t even know there was money in that,” her mother said, sounding impressed. “Good for him I suppose. Maybe he can give some to Chad and he can get that pit fixed up.” Her mother knew Chad’s parents. “I know his parents don’t want to sink too much money into that house if Chad won’t raise the rent.” 

“I know,” Evie said. She took another tiny bite of her salad. Chad and his dad fought about it a lot. 

“You still drive de Ville to school?” Evie nodded. “He seems like a nice boy.” Evie said nothing, knowing her mom only wanted to get her married, and if she couldn’t find a rich boy, any boy would do. “Pity his mother has gotten into trouble. She’s stupid to get caught.” 

“I agree,” Evie said, and took another bite. She wiped her mouth on the napkin. “Now Carlos is having trouble with paying for school.”

“A pity. But according to you, he’s a smart boy. He’ll find a way.” Her mother sipped some of her tea. Evie knew her mother didn’t really care about anyone, even someone that was a friend to Evie. “You haven’t been driving the car all over town, have you? I can check the mileage if I have to.” Evie shook her head, holding in her feelings. “And don’t have too many people as passengers. Except for de Ville, since it’s on the way.” Her mother poked at her food for a minute, and it was blessedly silent. 

After a while, her mother got up. “I got the credit card bills, and you didn’t spend very much,” she said. “Why don’t you take yourself to the spa for a little treat, since you’ve been so good. And buy a new skirt. I want you to look beautiful.” 

“Thank you mom,” Evie said, getting a smile for her. “If it’s okay, can I go tomorrow?” She wanted to go home and check on Mal soon.

“Oh, of course, time is not important, just sometime this week. I don’t want to forget about it and then see the bill, you know.” Her mother paced her office. “I have so much to do. These idiots don’t get any better at their job. Okay, I have to get back to work. I’ll see you later, Evie darling. Don’t get in any trouble.” 

“Thanks mom.” Evie stood up and held her arms out for a hug. Her mother came over, but instead of a hug, tucked Evie’s hair behind her ear. Evie dropped her arms. “Bye.”

“Here,” her mother said, and she pulled out a wad of cash. “Mad money. In case you have any extra expenses.” This was a rare gift, Evie knew-her mother couldn’t track how she spent cash. 

“Thanks again. I’ll see you in two weeks.” Her mom liked to keep in touch more than Carlos’s did. She waited until her mom was distracted by the phone, and then got out of there.

She was in the elevator, trying not to cry, when the photographer’s assistant from earlier got on. She held her hands in front of her face, not wanting him to look. “Don’t worry Princess,” he said, mocking. “Maybe one day this will all be yours.”

Evie lowered her hands. “And maybe I’ll sell it to you, and go get my degree in Public Health, you ass.” She knew she was crying, and she hated the weakness, but now she was angry. “I don’t want what my mom has. I’ve got better things to do than lecture about table settings.” 

The assistant was shocked silent, and seemed to really look at her. “Wait,” he said. “I know you. Not from here. Do you volunteer at the outreach building in WeHo?” Evie nodded, trying to wipe away the tears. “You came to my boyfriend’s apartment a few times before he died. You helped him.” 

“I try,” she said. The assistant was tall, with bleached hair. Handsome, but she couldn’t place him. “I see a lot of people, forgive me...”

“That’s fine,” the assistant said. “And I’m sorry. I won’t call you Princess again. And I’ll tell the others to stop. I’m Joshua.” He smiled at her then. The elevator doors opened then to the first floor. “Okay, I’ll see you soon, Evie. Bye.”

“I’ll see you,” she said, and smiled at him. Then she went to the restroom to fix her eye makeup. Then she all but ran out of the building. She needed something to make her feel better. 

She was so hungry. She had been willing to eat, and her mother ruined it. 

She was very close to a lot of bakeries and fast food places. She could just pick one.

Or two.

She felt herself numb out as she went through a Jack In the Box drive-in, and ordered two large cheeseburgers, fries, a Coke, and a shake. She couldn’t even remember if she ordered vanilla or chocolate. She paid for it with some of her mother’s ‘mad money’, then sat in the parking lot. 

She ate it quick, so fast she could barely taste it. When she was done, she tossed the trash into a bag she had in the backseat, then sat there for a minute, tears in her eyes again. 

Too fast. Too much. The food was sitting in her stomach like lead. She felt like being sick, but she couldn’t. She’d promised. So instead, she sat there, smelling the disgusting smell of french fries from the restaurant, until she put the car in reverse with shaking hands, and got out of there.

…

Mal wasn’t home when she got there, and neither was anyone else. Evie went straight to her room and went to bed, snuggling under the covers, holding Mal’s pillow. She tried to think about the meeting with her mother. On the surface, it wasn’t that bad. She hadn’t checked the mileage of the car, or nagged her about finding a man all that much. She even gave her things.

But that was her mom, all around. Control though money, through policing her appearance, through getting into every part of her life. She was tired.

She wound up napping, curled up on Mal’s side of the bed, until she heard the door slam. She sat up, and heard Mal and Jay talking. She couldn’t make out much, but Mal sounded frustrated. 

Evie got out of bed, and put some of her favorite comfortable stretch pants on, with a t-shirt borrowed from Mal. She checked her makeup and went downstairs. “Everything all right?” 

Mal looked at her and her eyes widened. “Evie, what happened? Are you okay?” Evie paused, and remembered that Mal usually didn’t see her in the stretch pants. In fact, Evie mostly wore them after she made herself throw up. “Did you get sick?”

“I’m fine,” Evie said. “I had a rough day, and then I took a nap.” She smiled at Mal and Jay. “My mom gave me some cash, and told me to put a spa visit on her card.” 

“What else did she tell you?” Mal wasn’t stupid, and she knew very well what Evie’s mom was like. Evie shrugged. “The usual? She bullied you about your appearance, and you ran out?”

“I didn’t _run_,” Evie said, but she started crying again. “It was bad, I went to eat fast food that I didn’t even like, and then I came here and went to bed. That’s all.” She lifted her shirt and showed Mal her little food bump. “I was good.” 

“Oh honey,” Mal said, and opened her arms. Evie went in for a hug, and Mal rubbed her back. “I’m proud of you,” she said. “You handled that pretty well under the circumstances.” 

Evie hugged Mal back, blinking the tears back. Jay had moved to the kitchen doorway, giving them space. He never knew what to say when confronted with Evie’s eating disorder. She couldn’t blame him. 

After a while Evie went to the living room and sat down in front of the TV. Mal put a movie on, and Jay came in with Cokes for him and Mal, and a bottle of mineral water for Evie. 

“At least I got one of mom’s employees to stop calling me ‘Princess’, she said halfway through the rom com they were watching. Mal and Jay hated those, but Evie liked them. She looked around the living room. “Hey, who cleaned up? I didn’t get a chance to.” 

“Possum did,” Jay said. “Actually, I helped when I saw him doing it. He even got the vacumm out. Then he left. Said he had to be somewhere else for a few days. I wonder where he gets off to.”

“I have some ideas,” Mal muttered, but Evie elbowed her. Possum had always been nice. Weird, but nice. He never leered at her or got in her way. He was almost like the house ghost, coming in and out but not making a huge impression. Evie could never figure out where Mal worked up the energy to dislike him. There wasn’t much to like or dislike. 

“Hey,” Evie said. “Were you upset about something when you came in?” Mal looked over, pushing a lock of purple hair out of the way. 

“Just the usual,” she said. “Getting catcalled, people dropping in on me.” 

“She almost got in a fight,” Jay said, and Mal glared at him. “I wound up pulling the prick back before she could deck him, and I told him to leave her alone.” Mal reached across Evie and tried to hit him. “Hey! I’m just telling the truth!”

“Mal. You need to watch your temper. You could get banned from the park.” In theory, that was a possibility. In practice it never seemed to happen. But the park owner wasn’t a huge fan of Mal. “Remember what we talked about?” 

Mal glared at her, and then turned away, not looking at Evie. “There’s nothing wrong with me,” she muttered. 

“I didn’t say that,” Evie said. “I just said maybe you should see someone to talk to.” 

“My cue to leave,” Jay said, and he stood up. “This is officially none of my business.” Then he walked back to his room. Mal watched him go, then sprawled back on the couch. 

“I’m doing okay,” Mal said. “I saw someone when I got emancipated, remember? For two years, then over when I was eighteen. Court ordered. I couldn’t afford to go even if I wanted to now.” 

Evie nodded. Mal had told her about her fight to legally leave her mother’s house, and what came with it. “It’s just, I hate seeing you get so angry,” Evie said. “And I know I need help too. I probably shouldn’t be giving advice on this. But I might be able to find help that’s cheap. I could find something from my volunteer job.”

“You need to get paid for what you do,” Mal said. “You’re a genius.” Mal sat up and moved to put an arm around her. “I love you.” Mal said. “You’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. You don’t deserve what she’s put you through.” 

“You don’t deserve it either,” Evie said. Mal kissed her on the cheek. “I wish I could be open about you with my mom. I hate that she’s always pressuring me to get married.” Evie nearly started crying again, but Mal made a shushing noise and kissed her. 

They started making out then, and only pulled apart when Chad and Carlos entered the house. “What have you boys been up to?” Evie said, sitting up straight as Mal acted like she didn’t just have her hand under Evie’s bra.

“We just got home at the same time is all,” Carlos said. Chad nodded and brought the twenty-four pack of beer into the house. “I need to study. Is Jay here?”

“In your room,” Mal said. “Kick him out if he won’ t let you study.” Carlos laughed and went to get himself a snack from the kitchen. When he was gone, Mal snuggled up to Evie, her head on Evie’s shoulder.

“I know I get really angry,” Mal said. “I don’t know why. It just feels like the world is against me. All the time. And in a way, it is. My job sucks, I don’t get much respect for being a skater, I’ll never get a deal like Jay has. I mean, fuck, I _taught_ him.” 

“I know,” Evie said, voice low and soothing. “And every day you get up and try. You try so hard. You do so much and people don’t even realize.” Evie kissed her forehead. “You hold this whole house together. You make sure the rent is paid on time, you cook for us. You’re such a good friend. And a good girlfriend. I love how you take care of people.”

“Yeah,” Mal said. “Nobody took care of me when I needed it, so...” Evie watched as Mal tried not to cry. She hated crying, it made her feel weak. “Well, my mom’s friend did when she took me in.”

“You need to call her. She loves you.” Mal had a tendency to try to leave the past in the past, even the good things. ‘Her and Jane miss you.” Mal shrugged. “Yes, they do.” 

“They just felt sorry for me,” Mal said, and Evie gritted her teeth. Mal could be so frustrating. “Anyway. Do we need to get groceries? Your mom can’t be upset about you driving to Safeway.” 

“Right. I won’t tell her you were in her car.” Evie had no illusions about it being her car. Her mom never let her forget. “Let’s make a shopping list so we don’t forget toilet paper or something.”

“Everyone remembers booze, nobody remembers toilet paper.” Mal went to their room to get a piece of paper and a pen. Evie waited around, and found Chad sitting on the kitchen counter. 

“Did you call him?” Chad looked over, not smiling for once. 

“I left a message. I don’t expect to hear back. But I really want him too.” Chad played with the hem of his shirt. “I just think it would suck for him to turn me gay and then not ever talk to me again.”

“What? Who turned you gay?” Jay had come down the hall. “Wait, you were getting rammed by a guy last night? Holy shit. Good! It’s good, isn’t it?” 

Carlos followed Jay, putting his arms around Jay’s waist. “Yeah, I didn’t want to tell you. Is it okay?” Carlos looked at Chad, who nodded. “It was Chad and Gil I found in our room. I sent them up to Chad’s. And now Gil sneaked out without saying goodbye.” 

“He did what?” That was Mal, coming through the doorway from the living room. “He just ran out? That’s a bit rude.” 

“Yeah, call Gil back and leave a message saying the entire house disapproves.” Jay actually looked ticked off. “Like, we wanna be his friend but at least give you a kiss before running for it, right?” 

Chad laughed then, and held up his hands. “I’m grateful for the support, but please let me handle this on my own. I’ll try to contact him again, but if he doesn’t want me there’s not much I can do.” 

“Guess you’re right,” Jay said, and went over to Chad, hugging him. “But hell yeah, first queer sex. Seems like you had a good time.” Chad nodded, blushing a little. “Don’t be embarrassed. I was Carlos’s first and after that there was no going back for him.”

“Shut up,” Carlos said. Evie watched him turn red. “And I already knew I was gay, thank you.” 

“Well,” Mal said. “Since nearly everyone in the house is a giant flaming homo, we should celebrate. We’re about to get groceries. Chad, should we get you a cake?” Evie grinned. Mal’s voice was mocking, but Evie knew that she meant it.

“Just get the cookies I like,” Chad said. “Thanks guys. Sometimes I wonder if you even like me that much. But I guess so.”

Carlos came closer, and put a hand on Chad’s arm. “I know I was slow to warm up to you,” he said. “But I’m like that with a lot of people. You’ve been a good friend. Of course we’re on your side.” 

Then Evie moved around the kitchen while the boys kept talking, Jay making plans for them to do gay things together (“We can watch porn!”) and not helping with the list. After a few minutes, Evie gave Mal the list and they headed for the car. 

“Boys are idiots,” Mal said. “Good thing we love them. They’d starve without us.” 

Evie winced inwardly but she knew Mal didn’t mean it as a comment on her eating. “Yeah,” she said, getting in the driver’s seat. “Let’s get enough food for a week. I’ve got money.” 

“And I got paid,” Mal said. “And we need to have some fun, we’ve both had a tough day.” 

“We can rent a video! There’s the rental store next to the grocery,” Evie said. “We could watch something fun.” 

“Okay. Just not Desert Hearts. It’s great but...” Mal moved her hand in a way to indicate dismissal.

“Yep. Seen it way too many times myself.” Evie navigated the traffic. “You go get something. Not a horror movie. Nothing gross.” 

“You got it,” Mal said. Then she put her seat back and watched through the window. The sun was setting, and Evie could see the rays against Mal’s face. Evie felt herself smile. All her problems with her mom and everything seemed to fade away. Mal really was the best.


	7. Money Changes Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things keep working out for Jay and Carlos, but how long can it last?

“Come on ‘Los, let me take you shopping.”

Carlos looked up from his textbook. Jay was standing over him as Carlos sat on his bed, and was grinning. “Let me spoil you.”

“I don’t need to be spoiled,” Carlos said. “Remember what Chad told you? That money was an advance, meaning you won’t get that much for a while, if ever. You need to save it. I can show you how to budget.” 

Jay frowned, and then sat down next to Carlos. “But...I’ve never had this much money before. I don’t even want to spend it on myself all that much. But I want you to have pretty things. New clothes, jewelry.” 

Carlos didn’t answer at first. Maybe it was having a designer for a mother, but Carlos loved clothes. He went for a more casual look than his mom, but he kept his clothes up. “You know, I can make clothes if I want.”

Jay curled in and nuzzled his neck. “Then I could buy you fabric. Does that cost less? All the fake leather and black cloth you could want.” 

Carlos laughed. “It’s really doesn’t. But it’s tempting, I’ll say that.” Jay came in for a kiss, and Carlos smiled through it. “You’re the best. But I can make my own money.” 

“Yeah, maybe you can get more days when the semester ends,” Jay said. “It sucks that you’ll be out of school though.” Jay kissed his cheek. “Have you sold any photos?” 

“I have a meeting with Jerry,” Carlos said. “He wants me to show my photos to the rest of the Arise big shots. So that’s something. And I sold one photo of Gil to Thrasher. I just got confirmed today.” 

“That’s amazing!” Jay kissed him again. “You’re making it, I’m so proud of you.” Jay pulled back, keeping an arm around Carlos. “I’m not used to things going well. It’s never happened much. I think you’re right, I should learn to save money. I never had any to save before.” 

“We’ll work something out then.” Just then, there was a knock on the door. Actually, more like a banging. “Shit, is it the cops?” Carlos went to look out their window, but it didn’t have a good view of the front porch. 

The both ran to the living room and saw Possum peeking from the window. “It’s some old guy,” Possum announced. “If he’s a cop, he’s plainclothes.” Jay took a look, and then went still.

“Fuck. That’s my dad.”

Carlos felt his mouth drop open. Jay and his dad didn’t get along. His dad owned a pawn shop and forced Jay to sleep in the store. Jay had to quit school at sixteen so he could work the counter. Jay walked out the minute he turned eighteen and didn’t leave an address. 

“How the fuck did he find you? And what does he want?” Jay still didn’t move. “What should we do? Jay, should we open the door?”

“If you tell him to fuck off, he might not come back,” Possum said. Possum pushed his long brown bangs out of his face, staring at Jafar. “Jay?”

Jay shuddered, then took a deep breath, standing up straight. “You’re right. Stand with me, I’m gonna see what he wants.” They all went to the door then Jay opened it, and glared at the short, fat man with a balding head. “Dad.” 

“Son!” The man held out his hands, as if waiting for a hug. “I’ve come to see my boy!”

Carlos felt like he could throw up. He’d heard of what Jafar had done, what he was capable of. He didn’t have a single good trait, from what he’d heard. He looked over at Jay, wondering how he was reacting. Jay’s face looked like it was made of stone.

“Huh. You’ve never come to see me before. Here I am. What do you want?” 

Jafar dropped his hands. He looked unnerved by Jay’s coldness. “Son, I just wanted to see you. You left and didn’t even say goodbye. It took me a while to find you.” He looked at the house. “May I come in?” 

Jay looked at Carlos and Possum, then turned back to Jafar. “No. Anything you have to say to me, you can tell me here. And with my friends here too. I can see you about to ask me to talk to you alone.” 

Carlos watched the anger build for a second, before it was pushed back. “Son. I just wondered if you could help me. I heard you came into some money, is that true?” 

Jay stood there for a second, then grinned.”I’ll give you credit for getting to the point faster than usual,” Jay said. “But if you think I’m sharing this with you, you’re insane. You used to sell my skateboards in the store if I left them alone for a minute. You told me it was a stupid waste of time and that I wouldn’t amount to anything. Well, turns out it’s my job now. And I won’t give a cent to you.”

Carlos watched as Jafar’s face turned dark red with anger. “You ungrateful, nasty, brat of a son,” he said. “I fed and clothed you for all those years, you need to give me my share! You owe me a share!”

“You’re lucky that CPS didn’t take me away,” Jay said. “Oh wait, one time they did. You had to promise to get me an actual bedroom, but then you didn’t let me sleep in it. Nope, I don’t owe you anything. Get off my porch and forget my address. I don’t want to see you again.” 

Jay shut the door, and Jafar started ranting and screaming at the top of his lungs. Jay pulled them into the kitchen. “Possum, if you have anything in the house, either lose it or take it with you and go somewhere,” he said. “Tell Chad the same if he’s here. I bet ten bucks dad calls the cops on us. He used to do that anytime anyone asked about me or if they pissed him off.”

“What about the beer?” Excepting Possum, none of them were twenty-one or over. “Should we pour it out?” Carlos felt panicked at the idea of a raid. He didn’t want to be brought in, or his mother called. “Shit.” Jay grabbed him in a hug. Possum had headed upstairs, and brought a bedheaded Chad with him. 

“Okay,” Chad said. “I don’t have any pot today, and Possum says he doesn’t either.” Possum nodded. “Anything in your pockets, Jay?” Jay shook his head. Nobody had to even ask Carlos. “As for the beer, when he’s off the porch I’ll just put it in my car, take a drive.” 

“What if Jafar sees you?” Carlos was still worried, even with Jay holding him back to front.

“My car’s around back.” Then Chad and Possum took all the beer and sneaked it out the back door. Then Carlos finally realized the shouting had stopped.

“He’s gone,” Carlos said, going to look out the window.

“For now,” Jay said. “He knows where I live now. He’ll probably harass us, to get revenge on me telling him no.” Jay sighed. “I had hoped I’d never see the son of a bitch again. I should’ve known he’d find out if I got any money. It’s the only thing he really cares about.” 

“I wonder how he found you.” Jay had gotten some press attention, but mostly in skating mags and zines. It wasn’t like the LA Times had covered him or anything. “Maybe he’s known you’re here for a while, and never had a reason to come over before now.”

“Okay, that scares the shit out of me,” Jay said, and he laughed, nervous. They went back to their room. They heard some knocking, but didn’t answer. Nobody else was at the house now, so the cops couldn’t come in if nobody answered the door. They didn’t even check if it was the police or Jafar back for a second try, but it didn’t matter.

They held hands until whoever it was left. Whoever it was never announced themselves as police. When they thought it was clear, Jay stood up. “That felt good,” He said. “I finally stood up to him. I was so scared of him that when I left, I did it when he was still asleep. I left everything except my board. I didn’t take my records, nothing. I’m sure he sold all of them.” 

“It’s over now,” Carlos said. Jay shook his head. “No, it is. He can try to cause trouble for you, but there’s really not much he can do otherwise. He can’t get at you.” Jay wiped at his eyes. “It’s okay, don’t cry.”

“I’m not really crying,” he said. Jay wiped his eyes. “I’m just scared.” Carlos got up and held him. “I’m glad he doesn’t know about us,” Jay said. “He’d find a way to use that. Sorry, all of this is coming up now. I tried to forget he even existed.” 

“I know,” Carlos said. “I was hoping he’d never find you. And you know what my mom was like.” Carlos hadn’t heard from her in a while. She had called to cancel their lunch date, and there had been nothing since. He might wake up one day to see her being led away in cuffs on CNN.

“Yeah. I’m glad I never met her.” Jay broke away from Carlos then, and paced the room. “I wish we still had the beer,” he said. “My nerves are bad. I need something.” Carlos bit his lip. He didn’t like it when Jay drank to forget things. Drinking just to party was one thing, but this…

“Maybe we can sneak out of here,” Carlos said. “We can go to the park.” Distraction would help Jay get his mind off alcohol. “Or when Chad comes back, we can go get dinner. We can afford that now.” 

“Yeah. Yeah we can.” Jay was still pacing. “Chad has that cellular phone his dad gave him, do you think he can get a signal?” Carlos went to get the phone.

After a few minutes, Carlos came back. “Chad’s on his way back,” he said. “He wants to get tacos.” Jay nodded, his back turned. Carlos watched as Jay changed clothes, putting on a different t-shirt. When he turned back around, Jay’s eyes were a little swollen, but he otherwise looked okay. 

“I think I’m okay to go out,” he said. Carlos grabbed him in a hug. “Thanks for helping me with that.”

“I’ll help you with anything,” Carlos said. “I love you.” Jay kissed him, and they stayed like that until they heard Chad honking the horn outside.

…

Two days later, Carlos got a taxi and went to Arise Skateboard Company. He’d spent a long time getting ready, trying to look like he didn’t just roll out of a goth club at daybreak. He also wished he could look less gay. He tried to find things that would make him look more average.

He wound up wearing white and black, and had his portfolio with him. He got there early, so it was only him and Jerry. “Hi,” he said. 

“Good to see you. You got everything?” Carlos smiled and showed him the portfolio he’d carried in. “Okay, I put in a good word,” Jerry said. “Just show him the pictures and they might hire you freelance. That’s okay with you? And have you sold anything since we talked last?”

“Yeah, one picture.” Carlos showed him the one he’d taken of Gil one day when they were hanging out. It had been a good action shot of him holding his board in midair over the side of their half-pipe. 

“Good,” Jerry said. “Put that one in the back though, so they know you’ve sold it. Do you have some of Jay we can use/” Carlos nodded. “Okay. Don’t be nervous. Do you want something to drink?”

“A Coke, if you have one,” Carlos said. Jerry went to the back, and Carlos tried not to fidget. Jerry came back with two Cokes, and sat next to him. Then a group of middle aged men, most looking like ex-surfers, came in. Carlos sat up straighter. 

“Do I stand up?” He whispered to Jerry. Jerry shook his head. Carlos smiled when they came in. Only one of them, the youngest as far as Carlos could tell, smiled back. “Hi. I’m Carlos.”

‘Hi,” the youngest one said. “I’m Dave, this is my dad Ron.” The other men introduced themselves, but Carlos concentrated on Dave and his father. Dave actually seemed friendly. ‘Jerry tells us you’re a semi-pro photographer, you’ve sold a few shots.” 

“I’m freelance, true. Hoping to sell more,” Carlos said. “My camera is pro quality, and I’ve taken a lot of pictures.” 

“Okay, show us what you have of Jay to start with.” Ron was leaning forward, and looked very serious. Carlos had some of his favorites of Jay up front, and he started with those, flipping through his portfolio. “Let me see that one.”

Carlos turned the portfolio around so it was facing the other side of the table. Dave and Ron stared at the picture, then passed it over to the two other guys. “You take lots of black and white?” That was the one who Carlos remembered was an advertising manager. 

“Yeah, I’ve got color too but-”

“I like this one,” he said, pointing at it. “There’s room for our logo and it’s a good, crisp shot. The black and white makes it more distinct.” Dave nodded. “I want to buy this one, and maybe we can hire you for a shoot later. If this one works out.” 

Ron nodded at the ad guy, and looked at Carlos, who was struggling not drop his jaw to the floor. “You know, maybe you can take some pictures of Jay in our t-shirts, we might use him to sell those too. If you think he’ll do it.”

“Yeah, he probably will if I ask him.” Carlos didn’t know how he was being so calm. Ron nodded. 

“I heard he was your roommate. Ask him soon, we’re paying for him to go to a competition in Las Vegas this weekend. If he says yes he can do it when he comes back.” 

“Okay,” I will. Wait, Jay hadn’t told him about the competition. “He’s going this weekend?” 

“Yeah, we left a message with him. Maybe you can tell him if you think it got lost. Jerry told us there was a lot of people at your house.” Dave didn’t seemed worried. “As long as he’s ready by Friday so we can get him there. I know skaters aren’t the most organized.”

“Like surfers,” Ron said, and Dave laughed. Ron smiled for the first time in the meeting. “Dave did pretty well for a while. It’s a tough business. So now he works with me. We switched from surfboards to skate boards.” 

Carlos nodded. “That’s great.” Then he realized he had no idea how much he was going to be paid for this. And he wasn’t sure how much to ask for. “How much do you pay for the freelance photo?” 

Ron and Dave looked at each other. “One hundred for that.” Carlos nodded. It was more than Thrasher payed, but not by a great deal. “And we’ll work out a contract for the photo shoot if Jay says yes. Do you have a lawyer?”

Carlos thought about Chad. “Yeah, I can get one.” He was going to have to retain one for real the way things were going. “Thank you, I’m glad you like them.” 

“No problem,” Dave said. “I think that’s all for now, we just wanted to meet you in person. Now that we know who we’re working with, I think that’s all we need. You can go, we’re going out to get lunch.” And then the four of them strode out the door.

“That happened a lot faster than I thought it would,” Carlos said. “Did I undersell myself?”

“From where I’m sitting, you did okay,” Jerry said. “But remember, I work for them. I’d suggest you get your own help.” Carlos looked at him and Jerry sighed. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m starting to really warm to you and Jay. You’re good kids, talented. But remember, you got your agenda and so do I.”

“You did help me though,” Carlos said. He knew Jerry was right, he just didn’t expect him to be honest about it.”

“I did. Jay made it clear that part of signing him was helping you.” Carlos nodded. “So that’s what I’m doing.” Jerry got up. “Take the Coke with you. They’ll send you a check in a couple of days, they have the address. Get representation, a lawyer would be best. And do something to celebrate. You did good today.” Jerry grinned then, and it was genuine. 

Then Jerry walked out to join the others, leaving Carlos sitting there alone. He waited until they all left, and then took his soda and walked out. 

…

“I’m just going to give you a number,” Chad said. “He’s not one of my families lawyers, he’s nowhere near as expensive. But he comes recommended by ours. See what he can do about any contracts.” 

“Have you ever considered going to law school?” Evie said, looking up from doing her nails. “You seem to have a lot of opinions on it at least.”

“I’m going to have to pick something soon,” Chad said, grinning. “Dad’s sick of me ‘slumming’, as he puts it. He says I’m clearly not interested in being a landlord. He wants me to go back to school, since I’ve only got one year done.”

“Is that what you want?” Mal looked up then. She had been reading Thrasher and mostly ignoring them. 

“Honestly, I think so,” Chad said. He sat down in one of their scuffed chairs. “I’m never going to go pro. I’m nor good enough, no matter how hard I try.” Chad’s face fell. “It’s hard. But I think I’m ready to stop chasing something I can’t reach. And there’s lots of other things to choose from.” 

There was a brief silence. “You know, I’m sorry that you have to do that,” Carlos said. “But in a way, your options are open now. And at least your dad isn’t trying to pick a major for you. Believe me, that sucks.”

“That’s how I’m choosing to look at it,” Chad said. “My parents will gladly pay for school. If I switch majors, they won’t mind. Mom is actually really happy about me thinking about it. She says I’m learning how to be an adult. She actually thinks me living away from home, with you guys, helped.”

“You were kind of a spoiled brat when we first met you,” Mal said, and Chad laughed. “But really, I’m glad everyone seems to be getting somewhere in life. It just sucks that I’m not.” 

Evie turned to Mal and put an arm around her. “You’re doing great. You’re doing the best you can.” 

“It’s not enough,” Mal said. Then she threw the magazine down on the couch and stomped upstairs. Evie followed her, leaving her manicure supplies. 

“Damn,” Carlos said. “I didn’t know Mal felt like that. I wish I could do something to help.” Chad nodded and took a drink from his beer. Just then there was a knock on the door. “Shit, better not be Jafar.” 

Chad went and looked out the window. “It’s Gil.” Chad sounded wary-Gil still hadn’t talked to him yet. “I’m not running to my room this time.” Then Chad went and opened the door. “Hey Gil.”

“Um, hi.” Gil stared at Chad for a few seconds in awkward silence. Chad moved and let him in. “I just wanted to come by and see Carlos,” he said. Gil was wearing board shorts and a t-shirt, and looked good, like he’d been working out. 

Chad looked at him, then shook his head. “Yeah,” he said, and went into the kitchen.

Carlos took Gil’s arm. “Let’s go outside,” he said, and basically steered him through the kitchen to the back porch. “We need to talk about this,” Carlos said. “Chad’s hurt that you don’t even want to talk to him.”

“I figured he wouldn’t want to talk to me,” Gil said, looking straight ahead. “Straight boys usually don’t. Is he really upset?” Gil looked over at him then. “He told me he’d never been with a man before.”

“True,” Carlos said. “But you don’t understand-he loved it. He was thrilled you brought him out. And he doesn’t know what to do with you being so cold. You really need to talk to him.” Carlos felt strange, he didn’t normally talk to people this frankly that weren’t in his chosen family. But Gil was shaping up to be a good friend, and this didn’t seem like him.

“I didn’t mean to be cold,” Gil said. “I thought he would reject me. You know, morning after. Most guys don’t react well to that if they’re straight.” Gil played with the hem of his shirt. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

“For what it’s worth, he hasn’t described himself as straight since that night,” Carlos said. Gil’s eyes widened. “The exact phrase he keeps using is ‘you turned him gay”. And again, he’s pretty stoked about it.” 

“Oh,” Gil said. “I didn’t know.” 

“I want to know-is this a thing with you? Fucking guys you think are straight?” Gil turned his face away. “Because if it is, it seems kind of reckless to me. From where I’m sitting, I think you have a responsibility to Chad. You don’t have to be his boyfriend, but you should at least be a friend. He needs one.” 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Gil stood up. “Do you think he’ll talk to me now?” Carlos shrugged, and Gil headed back inside. From the kitchen, he could hear soft voices. Then he heard a gasp, and the sound of someone getting pushed up against a table. 

_Well, that didn’t take long._ Carlos decided not to go back inside from the back porch, instead leaving the yard and walking down the street. He’d let Chad and Gil catch up.  
…

“I’m going to Las Vegas?” Jay got up and started checking the messages. “How’d I miss that one?” 

“That thing eats messages sometimes-we need a new one.” Carlos decided to get a new one, maybe get the others to chip in. He watched as Jay found Jerry’s number and called him. They had a short conversation, then Jay hung up. 

“Oh man, I can’t believe it. I’m going to be competing with some of the big names. I don’t know what to do. Oh my god!” Jay ran over to Carlos and picked him up before kissing him hard. 

Carlos kissed him back. “Oh, and when you come back? They want you to model some of their shirts. And I’ll be taking the pictures. We’re both making it together,” Carlos said. “Things are looking up.” 

“They sure fucking are,” Jay said, and they kissed again.


	8. Perfect Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay goes to his first big competition, and meets the other skaters.

“Do I have everything?” Jay was checking his bag for the tenth time. He was going to his first really big competition representing Arise. He was so excited. He was out of his mind with anxiety. This couldn’t be real.

“Jay, it’s two days. You need a few changes of clothes, your sneakers, some money for food, and your goddamn new board. Don’t forget the board.” That was Mal, who was watching over him as he packed. Carlos was sitting down with Evie, and they were painting each others nails. Carlos had helped him but eventually let Mal take over. Jay knew his fussing was driving Carlos nuts.

“I might forget the board. I’m freaking out.” Arise had given him one of their boards, and it was a fucking dream. Jay loved it. He gave his old board to Gil as a peace offering.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you have it.” Chad was driving him to the bus station. He was asked if he wanted a flight, but Jay turned it down. It wasn’t that far and he’d never been on a plane before. So he gratefully took the Greyhound ticket. 

“Yeah, you’re done competitions before,” Evie said. “Why is this one making you nervous?”

“Because of the guys that will be there. Jesse Roberts, Mike Leighton. And fucking Jason.” Jason “Jesus” Okai, one of the top skaters in the world. “He’s my hero. What am I going to say to him?” Jay felt his stomach flip. Oh god. What if Jason thought he was annoying?

“You’re gonna say ‘Hope you liked your championship, it’s mine now,’” cracked Possum, and they all laughed. Jay laughed too, but it was nervous. “But I get it,” Possum said. “Meeting your heroes is always a risk” 

“What do you mean?” Mal looked over, interested. “Who did you meet?”

“Henry Rollins,” Possum said. He was drawing in a sketchbook, and didn’t look up. “I went to see Black Flag, and I talked to Greg Ginn some, he was all right. Not very friendly, but not unfriendly. You know? But Rollins-he was a prick. I saw him grabbing some girl when she was trying to get away from him. Made me sick.” 

“Wow.” Mal stared at him. Jay did too-that was a lot of words for Possum. “Well, hopefully Jason’s not a sex criminal and at least talks to Jay.” Jay nodded, but felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. What if his hero was a jackass? He’d never considered it. 

“Okay,” Chad said, looking at his watch. “We should head out now. Jay nodded, got his pack, threw a few granola bars in there for snacks, and slung it over his shoulder. “Get your board.” Jay grabbed it and tried to look like he knew what he was doing. “Carlos, are you coming with us?” 

“Yeah.” Carlos held out his hands, fingernails still wet with black polish. “Let’s go.” Then Mal hugged Jay, Evie waved, and they left. Jay sat in the back with Carlos in Chad’s car, Chad cranked up Anthrax, and they hit the road.  
…

They got to the Greyhound station a half-hour or so later. Jay took Carlos’s hand and squeezed it. “I’ll call you,” he said. “Or I’ll try to. I don’t know if I’m rooming with anyone or not.” He’d heard from Jerry that there might be hazing, and he was prepared to be sleeping on the cold bathroom tile. 

“It’s okay if you can’t,” Carlos said. “I love you. Now get out there and fucking kick Jason’s ass.” Jay laughed. 

“Love you too.” He kissed Carlos quickly, glad for tinted windows. Nobody would know him here, but still. “Thanks Chad.” 

“No problem, go get ‘em.” Jay grabbed his stuff and ran to the bus station.

The bus ride wasn’t bad. He wasn’t much of a reader, but he’d gotten a couple of magazines, and he had his Walkman with him. He had his skateboard with him, not trusting it to the baggage area of the bus. He had trouble reading Thrasher, since it just made him more anxious. He read the piece of paper with the hotel’s name on it a dozen times.

_You shouldn’t be allowed to do things by yourself_, he thought. _You suck at it._ But he couldn’t drag his whole family here. But finally, they got to Las Vegas and Jay was off the bus. The hotel was a mile away, and he was tempted to just skate there. But instead he walked, not wanting to get stopped by the cops. 

When he got there, he faced the front desk and stared. It was kind of fancy. Then he went up to the front desk. “Um, Jay Amiri, got a room here I think.” 

The woman behind the front desk looked unimpressed. But she looked him up. “Yes, you’re on the fourth floor with the other competitors,” she said. She sounded like she was trying not to sneer. “And it looks like it’s been paid. I need to see your ID so I know you’re who you say you are.” Jay produced his state ID, glad he remembered to bring it. “Thank you. Here’s your key.” Jay took a deep breath and got his key. 

“Um, I’ve never stayed in a hotel before.” The front desk lady smiled, apparently out of pity. 

“Just go in your room and get settled. There’s snack machines and drinks on the second floor. Call room service if you’re hungry, you have twenty-five dollars per diem. And good luck.” Jay grinned at her. 

“Thanks.” He took his board and went up to the fourth floor. All the other skaters were going to be there. He was super nervous now. He was in the elevator alone too, and he wished Carlos was with him again.

The second the elevator door opened, a pillow came flying at him. He ducked it, and looked around. There were several people in the hall, and he recognized a few of them. 

“Who the fuck is this?” That was Jesse Roberts, third highest ranked skater in the world. He was wearing pajama bottoms and nothing else, hair sticking up. He had a bottle of Jack Daniels in a death grip and looked like he’d been up for a while. “I don’t know this guy. Who are you?”He glared at Jay, a challenge in his eyes.

“I’m Jay,” he said. He decided on steady eye contact, not wanting to be challenging, but not backing down. Jessie looked at him and shrugged. 

“I think I saw you once,” a guy said, and Jay stared. He’d seen him too. “You were competing at one I was at, but the level just below. I think you won.” He held his hand out. “Randy.” Randy grinned at him, bright blue eyes under a shock of bleached hair. He was pretty cute, which Jay wished he hadn’t noticed. 

Jay shook his hand, which seemed a bit formal, but they’d never met before. “Hey,” he said. “I gotta find my room.” Randy laughed, and followed him down the hall. Jay went the wrong way, and Randy laughed some more. “This place is confusing. Why is the carpet so ugly?” Then he found his room. He opened it, and looked around.

There was a big bed, a big TV, and it looked sterile. There was also nobody else. He’d expected a roommate. But then, he was the only person with his sponsor, so he’d be alone. Of course. 

“Looks nice,” Randy said. “I think they took out the liquor cabinet. You must be underage.” 

“Yeah, I’m nineteen,” Jay said. Randy clapped him on the back. 

‘Good age, you’re not the youngest. That’s good. Okay, if you want I can fuck off for a while. We skate tomorrow, you might want to rest. And um”-Randy got in close. ‘Hide your board.” 

Jay stared. “Why?”

“Because you’re the new guy and these motherfuckers will steal it. Don’t think for a second they won’t. I don’t play those games, so I’m letting you know now. Hide the fucking board. They’d love to humiliate you at your first big tournament. Do you have a spare with you?”

Jay shook his head. “No, this is the only one Arise gave me.”

“That’s lame. They should know how this game is played. And what if you break it? Call them and demand a spare. Might be too late for this, but do it anyway.” Randy gave him a nod, blue eyes on his, and then walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Jay spent twenty minutes frying to find a good place for his board. Eventually, he loosened a ceiling tile in the bathroom and stuck it up there. He tried to make sure the tile was level with the rest, and made a vow not to let anyone into his bathroom. Then he got on the phone and called home.

“Hey!” Carlos had answered. “How are you? Is everything okay? Have you met Jason?”

“Not yet,” Jay said. I just got in here. I’ve met Jesse and Randy. Randy’s pretty cool, Jessie’s a prick. But yeah, it’s pretty overwhelming. I might try to rest for a while. Everyone else is out in the halls, it seems like.” He heard something get thrown, and a guy yelling. “I’m really nervous. I’m in over my head.”

“No you’re not,” Carlos said. “You’ve got this. You’re gonna be fine. I love you.” Jay grinned. “Okay, Mal wants to talk to you.” Jay listened as Mal got on and started asking him a bunch of questions.

“I don’t know, I just got here. I don’t know Mal. Okay, I need to go. It’s good to hear from you.” He never rushed her off the phone, but he really had nothing to say right then. “I love you. I just need some time to adjust. Okay bye.” 

Jay hung up and looked around. He never was good at being alone, it reminded him too much of living with his father. But right then, he could use some rest. He stripped, got into bed, and fell asleep.

When he woke up, it was dark and he was hungry. He also realized he wasn’t sure how he was getting to the competition. He needed to call Jerry. But for now, he was getting something to eat. _I get twenty-five bucks per diem, she said. What does per diem mean?_

Eventually, he just got dressed, got some pocket money, and headed out of his room. There had to be a McDonald’s nearby. While he was in the hallway, he ran into someone else who looked like a skateboarder. “Hey,” he said. “Is there somewhere to eat around here?”

The other person looked at him warily. “Probably. I was about to find out myself.” The other guy had tan skin and dark hair that fell over one eye. He was wearing a Misfits T-shirt and sweatpants. “Tired of fucking around in here too?” 

“More like hungry,” Jay said, and the other guy laughed. “I’m Jay.” 

“Jason,” he said, and Jay gaped. That made Jason laugh, a high pitched giggle. “Nobody recognizes me in person! Do I look taller in pictures or something? Am I ugly?” Jay laughed too. Holy shit, he was talking to his idol.

“Nah, not ugly.” Jay wondered what to say, then looked around. “It’s quiet, where did everyone go?” 

“There’s a party that one of the big companies is throwing,” Jason said. “I didn’t want to go, I was really tired. I’m still jet-lagged from the tour I did in Asia. Oh, if you don’t mind me asking-what race are you?”

“Um.” Jay never knew what to say when someone just flat-out asked him. “I’m Middle Eastern on my dad’s side. I think he’s from Iran.” He was pretty sure his mother was white, but she’d left so early on he couldn’t swear to it. “How come?”

“Just good to have another brown guy around, that’s all,” Jason said, and gave him a playful punch to the arm. “Let’s go eat, I’m starving.” Jay wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but he did get a lot of stupid comments from white skaters sometimes. So he could see it. 

“Yeah, let’s go.” Jay couldn’t believe it. He was grabbing dinner with Jason Okai. He never would have guessed that when he woke up this morning. Then he remembered what Randy told him, about pranks and hazing, and he remembered to be careful. 

…

“This is your first top level competition, huh?” 

They had found a run-down diner, and were eating huge stacks of pancakes with coffee and orange juice for Jason. Jay crunched some bacon. “Yeah. Hope I do okay.” 

“You don’t want to win?” Jason was looking at him like he was disappointed in him.

“I do. But mostly I don’t want to embarrass myself first time out.” Jason laughed. “I decided to go in without much in the way of expectations. I mean, I’ve only skated in Southern Cali. I’ve never even stayed at a hotel room before now.”

“Really?” Jason stared at him. ‘I guess you didn’t grow up with much.” Jay shook his head. “Okay, none of my fucking business, I won’t ask.” Jason sipped his coffee. “I’ve been all over, even before I started touring. Parents moved a lot for my dad’s job.”

“We never went anywhere,” Jay said. “Hadn’t seen my dad in over a year, and then he tracked me down to try to make me give him money.” He wasn’t sure why he was telling Jason this, he was still worried his dad would come back.

“Yeah, I’ve heard stories like that,” Jason said. He didn’t look surprised all that much, even. “Lucky my parents are all right. But shit like what you said is more common than you’d think. I don’t know why, this sport just seems to draw people with shitty families sometimes.”

‘I still don’t really think of it as a sport,” Jay said. “But I’m getting paid to do it so.” He shrugged a little. “Can I ask a dumb question?” Jason shrugged. “How do I get to the competition? Is there a bus or something?” 

“Just ride with me, I’ve got a car. The hotel has a shuttle too, they’ll take you if you want to do that instead. But you seem to be alright. I’m pretty sure I won’t want to throttle you on the drive over.” They both laughed, and then finished their food. 

_I can’t believe he just offered me a ride like that,_ Jay thought. _I didn’t expect him to be so nice._

When they were done, Jason left a tip. “Don’t worry, I left enough for both of us. Just pay for your food. Hey, do you want to go back to the hotel, or should we try to find some chicks? There’s always girls at these things.” 

Jay was still smiling, but he went still inside. _Oh shit._ “Um, I got a girlfriend,” he said, the lie rolling off his tongue. “But if you want to go out, I can hang back and flirt a little.” Jason considered it with a nod. 

“I don’t want to get you in trouble with your girl,” Jason said. “But I know there’s a place over here we can hang out for a while. Not too long, we’ve got to be up at a decent hour. And unlike some people, I prefer not to skate wasted.” 

“Skate first, party later,” Jay said, and caught a grin from Jason. “What?”

“Oh, the others are gonna think you’re some kind of Mormon Boy Scout.” Jay sputtered and Jason laughed harder. “I’m sure you’re not, but most of these dudes? They’re been on tour a while. Jessie’s running on cocaine fumes and JD by now. Oh, by the way-never taken anything he offers you.” 

“You’re being really welcoming,” Jay said. “I’m a little surprised. But while you’re giving advice, is there anyone else I should be looking out for?” Jay wanted to know what Jason thought of his competition, and if Randy was right about the hazing. 

They were walking down the street now. “They’re all right,” Jason said. “Jessie is the worst, he’s gonna wind up in Betty Ford if he doesn’t watch it. Mike’s quiet, spends a lot of time alone. He gets good grades, I hear-just studies and skates and that’s it. Randy’s the second youngest-he’s sixteen. The youngest is Sage- fucker’s only thirteen years old. He’s staying with his parents.” 

Jay nodded. He wanted to ask Jason about hazing, and wondered if he was being set up right now. He couldn’t just be walking through Las Vegas with Jason Okai and that be for real, right? There had to be a catch. 

Then Jason slapped him on the back. ‘Here we are, they won’t card.” They reached a club that was smokey and dark, with loud dance music and a sign on the bar that said “21 to drink”. Jay guessed they didn’t card to get in, but booze was different. Fine by him, he didn’t want to really. This whole experience was weird enough.

The place had lots of girls, mostly blonde and stacked. Jason found a group of them and grinned. “Hey,” he said. “We’re part of the skate competition tomorrow. I’m Jason, this is my new friend Jay. Who wants to dance?” 

Jay laughed as the girls swarmed them. He felt a hand brushing through his hair. “Hi!” There was a cute, giggly blonde right there. “You’re so handsome! Can we dance?” 

Well, dancing wouldn’t hurt. “Sure,” he said, with a big smile. He could do this. He used to be really good with women back before he met Carlos. He didn’t have any plans over than dancing anyway. So he grabbed her hand and hit the floor. 

One thing that most people didn’t know about him-he was a good dancer. The moves he learned on a board and from friends came in handy here. So he wound up attracting a crowd with his flips and spins. Even Jason looked impressed. 

The girls loved it, grinning and cooing as he got involved in the music. He’d almost forgotten about them. Then the girl he originally danced with grabbed him. 

It was too fast-she had her lips on his and a hand on his crotch before he knew it. For a minute, he just let her, not kissing back, then he pulled away. “Sorry honey, I can’t.” He saw the hurt on her face right before anger clouded her pretty face and made her unrecognizable. 

“Fucking asshole!” She shoved him and threw her drink, missing and catching someone else, who tried to punch him. Jay ducked it and security got the guy before he could do anything else, He heard her yell something else, a slur. Two of them, actually, one about his race and the other about his sexuality. He tried not to hear it, those things always made him see red. He left the club, Jason calling after him. He waited outside the club for Jason to catch up.

“Jesus, what happened?” Jason looked very confused. “I thought she was gonna slap you. What did you do?”

“I told her no,” Jay said. He was pretty angry now too. “I told you I was just gonna dance. I guess I should have told her first. I might just go back to the hotel, if I can find it.” He was so mad, he wasn’t sure he knew where it was. 

“Hey, I’ll go with you. Don’t be mad. Just let me-” Jason ran back into the club and came back out with a girl who had bleached hair and a tank top with no bra. “Okay, let’s go.” The three of them started walking back down toward the hotel. “Hey, it’s not a big deal.” 

“I just don’t like people calling me names. I didn’t promise her anything.” Jason’s new friend nodded. 

“I mean, I think you’re right. You barely even danced with her. You were mostly dancing by yourself. You’re good too.” She was still smiling and doing the blonde bubblehead thing that Jay suspected was just a front for her. She seemed like a sharp cookie underneath it all. 

“See, Rain agrees. It’s her problem.” Jason squeezed her close and she giggled. Jay grinned too, feeling better already. “But really, it sucks that she tried to ruin your night. Don’t let it get to you dude.” Jay nodded, and brushed his hair back. “Damn,” Jason said, “That is a lot of hair. How are you going to hold it back tomorrow?”

“I’ll just braid it or pull it back. “I can’t do a bun and have it fit over my helmet.” He still thought helmets were lame, but Arise kind of insisted on them. So he had one and some knee and elbow pads stashed with his clothes. 

“You can put it in a bun?” Rain seemed impressed. Jason looked a little worried, and tried to pull her closer. Jay decided not to answer, not wanting Jason to think he was trying to steal his girl for the night. They found the hotel then, and went up to their floor. 

Jason was kissing Rain in the elevator, one hand on her tit. Jay tried not to look. When they got off the elevator and started heading for their rooms, Jay saw someone at his door, trying to jimmie it open. It was Jesse. Jay gave Jason a look, and they moved to stand behind him. “Hey,” Jason said, in a fake friendly voice. “Whatcha doing?”

“Fucking new kid’s in this room.” Jesse was so wasted he didn’t even notice Jay standing behind him. “Fucking too good to go out with us, acts like he’s better than me. I’m gonna break in and steal his board. Trash his room, shit on the bed.” 

Jay and Jason shared a look. Rain looked between them, then grinned. Then Jason whispered “Ice machine’s down the hall. Rain, distract him.” Rain stood next to Jesse, giggling and asking his name, while Jay and Jason took off down the hall. They both filled buckets with ice nearly overflowing, and ran back down the hall. 

Jessie screamed when they poured the ice on him, Jay over his head, and Jason down his pants. He tried throwing punches, but was too drunk to hit anything. He wound up stumbling down the hall, tripping over his own feet and swearing a blue streak. Jay laughed so hard he nearly fell down. 

“He deserved that,” Jason said. “Okay, I’ll let you go to your room.” Jason brushed some of the ice out of the way with his foot. “Get some rest. Call your girl, tell her you were good.” Jay opened his door. “Good meeting you,” Jason said, and Rain waved. 

“Bye, good meeting both of you,” Jay said, and shut the door. _Wow_ Jason was tons cooler than he’d expected. He checked the time-one am. Shit, he needed to sleep. But first, he checked to make sure his board was still there. After peeking in the ceiling, he saw it, and relaxed. Now he could sleep.  
…

He woke up the next morning to banging. Someone was at the door. “Hey!” It was Randy’s voice. “Get up, we’re meeting for breakfast downstairs!” Jay struggled out of bed and got up. He just put yesterdays clothes on and opened the door. 

“Did I wake you up?” Randy looked so young with the morning light in his face. “Shit. Um, Maybe shower and get your board and stuff, we’re leaving right after breakfast. Don’t take longer than ten minutes.” 

“Gotcha.” Jay went back in and showered quick, not bothering to wash his hair. He braided it as he tried to find his clothes. Then he grabbed his equipment, wallet, and room key and headed downstairs, taking the stairs. He figured it might be quicker. 

He got down to most people either done with breakfast or close to it. He saw Mike for the first time, sitting alone with a book on the table. Jay said hi, and he looked up to stare at him for a minute before nodding. Jay figured that Mike was a little strange, but fine. Maybe he was just shy, like Carlos. He said hi to everyone except Jessie, and got some bacon and pancakes. Was this included with his room price? He thought so. Jason saw him, and gave him a high-five. “Hey,” he said. “How was your night?”

“Pretty fucking good,” Jason said. “Rain left, but said she’d meet me after. I wouldn’t mind seeing her again.” Jason trailed off then. “Sorry, I’m not trying to seem like a slut. I just don’t have time for real girlfriends. Temporary ones have to do.” 

“Hey, I don’t give a shit,” Jay said. “I liked her, she seemed pretty cool.” Jason nodded, and they sat there for a while. Then a junior high age kid with a board and a Megadeth t-shirt ran up to them. Jason laughed and stood up, grabbing the kid in a hug.

“Sage! You get bigger every time I see you!” Sage grinned and started telling Jason everything he’d been doing in a rapid-fire pace. “That sounds great, guy. This is Jay, it’s his first time at this competition. He’s pretty cool.”

Jay felt his heart flip. Jason thought he was cool. Amazing. “Hey,” he said to Sage. “You ready?” 

“I’m ready, are you?” He said it with a lot of sass, but with humor too. They all had a good laugh, and then Sage ran back to his parents, his mom calling him. Jay and Jason shared a laugh, then they got up, heading out the door. 

“You still want to ride with me?” Jay nodded. Jason turned back to the lobby door. “Hey Randy! You wanna ride?” Randy looked at the two of them, then came running over. ‘He’s always by himself,” Jason whispered. “His parents never come to see him.”

“Hey, know what that’s like,” Jay said, and Jason looked at him, nodding. Then Randy was there, and they all piled into Jason’s car, a restored 60’s Malibu. “Nice,” he said. Jason laughed. 

“My dad likes fixing up cars.” Then Jason turned on the radio, and they headed out. 

…

When they got there, Jay looked around the setup in the searing Las Vegas sun that they were going to use. There were huge half pipes for vertical contests, and an area for street skating as well. Jason pointed at it. “I’m doing that one, well as vert. Which are you doing?” 

Jay thought about it. “Just vert. I have no idea what I’m doing though.” Jason laughed and slapped him on the back.

“Go to registration, they’ll have you set up.” Jay went, wondering why he didn’t bring someone to help him out. Some people had parents, a couple had friends or girlfriends carrying their stuff and watching out for them. Shit, he didn’t even have a planned run. He’d never been on this half pipe before. What was he going to do? 

He went to registration, wondering what the hell he was going to do. He did get registered, and was given a t-shirt and a printout with the time of his run. “Thanks,” he said, and he wandered off. 

Jason and Randy were long gone, so Jay wandered around. There were a lot of events, lessons for kids, and a few fair rides up. It was nice, looking around took the edge off of his anxiety. He eventually remembered that there would be enough time for him to have a practice run. Then he just decided to find the pipe he was running on not get too worried. 

He did find it, and he still had two hours to kill. He wound up watching some of the other skaters that were doing exhibitions. It was a lot of fun-there was a good mix of skaters there, from different levels of competition. 

Then, Jesse sat next to him and Jay tensed immediately. “Hey,” Jessie said, sounding wrecked and hungover. “I woke up this morning with wet sheets. Do you know if someone threw me in the pool or something?”

Jay had to try hard not to laugh. “No, I didn’t see anything,” Jay said, and Jesse just took his word for it and got up to talk to someone else. Randy came and sat next to him. Jay just looked at him and they started giggling. “Jason tell you?” 

“Yep. He told all of us except Jesse.” Randy looked down. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Mind what?” Jay stared at him. Randy didn’t meet his eyes. Jason had been great last night-almost too good to be true. “Wait. Was he just pretending to be friendly or something?” The idea made him a little sick, but he could see it.

“Well, we all wanted to figure out what kind of guy you were. So Jason agreed to try to talk to you. He met you in the hallway on purpose. He agreed to miss the party and just hung out in his room until he heard you leave. But you’ve got nothing to worry about. He said you were a good dude, fun to be around.” 

Jay was silent. Of course. This wasn’t hazing exactly, but he was playing with the big boys. It wasn’t surprising that they would want to check him out. He waited a few minutes as Randy looked at him, worried. “Did he tell you what a great dancer I am?” 

That broke the tension, and they laughed, Randy putting an arm around him. “See, it doesn’t mean we hate you,” Randy said. “But we’re probably going to be seeing a lot of you if you tour. We just want to know what to expect. Are you going to party with us after?” 

“Oh yeah,” Jay said. “I’d love a drink after this.” Right now though, he had to concentrate on getting through this and doing well. He watched Sage go up the big half pipe he was in front of. He ground at the top, then came back down, making it look effortless. What a great kid. 

His run didn’t seem to last long, and he got a lot of applause. Jay whooped, and Randy did too, still staying close. Jay wondered if he’d been adopted. He seemed like he needed friends. But then Jesse was up, and Jay was distracted. Jesse’s run was fast and aggressive. It was really impressive, considering how hungover he was. And right then, Jay had a goal: he was going to beat Jesse today. He might not win, but that asshole wasn’t going to outrank him. Not today.

There were a few others, then Jay got up to the lip of the pipe. “And in his first time at the Vans Skate run here in Vegas, Jay Amiri, sponsored by Arise!” There was a smattering of applause, and then Jay knew exactly what he was going to do.

He dropped in soon as his music started, the Buzzcocks going hard. (Possum had turned Jay on to old school punk in a big way.) Jay skated halfway up the sides, getting speed. Then he hit the top and grinded hard before flying up the other side. He caught some air, hand holding his board in a 270 turn, and he heard the crowd cheer. 

It was a blur then, but he kept pushing himself, going higher. He did a simple frontside ollie, but then followed it with a new trick for him. He got a lot of air, holding his board behind his back, knees down. This one was hard for him, hard to land. If he landed wrong, he would break at least one knee. But he slapped back down on his board, nailing it. He wasn’t done, but right then, he felt like he could win. 

He finished with a backside 360, and skated to a stop. The crowd was cheering, and he could see Randy cheering for him too. He grinned, and then got off the pipe. Just then he heard a yell he knew very well. “Mal?” 

Just then he was dogpiled, Mal, Evie, Chad and Carlos all hugging him. “Did you think we’d miss your big day?” Chad slapped him on the back. “It wasn’t that long of a drive. Are you surprised?” Jay couldn’t even answer, he just laughed. He hugged everyone, and if he hugged Carlos just a bit longer, nobody could blame him.

Then they had to break it up-one of the skateboard announcers was trying to interview him. “So Jay, are you happy with your first time out?” Jay wasn’t sure what he said, but he agreed. He was asked a few more questions and then the guy said, “And which of these lovely ladies is your girlfriend?” 

Jay paused, and looked around at everyone. Mal was glaring, Evie just smiled. Carlos looked a little uneasy. Jay thought, fuck it. “This is my family,” he said, and then he walked back to the place the competitors were seated. He didn’t owe anyone else an explanation. Let them figure it out. 

Randy was next, and then Jason. Jay watched his new friend Randy go for it with a lot of flashy tricks. When he came back, Jay gave him a half-hug and introduced him to everyone. Randy’s eyes were wide-turned out he knew who Mal was. Jay could see Mal’s ego go up another six notches, and he had to laugh. 

Then it was Jason’s turn, and Jay shut up and faced forward. He had to see this. Jason stood right on the edge, and his music started. Jay cracked up and Evie squealed. It was “Cherish” by Madonna. Holy shit, of course Jason had to stand out in a sea of metal and punk songs. Good for him. 

Jason’s run was insane. Aggressive, innovative, everything. He went higher and harder than everyone, and when it was over, everyone cheered, Jay included. Okay, so he wouldn’t beat his hero his first time out. No problem. 

There was an exhibition as the judges compared scores, and Jay sat with Carlos. The others had spread out, talking to people they knew or just looking around. Carlos was wearing his usual black, but no eyeliner. He looked so good in the sun. Jay wished he could kiss him. “Did I really do okay?” he asked instead.

Carlos looked at him like he was crazy. “You know you did,” Carlos said flatly. “Stop acting like you’re modest.” Jay laughed. 

“I just want to beat Jesse,” he said. “Motherfucker’s been a prick to me since last night.” Carlos raised an eyebrow. “No, it’s cool. Nothing I can’t handle.” Jay watched Randy and a kid he didn’t know skate vertical doubles. “It’s been all right. Not much in the way of hazing.”

“But some, huh?” Jay nodded. Carlos didn’t say anything. Jay knew that Carlos was angry, since he never handled things like that well. 

“More like-they were checking me out, seeing what kind of guy I was.” Jay kept watching. “You know, I might wind up seeing a lot of them, and they just wanted to know if I was an asshole.” Jay didn’t say anything else. He could give Carlos the details later. “Are you guys staying tonight?”

Carlos shook his head. “I have work tomorrow, so does Mal. Oh, Possum said to tell you he’s sorry he couldn’t come. He had to leave the house for a while.” Jay had no idea where Possum went, but he’d long ago accepted it. 

Then the judge’s decision was announced. Jay went with the others and lined up in front of the half pipe. There was some intro bullshit about how amazing they all were, and then it started. Sage was in fifth, Jesse fourth (_ha_, Jay thought). 

“Third place, Jay Amiri!” Jay gaped. He’d done it, he’d beaten Jesse and placed! He was given a trophy, and got a hug from a scantily clad girl who was there for eye candy. He could hear Carlos and Mal whooping, and he couldn’t stop smiling. He’d done it. Arise would know now that he was a good investment. The prize money would pay for his rent for at least a few months. 

He almost didn’t hear the other two, but Randy got second and Jason won, of course. Then Jay was pulled over to have some pictures taken with Randy and Jason. He lifted his trophy and made faces for the camera. 

“Good job,” Jason said, putting an arm around his shoulders. “You did really good. I’m glad you didn’t beat me, though.” Jay laughed. “Hey, you’re not mad at me, right? We’re not gonna have problems? I really think you’re okay.”

“I’m not mad,” Jay said. “I get it. Hey, come meet my family.” Jason looked confused, but then Jay was introducing him to Mal, Evie, and Carlos. (Chad had gone back to his car,) When Jason realized that Jay meant his friend family, he relaxed and talked to everyone. Then Jason got called away for more photos and interviews, and Jay wandered off, trophy in hand. He needed a moment to himself. 

He stared into space for a while, trying to make sense of it all. He’d never amounted to much his whole life. He didn’t even finish high school, he had almost no work history outside of shitty service jobs. But now, things were different. 

_This matters to me,_ he thought. _I’m finally where I want to be._

He turned back to watch the scene from a distance. Jason, Randy, everyone milling around, high-fiving each other, doing a few more laps on the pipe for fun. It all seemed unreal. Like he was dreaming it. 

“Hey.” 

Jay turned to see Carlos smiling at him. “You okay?” 

“I’m okay,” Jay said. “Little overwhelming.” He stared in the direction of the sun, eyes squinting. “I’ve always been a loser. Now I feel like I can really do something.”

Carlos touched his arm. “You’ve never been a loser,” Carlos said, voice soft. “You’re amazing, always have been. And if I could, I’d be showing you how much you mean to me right now.” 

Jay laughed. “Like, right here in front of everyone?” Jay started walking, away from the crowds. Carlos went with him. Jay was sure nobody could overhear. “Seems a little risky.” 

“I know. But you should know how special you are.” Carlos looked around. “Shit, Chad’s waving at us. It’s time for us to go.” Jay looked over and saw Chad. He waved back. “I wish I could go back to your room. But I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” 

They should be going to his room. They should be kissing out in the open. They should be doing lots of things. But Jay just smiled and nodded. “I will. I’ll see you then.” Carlos smiled, then turned away, yelling at Chad that he was coming, goddammit. Jay watched him go, then walked back towards the crowd. 

He found Mal and Evie, and hugged them before they left. Then he stood next to Randy. “Congrats dude,” he said. “Hey, where’s Jesse?” Randy shook his head.

“Went back to the hotel. He wasn’t happy you beat him. I think you should keep an eye on him.” Randy looked around. “It’s really cool your friends came to see you.” Jay could hear the wistfulness in his voice. 

“I had no idea,” Jay said, grinning. “They totally surprised me. I should’ve know they’d come.” Jay didn’t say more, already missing them. “I just wish Mal could be here with me, you know? She’s better than I am.” 

Randy frowned. “Yeah, sucks she doesn’t have sponsorship.” Jay nodded. Randy didn’t say anything for a minute, then turned back to Jay. “Hey, who was the goth guy?” 

Jay laughed. “That’s Carlos, he’s a photographer. Also my best friend.” That never sounded like a lie when he said it-Carlos _was_ his best friend. He was just also so much more. “He’s going to be shooting some photos of me in my company’s t-shirts. So I’m gonna be a fashion model now.”

“Oh, Jason is going to mock the shit out of you for that.” Randy put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s get done here so we can party.” Jay grinned, looking forward to a reward after doing good. 

Later, they were all piled in Jason’s room, taking over the bed, drinking tequila and smoking weed. Rain was back, sitting in Jason’s lap and doing shots with him. Jay felt like he’d been given a perfect day. That everything had turned out the way it should. He grinned when Jason put a hand on his shoulder. 

“See, you’re a cool dude, Jay. You’re one of us.” Jay nodded at Jason, and for a while, he didn’t think about anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the skaters here are made up, some are based on actual old-school skaters. I'm mostly sticking to the 80's era, but not entirely.


	9. For Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos and Jay get fake girlfriends.

“Quit laughing, dumbass.” 

Jay only giggled more, his nose scrunching adorably as Carlos tried to take pictures of him. He had a real studio rented, with a background. It was a white background with some spray-painted slogans on it, the art director’s idea of what was cool. Carlos and Jay decided they could tolerate it. Now he just had to get usable pictures of Jay in the t-shirts.

Problem was, Jay was a little nervous just posing for a camera, in a studio without the familiar background of the skate park. He was supposed to look tough and cool, but he kept breaking into laughter and occasionally covering his face. The third time he did it, Carlos lowered the camera. “Stop. We’ve only got one more hour. Get your shit together. This might be a big thing for me.” 

“It’s just so weird,” Jay said. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to stare at the camera and try to be sexy or whatever.” Jay pulled at the neck of the t-shirt. “I mean, the shirts are okay, but...”

“Look,” Carlos said. “Just look at me.” Carlos let his expression fall into a yearning one. “Just, pretend you’ve come into our bedroom, and I’m on our bed. Pretend my shirt’s off and I’ve got my pants unbuttoned. Can you see it?” 

Jay’s expression automatically went hungry. He turned so he was facing Carlos and stared at him. Carlos got a few good shots that way. Jay stood with his legs apart, pulling at the hem of the shirt so the design was visible. “Yeah, there you go. Show me how hot you are.” 

“Oh, I’ll show you all right,” Jay muttered, as he moved his arms over his head, stretching so his stomach peeked out under the shirt. Carlos knew that Jay would really give it to him for teasing, but hell. Had to be done. Not like he wouldn’t like it. 

“Yeah, know you will.” They were completely alone in the tiny studio, so Carlos didn’t have to worry about anyone overhearing. “Okay, get your board and hold it.” Jay did so, and held it against one hip, cocking it out. “Like that.” Carlos realized he was doing what his mother always expected him to-fashion photography. Not high-end fashion, but fashion nonetheless. 

“Starting to get really turned on,” Jay said. Carlos nodded. He could see it in the way Jay was looking at him. Jay had a bulge too, and Carlos figured he might need to fix that in the photos later. He didn’t want to get in trouble for obscenity. 

Carlos had to take a minute to adjust himself in his pants. Jay grinned. “You too, huh? You like teasing me like this?” Carlos felt himself get warm. “Oh, you’re blushing. Come on, shoot the rest of this so we can go home.” 

“Okay. Um, go lean against the wall.” Jay moved to the background, and put one foot against it, head held back and staring ahead. “Fuck, that’s great, hold that.” Jay moved his head so he was staring away from the camera. “You look amazing,” Carlos said. “You’re so good looking.” 

“Fuck off,” Jay said. He was smiling though. Carlos got a few pictures of that. “What else do you want me to do?” Carlos crouched down, and Jay loomed over him. Jay’s hair fell in his face a little. “This is gonna be crazy,” Jay said. “People are gonna love it.” 

“Yeah, if they let me use some of these. We’re supposed to be highlighting the shirts, not your body.”  
Jay laughed. “Yeah, too late for that. Jay moved his head so Carlos could get his profile. “What now?” Jay said. “We’ve got a few more, right?” 

“Get down here, like, on your knees.” Jay dropped to his knees, holding the board so it was upright. He stared back into Carlos’s camera again. “God damn,” Carlos said. “I hope we aren’t going too far with this.” He didn’t want the photos thrown out for being too sexual. 

“There’s gonna be lots to choose from,” Jay said. He looked down for a minute, then up through his lashes. Carlos wanted to push him down and get on top of him. Jay must have seen it in his face because Jay smirked. Carlos took pics of that too. 

They kept it up, finally with Jay lying on the floor, the shirt rucked up. Then it was over, and Jay laughed as he got up. “I can’t wait to see these.” Carlos started putting his equipment up, looking at the professional setup and lights. He really liked them. This was a great chance for him.

He paused in his work as he felt Jay move up behind him, his erection pressing against Carlos’s ass. “There’s a bathroom in here, right?” Carlos shivered as Jay kissed his neck, then whispered in his ear. “Let’s just take the edge off. I’ll do you properly when we get home.” 

“We don’t have condoms.” Evie had been getting more insistent on the need to use condoms during oral sex, even if they didn’t swallow. She’d kill them if she found out. But Jay just reached so he was holding Carlos’s hips.

“Then I’ll jerk you off. You can do me next. And we’ve done oral without condoms tons of times. We’re monogamous. Come on.” Carlos bit his lip as Jay kept rubbing against his ass. He nodded, and Jay moved off him and walked fast to the bathroom. Carlos followed, and Jay pulled him in for a kiss before dropping to his knees. 

Well. What Evie didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. 

…

A few days later, Carlos came home to find Jay looking at the paper. “Since when do you read the news?” He said, giving Jay’s shoulder a gentle shove.

“Want ads, idiot,” Jay said, smiling. “I’m trying to see if there’s a used car I’d like.” Carlos put up the bag of groceries he had and came to sit by him. “I kinda know how to drive but I need to get a license. It won’t take long, will it?”

“This is LA, you’ll have to wait in some lines. But it should be fine. Just practice some and then take the test.” Carlos looked at some of the cars. “Try that one.” It was a decent used car, not very old. “I don’t think you should spend too much right away. Just get something easy to keep up at first.” 

“Yeah. Wonder if someone can help me fix it up. Did I tell you Jason’s dad works on cars?”

“Yes, you did.” Since meeting Jason, Jay had been slightly obsessed. Jason was still being friendly and kept in touch even though he was usually on the road. So Carlos had to hear about Jason a lot, also Randy. He wasn’t really jealous, but sometimes, it got on his nerves. 

“I’ll think about this one.” Jay took a marker and circled the car Carlos had pointed out. “It look alright. You’re right, I shouldn’t buy the best one right away. I probably need to make sure I can drive it first.” Carlos nodded. Jay was still getting used to the idea of having money. He tended to just not buy anything, but would sometimes have to be prevented from splurging on something stupid. Luckily, a car wasn’t stupid. Depending on the car. 

“I’m gonna see about getting my license. And call about the car. We’ve been bumming rides for too long.” Carlos felt a glow at the ‘we’. He loved that Jay was including him in this. 

…

When Carlos showed the photos to the Arise guys, it took a while for them to pick some. “These are a lot sexier than we expected,” Ron said. He looked at Carlos for a minute. Carlos just shrugged. “But you know, that might be good. Get some attention that way. Show me the ones you like best.”

Carlos looked. “I think this one is good. You can see the shirt graphic and the board.” It was one of the ones with Jay on his knees. Jerry looked over and whistled. 

“That’s intense. Got any more like that?” Carlos found one of them where Jay had his legs spread. “Holy fuck, what does he have in his pants, a gopher?” Everyone laughed, and Carlos laughed along. But it made him think of the time they had after the shoot. He tried to squash that thought before it turned him on too much.

“I can airbrush that.”

“Yeah? You don’t need an assistant for that?” Carlos shook his head. Ron grinned. “I’m tempted to leave it, a little controversy might be good since we’re a small company. But I dunno. I never had to deal with beefcake before, I don’t know what the rules are.” 

“Maybe tone that down a little,” one of the ad guys said. “We don’t need to be obscene.” 

“The look in his eyes is enough,” another guy said. “Did you have a naked woman in there, or is he just that good at modeling?” Carlos didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. There was a short pause. “Anyway. Let’s try this one first.” He pointed to the one with Jay on his knees. “We’ll go with that. We can maybe use the others later.” 

“Thanks,” Carlos said. “I’m glad you got me to do this.”

“We’ll probably use you again,” Ron said. “Maybe you can find a photographer’s assistant to help you out.” Carlos nodded. His own assistant, wow. “Okay, see you later. Go to the receptionist, she’s got a check for you.” Then they all got up and headed out for lunch. 

Jerry was the last again. “Glad that worked out. That was kind of risky, those photos. It almost crossed a line.” Jerry looked at him, serious. “I hope nobody reads too much in it. Oh well. I liked them and Don liked them.” Jerry looked at Carlos for a minute. “I’m gonna say something. If it’s none of my business, don’t answer.”

“Okay.” Carlos was taken aback, but he stood his ground.

“You’re dating him, aren’t you? You’re both gay.” 

Carlos felt a cold shock go through his body. He didn’t say anything. 

Jerry sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Look. All I’m saying is, maybe both of you need to find girls to hang around with. It’ll help the two of you. I know you’re a photographer, but it’s sports photography. And Jay...those other skaters will eat him alive.”

“Jay’s friendly with them though,” Carlos said. “He knows how to play the game.” They were alone in the back room where the new boards were stored. It was very private, which didn’t help Carlos feel any more comfortable. 

“They’ll turn on him. You know what these guys are like. Skaters aren’t exactly progressive. It’s a shame Mal and Evie can’t be your girlfriends, but it’s a bit late for that. So do me a favor, make my job easier. Find some girls to be seen with. I’ll even spring for the cost of taking them out sometimes. Don’s a great guy, but he won’t like it if he finds out his big investment is queer.” 

“You don’t get to say that,” Carlos said, heated. Jerry was on the verge of going too far. “But okay. You know what? I’ll bring it up at the next house meeting. I’m sure the girls might know some candidates for the two of us. I won’t mind, might be nice to have another friend.” 

“I’m glad you’re the mature one,” Jerry said. Carlos didn’t feel mature then. He felt sick and empty inside. Like he’d been exposed doing something shameful, and he hadn’t. He was just living his life. Jerry said goodbye and left then. Carlos stared at his retreating back, and then went to pick up his check and call a cab. 

…

The house meeting went about as well as Carlos expected.

“What? No way.” Jay stood up. “I don’t need a fake girlfriend, and you sure as hell don’t need one. It’s stupid. And who the hell would we get? I mean, everyone knows Mal is a big dyke-”

“Thank you,” Mal said, eating her popcorn.

“-And Evie doesn’t hide unless it’s her mom. What other girls do we know besides Uma? She wouldn’t do that for us. I don’t think. She’s already got her hands full with Harry.” Jay shook his head. “This is stupid.”

Carlos was quiet for a minute. “You know, eventually your skater buddies are going to ask to see a picture of your girlfriend, or even to meet her.” Jay looked at the floor. “So we need to find someone. With me, I know it’ll just be keeping up appearances. I can live with that.” 

Mal sighed. “I can think of at least one person. And I hate asking, because I haven’t talked to her in a while and I’ll just be asking for a favor.” She stood up. “I’m gonna call Jane.” She marched over to the phone, while the rest of them stared.

“Who’s Jane?” Chad whispered. 

“She’s the daughter of the woman who took Mal in after she left her mom’s house,” Jay whispered. “Friend of the family. I barely know her, but she’s sweet.” Chad nodded, then left the room. Carlos watched him go. He’d been a little withdrawn lately. 

“Okay. Can you come over? Just let me know when a good time is for you.” Mal paused. “Okay. I’m so sorry that I haven’t kept in touch. I know this is a lot to ask. I’ll tell you when you get here. Do you want pizza?” Mal listened for a minute. “Okay. See you soon.” She hung up. “Jane’s on her way over. When she gets here, I’ll see which one of you she fits with best.” 

“Great, I’m getting a try out date with my fake girlfriend,” Jay said, deadpan. Carlos laughed. “Shut up, so are you.” 

“I don’t mind though,” Carlos said. “Nobody will expect much from me.” Jay glowered, and Carlos regretted saying that. “Hey, I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah. Guess I’m the one who really has to make this convincing.” Jay looked uncomfortable. “I don’t like lying to this degree. It’s not something I’m good at. I can lie to protect my ass, but having a girl as a beard is a lot.” 

“You used to date girls,” Mal said. “Just think of it as nostalgia or something. Going back to your old habits.” 

Jay shook his head. “It wasn’t so much dating as picking up.” Evie frowned. “Yeah,” Jay said. “I would sneak out of the store at night. I could get up to a lot without dad knowing. I just had to be back before dawn.” 

“That was pretty risky,” she said. Jay looked down, nodding. Carlos moved closer, leaning against Jay. He knew how lonely Jay had been growing up, and how sex had been a way for him to cope. He was fine, not sick. He’d gotten lucky.

“I tried to be safe,” Jay said. “I had condoms.” 

“You were with girls only then?” Possum was in the corner, drawing again. He was doing that a lot more lately. Carlos thought it was a good thing, that he had a creative outlet. 

“Girls and boys,” Jay said, with a wry smile. “I said it didn’t mean anything, being with guys. You know, just when I couldn’t find a girl. That’s what I told myself. But then I saw Carlos...” Jay put an arm around him. “I don’t regret it, being with others before him. It was experience at least.” 

Carlos closed his eyes, letting Jay hold him. He’d known that Jay had loved him at first sight, which he had trouble understanding. But Jay never pressured him. He’d been patient. He’d worked hard to get past Carlos’s distrust of people. “You were great with me,” he said, and he felt a kiss to his forehead. 

“So sweet,” Evie trilled. Carlos smiled. They were quiet for a while, then there was a knock at the door. Mal jumped up and opened it. A girl with brown hair and blue eyes walked in. She was wearing a pretty white dress, and didn’t look at all like someone who would date a skater. _Guess this one’s mine_, Carlos thought.

“Hi Jane,” Mal said, and stood there awkwardly. “You and your mom are probably pretty mad at me. I’m sorry I didn’t stay in touch.” Carlos looked at the sweet, innocent looking girl as she stared at Mal.

“We’re not mad,” she said. “We were upset. We thought you forgot about us. Mom said she wants to talk to you, to make sure you’re okay. Why did you stop talking to us when you left?” 

Mal stammered and Evie moved so she was behind Mal, a hand on her shoulder. “I...I guess I thought you two just felt sorry for me and I figured I should just make a clean break. I just wanted to forget everything that had to do with my mom. So I ran. I really missed both of you.” Mal actually looked like she could cry, and Carlos and Jay moved to stand by her side. 

“Mal,” Jane said, her pretty eyes filling with tears. “We love you. We took you in so you didn’t have to live with your mom anymore. We wanted you to stay after you graduated, if you wanted. Instead you left two weeks later and didn’t call. It’s been a year and a half, and then you just called out of the blue. And asked for a favor. And I don’t mind, but...”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Mal was actually crying then, and Evie pulled her into her arms. “I didn’t know what to do with it. You two were so nice. Nobody was nice to me very much. I guess I didn’t trust it.” Mal blubbered for a while. Jane stood there awkwardly for a minute, and then moved forward and hugged Mal gently. From then on, it was a group hug with everyone except Possum, who still sat to the side of the group. 

After a few minutes, everyone slowly dropped their hands, and they stood there for a while. “So,” Mal said. “I should introduce you. This is Evie. She’s my girlfriend.” Carlos watched Jane’s face, looking for shock or disgust. But Jane just smiled at Evie, who smiled back. “You might remember Jay, and this is Carlos. They’re boyfriends, and we wanted to fake fix you up with one of them. And behind me, that’s Possum. He’s one of our other housemates. Chad is upstairs.” Possum waved.

“Okay,” she said. “Um, yeah. I’m Jane.” Carlos thought Jane was kind of cute and awkward. She was pretty. Still not right for Jay, though. “This is a little weird for me. I don’t even date much, much less something like this. So what? I just pick one of you guys and then we go out sometimes? Hold hands in public occasionally? Because, I can do that. But I don’t think my mom would let me take long vacations or anything like that with a boy.” 

“Well,” Carlos said. “For me, yeah. If you want to be my fake girlfriend, it’s really not going to be much. Just go out sometimes, maybe I’ll carry a picture of you. I just need have someone around. It’s not like I’ll actually convince anyone I’m straight,” Carlos said, smirking. “It’s just for business. Jerry said he’ll pay for some of our dates, but it’s not like this is a job with a salary.” 

“Well,” Jane looked like she was considering it. “So you and me just basically be friends and that’s it? What about Jay?”

“Mostly the same, but might need someone to travel with me,” Jay said with a frustrated sigh. “I can’t believe I’m doing this. And um, no offense, I don’t know if anyone would believe you’re my girlfriend. I might need someone different. More like Mal.” 

Jane stood there for a minute, staring at Jay. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you-” But Jane was shaking her head. “You’re not mad?” 

“No. But I am thinking of someone.” She turned to Mal. “I need to call a friend. And hey, where’s that pizza you promised me?” Jay and Carlos looked at each other, and Carlos laughed. Their lives were getting so weird. 

…

An hour later, they were eating the pizza and talking when there was a knock. “That’s Lonni!” Jane got up and answered it. “Hi Lonni! I want you to meet Jay.” 

Lonni strode into the living room like it belonged to her. She was wearing baggy pants and a pajama top with cartoons on it, and she had choppy bangs. She was wearing makeup, but it was smeared, and she was carrying a skateboard. “Hi!” She said. Then she looked at Mal. “Oh, I’ve heard so much about you!” 

“Good stuff, I hope,” Mal said. “This is my friend Jay. He needs a fake girlfriend.”

“You mean a beard?” Mal raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I know what the term is. I’m super gay, so don’t worry about me getting a crush on him. Is this Jay?” She looked in Jay’s direction. 

“Hey,” Jay said. “You skate?” Lonni grinned at him.

“I just started,” she said. “I’m not very good. Hey, I think I’ve seen you skate. So, do you want to skate with me? The park’s just down the road!” She smiled at Jay, eyes twinkling. Jay’s expression went from guarded to admiring. 

Carlos ignored the little spark of jealously. As dedicated and in love Jay was with him, part of Carlos worried that he still liked women. Jay had told him that mostly he just found women attractive, but that was as far as it went. But Lonni wouldn’t reciprocate anyway, so he was just worrying. 

“Good idea, let’s all go to the park,” Mal said, stretching her arms overhead. “Carlos, do you want to bring your camera?” 

“You take photos?” Jane said, curious. Carlos nodded. “Oh. I don’t do that, but I like to draw. If you’re interested I’ll show you sometime. So, how often should we hang out?” 

“Let me get my camera,” Carlos said. She nodded, looking confused. Carlos wasn’t ditching her, but he wanted to think about it for a minute. When he got back, he stood by her. “Well, we should get to know each other, and maybe I can take you around when I have to be at Arise. That’s the skateboard company me and Jay work for.” Carlos looked around-Jay was talking to Lonni, grinning at her, and Mal and Evie were getting ready to go. “But I need to tell you something,” Carlos said. “I get weird when people touch me, unless they’re really close. It makes me uncomfortable. I just think you should know that.”

“Okay,” she said immediately. “I get it, I’m anxious too. I won’t try to hold your hand unless you say it’s okay.” Carlos had to pause for a minute, then smiled. Jane seemed understanding, someone he could be friends with, maybe. 

As they left and everyone on a skateboard went ahead, Carlos said. “Um, if you don’t mind,” he said. “Do you like girls or boys?” He really couldn’t tell. She seemed completely comfortable around gay people, but didn’t ping to him at all. 

“I don’t really know,” she said. Carlos didn’t expect that answer. “I’m not all that interested in anyone. I’ve never had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend. My mom worries about it, but I don’t. I guess if I really like someone, maybe it’ll happen.” She looked over at him, big eyes on him. “Do you think that’s weird?” 

“I don’t think many things are weird,” Carlos said, and Jane grinned in relief. “Tell your mom not to worry. It’s nice to have someone, but you’ll be just fine even if you don’t.” Carlos had heard of this before. Possum, for one, had once told him he had no sexual interest in anyone. Jane seemed like she was a bit more open to the idea, but he didn’t want to ask too many questions. They had just met.

And now, she was his ‘girlfriend’. So that was new. They kept walking, and Jane asked him about photography, what he was interested in, and he asked her similar questions. By the time they made it to the park, they were making plans to hang out again. 

“Wow,” Jane said. “I feel like I shouldn’t have worn a skirt.” She started as a guy on a board zoomed right past her. 

“Don’t worry,” Carlos said. “just wear shorts next time. Come sit with me, I’m going to take some photos.” Carlos found that while the idea of having a beard was still annoying, Jane herself was calming to be around. 

…

When the sun went down, they all headed back. Jane and Lonni walked up with them, then went back to Jane’s car. Mal hugged her before she left. “I’ll call Godmom tonight,” Mal promised, and Jane grinned. 

“Bye Mal, bye Carlos,” Jane said. Lonni waved, then jumped into Jane’s car. Jay and Carlos stood on the sidewalk in front of their house. The sun was setting, making the sky orange. He could see the shadows on Jay’s face, and wanted to kiss him.

“Well,” Jay said. “That didn’t go as badly as I expected. Lonni’s pretty cool, I’ll say that. She’s not bad on a board, either. I think we can make this work.” Carlos felt another burn of jealousy, which he didn’t expect. Jay saw it. “Stop. We’re not going to do anything.” 

“I know, I know nothing’s going to happen,” Carlos said. “But this...” He trailed off. “But we need to. You’re going to have to tell Jason something. Hey, maybe we should take the girls to the mall soon. We can get photos done in the booth.”

“Something for my wallet,” Jay said, nodding. “I like that idea. We can get some clothes, and new wheels for our boards.” 

“Right.” Carlos never thought he’d be in this position. But he liked being around Jane. Jay always said he needed more friends. And Lonnie was like a female Jay, so that was cool. “We have leftover pizza,” Carlos said. “Do you want that for dinner, or should we take a chance on Mal’s cooking?’ 

Jay laughed. “Let’s have the pizza.” Jay looked over at him, serious again. “This isn’t going to make things with us weird, is it? Everything’s still the same, right?” 

Carlos swallowed a lump in his throat. He had a bad feeling, but he didn't know why. “Yeah.”


	10. Fragments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one gets rough. Warnings for very slight self-harm, and symptoms of eating disorders.   
I thought it was time to catch up on the others, as Jay and Carlos's storyline gets more complicated. So here's Mal, Chad, Evie and Possum.

**Mal**

Mal was alone in the kitchen, fixing breakfast for herself. It was her day off, and everyone was gone. Evie was at school, Carlos at work, Jay was out for the day with Lonni. Even Chad and Possum were gone. 

Mal hated being alone, always had. There was a reason she lived in a house full of people. Now she was trying to just fix her eggs and not worry about things. 

She was worrying about things. 

She smacked her hand against the kitchen counter, feeling the sting in her palm. She needed to talk to someone. Was Jane in class? It was nice to have her back in her life. She tried calling Jane’s number. Nobody was home. 

Then she did something she never expected to. She called Uma. The phone answered after two rings. “Hey,” Uma said. 

“Hey.” Mal paused for a minute. 

“Oh. Hey Mal. What’s going on?” Uma sounded a bit confused, but she wasn’t hanging up. 

“I just wanted to know what you’re doing today,” Mal said. “Things are boring here. And um, I could use someone to talk to.”

“Wait, did you and Princess Blueberry break up? Shit.” 

“Okay, first, don’t call her that. She hates being called Princess. And no, we didn’t. I’m just left at home-oh shit.” Mal ran back to the kitchen. “Now I’ve burned the eggs.” Mal felt helpless – she couldn’t even cook her own breakfast.

“Okay girl,” Uma’s voice became softer. “Just hang on. I’m coming over, and I’m going to bring you a McMuffin, okay? Sound good?” 

“Yeah. Thanks. See you.” Mal hung up and threw away the burned eggs, then put the pan in to soak with baking soda. Carlos swore that worked. Then she sat in the living room and turned on the TV. A tacky daytime talk show played, but she couldn’t focus on it. 

At about the halfway point of the show, there was a knock on the door. Uma was there with two coffees and a bag of McDonald’s. “Hey. Um, thank you. You didn’t have to come by.” Technically, her and Uma were not close friends. 

“Well, you sounded like you needed to talk. So here, have breakfast on me.” She handed Mal the bag and sat on the couch, putting a coffee in front of Mal. “Hope you like it black, or you have creamer. I didn’t know so I didn’t get any.” 

Mal took a sip of the burned McDonald’s coffee. It was very bitter, but she didn’t want to get up and get any milk. She didn’t want to do too much of anything. “Thanks,” She said again, and lapsed into silence. 

Uma watched her. “Okay,” Uma said. “You’re starting to freak me out. I’ve never seen you like this before. It looks like you want to give up. Why? What’s happening? You called me over to talk. So, talk.” Mal put down her coffee.

“I don’t like how my life is turning out,” Mal said. “I’m stuck in a job I hate. I don’t have any money. And now Jay is really making it, he’s finally living his dream. And...I’m not.” Mal brushed a tear from her eye. “I’m as good as he is, and I have nothing. I’ve won any competition I was allowed to participate in. And my winnings are half of Jay’s. Or less. And I keep trying, and trying, and nothing happens.” 

Uma was silent, just watching her. Mal took a deep breath. “And I love Jay, I hate being jealous of him. I know he can tell what I’m feeling, and I hate it. I wish he didn’t know.” She felt Uma’s hand grip hers. “And I’m worried about everyone. All the time. They’re my responsabilty, they’re my friends. And Evie...” Mal started crying for real. “Shit, shit, you don’t see this. Don’t tell anyone.”

“It’s okay,” Uma said. “You can tell me, I won’t tell anyone anything. What about Evie?”

Mal sniffled. “She’s eating less,” Mal said. “I try to make sure she eats at least once a day, but sometimes she can’t. She’s got school and her volunteer job, and she’s getting weaker. Uma, I found her passed out on the couch. Nobody else was home. I haven’t told them, Evie begged me not to. She’s going to need help, and I don’t know how. Her mom...I don’t know if she’ll help her.”

“Her mom’s rich, right? Famous? Do you think she’ll be scared of the publicity if Evie goes into a hospital?” Mal nodded. “Does her mom care about her?” Mal shook her head. “You sure?”

“She treats Evie like an object. She bullies her about her appearance, and she keeps wanting her to get married. She doesn’t know about us. She wouldn’t take that well at all.” Mal felt Uma’s grip on her hand tighten. “I’m really happy for Carlos and Jay, they’re making more money and taking care of themselves. But I just feel like I have no control over what happens.”

Uma let go of her hand. When Mal looked over, Uma pulled her into a hug. Uma’s grip was strong and comforting. “You can’t control everything,” she said, and Mal whimpered. “But you can change what you can, you can encourage the others. And I agree, Evie needs professional help.” 

“I’m just so tired,” Mal said. “I try to make this a home. I even try to cook for everyone but they hate my food. I just want them to have what I didn’t have.” 

“I get that girl, I get that.” Uma pulled out of the hug. “Okay,” she said. “Tell me three good things that have happened to you recently. Just three. I know you have them.”

“Um.” Mal had to think. “Well, I got back in touch with my godmom and Jane. They took me in after I left my mom’s house at sixteen. I hadn’t talked to them in over a year. But they’re not mad at me.” 

“Okay, that’s a good one,” Uma said. “Keep going.” 

“I finally landed a trick I’ve been working on for ages. It’s the Christ Air. And, I got tickets to see Metallica in four months!” Mal smiled then, excited at the thought of seeing James Hetfield on stage again. “I can’t wait!”

“Okay, ew. But if that floats your boat.” Uma stood up. “Grab your breakfast, you’re coming with me.”

“Where are we going?” Mal said, but she stood up. “I don’t have any money.”

“You won’t need any, you’re coming to our place. We’re gonna sit around all day and watch cartoons. You need a break.” Uma got her car keys. “Harry’s gonna be gone most of the day, and Gil won’t get in our way. So come on.” 

Mal got her food. She didn’t expect Uma to be so helpful, but she was glad she called. 

…

**Chad**

Chad was in traffic. He’d gone to visit his mom. It went fairly well. She was proud of him for wanting to go back to school, and said she’d tell his dad. They basically talked about school and maybe him getting a job. They didn’t talk about personal things much. 

Chad pulled back up to the house, finding it empty. It smelled slightly of burned eggs, but that was it. He was headed upstairs, when there was a knock on the door. 

“Gil.” Chad wished he wasn’t here. At the same time, he wanted to see him more than anyone else. “What brings you here?” 

“Thought I should leave for a while,” Gil said. “Mal’s over at our place. I think her and Uma are having girl time or something. Last I saw, they were painting each others nails.” Chad raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, it’s kind of weird.” 

Chad took a step back. “Come on in. Do you want anything to drink? We have beer.” Chad decided not to mention that Gil hadn’t talked to him in a week. That they had a clear pattern of Gil ignoring him and then showing up for sex. Gil shook his head, and Chad closed the door behind him. 

Gil came in closer. The kiss was warm and expected, and Chad closed his eyes. He opened his mouth to it, and put his hands on Gil’s arms, feeling the muscles. Gil had an amazing body. That was one of the reasons he put up with this. 

They kissed for a while, then Chad started pulling Gil towards the stairs, but Gil hesitated. “That’s why you came here, right?” Chad glared at him. “You didn’t come to hang out or talk, you never do.” Gil actually had the nerve to look hurt. And that was the last straw, Chad figured. 

“Gil, we’re not friends.” Chad took a deep breath. “I was willing to be your friend, but you don’t call me, you don’t take me out, most of the time it’s like I don’t exist to you. All we do is fuck. And yeah, it’s great. It’s so good, for a while I could overlook the rest. But not today.”

Gil looked at him with huge eyes. “I didn’t think you’d want to be my friend,” Gil said in a small voice. “You’re straight, or you were. I didn’t think you wanted anything else.”

“You still think that? I can see after the first time, but after four? You keep coming back, but not for anything else?” Chad glared at him. “I don’t expect much, I really don’t. I’m lucky to have friends who put up with me. But I can’t keep this up. I deserve better.” He walked back to the door and opened it. “Just go.”

Gil stood there for a moment, looking like he didn’t understand. Then he said “I’m sorry,” and walked out. Chad closed the door after him. Then he headed to the bathroom to shower. If you cried in the shower, it didn’t count. 

…

**Evie**

Evie was at her volunteer job, and was trying to focus. Dana, the director, was leading a meeting about new protocol for the staff, and she needed to pay attention. But her brain was fuzzy, she was having trouble concentrating. 

She got up to excuse herself, trying not to notice the irritated look from Dana, and she went to the bathroom. Her legs were shaking as she walked down the hall. Finally she got to the bathroom. 

The cold water she splashed on her face woke her up a little bit. She stood in front of the mirror, trying to catch her breath. She was too tired. Maybe she could go home, say she was sick. They knew her by now, knew she wouldn’t make things up. Then she got a paper towel, and tried to blot the water off her face. 

When she was done, she noticed a few hairs in the sink. She looked at her hairline, then poked it. More hair fell out. _Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no._ She had gone too far. Now she needed to get help. That meant, she needed to tell her mother. 

Evie trembled harder. She wasn’t sure she could face her mother and tell her that she was sick. She would be angry, accuse her of doing this for attention. But her mom had the purse strings, and Evie couldn’t afford to go herself. 

When she walked out of the bathroom, she didn’t go back to the meeting. Instead she went to the man answering the phones. “I’m sick,” she said. “I need to go home.” He gave he a sympathetic look, and a piece of candy from his desk. 

“You good to drive, hun?”

“I’m not sure,” she said, and he got up immediately. “No, it’s okay. I’ll sit outside and wait until I am. Don’t leave the phones. Thank you Steven.” He sat back down, but was watching her, probably to make sure she could get out the door. Evie left, clutching the piece of candy. 

When she got to her car, she sat there, breathing deep. She was weak, too weak. She looked at the candy, remembering she hadn’t eaten today. She unwrapped the candy and ate it without thinking. She needed to be able to drive home without passing out. 

The small amount of sugar woke her up, helped her focus, and she started the car. 

…

**Possum**

Possum was taking the bus. He did that a lot. He was broke, always, and didn’t have a car. So he took his sketchbook with him, and drew to pass the time. Some woman was staring at him, but he didn’t look over. It was probably because he’d forgotten to shower. Also his shirt had a big hole in it. He needed to go to the thrift store.

When they got to his stop, he got off and wandered toward the center. He went in, wrote his name down, and waited some more. Getting help when you were broke took a lot of time. After an hour, his name was called. 

“Hi Sean, how are you?” Possum nodded. He didn’t smile a lot, but he was trying to be friendly. “About the same?”

“Not bad,” he said. He sat down at the edge of the couch, furthest from his case worker. “Been taking my medications.”

“Are they working?” Possum nodded. “Are you finding it easier to do tasks?”

“Sometimes. I didn’t shower today.” Possum had trouble making eye contact, so he flipped his sketchbook open. 

“Have you had any hallucinations?”

“A few, not as many. Trying to cut back on drugs. I’ve been sketching instead. It helps.” Possum felt more alienated without pot, but cutting down meant he could keep it together better. There were less scary noises, less things out of the corner of his eyes. He felt better. 

“That’s excellent. I’m glad to hear you found an outlet.” Possum nodded again. “Are you having intrusive thoughts?”

“Yes. But again, getting better.” Possum was silent a minute. “Is my application being considered?”

“I don’t know. It’s hard to get a placement in group homes,” she said. “How long ago did you put it in?” 

“A few months ago.” Possum ran a hand through his greasy hair, looking at his sketches. He had drawn a nice one of a pelican. He needed to go to the beach again sometime. 

“Is there anything wrong with where you’re staying?” Possum shook his head. “Why do you want to leave?”

“It would just be easier not to use drugs or drink too much,” he said. “But they’re nice people. They’re accepting. They don’t really ask any questions when I disappear for a few days. They just let it go.” Possum thought that maybe they didn’t care enough, but Jay seemed fond of him. 

That got her attention. “Where do you go when you disappear?” Possum shrugged. “Are you binging?”

“No,” he said. “I visit friends, or take a bus to go up the coast, see the beach. I can sleep on the beach for a while. It’s just nice to get away.” He knew it could be dangerous, but he didn’t have anything for someone to steal. “I went to San Francisco, just to see a friend.” 

“Well,” she said. “That’s not so bad. Breaking up your routine can be good. Have you been interested in any job programs?”

“I took a course in computers, but I couldn’t get a spot for the next level,” he said. “It was nice though.” He had actually enjoyed it. “I’m just making it on my disability income.” 

“I can recommend you, but it might take a while.” He nodded. “But you feel like you’re doing okay? Are you having any homicidal or suicidal thoughts?” Possum shook his head. He wasn’t offended, she had to ask that. 

“Can I see a sketch?” That surprised a smile of of him, and he held up his sketchbook. “That’s very nice,” she said. “Okay, go see the nurse and she’ll get you another prescription. Can you make it to the pharmacy in time?”

“I go to the one with late hours,” he said. “Nice to see you.” He didn’t know her name. There was a lot of turnover for this job. She shook his hand and he left. He waited again for the nurse, got his prescription, and then went back to the bus stop. It would probably take another hour to get his medication. Then, he’d go to the grocery store. He still had some food stamps, and he was hungry. 

Possum felt pretty good. Today wasn’t so bad.

…

**Mal**

Mal came back home around five pm. Uma had painted her nails, dyed her roots, made her laugh, and gave her an old cookbook. Mal had promised to keep Uma updated. 

She left a little while after Gil had come back home, upset about something. (Uma had gone to talk to him, and she’d tried not to listen. But she did hear him say “But I wanted to talk!” That let her know what it was probably about.)

“Anyone home?” She listened, and heard a voice calling from upstairs. “Evie?” She dropped her purse and the cookbook on a chair, then sprinted up the stairs. 

Evie was in the middle of their bed, looking pale and wiped out. “Evie, honey, are you okay?” Evie sniffled and Mal got on the bed without taking her shoes off. “What’s wrong? Did you pass out? Can I get you something?”

“Call the Chinese place. Get me hot and sour soup.” Mal knew that this was something Evie could eat even when she couldn’t eat anything else. “Mal, I need help.” Mal kissed her cheek. 

“I know honey, I know,” she said. “I’m going to order now. Do you want some water?” Evie nodded. “Okay, heading back downstairs.” She kissed Evie again, then ran downstairs to get the phone. She ordered for Evie, and herself, and then some extra in case anyone else was hungry. Then she got the water. 

“Here baby,” she said, but Evie was asleep. Mal put the glass on the nightstand, then took her shoes off and climbed back into bed, putting her arms around her. Evie sighed, and Mal held her until the delivery came. 

Later, she got Evie a bowl of soup and sat with her as she slowly finished it. Mal could hear the others coming in, conversations starting, but she didn’t go downstairs, not yet. “Let me know when you want to call your mom,” Mal said. “I’ll sit by you and hold your hand.” 

“Thank you,” Evie said. “How was your day?”

Mal laughed, the question seemed so random. “Good. It was good.”


	11. It's Hard To Keep From Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evie has to say goodbye, for a little while.

“So where are we going?” Lonni was in the back of Jay’s car, sitting next to Jane. Jay was shotgun, and Carlos was driving. Carlos switched lanes, and let Jay answer.

“We’re going to Arise first, to meet Jerry. It was his idea that we get girls. We can probably get money out of him, and then we’re going to the mall.” Lonni squealed, which made Jay laugh. Carlos knew that Jay thought Lonni was hilarious, but he couldn’t bring himself to laugh along.

He found a parking space, and they all tumbled out of the Pontiac Jay had gotten. Jay had almost bought a more practical car, but then someone he knew from the skate park sold him the Firebird. It hadn’t really cost that much, and Jay had gotten it fixed up for cheap. It used a lot of gas, though.

Dave, Ron and Jerry were all there, looking over some designs. Carlos saw Jay grab Lonni’s hand as they walked through the door. He ignored it. “Hey guys!” Dave stood up. “Jay, Carlos, good to see you. Who are the ladies?” 

Jay slapped on a big grin. “This is Lonni, and this is Jane. We’d thought we’d bring them by on our way to the mall.” Lonni waved and Jane said hello in a shy voice. “They wanted to see the office, we won’t be here long.” Dave got up and shook the girl’s hands, and Ron said hello. Jerry, meanwhile, looked surprised. 

_Guess he thought we wouldn’t actually do it._ Carlos tried not to be angry. He’d agreed to this, he’d been willing. But now Jerry was way too involved in his personal life, and it pissed him off. He saw Jay out of the corner of his eye, and Jay nodded at him. Carlos felt better immediately. Jay was with him in this. 

Carlos wound up talking to Dave, and Jay Ron. Dave was very polite and friendly to Jane, and asked her a lot of questions. Meanwhile, Ron was doing the same, but seemed taken aback by Lonni’s disheveled look and bold personality. 

After a few minutes, Jerry got up. “Hey, is that you car? Can I see it?” They all went outside, Jane waving to Dave on her way out. “Wow, this is nice,” Jerry said. It was dark blue and had new seats and upholstery. “You bought this Jay?” Carlos watched as Lonni and Jane wandered over to look through some shop windows. Lonni winked at him. Smart, they were giving Jay and Carlos some space. 

“Yeah, but I still need my license,” Jay said. “Carlos is driving it for now.” Jerry looked over at him, and Carlos shrugged. “I mean, he doesn’t have his own car, so it works out.” Jerry looked uneasy, and Jay shook his head. “Look, it’s no big deal. Nobody who knows us well will care.”

“Guess you’re right,” Jerry said. “Yeah, it’s just a car.” He looked back at the girls. “So, you’re sure they were good choices? They won’t get too attached?” Carlos was annoyed by that, by the implication that Lonni and Jane didn’t know what was going on.

“Don’t think so,” Jay said. “They’re good girls though. Lots of fun to have around.” Jay stood closer to Jerry then, getting in his face. “I didn’t want to do this,” he said in a low voice, staring Jerry in the eye. Jerry shrunk back under Jay’s gaze. Jay had a few inches on Jerry, and was in a lot better shape. “I knew I’d have to lie about my relationships, but I didn’t want to push it this far.. But Carlos convinced me that we had to. So, if I go on tour, Lonni is willing to come along for a visit or two. You know, keep it realistic.” 

Jerry looked uncomfortable. ‘Hey, I didn’t say anything about paying for airfare…” 

“You won’t have to,” Carlos said, grinning, coming in close too, on Jerry’s side. Jerry flinched. This was making Jerry uncomfortable. Good. “Lonni gets money from an aunt. She’s in full rebellion against her military parents, and would love to piss them off. She’ll be glad to.” Carlos looked back at the girls, still keeping their distance. “And as for Jane, she just wants me to take her out to dinner every now and then. And I agreed to show her photography, she might be interested.” Jerry looked at the girls, and then back to them.

“Yep,” Jay said. “They’re fulling consenting and willing to play the game with us. We didn’t lie to them. And like we said, we’re taking them to the mall. Gonna get our pictures taken in a booth so we have something for our wallets, you know. Oh, and since you said you’d pay for dates, can we get a little for lunch?” Jay clapped Jerry on the shoulder, giving him a big grin. Jerry looked like he wanted to piss his pants.

“Oh all right,” he said. “I get a little money to keep you happy, so here you go. Take your friends out, I guess.” Jerry gave them a small roll of bills. “And I really do like the car.” 

“He had to have a cool car,” Carlos said, rolling his eyes. “I would have gotten a Toyota. It drives nice though.” Jerry looked uneasy again, from being reminded of Jay and Carlos’s relationship. Carlos waved at the girls, and they ran over. “Thanks Jerry. We’ll see you later.” Jerry waved as they piled back in the car, this time Jane taking shotgun. Carlos shoved a cassette into the player, and Sisters of Mercy blasted out as they drove off.

…

The mall was crowded and Lonni was giddy, running around to look at clothes. Carlos liked Lonni a lot, but she was getting on his nerves a little. “Hey,” Jane said. “Let’s go take those pictures. Where’s the booth?” 

“Yeah,” Carlos said. He looked back at Jay. ‘We’re going to the photo booth.” That got his attention, and then Jay turned to follow them, Lonni coming with him. 

The photo booth was empty. “You want to go first?” Carlos said to Jane. She nodded, smiling sweetly. “Okay, so we can sit close and touch that way. But don’t kiss me on the mouth.” Carlos looked over at Jay, to see him glowering, arms crossed over his chest. _Guess I’m not the only one who’s jealous._

Carlos put money in the machine, and he and Jane piled in. Jane wound up with a hand on his arm as they smiled and tried to look cute. It made Carlos anxious, but he smiled anyway. Jane turned her head and looked innocent for the camera. 

When they got out, they looked at the pictures. “Might have to do these again, I look awkward,” Carlos said. Jay peeked at them.

“Just use the second one, that one’s pretty good. That’s your real smile.” Carlos smiled softly at him. “Yeah,” Jay said. There was a pause, then Jay looked at Lonni. “Okay, our turn. Anything you want to veto?”

“I’m with Carlos, no mouth kissing. But we’ll make it look cute.” Carlos watched as they shut the little curtain and he heard the camera go off. A minute later, they tumbled out, both smiling. Carlos didn’t say anything, just waited to see the photos.

They were good. He had heard Lonni telling Jay dirty jokes in the booth. So every photo had both of them laughing and giggling. “Let’s use this one,” Jay said. “We’re sitting close and it just looks good.” Lonni nodded. “Oh,” Jay said, “Should we do more? Do either of you need photos too?”

“I don’t,” Jane said. “I just told mom I had a new friend. Lonni, what about you?” 

She looked at the photos, smile suddenly gone. “Yeah, I’ll just take one of the others,” she said. “I’m not ready to tell mom and dad I’m gay yet. I don’t mind giving them a hard time, but...” She pointed at the last one. “Mom won’t approve of you, but better you than a girl, you know?”

There was another awkward silence. “Hey,” Jane said. “Let’s go to the skate shop Mal works at. And then get something to eat. That would be fun.” Jay grinned, and they headed to the shop. Carlos walked a step behind Jay and Lonni, with Jane. 

When they got to the store, they could see Mal putting up boards. “Hey!” Mal turned around at Jay’s cry, and grinned when she saw all of them. “Just dropping by. How’s your day?” Mal came up to Jay and hugged him. 

“Hi, I’m okay. Glad to see you! Hey everyone! You guys out for a mall day?” Mal went over and hugged Carlos next, then Jane. Lonni got a half-hug, which she accepted with a smile. “Hey, I can’t talk for long, but it’s good to see you all. Where you going after this?”

“We’re gonna get lunch,” Jay said. “Jerry’s paying.” 

“Good. Glad that he’s helping out.” Mal was still smiling, but there was a strain around her eyes. They all hadn’t seen Evie in a couple of days. Evie had called her mother, who just showed up and collected her. She didn’t even give Evie a chance to get her things or say goodbye. Carlos had been in his room and didn’t even see her go.

Carlos moved closer. “You heard anything?” 

“Evie called me,” She said, her smile disappearing. “Her mom is sending her to a hospital in Arizona. She’s going to be there until she gains five pounds. She said her mom’s actually being understanding, to a point. But she won’t let her stay nearby. She said Arizona was the best choice.” 

“Shit.” Carlos missed her, but not as much as Mal must have been. “I hope she’ll be okay. Don’t worry Mal, Evie wants to get better. She’ll be back soon.” 

“I hope so,” Mal said. They looked up and found a small crowd had started around Jay. Some were asking for autographs. Jay appeared thrown, but he signed a few. “Wow,” Mal said. “That’s…wow. I’m proud of him.” Carlos looked at her face, and she did seem to be happy, not jealous at all. Maybe worrying about Evie had helped her get over that. She still had Jay around, after all.

“Me too,” Carlos said, and they smiled until Mal’s boss came by and told her to put more of the boards up. 

…

When they got home, Carlos wanted to be alone in his room for a while. It had been a long day, and as much as he liked Jane and Lonni, they could be exhausting. “I’m going to read for a while,” he said, but Jay followed him into their room. “Um, Jay...”

“Just let me sit with you,” Jay said. “I know we were out all day but it didn’t feel like it. It’s not the same with the girls around.” Jay sat down next to Carlos on his bed. “I love how this is taking off, but, sometimes it worries me.” 

“I know,” Carlos said. “I love you, I’m so proud of you.” Carlos sighed. “And I’m sorry, but I need to be alone for at least an hour. I just need to feel less anxious. It’s not about you.” Carlos waited to see what Jay would say. He didn’t always understand Carlos’s need for alone time.

“All right,” Jay said. He leaned in and Carlos closed his eyes when Jay kissed his cheek. “I love you. I’ll go to the park. Take all the time you need.” Then he got up. Carlos watched him leave. Then he took off his shoes and curled on the bed, book in hand. 

He read for a while, then stretched. He was tired, bored. He’d had a nice day, but he would’ve liked to spend a day with Jay only. He thought about asking Chad if he wanted to do something, go for a walk. He’d been upset lately. The whole house seemed to be going through a bad time. 

He left the room and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. Chad was there, drinking a beer. “Hey,” he said. “Would you want to go out, maybe take a walk or something?” 

“Dunno. Maybe.” Chad hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, which was a bad sign. Normal Chad was fairly vain and liked to keep his appearance up. “Carlos, did I do the right thing?” 

Carlos sat next to him. “It wasn’t making you happy, how Gil was treating you,” Carlos said. “So yeah. I think you did. I can tell you miss him though.” Chad nodded. “I can’t really understand why he did that, he’s a good guy with me.”

“I don’t either. That’s why I don’t want to see him. Except I do. I think maybe if he tried, I might give him another chance. But it has to be from him.” Chad finished his beer and stood up. “Fuck it, let’s get out of here. We can go to the track, or just walk around for a while.”

“Yeah, let’s just walk, not drive somewhere to walk.” Carlos just wanted to get outside. He drank a few swallows of water, then left the glass on the table.

Chad went to grab his wallet. “Maybe we can stop by the taco stand too,” he said, going up the stairs. Carlos grinned-Chad really did love tacos. While he waited for Chad to come back downstairs, there was a knock on the door. 

Carlos opened it just as Chad came downstairs. “Gil. I don’t know if now is a good time,” Carlos said. Gil looked awful, like he’d been up for two days. Gil was looking past him to Chad. “We were just leaving.” 

“Please,” Gil said. “Chad, please let me talk.” Carlos watched as Chad stared at Gil. He looked standoffish, but wasn’t telling Gil to leave. “I swear I was going to talk to you last time, but it’s hard for me.”

Chad stood there, looking at Gil. Gil looked like he could actually cry. Chad sighed. “Come with us, we were just going for a walk.” Gil’s face brightened at that. “Maybe not talk about it too much on the walk,” Chad continued. “But after, when we get back to the house. Is that okay?” 

Gil nodded. “Yeah, I’ve got some time,” he said in a quiet voice. Chad nodded back, and Carlos locked the door behind them as they took off in the opposite direction of the skate park. 

The walk was mostly silent, with Chad commenting on random things occasionally. Gil stopped to pet a dog, and Carlos waved to someone he knew from the park. Then they made it to the taco stand. “Who’s hungry?” Chad said. “I want a soft steak taco with cilantro.” 

“I can pay,” Gil said in a hushed voice. Chad looked over, and nodded. “Okay?” 

“Yeah,” Chad said in an equally quiet voice. “Pay for Carlos too though. It would be kinda rude to leave him out.” 

“Or I could just head back,” Carlos said. He really didn’t need to be here. “I think you two should start talking now and not later. Don’t worry, I’ll get dinner for myself. See you Gil.” Chad looked at Carlos, and he wondered if Chad wasn’t ready to be alone with Gil. But then he nodded and Carlos headed back home. 

When he got there, Jay and Mal were both in the kitchen. Jay was having a cup of coffee, and Mal was looking at the cookbook Uma had given her. Jay looked up. “Hey. You left?”

“Not for long,” Carlos said. “Chad and Gil are talking again. At least I hope so.” Carlos sat by him and kissed Jay. “I’m okay,” he said. “You?”

“I’m great,” Jay said. “Oh, Jerry called. Told me they’re trying to schedule a tour.” 

“Whoa. This is happening fast.” Carlos knew they were headed that way, after how well Jay had done at his first big competition. But actually doing it… “Where will you be going?”

“Still working that out. But probably Europe. Maybe even Japan. I need to get a passport. Can you go with me?” Carlos grinned, and kissed him again. Jay kissed back, hand on Carlos’s neck. 

“Sure will.” Just then, Chad and Gil came through the door. They weren’t holding hands, but Chad looked better. Chad had half a soft taco, and Gil a Coke. “Hey guys.” 

“Hi,” Gil said softly. Mal didn’t look up. She had been happy to see them at the store, but now she was withdrawn. Not having Evie around was rough on her. She kept flipping through the cookbook. “Are you fixing dinner?” Gil said, looking over her shoulder.

“Just trying to see what I could realistically pull off,” Mal said. “And maybe some of these other guys can cook every now and then. Carlos can, I know that.” 

“I can fix a few things,” Carlos said. “And we could stand to eat. I can take that book and fix something if you want.” Mal handed it over, giving Carlos a shy smile. Chad and Gil disappeared to the hallway. Carlos could hear them talking softly. 

Carlos checked to see what they had, then started making BLT’s. He found some half-wilted lettuce, and used the good parts. He was looking for something on the side, when there was a banging on the door. 

Mal got up and opened the door. “Evie!” Then she said nothing else, because Evie’s mother was right behind her. 

Carlos looked at Evie. She seemed to have shrunk, wearing a soft sweater and cringing away from her mother. Her mom looked around the room, then all of them, and her lip curled in disgust. “Well Evie, go pack and say your goodbyes. I’ll wait in the car. I’ll need a tetanus shot if I sat on that couch.” Then she whirled around and left. 

Evie closed the door after her, then turned around and flung herself into Mal’s arms. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I never should have let it get this far. Now she’s sending me away...” Evie wasn’t wearing makeup, and she was pale and blotchy from crying.

“Evie, can you get her to change her mind? Have you somewhere closer/” Evie shook her head. “Is that place really good, at least?”

“Supposed to be the best,” Evie sniffled. “But I know mom’s happy that it’s very private. She doesn’t want this to get any publicity.” Carlos felt sick. Of course Evie’s mom would worry about that. Her daughter’s hair was falling out, and she was still concerned about her image. 

“Okay baby,” Mal said. “Let me go upstairs and back for you. You can say goodbye to everyone while I get this. Is there anything you want?” 

“My jewelry making kit, and my beads. And my comfy pants.” Mal ran upstairs. Evie looked at the rest of them. “I don’t know when I’m coming back,” she said. “I’m really going to try to get better. I’m going to miss you all so much.” 

“It’s okay Eves,” Jay said, pulling her into his arms. “We love you so much. We’ll keep in touch if we can. Are we allowed to send mail?” Evie hugged him hard. 

“I don’t know,” she said. “I’m probably going to learn the rules when I get there.” Carlos moved in and hugged her too, as did Chad. 

“What’s happening?” Gil said. He was watching them with a confused, sad expression. 

Jay answered. “Evie is going to an eating disorder clinic in Arizona,” he said. “Her mother picked it, and she might be gone for a little while.” Gil looked at Evie, and then nodded.

“I’m sorry. Should I not say anything to Uma?” Mal bounded down the steps then.

“She knows about it, so it’s okay.” Mal had an old suitcase. “Here. Check this and see if it’s everything you need. Fuck Evie, I love you so much.” Then Mal hugged her again. Evie cupped Mal’s cheek and kissed her. 

“I love you too. I’ll be back soon,” Evie said. “I wish I could be somewhere closer, but I really hope this helps.’ She looked through the suitcase. “Yes, this is perfect.” Evie looked at Mal. “Don’t worry about me,” she said. “I might not be able to get in touch with you for a while, these places put you in isolation sometimes. But I will as soon as I can.” 

“Go get better,” Mal said. “We all love you. You can do this.” Then there was a honk. “Shit. I guess you better go.” Evie got her suitcase, took a deep breath, and walked out the door. They watched from the window as Evie got in her mother’s Mercedes. Then it drove away.

Mal stood in front of the door, hand over her eyes and her shoulders shaking. Jay went over and put his arms around her waist. “She’s coming back,” he whispered. “Don’t worry. We’re not losing her.” He kissed her cheek. “She loves you. Her mom can’t take her away for good.” 

“I hope not,” Mal said between sobs. “I’m sorry Carlos, I don’t think I can eat right now.” 

“It’s okay,” he said. Carlos wiped his own eyes. “We’ll just hang out tonight, stay together.” 

“I should go,” Gil said. “I don’t need to be here.” Gil turned to Chad. “Can I come by later?”

“I’ll call you, let you know when I’ll be here,” Chad said. “Maybe I’ll come to your place.” Chad hesitated before kissing Gil’s cheek. “See you then.” Gil went over to Mal, and gave her an awkward hug before leaving. 

Then they all gathered downstairs, watched movies, and stayed with Mal. Carlos sat nearly in Jay’s lap, wanting him close. Jay held him as they watched the sappy movies Evie liked. It was late before they all went to bed. 

When Carlos and Jay did go, Jay spooned him. They were in their underwear and Carlos could feel Jay’s chest snuggled up to him. “I hope I never have to do anything like that,” Jay said. “Go somewhere where you can’t reach me, not knowing when I’ll be back.” Carlos closed his eyes. “You’re the best thing I have. Don’t let me fuck it up.”

“You won’t,” Carlos said. “I love you and I’ll help you whenever I can. I don’t work tomorrow, I can help you with that passport. You might go to Europe, but you’ll come back.” 

“I will. I’ll be back, and I’ll tell you all about it. I just wish I could take you.” Jay kissed his neck. “But even if you’re not with me, we’re doing this together, okay?” Carlos didn’t say anything. “Okay?” 

“Yeah, we are.” Carlos closed his eyes.


	12. On Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay starts his first skating tour of Europe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about a month, maybe six weeks, after the last chapter. Evie is still in the hospital, and Arise has released the ad of Jay that Carlos took.

Jay was awake, but not ready to get up yet. It was super early, still dark. He kissed Carlos on the neck, sighing happily. 

“Jay, you have a flight to catch. Get the fuck up.” It was true, Jay was leaving to get on a plane and fly to London. He’d never been on a plane before, or to another country. “You need to get there on time.” Jay sat up in bed, smiling at Carlos, who looked beautiful and grumpy, the way he always did when woken up.

“I just need more time with my Carlos, that’s all.” Carlos made a face, and Jay giggled. 

“We stayed in bed all day yesterday. I asked you what you wanted to do to celebrate and that’s what you told me.” 

That was true. Jay and Carlos had only left the room to use the bathroom or get some water or food. They had spent the entire day with each other. It had been one of the best days of his life. They had fucked as many times as they were physically capable of. Jay wanted to commit it all to memory, how Carlos tasted, looked, everything. 

“I know baby,” Jay said. “It’s just hard to let you go.” Jay kissed his cheek. “All right. I’m going. I need a shower probably.” He was sure he smelled by now. He got out of bed, and Carlos snuggled in. “Fuck, look at you.”

“Go,” Carlos said with a grin. Then Carlos closed his eyes. Jay made himself turn around and walk out of their room, and went straight to the shower. He cleaned up quickly, then came back to the room to get dressed. Carlos was already asleep.

It was a couple of hours before Carlos drove him to LAX. Carlos had finally gotten up about an hour after Jay. Mal had made Jay breakfast (surprisingly edible), then gave him a bag of snacks. Mal, Chad and Possum all said goodbye, and then Jay triple-checked that he had everything before Carlos dragged him to the car. 

“I’ve never been on a plane, ever,” he said. “Now I’m flying six hours to England. How do I even do this?”

“We have detailed instructions in your carry-on,” Carlos said. “Reminders to get your money changed, everything. Most of those are from Chad, since I’ve never been overseas either.” Jay nodded. Carlos had told him his mother would go on vacation and leave him at home with the help. He hated that woman as much as he could for someone he never met.

“I don’t know how long I’m gonna be,” Jay said. “Jerry said they might add more dates if it goes well. But I’m looking forward to seeing the guys.” Jason, Randy, Mike and even Jessie would be there. Sage would be there for a few dates, but not the whole thing. Every time Jay thought about it too much, it freaked him out. 

“I know you are,” Carlos said as he took the exit to the airport. “But try not to go overboard on the hero worship. I know you care a lot about what Jason thinks of you. But he’s just a guy. He’s not all that close to you. But still, I’m glad you get along. It would suck if you didn’t.”

“I guess you’re right.” They turned into LAX, which was the usual pulsing nightmare. Jay had always hated being in traffic near it, much less having to navigate the damn place. “Okay. I’ll call you when I get a chance. I love you.” 

“Not gone yet, still have to pull up.” Carlos moved the car into a spot near the doors. “Thanks for letting me drive the car when you’re gone,” he said. “I’ll take good care of it. And...I’m going to miss you a lot.” 

“I know,” Jay said. He wanted to kiss Carlos, but he knew he shouldn’t. The windows of the car weren’t tinted. “Take care of yourself? Don’t hide in your room too much? And tell me when Evie gets back, if she does.” The house just wasn’t the same without her. 

“I will. I love you. Make me proud.” Jay nodded, and squeezed Carlos’s knee before grabbing his bags and getting out. Then he was lost in the crowds of LAX, and went to find the right line to stand in.

…

When Jay got to London, he was wiped out. Why was air travel so exhausting? And his ears hurt from the air pressure, so he was snapping gum as he went through customs. He got his luggage checked. The customs guy glared at him. “Did you bring any banned movies in with you?” 

Jay had no idea what the fucker was talking about. “Um, no movies at all. So no.” What banned movies? Porn? The man just stared at him, then checked his board like he expected it to explode. 

“Let me see your passport. What is your business in the UK?” 

Jay flipped it out. “I’m an athlete. I’m here for an exhibition.” He still felt weird calling himself an athlete, but maybe this guy would stop looking at him like a bug if he did. And it seemed to-the man from customs just looked it over and gave him his luggage. “Thank you.” 

As he headed for the exit, he remembered that Jason said he and the others would be waiting for him. He’d told Jason what flight he was on. So he expected to see them. What he didn’t expect, was the poster. 

There was the shot he did for Arise, him with his legs spread and a fuck-me look in his eyes. But now it was blown up to massive poster size, and Jason was holding it over his head. “Welcome Jay, you whore,” he crowed, making the crowd flinch. 

Jay stopped dead and covered his face with his hand. He should’ve known Jason would have something planned. “Oh my god. Um, I can explain that.” Jason raised an eyebrow. “Wait, no I can’t.” There really wasn’t anything he could say. “Uh, seemed like a good idea at the time?” 

Jason cracked up, and then Jay saw that Jason, Randy, Mike, and even Jessie were wearing t-shirts with the photo on them. “Oh man. Jason, dude, have mercy.” 

“No way,” Jason said. “Do you know that my little sister has that ad hanging over her bed now? You’re corrupting her. How the hell did Arise even let you do that?” Jay shrugged, he wasn’t too sure either. “If I pulled something like that my company would make me re-shoot it. Are you sure they’re not trying to make you into a teen idol?”

“David Cassidy!” Jessie said, looking delighted to mock Jay over the pictures. Jay couldn’t blame him. He loved the photo, because it reminded him of the shoot with Carlos. But he couldn’t tell them that. “So man, is that you?” Jay was confused. “I mean-” Jessie gestured to the bulge visible in the poster. “That.”

Oh shit. “Uh well, Car-the photographer had to airbrush it a little to make it smaller...” Everyone scoffed, and then Jason held up a hand. 

“Okay guys, time to go back to the bed and breakfast. We need to rest. And maybe when we get there, Jay can show us how much they airbrushed that.” 

“Oh, thanks,” Jay picked up his luggage and Jason slapped him on the back. “How far is the place we’re staying?” 

“Not far, we’re taking a van.” Jason looked at him. “You’re not mad, are you?”

“Nope. I knew when we did those photos they might raise some hell. I was okay with that.” 

“That’s pretty ballsy. Who was the photographer?” Jason took the big poster and stuck it in a garbage can. Good, Jay wouldn’t like it if Jason carried that thing around the whole tour.

Jay paused for a second, then said “Carlos. My best friend.” Jason looked over, obviously surprised. “We started trying to see what we could get away with. We were having a good time. It was his first time with a real pro studio, and we just kinda went for it.” 

“You two are the kind of best friends who compare dicks, aren’t you?” Jay laughed and didn’t say anything. It was kind of the truth. Then they piled into the van and were driven to a quaint little house. It was dinner time, so they all just brought their things up to the rooms, and then went to the table. 

“English food sucks,” Jason whispered as they sat down. An old man two seats down glared at them. “But the tea is great. Desserts are okay. But they don’t season for shit.” Jay thought maybe Jason was being too harsh. Then he had some of the roast. Oh man. Yeah, that wasn’t too good.

Jay picked through his meat and over-boiled veggies. Then they had cake and more tea, and yeah, that was pretty good. Randy ate two pieces of cake. They didn’t talk much, and none of the other guests would speak to them. 

When the woman took their plates she said “And you boys don’t be up all night, but you can watch TV upstairs for a couple of hours.” Jay handed her his plate, thanked her, and went upstairs. There was a small common room and then their rooms. 

Jay was feeling the jet lag, but he sat in the room and they all caught up. Randy seemed to be thrilled to see him again. Jessie was sarcastic but not as much of an asshole as before. Mike had his face stuck in a book. And Jason...was Jason, funny and cool and a smartass. Jay liked being around him a lot. 

After a lot of talking and laughing, Jason got a wicked look on his face. “So, you gonna show us?” 

“Show you what?” Jay was thrown a minute. “Oh. Um...” Jason wanted to see his dick? Of course he did. Straight boys loved to compare. 

“Come on, we want to see how much air brushing was really involved.” Jason got up. “Just a peek.” Jay looked around. Jessie was up and giving him a manic grin. Mike rolled his eyes and ignored them. Randy looked super excited.

“Um, okay. Not Randy though.” Randy pouted. “Nope, eighteen and over.” Jason and Jessie cackled as Jay stood up, then came in close. Jay made it quick, unzipping his jeans, and letting it fall out. He wasn’t wearing underwear. “Yeah, that’s it,” he said, and tucked himself back in. 

“Goddamn,” Jason said. “Nice. You must get a lot of girls like that. Oh wait, you still have your girlfriend?” Jay nodded. “That’s good. Wow, you’re really hung. I thought you were kidding when you said they airbrushed it to make it smaller.” 

Jay shrugged. “It’s not always a good thing.” Carlos had been hesitant about bottoming when they first got together. Jay couldn’t blame him. “What time is it? I’m both tired and wired.” 

Jason laughed, “Yeah, jet lag sucks. It’s about seven? Eight? If you’re tired, you can go to your room. You’re sharing with Randy though.” Jay looked over at Randy, who was staring at him, eyes huge. Jay frowned-was everything okay?

“Okay. I’ll see you guys tomorrow. When do we have to get up?” 

“Don’t worry, the tour manager will wake you up. His name’s Hugo. Just get some rest.” Jay waved and then went back to his room. He went to clean up, washing his hands and face, then changing to pajama pants. Normally he wouldn’t wear more than underwear, if that, but he had a roommate. 

He went to bed, and just laid there with his mind whirring. At some point Randy came in, and Jay could hear him getting ready. He didn’t say anything, pretending to be asleep as Randy went to bed. He heard some tossing and turning, and Jay swore he heard some sniffles. Was Randy crying? Should he say anything? But then it stopped, and Randy seemed to fall asleep. 

Jay stayed where he was, waiting to fall asleep. Eventually he did.

…

He was woken up by a loud banging in the door. “Get up ya bastards!” Jay sat up. How much sleep had he gotten? “Is that Hugo or is someone random just yelling at us?” He said. Randy sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes. 

“Yeah, that’s him. Dibs on the shower.” Then the little fucker sprinted to it before Jay could even move.

“Thanks!” He yelled, then got up, stretching. He did some stretches and push-ups, in his pj bottoms, still shirtless. When Randy came out, he stopped toweling his hair to watch. “Oh, sorry,” Jay said. “Just warming up for the day.” Then he took the shower. There wasn’t a lot of hot water, so he made it quick.

When they were ready, they meet Jessie, Jason, and a few others outside. Hugo turned out to be a huge fucker with an accent like Harry’s. He wore all black and glared at them like he would smack the shit out of them if they got out of line. They were given McDonald’s breakfast, and then piled into the van. Jay talked to the new guys, who were from an assortment of European countries. He liked Marcus, a German skater who he’d seen compete once. He was funny and laid back. 

After a while, he switched seats to sit next to Randy, who was looking out the window. “You okay?” Randy stiffened up, and Jay wasn’t sure he should say anything about last night.

Randy didn’t say anything at first, then said “I’m all right. It just sucks being the youngest.” Jay nodded. He knew what it was like to not fit in. He’d felt that way growing up, until Mal accepted him and taught him to skate. 

After a minute of silence, Randy said “Do you have anything planned for your run, or are you just going to wait to see the half-pipe and go from there?”

“Well, waiting to see is normally what I do,” Jay said. “Really, I don’t plan shit. Only reason I got here on time was my friends.” Randy smiled at that. “They’re the best.”

“Yeah, you live in a house full of skaters. I think that’s amazing. I want to do that someday. I got two more years.” Jay nodded. 

“Two more years. I get it. I left my dad’s day I turned eighteen.” Randy looked surprised. “Yeah, sneaked out while he was asleep, left most of my stuff. Took a while, but I got a place and good friends. You can do it.” 

“If my parents haven’t spent all my money,” Randy muttered. Jay must have looked horrified, because Randy shrugged. “No, I’ve got some saved up, they can’t reach it. But they’d take it all if they could.” Randy let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m sorry. I won’t talk about them anymore.” 

“No, it’s okay.” Jay smiled at him, and Randy smiled back, ducking his head. Jay looked at the rain through the van window. “How are we even skating in this?”

“We’re not, the ramps are indoors,” Jason said. Jay was glad-he didn’t want to wipe out in front of his hero. The rest of the ride was short, and then they got there. 

When they got there, Jay stared at the setup with a critical eye. “I know,” Jason said. “They’re never high enough in Europe. I guess they didn’t believe us when we said we skated empty swimming pools. Most Euros don’t have swimming pools.” 

“Yeah, it’s hard to believe that a lot of things from the States are true,” Marcus said from behind them. “Everything seems like a movie.” Then he went to greet someone else, leaving Jason and Jay alone. Jay looked around, and then spotted a few balding middle aged men, who seemed to be staring at or trying to get closer to the younger skaters.

He elbowed Jason. “Shit. Chickenhawks,” he said. Jason had seen them too, and he was glowering in their direction. “Where’s Randy?” 

“I think he’s in the lockers,” Jason said. “Let’s go check.” The two of them went down a hall to find a closed door to the locker. Jason banged on it. “Hey Randy, you in there?” There was a pause, and then Randy pushed the door open. 

“Sorry, just didn’t want to lose track of ya,” Jason said. Randy rolled his eyes. 

“I can look after myself.” 

“Sure you can,” Jason said. “I’m not letting you get molested by those queers.” Jay felt his insides turn to ice. Fuck, he hated that word when it was used by the wrong people. And now he was stuck, he couldn’t say anything. He hated those fuckers as much as Jason, though. So he just nodded, pretending that Jason knew or cared about the difference between those fucks and him. 

Randy didn’t seem to notice, and just rolled his eyes. “I’m not your little brother Jason.” He turned to Jay. “Jason thinks he has to take care of all the younger guys, but he really doesn’t need to. Don’t take after him.” 

“Gotcha,” Jay said. Jason glared at him. “Anyway, since we know you’re okay, can we get ready for the show now?” 

“Fine, guess you’re right,” Jason said. As they walked out, Jason put a protective arm over Randy’s shoulders. Jay took a deep breath. Jason meant well. 

…

The first exhibition went well. Jay did all the tricks he knew he could land. Jason showed him up, but he did that with everyone. He skated vertical doubles with Randy, which was a lot of fun. Randy did just barely miss him once, but they made it fine. 

When they were done, they were taken out for dinner. It was kind of a fancy Indian place. Hugo glared at all of them. “We’re paying a lot of money for this, so if any of ya bastards start a food fight, I’ll personally drag you outside and tie you to the van. You can stand out in the rain. Do you hear me?”

“Yes Hugo,” Jason said, grinning at him. He elbowed Jay. “You heard him, we’re gonna have a nice quiet dinner. And we’re of age to drink here, if they have alcohol.” 

“Will Hugo and the other wranglers actually let us drink?” Jay wasn’t sure they would. On the other hand, it was legal, and they weren’t driving anywhere. 

Mike, who had said maybe five words all day, spoke up. “They don’t want us to cause trouble. But if you’re eighteen, they can’t stop you. I’ve seen people get cut off before though.” Jay nodded, surprised. Mike seemed to ignore everything, but then he’d say something that let everyone know he was paying attention.

They all got a room in the back of the dining area, probably so the regulars wouldn’t have to deal with them. “Everything I said about English food doesn’t apply here,” Jason said. “This is gonna be great.” Jay grinned and decided to forget about what Jason said. He really wasn’t a bad guy. 

They were served a variety of Indian food, huge platters put in the middle of the table, and they ate like pigs. Jay ate nearly everything, not caring how hot it was or if it had vegetables he’d never seen. “I wonder if I can get Mal to learn how to make this,” he said, pointing at his chicken tikka. 

“Wait, Mal’s not your girlfriend, is she?” Jason said. “Your girlfriend doesn’t cook?”

“My girlfriend doesn’t live with me,” Jay said. “Mal does most of the cooking, she’s getting better at it. She just likes to take care of her friends.” Jay sipped his beer. He decided to be responsible and get only one. 

“She doesn’t seem like the type,” Jason said. “I’ve seen her skate, it seems like she’d kick my ass.”

“Only if you insult her,” Jay said. “Like I said, she’s like my sister. She’s the one who taught me to skate.” 

That caused a lot of nervous laughter. “What?” Jay didn’t get it.

“Wow, don’t say that in interviews,” Jessie said. He was already on his fourth beer. “You can’t go telling people you were taught by a _girl_.” Jay just stared at him. Jessie held up his hands. “Shit man, don’t take it personally. It just looks weird.”

“Excuse me if I take that as insulting my friend,” Jay said. Jessie shrunk back. The other guys looked at each other, clearly wondering if Jay was going to fight him. “I mean, at this point me and her are evenly matched. So yeah, I think shit like that is pretty stupid.” Jay took another drink of his beer, the table falling into silence. 

“So, like, you’re into equality and shit?” Jason said. There was mocking laughter from a couple of people. Mike and Randy didn’t laugh, they just watched. Jay shrugged. 

“I don’t really think about it. It’s not a political stance. Just-she’s my friend. Why can’t she get a sponsorship too? I guess I don’t like stupid things. And her having to work at a skate shop while I’m here is kind of stupid.” Jay looked at Jason, who seemed to stand down. 

There was a pause. Then Mike said “You know, I’ve never heard of a girl getting a skate sponsorship. Unless you count Peggy Oki.” 

“Yeah, she was on the first Dogtown team,” Jason said. “So yeah, she counts. And that was a long time ago.” The other guys looked at each other. “Jay might have a point.” There was some mumbled agreement, except from Jessie, who was staring into his plate. 

They were served dessert after that, and the tension evaporated as they tried as many different sweet things as they could. Jay had cups of milky spice tea with his desserts, and then sunk into his seat. “Damn. Good day.” 

“Yeah, good you enjoyed it,” Jason said. “Because tomorrow we leave for Paris. And then Madrid. And then...shit, I’ve already forgotten.” 

Jay giggled. “Oh. Are we going back to the bed and breakfast tonight? I might’ve left some stuff.”

“Yeah, I think so,” Jason said. “Try to sleep if you can. It’s gonna be a grind.” Jay nodded, and decided he would call Carlos before he went to bed. 

Before they left, Jason asked to see the cook, and thanked him in person for the food. Then they took pictures with the cook, and Jay shook his hand before they left. “Thank you,” he said, and Jason slapped his back.

“You’re so polite,” Jason said. Jay never thought he was that polite, but he was in an unfamiliar place. So he might have been overcompensating. “Okay, we’re going back now. I’m exhausted from eating that much.”

“Me too.” Jay wanted to see if he could talk to Randy, tell him he needed to talk to his girlfriend for a minute. He didn’t want to kick the kid out of the room, but he needed a second. He’d been busy, but now that he was thinking about Carlos, he missed him horribly. 

He found Randy as they piled in the van. “Hey,” Jay said. “When we get back, can you give me a minute to call my girlfriend?” 

Randy didn’t answer at first, but then he gave Jay a terse nod. When they got there, Randy ran into the room, got a magazine, and ran back out. Jay found the phone, and after stumbling through making an international call, waited for someone to pick up.

Fie rings in, the phone answered. “This better be you, Jay.”

“Hey!” Jay would’ve said Carlos’s name, but the walls were thin. “How are you?”

“You woke me up, it’s one am here. How do you think I’m doing?” 

“Oh shit. Um, oops?” Jay was laughing though, thinking about how cute Carlos always was when he was woken up. “I’m sorry babe. I didn’t mean to wake you up. How are things at the house?” 

“Okay,” Carlos said. “Evie sent a letter. She’s doing better and she hopes she can come home soon. Is everything okay there?”

“Yeah,” Jay said. “Met some new skaters. Tomorrow we go to Paris. I’m really excited. I miss you a lot, baby.” Jay wished he could see Carlos then, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and frowning. “I love you a lot. Okay, I’ll let you go back to sleep now.” 

“Okay. Thanks for calling. Try to call at a decent hour next time, though. Love you too. Goodnight.” 

“Night.” Jay hung up and then opened the door to the room. Randy was outside, sitting in the hallway with his magazine. “Hey Randy, you can come in now. Sorry about that.” 

Randy shoved his way inside, then went straight to the bathroom, slamming the door. Jay stared at the door. What was that about? Jay just did some more exercises, and pulled his hair up while he wanted for Randy to get done in there. When Randy came out, he stared at Jay. “You really have a lot of hair.” 

“Yeah, I’m putting it up before I wash my face.” Jay didn’t have any fancy cleansers, he just used the soap in the bathroom. “I kinda wish Evie was here, I always steal her skin care stuff.” He went and got clean, and came back to sit on his bed. Randy was on his, facing him.

“Is Evie your girlfriend?” Jay shook his head as he dried his face off. “Does she live with you?”

“Yep, another roommate. You might’ve met her in Vegas, although you were mostly talking to Mal. She’s Mal’s girlfriend.”

“I think I saw-what? She’s what?” Randy looked at him, eyes wide. He’d frozen, looking completely shocked. 

“Hey. Don’t get weird about it,” Jay said, feeling defensive. “I’m not invading their privacy by saying that. They don’t hide. I don’t know, maybe that’s one reason Mal doesn’t have a sponsor. But yeah, Mal is my friend, and so is Evie. Don’t tell the other guys, though. I don’t know if they’re ready for that.”

“I won’t,” Randy said. “They already think you’re pretty strange.” 

“That’s fine,” Jay said. “But if anyone insulted Mal and Evie because of their relationship, I’d have to bust some heads, and I’m trying to be friendly.” 

Randy laughed then. “Okay. Thanks for telling me.” Randy sat on his bed. “You are pretty different,” Randy said. “In a good way.” 

“Thanks. I think I need to try to sleep now. See you tomorrow?” Randy nodded, and shoved off his sweats before getting into bed and turning away from Jay. Jay turned his lamp off, and did the same. This time, he slept pretty well. 

The next day, they went to Paris and did another exhibition. They didn’t get to see any sights, just got back on the van. 

Next day, Madrid. The food was street food and excellent. Jessie got so wasted he forgot his name. 

It was only three days in, and Jay felt like he was losing track of time. Where were they headed next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some little period things in here that I just put in for my own amusement. Like Jay getting asked if he has banned videos. England one had the strictest censorship laws for its time. They were very strict about what could be on home video. There's some good docs about the 'video nasty' horror movies and how they were outlawed.


	13. Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos gets a another big break. Jay gets betrayed by one of the other guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for attempted assault. And yes, it ends on a cliff hanger. Sorry.

**Carlos**

Carlos was at home. Jay was still on tour, and he was trying to keep busy. He wasn’t working that day, and he was trying to decide if he was going to take photos at the park, when the phone rang. “Hi, this is Carlos.” 

“Hey!” It was Jerry, acting friendly as hell for some reason. “I was wondering if you could grab your portfolio and drop by. There’s some friends of Ron’s who need a photographer. Are you doing anything today?” 

“Actually I’m not,” Carlos said. “What time should I get there?” 

“Soon as you can, but if it takes an hour to get here that’s okay,” Jerry said. “Um, is Jane available?”

“No, sorry,” Carlos said. “She’s taking early classes at UCLA. But I’ve got my picture if I need it.” Carlos wasn’t even pissed about Jerry asking. Taking it out on Jerry wasn’t worth it. “But let me get my portfolio, I can be there.” 

“Okay, thanks. I was hoping you’d come through. See you when you get here.” Then Jerry hung up. 

Carlos went to his room, and grabbed the portfolio, trying not to look at his and Jay’s bed. He had been sleeping in his twin since Jay was gone. It was too hard to sleep in their shared bed without him. Jay had only called the one time. Carlos thought it might be hard for him to get time to. 

H almost wished Jay would call him at one am again. Almost. 

He got in the Pontiac and drove to Arise, getting there in about thirty minutes. When he got out, Jerry met him at the door. 

“Hey,”Jerry said. “These guys saw the ad and loved it, they want to know if you can do more modeling, but with skaters.” Carlos felt his eyes widen. With someone besides Jay? That was a question. “I mean, you know a lot of them, right?”

“I only know a few well enough to ask, but it might be a good move for some of them.” Carlos already had a few people in mind, like Gil. Gil was a sexy person and had a lot of personality that came through in photos. 

“Well, come in and meet them, they have some things they want to ask.” Jerry walked in with him. Seated were a group of men that looked a lot like Ron. There was a woman with them, younger and made up. She smiled as he walked in. They introduced themselves, and Carlos shook their hands. 

The meeting was pretty typical, they looked at his portfolio, and asked him about his experience and camera. Then the woman said “We think you could bring something new to our casual clothing line. We want real people for this, not models. Would any of your friends be available for a shoot? We want to try to book one for a week from now.”

“Wow,” Carlos said, smiling. “That’s pretty close, but let me ask. I might be able to get a couple of people.” He looked through his photos. “My friend Jay is skating overseas,” he told them. “But I know this guy-” He pointed at a photo of Gil. “He might be interested.”   
“What about this guy?” One of the men pointed at a photo of Harry. 

“Honestly, he would love to be asked,” Carlos said. “I’ll make sure to.” Then they flipped through a few more, and the woman saw a picture of Mal midair, her hair flying. 

“Who is this girl?” Carlos raised his eyebrows. 

“That’s Mal. She’s amazing as a skater. She also lives in our house. She’s never done anything like this, but then, neither have any of them. I can’t promise she’ll say yes, but I can ask.” The woman looked at the picture, studying Mal’s looks with a critical eye.

“How tall is she?”

“Not very, about 5’2,” Carlos answered honestly. “I can try to make her look taller, but there’s only so much I can do.” 

“That might be fine,” one of the men said. “We have some small sample clothes, and they’re all oversized anyway.” Carlos found another picture of Mal, a close up with her holding her board. “Wow,” the guy said. “She has beautiful eyes. Do whatever it takes to get her on. Your guy friends too, but especially her.”

Carlos thought about how insane this was. Mal, a model? Posing for a camera to sell clothes? Never. She’ll laugh at him. No way would she say yes.

But...Mal was frustrated with her life, and Evie being gone was making her depressed. She was sleeping more, not taking as much interest in keeping the house running. She needed something new. Maybe, this was it. 

…

**Jay**

“Hey Jay!” 

Jay rubbed his eyes. He’d just gotten up. “Yeah?”

Jason appeared in his doorway. They were staying in a fleabag B&B that had thin walls and smelled awful. Jason had a towel wrapped around his hips. Modesty had gone by the wayside days ago. 

“We’re doing an interview, so clean up a little and come down. It’s okay if you don’t shower, we’re running kind of late.” Jay nodded, and went to splash water on his face and wash his pits. Then he got dressed and headed downstairs.

They were interviewed on camera by a German film crew. The interviewer spoke very good English, so they mostly used that. Marcus spoke German, of course, and translated the few times something was confusing. 

The interviewer asked Jason about the different personalities of people on the tour. “Oh, you know, everyone’s different,” he said. “Everyone has something that makes them stand out. Mike is really good at keeping his studies up, even on tour. Randy loves video games and he’s the youngest. Jay respects women, and he’s really into fairness and people getting what they want.” The others laughed, and Jay just made a gesture like _so what?_. Of course, this got the interview lady’s attention. 

“Do you have a girlfriend, Jay?”

Jay nodded. “Yeah. Her name is Lonni. I need to give her a call.” Jay smiled, and the interviewer seemed to melt. Jay knew he could be charming, but boy this was pretty easy. 

“What do you think of the girls who have your picture up?” As soon as she said that, Jason and the others started mocking Jay and hooting. “It’s caused a stir, even though your company isn’t in Germany.”

“That photo is getting around,” he said. “I don’t know, I didn’t think of the consequences when I did it. I just wanted to do something outrageous. And now I have girl fans-”

“He’s got teen girls coming to this to see him now,” Jason interrupted. “I mean, that happens, but Jay’s standing out with this.” The others nodded, and Jay figured Jason was right about that. He did stand out. And that was mostly good, but not always.

Jay just answered a few more questions, and then let Jason take the most. Jason was a natural leader, and since he was the number one skater, got the most attention. Jay wondered if Jason was jealous of him, at least a little. He was stealing Jason’s thunder, although only in the press. 

The interview wound down, with a softball question about the venue they were skating in. It was a huge music festival, with over a dozen punk and metal bands. “I’m super excited,” Jay said. “Marcus has been telling me about the bands. I can’t wait to skate while they’re playing.” 

Everyone agreed, and then the interview wound down. When they were dismissed, they all wandered over to some food trucks. Jay could see Jason coming over. Jay already knew what he was about to say. 

“Look, you’re not mad about-” Jay made a dismissive gesture. 

“I’m not. Mostly because I still don’t see why it’s such a big deal.” Jason looked confused. Jay faced him, staring him down. “Maybe you’re right about me, that I’m idealistic. Maybe everybody should be. So I’m not mad. And anyway, I’m too excited about this show today.” 

“Yeah?” Jason gave him a tentative smile, trying to recover from Jay’s mild confrontation. “Me too. The music should be great. Marcus keeps playing it, and I can’t understand a word but I want to yell along.” 

“Exactly,” Jay said. Marcus had great taste in music. “Okay, let’s get some wurst or whatever they’ve got, and get in the van.” Jason laughed, and threw an arm around Jay as they headed to the trucks. 

“Okay,” Jay said hours later, weaving through the crowd, drinking one of the best beers he’d ever had. “I fucking love Germany. This is the best place so far.” There was a cheer from one of the other guys, probably Marcus. Marcus was so wasted he kept forgetting to speak in English. It was funny as hell. 

They day had gone perfectly, at least for him. One of the European guys broke a leg and was now off the tour. But Jay had loved getting air while the bands played. Live music was always the best to skate too And German people were fucking cool, loved to share their beers and make conversation.

“I hope I can come back here someday, to visit.” 

“Yeah,” Jason said. “I did stay here for a while, with my dad. It wasn’t as much fun, mostly because of the weather. But I can see it. This country’s cool.” Jay finished his beer, held out his hand, and someone gave him another one. Boy, he was gonna drink a lot today. 

He was, if he was honest with himself, drinking more. It helped with the tour grind, all the stress and pressure. It also helped with how much he missed Carlos. He had barely been able to call. He was afraid of being outed, and Randy seemed to shadow him all the time. 

He had called Lonni, to try to arrange a visit. She had the money and was trying to get a flight to wherever Jay was. It was hard, because they kept adding dates. Jay was sure they were promised some time off, but it hadn’t happened yet. 

He felt guilty as hell, for calling his fake girlfriend instead of his real boyfriend. But nothing to be done. They needed to meet up. 

“Hey!” Jay looked over and cracked up. Randy was three sheets to the wind, with a big stupid grin on his face. “We’ve been invited to a punk club, we don’t have to pay to get in. You want to?” 

“Hell yes.” Jay guzzled some more beer, then walked over to Randy, getting him in a half hug. A club sounded perfect. It would get his mind off Carlos. 

…

**Carlos**

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Mal was staring at him. “Fashion photography? Clothes? Are you serious right now?” 

“I had this meeting, and they loved your look,” Carlos said. “They said they wanted someone authentic, and you’re that for sure. Come on, this might be a big break for you.” Mal rolled her eyes. “No really, this might be good for you.”

“Good for me how? This isn’t something I ever wanted to do.” Mal flopped on the couch, arms crossed over her chest.

“Mal, I know you’re not happy right now,” Carlos said, voice low and gentle. “With how skating is going, with your job. And I know you miss Evie a lot.” Mal’s face squinched up as she tried not to cry. “And I can see how it’s getting to you. You don’t skate as much as you used to. You seem like you’re withdrawing. So maybe, it’s time for something new.” 

Mal sat in silence, twisting a ring she always wore. Carlos thought that Evie had given it to her, but he wasn’t sure. “I’m going to go talk to Gil and Harry, to see if they’re in. I’ll give you time to think about it.” Carlos went over to her, leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I love you Mal. I think we both need to keep busy right now. It helps me, I’ll say that.”

“Fine, I’ll think about it,” Mal said. “Have fun at Uma’s place. Tell her I said hi.” Carlos said he would, and then drove to Uma’s. 

When he got there, he found Uma still in her waitress uniform, playing a video game. Gil was sitting in front of another TV, and to Carlos’s surprise, Chad was with him. He’d known they were back together, but they had been very quiet about it. 

“Hi,” Uma said. “Never seen you here alone, what’s the occasion?” 

“Hi. I wanted to ask Gil and Harry if they’d like to model for a company making skater-type clothes. The suits said they wanted authentic skaters, and I told them I knew some.” Uma blinked. Then Gil turned around in his seat. 

“They want me and Harry? They didn’t want Uma?” Carlos shook his head. 

“No, I’m sorry.” They had looked at her pictures, but hadn’t said anything. Uma put down her game, and looked at the floor for a moment. Then she shrugged.

“Oh well. Did they want Mal?” Carlos hesitated. He knew Mal and Uma were more friendly now, but he didn’t know how she’d handle the news. So he just nodded. 

Uma sat there and thought it over. “Honestly, I hope she does it. I bet she’s weirded out by it though.” 

“She is,” Carlos said. “I have a copy of the contract if Gil wants to look over it. Where’s Harry?” 

“He’s at work,” Gil said, standing up. “We can go see him if you want.” Chad stood up too. “Chad, do you want to come?” 

Chad looked at his watch. “I can’t. I’m going to see about going back to college. I’m getting my transcripts.” Then Chad pulled Gil in for a kiss. Carlos tried not to laugh as Uma made a face. “Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Gil waved as Chad left the house, giving Carlos a high five on his way out. 

Gil walked over to Carlos. “Thanks for this. I’m really flattered. And I think I want to do it, but after I look at the contract.” Carlos must have looked surprised, and Gil said “Well, when I played football my dad always told me to read any contracts. Of course, then I quit football.” 

“Yeah,” Carlos said. “Chad was actually a big help with the ones we signed. Made sure we got lawyers.” Carlos said goodbye to Uma, and then they got into Jay’s car. “You like the Pontiac?” 

“It’s great,” Gil said. “Okay, we’re going to the bar that Harry works in. Don’t worry, they don’t check ID’s for shit there.” Carlos nodded and headed the way Gil directed him. “It’s good to see you, you haven’t been around much.”

“I’ve been keeping busy,” Carlos said. “It’s hard with Jay being gone.” Gil nodded. “I miss him a lot. He hasn’t been calling much.”

“I bet he’s tired,” Gil said. “I went on a tour one time. And it made me tired. That was a while ago. And we were in the States, so we didn’t even have the problem with time zones.” 

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have been grumpy when he called. And he’s bringing Lonni over.” Carlos sighed. “I know I shouldn’t be jealous, but...” He honestly liked Lonni, but the way she seemed to command all the attention bothered him sometimes. 

“Wow, who’s Lonni? The girl Chad told me about?” Carlos nodded. “Oh, I’d be mad. Me and Chad finally got things to where they’re kind of good. If he had a fake girlfriend? I’d be mad. Okay, turn here and it’s on the left.” 

“For what it’s worth, I’ve got a beard now too,” Carlos said, looking for a spot to park. “She’s a sweet girl. It’s not like they think they’re real girlfriends.” Carlos got out of the car. “Wait, Harry works at this place?” 

“Yeah, he tends bar,” Gil said. “Come on in.” And then Gil ran up to the entrance of one of the sleaziest gay bars Carlos knew of. He had never been in it, but he’d heard it had been raided for having a back room with unsafe sex going on. Carlos took a deep breath, and walked in. 

It wasn’t dark, like he expected. Instead it was well lit and had loud music playing. He saw Harry right away, at the big bar in the middle of the room. He was tending bar shirtless, which had to be a health code violation. He looked in Carlos’s direction, and gave him a wicked smirk. 

“What brings ye here?” Harry put his hands on the bar and leaned in. “Ye want a drink?”

“Actually, I’m here to offer you a job.” Harry’s eyes went wide as Carlos explained what he was there for. “So, it’s a paid modeling gig, and it might lead to other things. Are you interested?” 

Harry stared at him for a minute, fascinated. “Oh. Yes. Yes I am.” Harry leaned in even closer. “Do I need ta sign anything?” Carlos showed him the contract, and to his surprise, Harry signed it right then. Without even looking at it. “Thank you for thinking of me,” Harry said, blinking his bright eyes at Carlos, his face so close Harry could feel his breath. 

Carlos stepped back. “Sorry Harry, didn’t come here for that,” he said, and Harry looked disappointed. “I can call you soon with the details. I need to get them myself. But it’ll be a professional shoot.” Harry was still staring at him like he wanted to eat him alive. “Um, I’ll let you get back to your work.” 

“Good to see you,” Harry said, giving him a flirty smile. Then he batted his eyes at a man at the bar. Carlos stood by and watched Harry make the guy his drink. Then the customer tucked Harry’s tip into the elastic of his underwear. Holy shit. Carlos had to find Gil and get them out of here. This bar was too wild for him.

He found Gil talking to a guy near the exit sign, and practically dragged him out of there. “Hey, it’s cool,” Gil said. “I get some barback work here sometimes. Just talking to the manager.”

“Harry tried to kiss me,” Carlos snapped. “Maybe I should tell him about Jay.” Gil raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say anything until they got into the car. “I mean, would it make a difference?”

“I think he’s figured it out,” Gil said. “And I think Harry just likes the challenge of going after you. He doesn’t expect you to say yes. He just likes the chase. So it probably wouldn’t matter. But you can tell him to stop while the shoot is going on. He’ll probably listen to that.” 

“Good. Because I won’t put up with that from him on my set.” Carlos had to take a listen to himself. “Holy shit Gil, I’ve finally gone pro.” Carlos let himself smile and be happy as Gil cackled in the passenger seat. He just wished Jay was here. 

…

**Jay**

Lonni joined the tour for a night when they were in Switzerland. Lonni showed up in her ratty thrift store clothes and with multicolored bangs. Jason stared at her when Jay introduced him. After a minute he looked at Jay. 

“Man, why didn’t you tell me that your girlfriend was Asian?” Jay felt relief-Jay bought it. Lonni wasn’t really standing close to him, but it was enough for Jason to think their relationship was real. Good. “Hey, good to meet you Lonni. Jason.” 

“Hi,” she said, and shook his hand. “It’s good to meet you, sorry I won’t be here long.”

“No problem,” Jason said. “Jay isn’t rooming with anyone so you two will have some privacy,” Jason said. “Well, some. Not much with these idiots around.” Jay could see Randy and Jessie watching from a distance. Randy looked...angry? Huh.

“Thanks,” Lonni said. “Um, where can I get something to eat around here?” Jay could see she was still tired from the trip. 

“I’ll take you out,” Jay said, putting an arm around her. “There’s a place next door.” They walked down the hotel hallway, and took the elevator as Jason loudly wished them a good night. 

“Thanks for coming,” Jay said. They were at a rundown, diner-style Swiss place, where most of the food had a ton of dairy in it. It was delicious but very heavy, so they ate slowly. “You’re doing me a real favor with this.” 

“No problem,” Lonni said, smiling brightly. “I always wanted to travel outside of military travel. That’s no fun at all.” Lonni nibbled her pasta dish. “And I missed seeing you. I really do like hanging out with you. You never get embarrassed when I’m loud, and you’re funny.” 

“Thanks. I think you’re hilarious,” Jay said. Then he dropped his voice to a whisper. “But man, I miss Carlos so much. I haven’t even talked to him in weeks. Have you heard anything about him?”

“Why haven’t you called, are you fighting?” Jay shook his head. “Can’t get time alone?” He nodded. “Well, I heard he’s got more photography work, so I think he’s actually doing really well. Jane said he’s really excited about it.” 

“Oh. Good.” Jay smiled. “I hope he’s really happy.”

“I’m sure he is. But you need to call him. I’m sure he misses you.” Then Lonni came in closer. ‘Hey,” she said. “How about I go hang out with Jason and the others, and you get on the phone? I bet that would work out pretty well. And they seem like fun guys to drink with.”

“Just watch out for Jessie,” Jay said. As the tour ground on, Jessie was becoming more like he was when Jay first met him- angry, an egomaniac, and more and more erratic. “Don’t take anything he gives you.” Jay now knew why Jason told him that. Jessie had very potent, nasty drugs on him. 

“Okay, I will,” Lonni said, then she ordered a piece of torte, that looked amazing. They shared it, and then Lonni went to the bathroom (turned out she was lactose intolerant). When she got out, they went back to the hotel.

When everyone was gone, Jay called home. He was pretty sure it was too late, but he didn’t care. His door was slightly open, but most of the other guests weren’t around, so he didn’t worry. Eventually Carlos picked up. “Jay?”

“Baby,” Jay said. “I’ve missed you so much.” 

“Hey!” Carlos sounded happy. “You woke me up again, but I’m glad. I missed you too. How are you?” 

“Okay,” Jay said. “It’s getting really hard. I think I’m drinking too much. But I’m all right. Um, Lonni is here.” There was a pause. 

“Is she sleeping in the same bed as you?” Jay honestly didn’t know. 

“I can sleep on the floor,” he said, and Carlos groaned. “Hey, we have to be in the same room. I’m really sorry about this. You know nothing’s going to happen.” 

“Yeah, but she’s there and I’m not.” Jay couldn’t say anything to that. “I’ve gotten a big break.”

“I heard,” he said. “I hope it all works out for you. You’re a genius, and I love you. Remember that, okay? I wish I could talk more, but I can’t run up big phone bills. I’m really proud of you, and I hope I can come back home soon.” 

“Okay,” Carlos said. “I miss you, I love you, I hope to see you soon. Take care of yourself, don’t drink so much. Bye Jay.”

“Bye.” Jay hung up, and stared at the phone afterward. He didn’t hear Randy until he was just behind him.

“Who was that?” Jay spun around. Randy’s eyes were bloodshot, and he looked furious. “Your girlfriend is in the hotel bar with Jason and Marcus. Who are you saying ‘I love you’ to?” Jay panicked. _Shit. Shit shit._ What was he supposed to do?

“You must have misheard me,” Jay said, trying to keep his cool. “I was just talking to a friend. I tell my friends I love them all the time.” Jay hoped Randy bought it, because it was all he could think of. Randy didn’t look convinced, but he turned around and left the room, slamming the door. 

Well, fuck. 

…

**Carlos**

It was three days before the shoot. Mal had been avoiding him, so it was a surprise when she came up to him in the kitchen. “Hey,” he said.

“I’ll do it,” Mal said. Carlos’s mouth dropped open. “I’ve thought about it, and I think you’re right. I need to do something new.” Carlos turned, and pulled Mal into a hug. “I mean, this could change everything for you,” she said. “I shouldn’t say no because I’m afraid of taking a chance.” 

“Thank you,” Carlos said. “They really wanted you, they told me to do everything I could. But I knew nagging you wouldn’t work. So I just hoped you’d think about it.” He kissed her forehead. “And I’m glad you said yes now, so I can tell them to go ahead and get me the girl’s clothes.” 

Mal laughed, sounding nervous. “Oh god, I have no idea what I’m doing. What do I do, Carlos?” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll blast Metallica and you can move how you want. They just want you to look cool, and you already do. It’ll work out fine.” Carlos grinned. “Oh, Jay called me. He sounded okay.” 

“Okay? Anything wrong?” Carlos didn’t want to worry Mal, but hiding things from her never worked. 

“It’s a lot on him,” he said. “And he’s drinking a lot.” Mal stared. “You know...how he says sometimes he doesn’t know how to act in new situations, so he just does what the people around him do? I think he’s doing that now.” 

Mal was silent for a minute, then she sat down at the table. “Yeah,” she said. “He used to tell me he had no idea how most people lived their lives. He wasn’t in school much, he didn’t have family dinners or a dad who loved him. He doesn’t even know who his mom is. So I wound up teaching him a lot. Then so did Evie, and you, and everyone else. And I forget about this sometimes, because he’s gotten so much better. But I can see him just getting lost.”

Carlos sat next to her.. “I know he gets along with the other guys, but I hope they’re not pressuring him into things. “He had Lonni go out there for him. Got to admit, didn’t really like hearing that.” Mal put an arm around him. 

They sat like that for a while, until the mail came. Mal jumped up, hoping for something from Evie. “Oh, she sent a postcard,” Mal said. “Now I have an address.” Mal read it. “Oh, she’s gained two pounds!”

“That’s good,” Carlos said. “God, that’s great.”

“She says we can sent postcards too, but not letters? Something about short positive messages only.” Mal jumped up. “I’m going to get some postcards from the store. We can all send some.” Mal ran to get her wallet, then headed out the door, leaving Carlos alone. 

He went back to his room, wanting the quiet before he called the ad people. They would be happy, but he wasn’t ready for that yet. He curled up on his bed, facing the wall.

…

**Jay**

It was a few nights after he’d last talked to Carlos, and Jay was drunk. They had gone out, again, and Jay couldn’t even remember where they were. He’d been dancing and having a good time, until Jason grabbed him. 

“You’re shitfaced, go back to the hotel.” Jay pouted at him, and Jason laughed. “Nah, I’m not mad but you nearly knocked over a table, dude.”

“Oops,” Jay said. “Okay. Where’s the hotel?” Jason shook his head and pointed to the ceiling. “Oh yeah. Thanks.” Jay let Jason lead him out of the bar and into the hotel lobby, leaving him to find the rest of the way on his own. 

“Hey.” Jay looked over to see Randy, smiling and taking his arm. “I can help you to your room.” Jay grinned-Randy had been really standoffish after that night in Switzerland. Jay had felt bad about it, but there was nothing he could do. 

He let Randy lead him to the rickety elevator and to his room. “Sorry you weren’t at the bar,” Jay slurred. “Fuck, I need to sit down.” Rand led him to his bed, and sat next to him, arm around Jay’s shoulders. “I’m way too drunk.”

“We’re just traveling tomorrow,” Randy said. “Just try not to puke out the window, Hugo won’t like that.” That made Jay laugh. “See, it’s okay,” Randy said. He turned a lamp on. “Everything’s fine.” Jay closed his eyes, and felt Randy rubbing his back. Nice. 

“I’m drinking too much,” Jay muttered, as Randy rubbed his shoulder. “I’m way too wasted.” He could hear a noise, and opened his eyes. Randy had taken his shirt off. “Hey,” he said. It was a cold night, why was Randy taking clothes off?

“You’re fine, you’re perfect,” Randy said. Then Jay felt a soft mouth against his. He didn’t react at first, it was all so unreal. And he liked kissing, but. Wait.

“Wait. Randy, no. Stop.” Jay put up a hand, and Randy growled and shoved his hand down. “Randy, fucking stop it!” Jay got his arms in between Randy’s body and his and pushed him back. Randy stumbled off the bed, standing above Jay. “I’m taken. And you’re sixteen.” 

“Taken? By who? Your _girlfriend_? Randy’s face was twisted in anger. “You were saying I love you to someone while she was here. Who was it? It was a guy, wasn’t it? That little goth fuck of a friend of yours, maybe?” Randy moved quick, and before Jay could react Randy was straddling his lap. “Please,” Randy said. “I don’t want to lose my virginity to one of those forty year old guys that hang around. I like you, and you’ve been nice to me. I know you’d make it good.” Then Randy tried to kiss him again, but Jay turned away. “Goddammit Jay, please!”

“I can’t. Randy, just leave me alone. And I couldn’t get it up if I tried anyway.” Jay realized he was shaking. Randy had been his friend. And now he had his hands. Down Jay’s pants. He’d unzipped Jay’s jeans without him even noticing. His stomach flipped. “Get off!” He shoved hard. 

Randy hit the floor hard, and glared up at him. “Fine, fuck you,” Randy said. “I’ll get you back for this.” Then Randy ran out of the room. 

Jay sat there, unable to move. He got up, and slowly shut and locked the door. Then he collapsed, curling on the floor, unable to know what to do. Was it over? Would Randy try again? He had to talk to someone. 

The room was spinning. He crawled to the bathroom to puke. Then after shaking and spitting on the bathroom floor for a while, he went to find the phone. He had trouble remembering all the numbers, but he got through. 

Four rings. Time seemed to take so long. 

“Jay? It was Carlos. “Jay, how are you?” 

“I’m sorry,” Jay said, and started crying. “I didn’t want to.”

“What? Jay, what are you saying? Sorry for what? What happened? Are you okay? Do you need to see a doctor?” 

“I didn’t want to, I wanna go home. Carlos, I wanna go home.” He sobbed as Carlos started yelling. 

“Jay, what happened! Didn’t want to do what? What did you do?” Jay could hear footsteps running as Carlos woke up the house. Jay couldn’t say anymore, he just cried down the phone. He couldn’t answer even when Mal took the phone from Carlos and started interrogating him. 

After a while, Carlos got the phone back. “Jay. Did you cheat?” Jay felt ashamed at the cutting way Carlos said it. ‘You don’t have to tell me anything else, but did you cheat?”

“No,” Jay said. He didn’t know if Carlos believed him. He didn’t know if he believed himself. Did he kiss Randy back? He wasn’t sure. “Carlos, I wanna go home.”

“It’s okay. If you didn’t cheat, it’s okay. Look, just try to get through tonight, and call me back when you can tell me.” Carlos sounded panicked, and Jay was sorry he’d made him upset. “Just hold on.” 

“They added more dates,” he said. “I’m going to Poland.” Jay had been so excited about that. That seemed like a long time ago. “Think I’m gonna pass out,” 

“Okay, try to sleep. Just...fuck, I don’t know what happened!” Jay heard Carlos yell that, probably to Mal, and he hung up. He couldn’t say any more, and he just made Carlos upset. Jay curled on the bed, still shaking and crying, and waited to pass out.


	14. Pushing Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay has to make it one more week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all Jay. Next one will be Carlos, in the same time frame as this one.

Jay woke up the next morning to pounding, both in his head and from the door. Who was it? Then he heard Hugo’s voice, yelling at him to get up. _Fuck_. Jay moved slowly, his legs shaking, and went to the bathroom. He threw up again, not as badly as last night.

Last night. What had happened? It was a blur. But. Randy. Randy had put his hands on his dick. Randy had kissed him. And he had called Carlos, but he couldn’t remember what he’d said. Jay’s stomach heaved and he puked again. 

When he got up, he rinsed his mouth and then washed his face. He looked like death, and felt like it too. How was he going to skate like this? Then he remembered they were traveling. A whole day in the van with Randy. Oh fuck. 

He tried to pull himself together, not sure what he was going to do. “Just act like nothing happened,” he whispered as he got dressed and grabbed his things. “Everything’s all right.” Then he went downstairs and saw everyone else having breakfast. 

Jason cheered when he got there. “Last one up, you must feel like shit. You want some juice?” Jay smiled and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. In the corner, Randy was sitting alone and eating cereal, not looking at him. 

Jason let him sit down next to him, and Jay tried drinking some juice, and then coffee. The other guys were talking excitedly, but Jay couldn’t focus on it. All he could think of was when he’d be able to call Carlos again. He wasn’t sure what he’d said, but he knew it probably wasn’t good. 

Then he looked over at Randy, and Randy glared back at him. He felt his stomach drop. Randy was going to get him back. He remembered that now.

“Hey,” Jason said. “Are you okay? Is this more than a hangover? Hey Hugo, I think Jay’s sick.” Jay sipped some of his coffee, trying to cover it. Hugo came over and looked Jay over, feeling his forehead. Then he sighed and handed him some tablets. 

“Headache tablets and nausea pills. Let me know if it doesn’t get better, and I’ll get a doctor.”

“Thanks,” Jay said. He swallowed the pills with some more juice, and didn’t look back over at Randy again. 

They didn’t have any more time, they were back in the van and Hugo was driving them to fuck knows where. Jay didn’t even know anymore. They were going to go past the Iron Curtain, to Poland, maybe a few other places. But he didn’t know. He just wanted all this to stop. 

He huddled in the back of the van, close to Mike. Mike nodded at him, but didn’t say anything. Jay couldn’t focus on the guys laughing and making fun of each other. He just wanted to keep as much space between him and Randy as he could. 

Would he be able to get a phone? Would the pay phones work? Did he have change for wherever they were going? Maybe he could get to a phone, when they stopped somewhere. Yes. Talking to Carlos would help. 

He sat in the back, and said nothing until they stopped somewhere to eat. Jay checked his pockets, but he didn’t have a lot. So he went to Hugo. “Hey. I need to make a call. Do you have any change please?” 

“All right, here’s a little. Do ye think you can use the phones here?” Jay shrugged. “Okay, here’s the numbers for where we are. Don’t run off, just finish your call and come join us. How ya feelin’?”

“Better, I think,” Jay said. “Thanks Hugo.” Then Jay went to the first phone booth he saw. It was gross and rusty, but he couldn’t care about that now. He tapped in the numbers and hoped someone would answer.

Four rings. Five. 

Someone picked up. “Carlos?” he whispered. 

“Jay?” Jay shook with silent sobs. “Jay, what happened? What the fuck was that? Are you okay?”

“I don’t remember what I said,” Jay whispered. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Just fucking tell me, what happened? You said you didn’t cheat, and I believe you. But what the fuck happened?”

Jay tried to put it into words. “Someone on the tour made a move on me. I was drunk, I didn’t expect it. I pushed them off. He said they’d get me back for saying no. That’s what I remember.” There was a long silence then. 

“Who was it?” Carlos’s voice was flat and angry. But not angry at him? Jay didn’t think so anyway.

Jay swallowed, his throat dry. “Randy.” Jay felt a little lighter for a moment, then the dread clamped back down and he bent over as his stomach flipped again. “I didn’t kiss him back. I remember that now. I swear I didn’t.”

“Randy? Oh shit. Are you all right?”

Jay looked around. Could anyone hear them? Was Randy around? The fuck seemed to be everywhere. “No, I’m not. He’s planning something. I don’t know what.” Jay’s teeth started chattering again. “I’m scared. I can’t eat.” 

“It’ll be okay, just hang on. You’ve only got a week or so, you can do this. I’m glad you called, just try to stay in touch, I love y-”

Then the line cut off. He didn’t have money to talk longer. Jay left the phone booth and dry-heaved in an alley before heading to the restaurant. Nobody said anything about his absence, and Jay sat alone in a booth. Eventually, he got a glass of water and sipped it. 

Hugo came back and checked on him. “Make your call?” Jay nodded. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Not really,” Jay said. “I don’t know if I can eat anything.” Jay watched as Hugo became honestly concerned. Their tour manager mostly treated them like annoying bugs, but Jay had him worried. “Is there any soup, something plain?”

“I’ll get you some noodles in broth.” Hugo left the booth and later the cook came back with a bowl that smelled okay. Jay took a few spoonfuls, and sipped more water. When he looked up, he saw all the other guys were looking at him. 

“Man, are you okay?” Jason was staring. “You look pretty fucked up. Do you think you can skate tomorrow?” 

Jay didn’t know himself. “Guess we’ll see tomorrow. I don’t want to see a doctor.” He knew a doctor wouldn’t find anything. He just needed to finish this tour and go home. 

“He’s gonna get us all sick,” Jessie muttered, and Jason smacked him on the back of the head. “Ow!”

“Shut up Jessie. Let Jay get better. I’m surprised you’re not on IV’s by now.” Thee other guys laughed, and Jay managed a grin. But right now, he was trying to keep his soup down. He ate some more of it, then they got back in the van. 

They kept driving, and wound up in a town that looked deserted at night. “We’re stopping here, and we’ll go into Eastern Europe tomorrow.” Jay got out of the van and saw another dingy bed and breakfast, and he hoped the doors to the rooms locked. 

He was shown to his room, which was a single. He sat alone for a moment, and then decided to seek some of the others guys out. Who would room with him when they all thought he was sick? And he didn’t want to run into Randy. 

He found Mike, on his bed with a book, his brown hair uncombed. He didn’t always shower or take care of himself. “Hey man, is it okay if I stay in here with you? I don’t want to be alone right now.” He was shaking thinking about it. Mike lowered his book and looked at him, then nodded. “Okay, I’ll get my things.” Jay ducked out, then came back quick. Jay was scared, a little. He didn’t know what Mike was capable of. But he wanted to be in a room with a fucking witness in case Randy came back.

That thought made his stomach cramp up, and he curled on the bed, waiting for it to pass. When it did, he looked up to see Mike staring at him. “Sorry. I hope I get better soon.” Mike looked at him, then stood up. Jay tried not to flinch when he came closer. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t worry.” Mike looked around. “Can I sit on the bed?” Jay nodded, but moved further away. “I heard something last night, that I wasn’t supposed to. I think I know what happened. I’m so sorry.”

Jay stared at him, and then he had to run to the bathroom. As he puked even more, Mike stood in the bathroom doorway. “I’m sorry,” Mike said again. “I didn’t know he would do that to you. You could crush him like a bug if you wanted.” 

“Why didn’t you do something?” Jay got up slowly. Mike got him a glass of tap water from the sink, and Jay tried to drink some. 

“I didn’t know what to do.” Jay nodded. He didn’t know what to do either. Jay went back to his bed, curling on his side again. Mike brought the glass and sat it on the nightstand. “Will you be okay?”

“Dunno,” Jay said. “Randy said he’d get me back. I don’t want to be alone with him.”

Mike looked serious and a little scared. “I’ll room with you for the rest of this, if you want.” Jay nodded. “Okay. I think there’s food downstairs. I can get you some and bring it up if you want to try to eat.” 

“Okay,” Jay said. Mike nodded at him, and Jay locked the door after him. Jay wondered if he should trust Mike. He’d always gotten along with Mike, but he’d gotten along with Randy too. But. Mike didn’t seem to be blaming him. He didn’t even seem that surprised. 

A few minutes later, he knocked. “Here,” he said. “It’s just some plain chicken and noodles.” Jay took it and ate slowly. It wasn’t seasoned well, but right then he didn’t care. 

“I don’t know why I’m puking,” Jay said. “I should be kicking Randy’s ass.”

“No,” Mike said. “Jason would kick your ass then, and you’d get kicked out for fighting. But yeah, I hope you get better soon. It’s not going to be much longer. We’ll get to go home in a week.” Jay nibbled his food. 

“You’re being really cool about this,” Jay said, and Mike’s eyes dropped to the floor. “Did you know something about Randy? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I thought he’d be crazy to mess with you,” Mike said. “I didn’t think he’d wait for you to get drunk.” Mike still didn’t look up, and Jay wondered if Mike knew about Randy’s behavior first hand. “But now that I know, I’ll help you out.” 

“Thanks.” Jay ate about half of his food. “How do I act normal?”

Mike chuckled. “You’re asking the wrong person.”

…

The next morning Jay felt like his stomach had finally settled. They got up early again, and ate a quick breakfast before being piled into the van again. Mike stayed close to him, and Jay tried to put on a good face. “I think I’m better now,” he said to Jason. “I’m gonna do my usual routine, hope it works on what we’ve got.”

“See, there you go. I knew you’d come back around. You’re tough.” Jason play-punched his arm, and Jay tried not to flinch. He understood now, why Carlos was so careful about who touched him. But he laughed and played it off. 

They were in Germany again, heading for the Polish border. Before they got there, Hugo stopped the van. “Okay, we’re a mile from the border. Whatever illegal substances you bastards have on you, throw them out the window now. All of them. If the border guards find anything, they will throw you in jail and we won’t be able to get you out. Do you understand me?”

Jay watched as Jason, Marcus, and a few others threw baggies of pot out the window. Jessie didn’t move. Hugo leaned over and stared at him. Finally Jessie threw several baggies of white powder out of the van. “You owe me a hundred bucks,” Jessie said. 

“I owe you a kick in the arse,” Hugo said, then looked over at Mike and Jay. “Anything, lads?”

“Nope,” Mike said.

“I’m clean too,” Jay said. He’d used the last of his stash in the Netherlands. Fuck pot was cheap there. 

“Too bad,” Marcus said. “Might help your nausea.” Jay grinned. 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to go to jail.” He was proud of himself, for joking like normal. Then he saw Randy and felt a chill down his spine. He felt his stomach twist, but he hid it. He couldn’t keep throwing up. He had to skate.

They went through border, and their entire van was searched, as well as their bags and pockets. Luckily, nobody had forgotten a baggie. Then they were back in the fucking van and driven even further, until they reached fucking Warsaw.

“Wow,” Jay said, looking at it. It wasn’t a lot to look at, but he was still impressed. “Never thought I’d see this place.” 

“Yeah,” Mike said. He was staring too. There seemed to be a lot of activity, people putting up fliers and talking to others. “What’s going on?”

“They’re going to have their first election with more than one party in forty years,” Hugo said. “It’s going to be in a few weeks. They might vote out the Communist Party.” Jay and Mike looked at each other, then Mike smiled. 

“Too bad we’ll miss it,” he said. Jay looked around. The Euro guys looked a bit bored. They already knew, of course. Jason was impressed, but then seemed to forget about it. Then they all went to find the skate park they were at. 

It was a dinky skate park, but Jay figured he could work with it. Looking at it, he felt himself get excited, and realized that Randy hadn’t destroyed his love for skating. He still had it. He’d been hurt, but not broken. Thank God. 

As he was putting on his helmet, Randy came over to him. He was smiling like nothing had happened. Jay felt his stomach churn. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you.” 

“Give me a chance,” Randy said, and came closer, still smiling. “I think I love you. I’m sorry I waited until you were drunk. We can try again. We’re friends, aren’t we?” Then he put a hand on Jay’s shoulder. Jay slapped it off, and Randy stepped back, shocked.

“We’re not friends now,” Jay said. “I don’t want you near me.” Then Jay stood up, looking Randy in the eye. “You said you want what I have, to live with friends, in a group. I’m telling you this now, unless you change? You’re never going to get it. You’re going to be alone. Do you hear me?”

Randy’s face went pale white. “I’m going to tell Jason you tried to molest me,” he whispered. “He’ll believe me. And he’ll knock your head off.” Randy stared at him, and Jay bent double with nausea. “See? He’ll think you’re guilty. You’re acting like it” 

“Fuck you,” Jay whispered. But he knew if Randy did lie to Jason, he would be fucked. Jason thought Randy was his little brother, and he’d never believe Jay. “I got a witness,” he said., and then he could stand back up, the nausea easing. “Someone heard you, he knows what you did. So if you try, they’ll tell Jason. And then you’ll have to explain yourself. I don’t think you should take that chance.” 

Randy stared at him, then walked away without a word. Jay wondered what he was going to do. He needed to talk to Carlos, but he had no idea if he could even reach him. Mike appeared by his side then, putting on his own protective gear. “You hear any of that?”

“Yeah, some.” Mike looked at him. “How do you feel now?”

“I think I can make it.” Jay looked at him. “How about you?”

Mike didn’t react at first, then nodded. “I can always do okay,” he said. “I’ve learned how.” Jay didn’t ask him how he’d learned. 

“Good.” Then they were called to come stand by the biggest half-pipe for pictures, and that was the end of the conversation. 

Jay tried to do his best, but he was a little slower. He got winded easily. He was given a cup of extremely strong and bitter coffee that he choked down, and that helped a little. Then it was time for vertical doubles again. With Randy, who gave him a death glare before facing forward. _Fuck_.

Well, too late to back out now. Jay dropped in, and went up one side and down, then Randy dropped in, and he zipped past him and ground on the top of the pipe before coming back down. They did this a few more times, then Jay came down, and before he could move, Randy crashed into him and they both went down. 

Then it was a blur. He grayed out, but came back to. Jay could hear shouting, and people coming over and trying to talk to him. He saw a doctor, and he tried to sit up. “No, no, don’t move,” Hugo said. “How many fingers am I holding up?” 

Jay blinked a little. “Two?” Hugo nodded. “What happened to Randy?” He might hate him for what he did, but he didn’t want him hurt. 

“The doctors are taking him in an ambulance. He got knocked out cold.” Jay closed his eyes. “Hey, don’t pass out.” We have a doctor here to check you over.” The doctor came, and checked Jay’s arms and legs. Somehow, none were broken. He shined a light in Jay’s eyes. “Mild concussion,” he said in a thick accent. “He needs to rest. We can put him in the hospital to watch him.” 

“Okay with me,” Jay said.

“Yeah, he’s been sick anyway,” Jason said. “He probably needs an IV.” Jay didn’t argue. 

“Am I off the tour?” Jay asked Hugo. He wouldn’t mind if he was. He needed to get home, soon. 

“Depends. You stay overnight, and then we’ll see. Hang in there laddy.” There was a flurry of movement, and then Jay was taken in an ambulance to the hospital. He was quiet the whole time. 

Did Randy hit him on purpose? 

…

The hospital was small, crowded and kind of ugly. Most of the doctors and nurses didn’t speak or understand English much. The owner of the skate park had come with them, and was translating what he could. 

That said, Jay felt he was treated well. He was given warm blankets and watched carefully. Hugo had told the doctors about Jay’s ‘stomach bug’, and they gave him fluids and hot liquids. “Tell them I said thank you,” he said to the park owner. “They’re being very kind.” That earned him a smile from what he thought was the head nurse.

He was in a large shared room, but Randy wasn’t in it. That was great by him. He was concerned, but he still didn’t want to see him himself. But eventually, Hugo came back with news. 

“Randy’s come to, but he has a broken arm. He’ll have to be sent home, can’t finish the tour. He’s getting a cast right now. Do you want to speak to him?” Jay had a lot of questions, but he shook his head. “Well, all right.” Jay knew that Hugo thought he and Randy were still friends. 

“Hey Hugo,” he said. “Call my house. It doesn’t matter who picks up, but let them know what happened. Tell them not to worry, that I’m fine. Can you do that?” 

“That’s fair, give me the number and I’ll see if they have a phone I can use.” Hugo took off then, and Jay played with the edge of his blanket. The other guys were still at the park, or at least they had been. He thought Jason had come by to see Randy, which didn’t surprise him. He wasn’t sure if they still were. It was getting pretty lonely in his corner of the hospital. He couldn’t exactly talk to the other patients, after all. 

After a while, Hugo came back. “Your housemates are intense,” he said, and laughed. “I had to convince them that you were fine, and just in for observation. Are they always that protective?” 

“Sure are,” Jay said, proud. “My actual family is garbage, so I picked another one. Somehow I did a good job, they’re great.” Hugo grinned at that, looking maniacal with his bushy beard. “Who did you get on the phone?”

“Bloody all of them I think. Started off with a girl, then a guy, then a lot of yelling down the phone and get well wishes.” Jay laughed so hard his head hurt, and he winced. “Don’t make yourself worse now. I don’t want your family to fly to Poland just to drag you back home.” 

“Trust me, they would,” Jay said, and Hugo laughed, shaking his head. 

...

Jay stayed overnight, then was released the next day. Randy was gone-sent on a plane back to the states. Jay was glad he was gone, but he still wondered about the accident. How crazy was Randy? Would he really hit him on purpose, even though he was smaller? He couldn’t tell.

Jay decided not to think about it. When he was released, the other skaters were waiting for him with beers and slaps on the back. He also got flowers and get well cards from skater fans who had been at the park during the accident. “This is so cool,” Jay said, and Jason grinned. 

“I think they like you here. Maybe it’s the hair.” Jay laughed as they got back in the van. He knew Jason was probably upset about Randy being hurt and having to leave. He really did try to protect him. “Look, you don’t have to skate if you’re not up to it. We’’ll have a doctor check you when we get to the next place.” They were still in Poland, going a little further before heading back to Germany. Jay nodded. Now that Randy was gone, maybe he could pretend everything was okay. Maybe he could forget about it. 

Then he looked over at Mike, head stuck in his always present book, and wondered if that was true. 

Jay wound up not skating, even though he probably could have. He sat and watched his tour mates as they shredded the half-pipe they were at this time. Then they were taken out to eat. Jay tried to watch the beer, but the others drank a lot. 

When they went to their rooms, Jason caught up with Jay. “Hey man,” he slurred, pretty drunk. “Randy said something really fuckin’ weird when I saw him. It didn’t make any sense.” 

Jay forced himself to be calm, and ignored his stomach roiling. “Oh?” 

“Yeah. He swore to me that you hit him on purpose, that you were trying to knock him out. But I saw it.” Jason looked down at the dingy carpet. “I know you didn’t, because Randy was the one who got in your lane. And I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose. But, there’s no way you could have done it the way he said.” 

“Huh. That’s pretty strange.” Jay didn’t otherwise react. “Why do you think he said that?”

“Probably just because of the head injury,” Jason said. “He hero-worships you.” Then Jason staggered to his room. Jay just found Mike, and they got a room to share. His stomach hurt again, thinking about what Jason had said. 

So, Randy had tried to frame him? Maybe he just wanted one of them to leave the tour, and he didn’t care which. He told that to Mike, who nodded. 

“Might be right. I think you really hurt his feelings when he talked to you before the run. He probably didn’t think it through. I don’t know. I don’t really understand him.” Then Mike handed him some books. “I’m done with these, maybe reading will help you sleep. Does your head hurt too much?”

“No. Could’ve used one of these in the hospital.” Jay looked through them, trying to find something he could understand. The Catcher In the Rye looked like a safe bet. “Can I take this home with me?” 

Mike smiled then, one corner of his mouth going up. “Sure. You’re the only skater that every took one before.”

Jay smiled back. Maybe, when skating dried up, he could get his GED. But right now, he had to finish the tour and go home. He still just wanted to be home, even with Randy gone and him started to feel more normal. 

Here he was, living his dream, and he was already thinking about what to do when it was over.

…

The rest of the tour was uneventful-they went to a few smaller cities in Germany and France. They did TV and were interviewed for magazines. Jay slapped a smile on and acted like nothing had happened, but stuck close to Mike. Turned out Mike was interesting, was studying hard in college, working it around his skating schedule. But he was also an atheist, into politics. A nice guy, just quiet.

He still had nausea, when he was stressed or if he thought about Randy too much. He did call home again, but only got Mal. Jay wondered if Carlos didn’t want to talk to him, but he wasn’t sure. He was probably just being paranoid. 

Three more days.

Then two. 

Then one.

There was a big party on the last night. Everyone got hammered except for him and Mike. Jay didn’t want to let his defenses down again. Then they all went to bed. 

The next morning, everyone headed for the airport. Jason hugged him hard. Jay felt nervous, but he didn’t pull away. “Good too see you. Have a safe trip.” Jay grinned. 

“Thanks. Thanks Hugo!” He waved at Hugo, who laughed and waved back. Then he found Mike. ‘I think we have the first flight together,” he said. Mike nodded. “Thank you so much. I got through this because you helped me.” Everyone else had gone, but he was still whispering. 

“No problem. Are you going to be okay?” 

“Who knows. I just want to go home.” Jay looked at him. “Don’t you live in Burbank? Why don’t you come visit my house some time? I’d be glad to have you over.” 

Mike grinned. “If you don’t think I’ll be a buzzkill. I don’t party much.”

“No problem,” Jay said. “You can come over for movie night.” They laughed, and then they boarded the plane. They didn’t sit together, so Jay just read the book Mike had given him. They changed planes in London, and Jay waved at Mike before he disappeared into the crowd. 

The flight over the ocean was long. Jay finished the book, then stared out the window. Was Carlos okay? Was he angry at him? He didn’t do anything wrong, but maybe Carlos thought he’d done something to cause it. But he wouldn’t do that. Would he?

_I miss him,_ he thought. _I miss him so much._

Finally they touched down. It seemed like forever for him to actually leave the plane. He walked down to the baggage area, and saw them. Mal, Carlos, Chad, Possum, and even Gil were there. Jay ran to them and collapsed in the hug they all gave him. All the exhaustion and fear he’d been holding inside seemed to leave his body, and he was shaking.

“Take me home,” he said, and he felt a kiss to his cheek.


	15. Back Home (I'm So Tired)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos waits for Jay to come back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in the same time frame as the last chapter, but is from Carlos's point of view.

Carlos spent the night awake after Jay’s call. Mal stayed up with him, holding his hand as he tried to figure out what the fuck had happened. “It sounds like someone hurt him,” Mal said, and Carlos closed his eyes. “Whatever it was, I hope he can call us back.” 

“Yeah,” Carlos said. “I’ve never heard him that upset before. And now I can’t do anything to help. And I have a meeting tomorrow about the shoot. And I don’t even want to do it.” This was going to be big for him, but he didn’t even care. He thought about how terrified Jay had sounded, and he sniffled.

He was sure Jay was telling the truth. He wouldn’t cheat on him just because he was drunk and Carlos wasn’t there. Would he? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Carlos closed his eyes against the tears.

“I’ll go with you if you want,” Mal said. “I’d like to see what they have in mind.” Mal wiped her eyes. “Jay...I hope he’s all right. He was my first friend too.” Carlos nodded. Jay had always said that about her, but it went both ways. 

They stayed up, unable to sleep. They spent most of the time in the kitchen, talking softly. Mal made them cups of tea. When morning came, Chad came into the room, also looking like he’d been up. “I’m driving you two to the office. I got more sleep than you, and I don’t want you crashing the car.” 

“Thanks,” Carlos said. 

“Do you have work at the ad agency this week?”

“Only Thursday,” he said. “They cut my days, and I didn’t do much about it. Since I’m making money from this.” Carlos knew the office thought he was odd. He was too quiet, and his clothes made him stand out. He didn’t really care, although he liked the steady work. 

“That’s shitty. I could make another call.” Carlos shook his head. He was grateful for the help, but he needed to make it on his own right now. He had no idea what was going on with Jay, so he needed to be independent, much as he could. 

One of them had to be strong. 

…

The meeting was short, and came with a good box lunch from the catering company down the street. They even ordered another for Mal when she came with him. The woman from the ad agency (Alecia) gushed over Mal and said she would be perfect. Mal played it sweet and humble, and Carlos was impressed by it. She was acting as if nothing was wrong. 

“So we’ve got an outdoor area for you to shoot. Tell everyone to bring their skateboards, maybe we can get some of that in there.” Carlos and Mal nodded. “It’s in a park, we told the security that it was for a photoshoot, so they shouldn’t bother you about the skateboards.”

“We might keep the riding to a minimum all the same.” Carlos knew that some security hated skateboarders with a passion. “I don’t want to cause trouble.” Carlos tried to do as Mal did, smile and act like nothing was wrong. It was hard. 

When they got back home, Carlos immediately said “Possum, did anyone call?” Possum looked up from his drawing. 

“That guy Harry. I think he’s excited about the shoot.” Carlos nodded. He needed a nap. 

“Let me know if the phone rings.” Then he went to his and Jay’s room. This time, he slept in their shared bed. He needed the comfort. 

He was awakened by the phone, and Possum calling out. “I think it’s him!” Carlos ran to get it, feeling Mal grab his hand as he picked up. 

“Carlos?” It was Jay. Carlos was so relieved, but it took a minute for Jay to get out what happened. When he did, Carlos felt his blood freeze. He stammered into the phone, trying to tell Jay to hang on, and then the call was disconnected. 

“What happened?” Mal looked like she was going to explode. “What happened to him?”

“He said Randy tried to seduce him when he was drunk.” Carlos could feel a headache coming on. He didn’t get migraines often, but they sucked when he did. “That he pushed him off, and that Randy’s mad at him. He thinks the little fuck wants to get revenge or something. I don’t know if he’s being paranoid or not.” 

“Jesus. I didn’t think that kid had it in him. I thought he was nice.” Carlos sat on the couch, a hand over his eyes to block the light. “Los, do you need your medication?” Carlos nodded. “Okay.” She went to get it. When she came back, Carlos swallowed a couple of pills dry. “Fuck, let me get you some water too.” Carlos closed his eyes. 

“So someone tried for him when he was drunk? That’s low.” Carlos opened his eyes to see Possum looking concerned. “We gotta get him home.” 

“Not much we can do,” Mal said, handing Carlos a glass. “He’s going to fucking Poland, he said. I don’t even know if we can call.” 

Did Poland take calls from the US? Who the fuck knew anymore. Carlos just drank his water. “I guess we just hope he can get in touch.” Carlos went back to his room, hoping when he woke up his headache would be gone. 

…

His headache receded but didn’t entirely go away. When it was time for the shoot, it had gone down to mild pain and dizziness. But he got his gear and the assistant he was given (a young woman who he’d only talked to on the phone), and got to work. 

Mal came with him, of course. Gil and Harry showed up early, both excited. They didn’t have a makeup artist, so Harry did everyone’s makeup. “That’s it,” he cooed to Mal. “Let me make you up. You’ve got lovely lips.” Mal made a face. “Don’t mess up my hard work, love.” 

“Harry does Uma’s makeup sometimes. And his own,” Gil piped up from the side. His makeup was done, with Harry just shading his face, contouring it to look more manly. “He does drag sometimes.” 

Mal tried to hold in a giggle as Harry glared. “Don’t tell them that, they’ll think I’m a pushover.” Harry finished Mal’s makeup. “There, dark lips suit you. You should wear it sometime. Okay, let’s get over here. I want to see what Carlos has in mind.” 

“Well, we’re going to pose you here, against this wall.” There was a wall with some graffiti near the park. “We’ll do some of these, then maybe a little bit of skating. I’ve been told to make sure not to damage anything.”

“No fun,” Harry said. Then they got to work. Carlos kept to his word and played some Metallica to get Mal in the mood. Mal was stiff at first, nervous like Jay had been. Carlos just kept shooting and yelled encouragement at her until her inner showoff came out to play.

Gil was easier, took direction like a dream. Harry mostly smoldered, staring down the camera. Once Harry looked down, and Carlos shot him with his smudged eyeliner visible. He thought that would would be good. Man, he was going to have so much fun developing these.

Then they went to another part of the park, and Carlos took action shots of the three of them skating and doing tricks, pops, things like that. Mal smiled a lot, in her element. “You all look amazing,” Carlos said. After a few more, they were done. “Okay,” Carlos said. “I’m going to pack up, and if you want we can all get something to eat.” 

Carlos and his assistant got things settled, and Carlos took a deep breath. His migraine was coming back. “Um Mal? Can you drive please? I’m not feeling well.” He saw the looks of concern from both Gil and Harry, but didn’t want to explain. 

Mal drove them to a restaurant that had dim lights. “I can drive you home and we can eat later, if you want,” she said while they parked. Carlos shook his head. “Okay.” They went inside and Carlos ordered a Coke, and took his medication with it. He saw Harry staring at the bottle.

“Migraine?” Harry was watching him with a guarded expression. “You all right?” 

“It just hurts,” Carlos said. “It hasn’t gone away in a couple of days. I might see a doctor.” He had some money to see one. Far as he knew, his mother still had him under coverage. Not that he’d spoken to her to find out. 

“Hope it gets better.” Then the waiter came back and everyone but him ordered big plates of food. Carlos just sipped his Coke and tried to stay awake. He must have looked bad, because it was a short lunch. Carlos paid anyway.

When they got back, Gil said “Can I hang around a little?” Mal said sure. 

“What about me?” Harry said, looking between them. 

“That’s fine,” Carlos said. “But I’m going to bed, to try to sleep off this headache. Just don’t make too much noise. See you later.” Then Carlos went to his room and locked the door.

He slept in his and Jay’s bed this time, and he went to sleep quickly. When he woke up, it was still light out but the slant of the sunlight was different. He sat up, rubbing his forehead. He felt better now.

As he walked down the hall, he could hear different voices talking. He found Gil and Harry still there. Gil and Chad were sitting next to each other, and Harry was reading a comic he had picked off the coffee table. Mal was writing on a postcard and ignoring everyone. Harry looked up first. 

“You feeling better?” Carlos nodded. “Are ye hungry? I can fix you a sandwich maybe.” 

“I’m going to have some coffee,” Carlos said. “Maybe I’ll eat something.” He went back to the kitchen, and Harry followed him. “I can get it myself, thanks.” He was kind of tired of Harry always hitting on him. 

Harry held his hands up. “I’m just going to sit on this side of the table,” he said. “I won’t crowd you.” Carlos didn’t say anything, just fixed enough coffee for anyone who wanted one, and then found an apple and some peanut butter. 

Harry let him eat his snack for a minute. “So,” he said. “Gil told me that Jay was having troubles on the tour. He didn’t get into details.” Carlos froze, staring at Harry. “I’m sorry. I guess you don’t consider me enough of a friend to talk about it with you.” 

“I guess not,” Carlos said. “I know we’re all right with the three of you now, but I don’t know…” Carlos sighed. “I’m worried about him, I’ll say that much. That’s why my head hurts.” Carlos stood up, grabbing a cup. “Do you want some?”

“Yeah. Black.” Carlos got their coffees and sat back down. Harry took a sip, then looked at him again. “You really love him, don’t you?” He said it softly, not accusing or making fun of him. Just a statement of fact, and with a little sympathy.

Carlos didn’t move at first. Then he nodded. Harry smiled. “Okay. I’m glad, actually. You should have someone.”

“You going to stop hitting on me, then? Because it’s kind of annoying.” Carlos glared across the table. 

Harry laughed. “I promise I won’t” Harry leaned back in his chair. “I always saw the bad side of Jay, since we were always fighting. Couldn’t understand why a nice boy like you was attached to him. I thought Jay could use a little competition.” Harry leaned back in his chair. “But I was wrong, hmm? He’s good to you?” 

“Very.” Carlos dared a smile. “He treats me like I’m precious. We look out for each other. And now he’s in Europe and things are getting tough.” Harry nodded, and sipped more coffee. “We’ve never been apart much, since it started.” 

“I understand.” Carlos wondered what Harry could mean, but he continued. “Uma is the best, the only woman. And yes, we have an open relationship. It’s true we aren’t conventional. But she is...” Harry gestured outward. “The world, in a person.” 

“Good,” Carlos said. “I admit I didn’t understand how you two worked. But I’m glad that you’re happy.” 

“I am. Very.” Harry stretched his arms over his head. “I would like a guy too, if one would be willing. But me reputation isn’t the best.” Harry sighed. “I’m not an idiot. I know what condoms are. But most men just see me for fun. They wouldn’t date me seriously.”

“What made you think I would then?” Harry looked surprised, but Carlos just grinned at him.

“Oh, you’re making fun.” Harry laughed. “I just wanted to try. Yer so handsome and sweet-seeming. But I just made you nervous. Gil told me after I signed with you. That you don’t like to be touched.” Carlos nodded. “Sorry about that. Do you think we could be friends, then?”

Carlos thought about how Jay might not be a big fan of that. But he said “If you stop coming on to me, and don’t touch me unless I say it’s all right, we can at least be friendly. It might take a while for me to consider you a full friend.” 

“Better than some. You think Jay would be okay with us being friends?” Carlos shrugged. “About what I figured.” 

The phone rang just then, and Carlos stood up fast, spilling his coffee on the table. He ran to the phone but Mal got it first. “Hello? Jay? What happened? Is he okay?”

Carlos shoved past Harry and got the phone from Mal. “What the fuck happened?”

“Calm down, it’s fine,” a man with a deep voice and a thick accent said. “Jay got in an accident skating doubles, and he’s got a mild concussion. He’s being held for observation at the hospital in Warsaw. But he’s fine, he’s sitting up and talking.”

“Oh my god. You better be telling us the truth! Okay, tell him we said to get better and get home!” Mal said much the same, and soon everyone was yelling down the phone, screaming their well-wishes to the man on the other end.

“Good lord. I’ll let him know. Goodbye.” Then he hung up. Carlos staggered to a chair, the realization that Jay was hurt sinking in. 

Mal sat next to him. “He’ll be okay,” she said. “He said Jay was okay.” Mal put an arm around him, and Carlos leaned onto her shoulder. “It’s all right.” 

“I’m so tired of this,” Carlos said. “And I’m gonna kill Randy if I ever see him again.”

“Me first,” Mal said. Chad and Gil nodded.

Harry looked at everyone. “I suppose this is what I wasn’t told. That’s all right. Long as we all agree that he has it coming.” 

“Yep,” Mal said. 

Carlos felt his head throb. “I hate that he’s in the hospital. He doesn’t do good alone.” Mal stroked his hair. “I just hate that he has to do this without us.” Carlos felt tired. “When is he going to be back?”

“A few more days,” Mal said. “Then he’ll be home. Before he has to leave for another competition or another tour. We’re going to have to get used to him being gone. And it sucks.” 

Carlos closed his eyes. “Yeah.” They stayed like that a while, until Harry made excuses to leave. Gil talked to Chad, exchanging whispers, until he left too. That left Mal, Carlos and Chad in the living room. They said nothing for a long while, and then Carlos took his film and went downstairs to develop it. 

…

They didn’t hear anything for the next few days. Jay called once, but Carlos was knocked out from his migraine medication and didn’t get it. Mal said he had just checked in anyway. “He just said he was fine now and not to worry. He’ll be home soon.” 

“Okay.” Carlos’s headache ebbed as the day went on, and he kept busy. Jay was probably just trying to get through it, and so was he. So he spent a lot of time fixing up his pictures. Mal looked amazing. They all did. 

When he showed Mal the pictures, she put a hand over her mouth to hide the smile. “Wow. You made me look good.” 

“You do look good, I just took the photos.” Carlos pulled her in for a hug. “This could really open doors for you. I hope it does. People need to see how amazing you are.” Mal hugged him back. “And I know it’s hard now,” he continued. “Because we’ve both got these good things happening...”

“And our other halves aren’t here to see it,” Mal finished. “I’ve been writing Evie three postcards a day. Do you think they’ll tell me to stop sending so many?” 

“I don’t know. At least Evie knows you care.” 

“Yeah. I really hope she’s okay.” Mal went into the kitchen, and Carlos followed her. “Do you want anything to eat? I’ve gotten a lot better at cooking.” Carlos shook his head. 

“A lot of foods are making my migraines worse. I might need to see a doctor. But what if they go away when Jay gets back?” 

“I think you should see him anyway,” Mal said. “Urgent care will take you, if you don’t want to wait for an appointment.” Carlos nodded, and went to call his doctor. 

“I have an appointment for next week. They pushed it up when I let them know I was in pain now.” Carlos sat back down. “I really miss him.” 

“I know baby, I know.” Mal sat next to him, until Carlos left to go lie down again. The migraine was making him queasy. 

…

Finally, they got news that Jay was coming home. Not from him.

Jerry called one morning, and Carlos grabbed it. “Hello?”

“Hi Carlos,” Jerry said. “Just letting you know, Jay’s coming home tomorrow at three. Did he tell you?”

“No, actually he didn’t.” Why didn’t Jay tell them? He was probably not thinking straight. That’s what Carlos thought as his head throbbed. “You said three?” 

“Yeah, I figured you all would want to give him a big welcome. Maybe make him a cake or something. I know how close you all are.” Jerry wheezed a little laugh. Carlos wanted to smack him. He thought the family they made was funny?

“Have you kept in touch with him? You know he was hurt, right?” Jerry sobered up then.

“Hugo told me. The road manager. He kept me in the know, I didn’t talk to Jay directly. Maybe I should have. I’m sorry about that.” 

“I wasn’t able to talk to him much,” Carlos said. Jerry said nothing. “Maybe next time, you can check in with him. You don’t have to tell me anything, but I know he’s had a tough time. Anyone checking in might help.”

“You’re right, he’s my responsibility. I just handed him over to Hugo without thinking about it.” Jerry paused. “I just thought you should know when he was coming home. Have a good one, okay? How did your photoshoot go?”

“Pretty good. And yeah, I’m glad you told us. Thanks Jerry. See you.” Carlos hung up, and after a minute, it finally hit him. Jay was coming home. The sense of relief nearly knocked him down. Then he went to find everyone who was home. They had to meet Jay at the airport.

…

“When is he supposed to be here?” That was Mal, checking her watch again. 

Carlos took a deep breath. “He’s only a few minutes late-look, see? It says the plane’s here. Just let him get off it.” Carlos was worried too, and impatient. He’d missed Jay so much. He’d been through so much on his tour. Would he even be the same Jay?

After what seemed like forever, they all saw Jay heading towards them. His head was down, and he looked exhausted, but when he saw them, he came running to them. And then he had his arms around Jay, along with everyone else. “Take me home,” he said. “Please, take me home.” 

“I’ll get your luggage,” Chad said, and both him and Gil went to the luggage carousel. Mal and Possum stayed by, but now that the group hug was over, Carlos got a good look at Jay. 

Jay looked like he’d aged a year, with worry lines on his face and a blank, exhausted expression. He stared back at Carlos like he expected for him to be angry. About what? He hadn’t done anything. 

Carlos shifted from foot to foot. “I’ll take you in your car. Chad brought his too. He can bring your stuff. I’ll just get you home.” Jay looked at him a minute, then nodded. “Okay, let’s go.” Mal and Possum went to join Chad, and then it was just the two of them.

Carlos had a lot of questions to ask. He needed to know more of what happened. But when they got in the car, Jay immediately fell asleep. Carlos decided he wouldn’t think about his questions right then, and just get them home. 

Jay wound up staggering to their room and sleeping another two hours. Carlos stayed in the bed with him, curled on his side. Jay was frowning in his sleep, but he didn’t seem to be dreaming. He looked too tired for that. 

Finally, Jay’s eyes opened. He blinked a few times, then stared at Carlos like he didn’t really believe he was there. “I’m sorry,” he said, and Carlos stared. He hadn’t done anything, had he? “I didn’t know that would happen. I thought Randy was my friend. I don’t want to get into detail now. But I didn’t know what to do. I just pushed him off.”

Carlos sighed in relief. “It’s not your fault. He’s a little fucking weasel for trying something when you were drunk. You didn’t lead him on. That’s his fault. All his fault, okay?” Jay actually looked like he might argue, but he eventually nodded. “Can I kiss you? I’ve missed you so much.”

“Yeah,” Jay said, and a little spark of happiness seemed to go through him. Carlos kissed him gently, and they held each other and kissed for a few minutes. “I felt like I was all alone,” Jay said. “But I wasn’t. Mike would up helping me a lot.” 

“Mike? I thought he didn’t talk much.” Carlos brushed some of Jay’s hair out of his eyes.

“He heard everything,” Jay said. Jay’s face broke then, and he tried to hold in a sob. “He heard what Randy tried to do. I’m not sure, but I think Randy tried to do the same to him once. He said he never thought it would happen to me. I didn’t either.” 

Carlos pulled Jay in close again. He didn’t cry much, but he kept Carlos up against him.

“I was skating doubles with Randy when we collided,” Jay said. “I’m pretty sure he hit me on purpose. He was mad at me. I told him off, told him to stay the fuck away from me.” 

“I’m glad you told him,” Carlos said. “He doesn’t deserve to be your friend.”

“He wound up getting really hurt,” Jay said. “I mean, he’s a lot smaller than me. I guess he just didn’t care.” Carlos kissed him again. “I missed you so much. I love you so much. Do you think...Randy guessed about us. Do you think he thought he could do that to me because I’m gay?” 

Carlos had to wait a minute before he could answer, he was so furious. Randy had really fucked with Jay’s head. “No. It’s not your fault, Jay. None of this is. Not because he wanted you, or thought you were available or owed him or whatever. He’s a fucked up kid and he hurt you, and if I ever see him, he’ll regret it.” 

Jay didn’t say anything. Carlos thought about all the times Jay had told him about Randy’s lousy home life. “Remember, you had a shitty life too growing up. And you never did anything like that. That’s his fault, his doing.” Jay nodded then, looking too tired to argue. “Do you need to sleep more? Are you hungry?” 

“I feel wiped out,” Jay said. “And I kept getting sick. Maybe I should eat something.” Carlos nodded. Jay kissed him again, and then got up. Carlos got up as Jay stretched, then they went to the kitchen. 

When they got there, Chad decided to get out the grill and cook them all burgers.. Carlos and Jay sat out on the back steps. Mal had left for a while, and Possum had gone downstairs. So now it was only them, Chad, and Gil, who was still there. 

“Do you want to talk about the good parts of the trip?” Carlos said as they watched Chad cook. Jay smiled then. “Yeah?” Carlos grinned back, glad to see that look on Jay’s face.

“Germany’s really cool,” Jay said. “We skated at a big music festival. We had a great meal at an Indian restaurant in London. I didn’t get to see much of Paris, which was too bad. But the streets were really pretty, all the buildings and stuff? And I went to Poland. But by then, my stomach was in knots. I couldn’t tell you what the food was like.”

“Carlos has been having migraines,” Chad said. Carlos flipped him the bird. “Sorry, but it’s the truth.” Jay looked over at him, and Carlos shrugged. 

“You didn’t want to tell me?” 

“I figured I’d tell you if I got another one,” Carlos said. “I hoped they’d go away when you got back home.” He actually felt okay, just shaky from the last migraine. “I didn’t want to mention them if they weren’t coming back. But I’m seeing a doctor about them, so I’d have to tell you eventually.” 

“I’d want to know if you’re sick,’ Jay said softly. “You told me you got a big break. What was it?” Carlos told him about the shoot with Mal, Harry and Gil. 

“That’s great. Harry too?” Jay frowned. “Is he still being an ass?”

“We’ve agreed to be friends,” Carlos said. “On the condition that he stop coming on to me every five seconds.” Carlos looked at Jay, who was clearly unconvinced. “He’s been okay since then. I think he’s still looking for a guy in his life. But I told him it wouldn’t be me.” 

“Yeah,” Gil said. “He’s always looking.” Gil got a plate full of burgers and walked over to them. “We’ve got some with cheese and without. Which ones do you want?” Jay grabbed a cheeseburger, while Carlos got a plain burger with ketchup. They ate outside in silence. Jay ate one and a half burgers, less than he would usually. When Carlos noticed, he shrugged. 

“I started getting really nauseous. You know, after.” Carlos nodded, but he felt a chill go through him. Jay had been so hurt by it, it messed up his body. “Everyone thought I had the flu. I didn’t tell them otherwise.” Carlos put an arm around Jay. “Yeah, it was fucked up.” 

Just then, they heard the door open. “Hey!” It was Mal’s voice, and there were at least one other person with her. They all got up, Gil grabbing the plate of burgers, and went inside. 

Mal was there with Uma. “Hey, glad to see you back,” Uma said. “Harry’s at work, he couldn’t make it, but he says hi.” 

Jay looked a little dubious, but he nodded. “That’s nice of him. It’s good to be back. What’s that?” 

“We got you a cake,” Mal said, laughing. “It’s corny, but we figured you might want something after that tour. Are you hungry?” 

Jay laughed a little, sounded surprised. “Um, sure. We have burgers, by the way. Thank Chad and Gil for those. Yeah, I’ll take a slice.” Mal opened up a cake that looked like it came from the supermarket, with ‘Welcome Home Jay’, written in icing. 

Carlos sat next to Jay at the table as he ate one slice of cake. Carlos knew that under normal circumstances he could eat three or four, but this wasn’t normal. After he finished, he leaned against Carlos. “I’m still so tired,” he said. 

“You can go back to bed,” Carlos said. “I know you’re jetlagged.” Jay stood up and stood at the beginning of the hall, waiting for Carlos. Carlos left his half-eaten cake and walked with him. Carlos locked the door behind them as Jay stripped and sat on the bed. Huh. Carlos wasn’t expecting this right then. But Jay had never cared about people being right down the hall, so he shouldn’t be surprised.

Carlos moved over so he was standing in front of him. Jay put his hands on Carlos’s hips, rubbing, and Carlos closed his eyes. “I’ve missed you so much,” Jay said. “Can you get in bed with me?” 

“You want me naked?” Jay smiled. Carlos took his clothes off, and slipped into bed with Jay. They held each other under the covers. Jay’s hands moved over his body, eventually taking him in hand and jerking him off. Carlos reached down, but Jay was still soft. “Jay. What’s wrong?”

“I’m tired,” Jay said. “I think I’m just tired. I want to, but...” Jay let out a little frustrated sigh. “I want to do more, but I just can’t. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Can you stay in here with me? I need to sleep more.” 

“I like it when you touch me,” Carlos said. “You don’t have to do anything else right now.” Jay kissed him, and Carlos held him until he fell back asleep. When he was out, Carlos got back up, dressed, and left the room. 

The small party had broken up, mostly. Gil and Uma were gone, and Chad seemed to be gone too. Mal was in the living room, listening to records. “How is he?” she said as Carlos came in. 

Carlos was silent for a minute, looking at the dingy carpet. Then he said “He thinks it’s his fault.”


	16. Recovery Is a Process (Can't Do It Alone)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay and Evie both try to put their lives back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter with switching POV's. Jay and Evie's stories were running parallel to each other, so they switch up here.

Evie had to admit it, the clinic she was in was very nice. It was more like a spa than a hospital in some ways. She had a big room to herself with a window that overlooked a garden. She could sit outside, and her and the other girls could get their hair and nails done.

Her mother had spared no expense. 

But she felt restless, since she had been there for a month and a half. She wanted to go home. And there was no end in sight-some of the girls had been there for over a year. You were there until you gained five pounds, no exceptions. 

Evie got up from her chair by the window. It was time for group therapy. 

…

Jay had been back home for three days and he was adrift. He had gotten used to the schedule he had on tour. Now there seemed to be a lot of time. He went to the skate park every day, but now he had so many people asking him about the tour or getting autographs, that he could barely skate. 

And as much as he wanted the structure, the last thing he wanted to to go on tour right away. Jerry had asked him about if he was ready to go to Japan, but he had been vague about making plans. It was in a month, but he still wasn’t sure he could do it. 

He d id have another competition coming up, in three weeks. He needed to get back in shape. The tour had taken a lot out of him. 

While he was thinking about it, Jay started doing some push ups. He only did about half what he could normally. He had stopped doing them on the tour at some point. 

He didn’t like thinking about the tour. Or more to the point, about Randy.

He still hadn’t told Carlos what had happened. Partially because he wasn’t sure himself. It was a blur, it had happened fast. He only told Carlos he was sure that Randy hadn’t been able to actually screw him. He was pretty sure of that. 

Jay bent over with nausea. _Fuck, fuck, fuck,_ he thought. _Not again._ It had gotten better since he got home, but he it would come back if he thought too much about what had happened. He was trying so hard to put it behind him, but it wasn’t working. 

“You need to get out,” Jay said to himself. It was empty in the house, which didn’t help things. Too much quiet wasn’t good. “Go in the backyard, skate a little.” He grabbed his board and went out. 

He wound up skating a while, and only stopped when he heard someone come inside. He ran up the back steps, and was in the kitchen when Carlos came in. “Hey,” Jay said, and opened his arms. Carlos came right to him, and leaned his head against Jay’s chest. “That’s my boy. Did you have a good day?” 

“I had a good day at work, yeah. How are you doing?” That question was a little pointed, Jay thought. Carlos wanted him to talk more about what had happened. Jay kissed the top of his head. 

“I don’t know. Better in some ways. Did you see your doctor yet? How are the migraines?” Carlos looked up at him, glaring. Jay knew he was changing the subject but he didn’t care. He’d talk about it when he was ready. 

“I see him tomorrow. I’ll let you know how it goes.” Carlos stroked Jay’s hair. “Have you eaten today?”

“Some,” Jay said. “I had breakfast, but my stomach’s been hurting. I need to try that ginger tea Gil brought me. Who knew Gil was into herbal remedies?”

“Or you could tell me what happened.” Jay shook his head. “Why not?”

“Because it’s hard to think about. And it’s a blur. And...”

“And you did nothing to cause it. Nothing. So please stop feeling guilty.” Carlos was really glaring at him now, and Jay dropped his hands, going to sit at the table. He avoided Carlos’s gaze. After a minute, he got up, and started fixing himself a cup of Gil’s tea. 

Carlos left the room.

…

Evie liked group therapy the best. The other patients were a lot like her. (It was nearly all women, but there was a boy who reminded her of Carlos, who she adored.) Their stories were very close to hers, the constant striving to be perfect. 

Her therapist, Robin, however, kept telling her she needed to worry about herself. “You’re trying to fix everyone else,” she would say. Evie nodded. She knew that. But it was a hard habit to break. “You need to do more work.”

“I’ve gained two pounds,” she said, a little defensive. 

“True,” her therapist said. “But you could lose it too. It happens a lot with new patients, they do well at first, but backslide. So as much as you want to help, you need to worry less about others. I know you’re eager to go back home.” Evie nodded. “But that won’t happen until you are further in recovery.” 

“I understand,” Evie said. “I wish I could rush this, but you’re right. I just miss my friends so much.” She paused a minute, twisting a ring on her finger. “Has my mom called?”

“We haven’t allowed her to see you,” Robin said carefully. “She’s having a hard time being positive.” 

“In other words, she’s been calling every day threatening to sue you and asking you what’s wrong with me?” Robin and Evie both laughed. Then Evie sighed. “Living up to her standards is impossible. She’s still my mom, I love her, but it’s so exhausting.”

“Do you think that’s one reason for your anorexia?” Evie nodded. “She puts a lot of pressure on you?”

“She wants me to marry,” Evie said. “Anyone really, but a rich man would be best. Remember, I’m nineteen. She pays for school because she thinks I can meet men there. So she’s always on me about my looks. She hates this-” Evie pointed to her blue hair. “But I like it. It’s bold.” Robin nodded. “She doesn’t like my major, she really doesn’t like anything.” 

“I’m sorry you have to deal with so much pressure.” Robin said. “But you have a strong relationship with your friends?”

Evie hesitated. She hadn’t told Robin about her true relationship with Mal yet. Then she nodded. “They’ve been sending postcards. It helps so much. I’m glad they’re keeping in touch. One of them has been gone, but I hope he writes soon when he can.”

“That’s very good,” Robin said. “I want you to write more in your journal.” Evie nodded. “I’ll ask you about your mother more later. For now, it’s time for lunch.” Evie stood up and thanked her sweetly. Then she went to the cafe. 

The food was very good-they got a real chef, someone who had worked at a four star restaurant in LA at one time. The rumor was he took the job at the clinic after his sister nearly died from her eating disorder. 

The food was inviting and just right-not diet food but not too heavy either. Evie took a long time to pick what she wanted, but eventually picked a spicy chicken dish. She got a salad with it, and was proud of herself for putting full-fat dressing on it. 

She finished more than half of it. There was dessert, but she didn’t get any. If Mal was there, she’d be grabbing a brownie and some ice cream. 

Fuck, she missed her girlfriend. 

She put up her plate, and went to talk to one of the other girls. 

…

Jay was in bed, covers over his head. He had nothing to do, and he didn’t want to do anything. His stomach was better, but he didn’t feel like moving. Carlos was gone, and Jay didn’t want to see his other housemates right then, if they were even there.

The phone rang, and Jay got up to get it. It might be Jerry. Sure enough, when he answered her was greeted with “Hey Jay! How you feelin’?” Jay might have told him he wasn’t feeling well last call.

“Better, thanks,” Jay said. That was true for now. “I’m sorry I’ve been hard to get a hold of.” 

“Yeah, I understand. But cheer up, we’ll have you ready for Japan in a little while. If you’re in, I think it’ll be great for you. Is that okay?” Jay felt a little chill down his spine. Randy wasn’t even going to be there, and it still scared him.

“In about a month? I should be ready. I need to get back into shape though. What about the competition in LA? Don’t have to travel for that.” 

“You got three weeks for that, so keep practicing. We can get you a coach if you want.” Jay didn’t think he needed it, except maybe for someone to keep him in line. He still enjoyed skating, but it could be hard to keep up his motivation when he was always so tired now. 

“Maybe? If you know someone, I’ll meet with them. Thanks.” Jay kept his tone upbeat, trying to sound happy. When Jerry hung up, Jay went back to their room, to wait on Carlos to get home. 

When Carlos did some in, Jay was reading a book he’d found in a free box a day ago. “You read a lot more now,” Carlos said. “How come?”

“When I was upset about things, Mike would let me borrow a book,” Jay said. “Turns out I’m not as stupid as I thought I was.” Jay put the book down. “Maybe I’ll get my GED. Um, Jerry called. About Japan.”

“You told him you were ready?” Carlos didn’t look convinced. Jay nodded. “I don’t know if you are.”

“It’s a month,” Jay said. “I can be ready in a month. Carlos...fuck.” He flopped down on the bed. “I don’t want this to ruin skating for me. And I’m pushing you away.” 

Carlos watched him for a moment, then he took off his shoes and climbed in bed with him. Jay clung to him, his face in Carlos’s neck so he could smell him. “I love you,” Jay whispered. 

“Then tell me what happened.” 

“Okay.” Jay paused. “I was drunk. I barely knew where I was. Jason kicked me off the dance floor and told me to sleep it off. So…” he tried hard to remember. Carlos petted his hair. 

“I went upstairs, and Randy was in the hotel lobby,” he said. “He helped me find my room. And we sat on the bed….” Jay had to stop for a minute, shaking. “Fuck.” Carlos kissed his cheek. “I remember, he took his shirt off, and I couldn’t understand why. I was just rambling about being drunk. And I think that’s when he kissed me.” 

Carlos held him tighter. “Did you kiss him back? Is this why you feel so guilty?” 

“I don’t know. It’s a blur. I just remember pushing him away, and him getting mad.” Jay was shaking harder now. “He got back on me, straddled me. He kept talking, trying to get me into it. He unzipped my pants,” Jay had to stop there. “I’m gonna puke.” 

Carlos moved out of the way, and Jay ran to the bathroom. He puked up the last thing he’d eaten, then dry-heaved a while. Carlos was waiting for him when he got out, with a Coke and some of his medicine he’d gotten from the drugstore. “Thank you.” Jay tossed back three of the pills and drank his Coke.

“Is that as far as it went?” Jay nodded. “Are you sure?”

“As sure as I can be,” Jay said. “He got his hands on my dick, I threw him on the floor, he ran out. And then I called you. Unless he came back when I was passed out. But I think I locked the door. I’ve tried so hard to remember everything, but I’m not sure.” 

Carlos led Jay back to their room, and they sat on the bed. “Do you feel any better?” Jay shook his head. “Maybe it’ll get better, now that you told me.” Jay didn’t look up. “I want you know that I believe you,” Carlos said. “But maybe you should get tested again?”

That got Jay to look up. “I didn’t cheat on you,” he said, glaring at Carlos. 

“I know you didn’t. But since you don’t know everything that happened, and shit. We should do it anyway. We’ve been faithful, but it’s been over a year. We’re probably overdue.” Jay thought about what Evie would say in this situation. She would be nagging at them to get to the clinic already. 

“Yeah. Okay. And maybe if I do there, I can ask if there’s anyone I could talk to. I mean, stuff like this probably happens a lot, right? They’d have someone?” Jay had never considered therapy before, but now seemed like a great time. 

“You might be able to find someone,” Carlos said. “I’m proud of you for talking to me.” Jay opened his mouth to the kiss Carlos gave him. “You’re being really brave about this.” 

“I-it only took him about thirty seconds to ruin everything,” Jay said. “Well, not everything. But close.” 

“Everything isn’t ruined,” Carlos kissed him again. “I’m still with you. You still love skating, right?” Jay nodded. “I think your stomach issues are getting better. And Randy took himself off the board, so you won’t see him for a while.” 

Jay still felt guilt, thinking about Randy. “I still feel bad for him. He doesn’t have anyone.”

“That’s not your fault.” Carlos rubbed down his back. “I don’t feel bad for him at all. He hurt you, and you’re mine.” Carlos pulled back, looking Jay in the eye. “You’re mine, as much as I’m yours. And I won’t let him break you. You got that?” 

Jay nearly cried. “Yes.” They kissed again, and Jay let Carlos undress him. They hadn’t had sex much since he got back, but he got on his back and let Carlos take over. 

“I’m gonna marry you one day,” Jay said as Carlos held his legs up. Carlos smiled, but didn’t say anything. 

…

Evie was writing in her journal when she heard a familiar screech. “You’re going to let me see her! She’s my daughter!” Evie jumped up, putting the journal away. After a second, she grabbed the postcards from Mal and hid them under the mattress. Then she stood at the doorway to her room. 

She was a little surprised at her mom’s appearance. Guinevere Grimhilde might have prided herself on being put together, but right then her hair was tousled and she looked tired. She stood right in front of Evie, and grabbed both of her hands. “Darling,” she said, and then pulled Evie into a hug.

Evie was frozen stiff. Her mother hadn’t hugged her in a long time. Eventually she hugged her back, as her mom brushed through her hair. “Oh, you poor dear,” she said, and then pulled back. “Let me look at you.” Evie nodded, steeling herself for her mother’s criticism.  
“Have you gained?” Evie nodded her head. “Are you all right? Are they treating you well? If they aren’t, I’ll pull you out, send you somewhere else.” 

“They’re treating me very well,” she said, smiling. “I’m really working hard, mom. I want to get better.” 

“I know you are,” her mother said, brushing some of her hair back. “You always work hard, in everything. Maybe that’s why this happened. But I don’t blame you.” she said. “I had to fight to see you, they told me I was hard on you.” 

Evie didn’t say anything. She knew her mother probably didn’t believe that, since she was being so kind right then. “Something about being positive,” her mother continued. “I can do that, right? I’m doing it now.” Evie nodded. For her mom, she was being very encouraging. 

“Yes. you’re being very sweet,” Evie said, and her mother smiled. It was a different on than the frozen one she used on TV. “I’m glad to see you.” Her mom cupped her cheek.

“Oh sweetie. Let me do your hair, like I did when you were little. I won’t change the color, I didn’t bring hair dye with me anyway.” Evie tried to keep her defenses up, but she had always loved her mother fixing her hair when she was little. It had just been their time, before her mother became famous. 

Just then, there was a call for her. “Mom, I have to go to group. I’ll come back in about an hour. Can we do it then?” Her mother looked disappointed, but not angry. “I’ll be back soon. I’m glad you came to see me.” Then Evie hurried down the hall. 

The group therapy went fantastic. Evie talked more than she usually did, and she got a lot of encouragement from the others. The hour seemed to fly by. She hurried back to her room, when she heard it. 

“Evelyn! Get over here now!”

Oh fuck. Her mom had searched her room. Evie ran towards the screaming, and her heart sank. Her mother had a handful of postcards, and was glaring at them. 

“Evelyn! What is _this_? Why is this girl signing her messages with ‘I love you’? What are you doing, you tramp!” Her mother ran over with her hand raised, and just then, an orderly grabbed her. “Let me go! She’s my daughter, I paid for this place! Get your hands off me!” 

Evie listened to her mom’s screaming become more faded, and put her head in her hands. What was she going to do now?

…

Jay went to the center alone. Carlos wanted to come, but he had another meeting about a new shoot he might be doing. Carlos was really moving up in the world. So he took a bus (still needed to get his driver’s), and went to an AIDS clinic/testing place in West Hollywood. 

When he walked in, there was a waiting room full of people. He signed in, and they gave him a number. He got a copy of Out to read. He wasn’t nervous, at least not much. But knew they would ask him why he came in. That was the worst part. 

After a while, the receptionist (or whatever he was) called his number. Jay stood up, and he was directed back to a cubicle. There was an older man there, in a flannel shirt and wearing glasses. “Hi,” he said. “I need to ask you some questions before we give you the test.” 

“Fine by me,” Jay said. They asked him some general questions first, his age, area he lived in. 

“What is your sexual orientation?” 

“Queer.” The guy nodded, not even raising an eyebrow. Jay decided he liked him. 

“Are you in a committed relationship?”

“Yes.” More questions. Yes, his partner was a man. Yes, they were monogamous. Yes, they used condoms and water-based lube.

“Why are you coming in for an HIV test today?” 

Jay sighed, and dropped eye contact. “Someone tried to have sex with me. I didn’t want it, I was drunk.” He rattled off the rest of it, including that while he was almost sure Randy hadn’t gotten to do anything, the booze made it questionable. Jay looked back up, staring at this sympathetic stranger. He thought dimly that he was doing good, not getting sick, and he was making sense. “I was on the road, for my job. I thought I was with a friend. I had this happen and I was far away from the people I love.” 

“Oh honey,” the man said. “I hear things like that a lot. I’m so sorry.” Jay smiled a little at the sympathy, but it made him tear up too. He gave Jay another piece of paper. “I have some contacts, if you would like to get someone to talk to. Would you be interested in that?” Jay nodded, and wiped his eyes. “Okay, just take these and go to the back.”

“Thank you very much.” Jay went back, and someone took his blood. This part was scary, but he just took deep breaths,. It was over in a minute. Then he was back out on the street with a recommendation for a shrink. 

Jay took a deep breath. He was going to go home, even though he would love to drop in to a bar for a drink. And when he got home, he’d call the number he’d been given. He could do this. 

…

“Evie, calm down. Your mother hasn’t pulled you out of the program.” It was a few days after Evie’s mom had confronted her, and now Robin was trying to talk her down.

“She’s going to. She’s furious at me. She always uses her money to control me.” Evie sniffled. She had been crying hard, but she was starting to calm down. “She found the postcards. My girlfriend wrote them. She’s going to disown me.”

“What do you think will happen if she does?” Robin looked at her. 

“I’ll lose the car. She’ll stop paying for school. She won’t pay for my things.” Evie thought harder. “But...she already doesn’t love me. At least not very much. And I make very good grades. I could maybe get help. The worst thing is insurance. I need to be here.” 

“I agree, the biggest threat is to your health,” Robin said. “But she hasn’t stopped paying for anything regarding that. I’m sure there will be some punishment from her, but she’s not taken it that far. So as upsetting as this is, maybe you can keep focusing on getting well.” 

“I’m going to,” Evie said. “I can do it. I have to get better so I don’t have to depend on her anymore. It’s not going to be easy, though.”

“True, it won’t happen overnight,” Robin said. “Now, let’s talk about other things. Did you write in your journal?” Evie took a deep breath and smiled. She was happy for the distraction.

…

Jay went to the therapy place, another clinic that specialized in gay clients. Carlos went with him. “Thanks for this,” Jay said. “I’m sorry you had to get your test done alone.” Jay had been called to Arise for a meeting with the owners. 

“I couldn’t come with you either,” Carlos said. “So I guess we just had to be brave.” They went to the rundown building that housed the clinic. “But I’m glad I’m with you now.” Jay nodded. 

He signed in, and there was again a lot of waiting. It was an older building, with burned coffee available, and even a few cookies. Jay had some, and read his science fiction book some. Eventually his name was called. He walked through a maze of cubicles to the very back.

At first, Jay thought the man standing up with his hand out was the same guy from the HIV testing place. But it was just another older man in flannel. Jay shook his hand. “Hi, I’m Jay,” he said. He sat down in a chair near the man’s desk.

“Scott,” he said. “I’m a licensed counselor. The first session, we might just talk about you, get to know each other a little. How old are you?”

“I’m nineteen. I’ll be twenty next month.” 

“Do you live with your parents?” Jay shook his head. “Do you have a steady place to stay?” Scott scribbled a few notes.

“Sure do. I live in a house with my friends and my boyfriend. It’s a good place, we all take care of each other.” Scott nodded. “I’m a professional skateboarder.” That got Scott to look up. 

“I didn’t think any out gay people were in that sport.” Jay laughed. 

“You’re right, they’re not.” Scott looked at him, eyebrow raised. Jay sighed, and leaned forward. “Look. I had to sign a contract to get sponsored. They were pretty clear about me fitting, you know, a mold. So I got a pretend girlfriend and so did my boyfriend. It’s all mutual, girls know the deal. It sucks, but we had to make it work.”

“So you have a steady home situation, you have a job, and you seem to accept yourself pretty well from what I can tell. So what would you like to talk about today?”

Jay looked down again, fingers playing with the hole in his jeans. “Something happened on the tour I just came back from,” he said. “Someone tried something with me. I was drunk. And I’ve just been...I get sick all the time. I’ve been throwing up. I’m supposed to go on tour again and I have to act like nothing happened. I don’t know if I can do it. I’m not even in the kind of shape I need to be.”

“Were you raped?”

Jay almost walked out, suddenly angry. _I’m not a girl, that can’t happen_ on the tip of his tongue. But he held it in, and tried to get a hold of himself. “I don’t think so. I’m ninety-five percent sure. I remember him fucking groping me, and then me pushing him off. He threatened me later.” Jay paused. “I had to finish the tour. The guy who did it wound up breaking his arm, so at least he wasn’t there. But it was awful.” 

“You didn’t tell anyone on the tour?” Jay shook his head. “Why not?”

“They’d never believe me. I’m older and bigger than the kid who did it-he’s still in high school. They’d think I tried to molest him and then I’d get my ass kicked. That’s what he threatened me with, actually. But someone on the tour heard what happened, and he stuck with me for the rest of it. Mike’s a great guy.”

“That’s good to hear.” Scott looked at his papers. “Did you talk to your friends about it?” Jay nodded. “Are they supporting you?”

“Yeah. They’ve been talking to me, telling me not to blame myself.” 

“Do you?” Jay shrugged. “Why?”

“Because...” he trailed off. “I still feel bad for the guy who did it. Because his life sucks, he doesn’t have anything except skating, and he’s closeted as I am-more.” Jay stomach flipped then. “Shit,” he said, bending over. 

“Do you need to go to the bathroom?” Jay took deep breaths, and after a minute the nausea died down. “Are you all right now?”

“It’s getting better, since I told Carlos what happened. I didn’t at first. Oh. You’re probably going to ask. I got another AIDS test. I get the results in a week.”

“Good. You’re right, I was going to.” Scott was quiet for a minute. “I understand feeling bad for the person who attacked you. But you shouldn’t feel responsible. He wasn’t considering your feelings.” Jay nodded. He knew that. Of course he knew that. 

But it didn’t feel true. 

They talked more. It was a good session, he thought. Scott seemed to understand him and didn’t seem to be judging him for not being out. When they were done, Jay was shown the way out. Jay went by a little area with a coffeepot and some seats. Then he did a double-take.

There was the picture of him that Carlos took, torn out of a magazine and taped to a cupboard door. _What the fuck?_ Jay thought. Then he started laughing. He laughed so hard he got a few people to poke their heads out of cubicles to see what was happening. He just winked at the closest person, and then left.

Carlos laughed too, when he heard. “That’s crazy,” he said. “But are you worried that people will talk about you if you go there?”

“I don’t know,” Jay said. “I kind of don’t care. I don’t think they can really say I go there, it’s supposed to be confidential.” Jay rolled down the window of the Firebird. “I hope my stomach gets better. I think I’ve lost some weight. I need to get better.” He had a lot going on.

“Yeah,” Carlos said. “You’re right, it doesn’t matter if they recognize you.” They drove in silence for a minute. “Hey,” Carlos said. “Why don’t we make something you can probably eat. Like, soup or something. Or get some deli meat for sandwiches. And then you can skate.”

“Okay,” Jay was silent for a while. “He said it wasn’t my fault.” He could see Carlo’s jaw tense. “I know, you say that too-”

“Yeah. Because it’s true. But I don’t want to fight about that now. There’s a Von’s, lets just get some food.” Jay nodded. He didn’t want to fight either.

…

Evie spent a week trying to stick to her progress, while at the same time waiting on the fallout from her mother’s outburst. It was difficult, but so far her mom had not pulled her out or made any changes. So she just went through the motions, and tried not to lose any weight. She was proud when she was weighed. She hadn’t gained, but she hadn’t lost. 

Finally, Robin came to find her. “Your mother wants to talk to you,” she said, and Evie blinked back tears. “We’re going to have orderlies outside the door, and she can only be there for five minutes. Are you willing to talk to her? You can say no.” 

Evie had to think about it. “Might as well get it over with, I guess.” Robin took her arm and walked with her to Robin’s office. Evie took a deep breath and went in. 

Her mother was sitting, holding her purse tightly in her hands. She looked up when Evie came in. “Are you dating that girl?”

Evie paused. “Yes.” She stood a few feet from her mother, in case she grabbed her.

“Are you doing it to spite me?” 

Evie almost laughed. As always, her mother thought it was about her. “I’m doing it because I love her. She’s sweet. She takes care of me.” Evie paused. “We’ve been together over a year.” 

“My God. I guess this isn’t spite then.” Her mom seemed to be thinking of what to say next. “Would you consider getting married to a man? You can do whatever you want, but you should at least pretend to be normal.” 

Evie had to control herself. If she started yelling or crying, her mother would win. “No. I will not. I know you’re concerned about how this makes you look, but I will never do that.” Evie looked at her mom, who was looking down at her purse. “But, thank you for asking and treating me like an adult. Instead of demanding.” 

“I might be seeing a therapist myself,” her mother muttered. “I didn’t know how to handle it when I saw those postcards. I’m still angry, to be honest. What can she give you that a man can’t?” 

_Orgasms for one_, Evie thought. “She loves me mom. She works, and I think it’s starting to pay off. She works really hard. She never gives up. And she treats me like I’m special. And honestly, you’ve never had a great opinion of men, from what I remember. You married my dad just so you could have a child.” 

“Well, that was all he had to offer. I had to work to pay our bills.” Evie nodded. She knew her mother’s story. “And now I have you, and I give you everything, and you don’t seem to want it. Where did I go wrong?” 

“I always feel judged by you,” Evie said. “You judge my looks all the time. What I do, you don’t like my major. I’m convinced you’re going to cut me off. Are you?” Evie looked her in the eye. 

“You’re sick, I won’t cut you off. I thought about taking the car away.” Her mom looked back at her. “But the therapist I’m seeing talked me out of it. You need it for school And no, I’m not taking you out of school either. You do too well.” Her mother stood up. “But when you get better, I want you to get a job. You don’t have to pay all your bills, but you need to contribute. You want me to treat you like an adult? Fine. I will.” 

“Yes mom,” Evie said. Her mother’s eyes widened. She probably expected Evie to cry or be upset. Instead, she was glad. “I’ll see what I can do. Maybe I can get a job on campus, or in my field.” 

“Can you get a paying job at that place you volunteer at?” Evie shook her head. “Why not?”

“Only the director gets paid. It’s all volunteer staff.” Her mother nodded. Just then, someone knocked on the door. “Thanks for coming to talk to me, mom.” 

“Yes.” Her mother looked at her. “Is your hair growing back?” Evie nodded, tears in her eyes. “Don’t cry. It’s fine. It’s only hair.” Evie cried more. Her mother had never said something like that to her, ever. “Okay. Maybe they’ll let me back in to see you.” Then she gave Evie a kiss on the forehead. Evie was still in mild shock when her mother left, her heels clicking on the floor.

…

Jay started taking it one day at a time. The first day he went without nausea or throwing up was a good day. The day he could skate for an hour was a good day. Then he built up until he could skate for two hours at a time. Then he did more.  
The day his test results came in, and were negative, was a great day. He told everyone in the house and they got takeout to celebrate. He was fine, at least on that front.

“You seem okay,” Carlos said one night. Jay had skated in their backyard until he could barely stand. “You ready for the competition?” Jay shrugged. “Are you worried about it?”

“I’m just going to do my best. I want to place, but if I don’t, there’s not much I can do. And I want to be in shape for Japan. I’m glad I’m feeling better. I just want to do well.” He looked out at the sunset. “I wish I could take you with me. Going that far is so hard.” 

“Yeah,” Carlos said. “Do you think that being on tour will make you sick again?”

“It could.” Jay moved so he was sitting closer to Carlos. “I talked to Mike, and he’ll be there. So that will help. I’ve been trying to get him to visit, but he’s really shy.” 

“I’m glad he’s a friend.” Carlos rubbed his temples. 

“Are you getting another migraine?” Jay rubbed between Carlos’s shoulder blades. 

“I don’t think so. I got stronger medications, but they don’t bother me as much. I’m only getting one a week now.” Carlos closed his eyes. “That feels good.” 

“Thanks for sticking with me through this,” Jay said. “I know it’s hard. I’m glad you’re getting better. And I’m so proud of you. I’m gonna try hard to put what happened behind me. I just want us to be happy.” 

“I know.” Carlos didn’t say anything else. Jay kept rubbing his back, until Carlos stood up, stretched his arms overhead, and went inside. Jay watched the sun set before he came in with him. He hoped what he said was true, that he could put it behind him. He hoped so.


	17. Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the couples met-first Mal and Evie, then Jay and Carlos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I basically just did this for myself. I wanted to work out how the couples met, and while we had hints of Jay and Carlos, we had nada from the girls. So this is what I came up with.

Mal had never been to a gay pride march or a protest or anything, so when she went alone, it was mostly a lark. She’d known who she was since she was thirteen, but nobody else she knew was. Even the girls she made out with in high school never committed. So going to the Lesbian Fair in the middle of downtown LA was just to see what was out there.

After an hour of walking around, Mal had to say she wasn’t impressed. It was nearly all older women who stared at her purple hair and lipstick as if she were an alien. There were a lot of political speeches and things that she didn’t understand, and the folk music was awful. 

Then she saw a few tents. One was from a feminist bookstore, and the other was a safer sex for lesbians booth. Mal figured this was something she should pay attention to, so she went over. “Hi.” 

There was a pretty girl her age, with dark hair and blue eyes, at the desk. When she looked up and smiled, Mal felt her heart flutter. God damn, this girl was beautiful. 

“Hello,” she said. “Are you interested in some information on safer sex?” Mal couldn’t say anything, so she nodded. “All right. Here’s a few things, and we have some free dental dams. There’s a pamphlet on how to properly use them.” She handed them over. “Anything else?”

“Uh,” Mal said. Usually she was smoother than this. “Do you mind if I stay here and talk to you a while? I feel like I’m the youngest person here.” 

“Sure!” The girl twinkled. “I love your hair. I want to dye mine, but I haven’t yet. My mom would hate it.” 

“All the more reason to do it then,” Mal said. The girl giggled, looking delighted. “What color do you want to dye it?”

She smiled, preening a little. “Royal blue,” she said. “It’s my favorite color.” 

“It would look amazing on you.” She paused. “I’m Mal,” she said, and held out her hand. She was expecting the girl to shake it, but instead she held it. Oh shit. Mal wondered if she was out of her league. The girl gently squeezed her fingers and then let go.

“I’m Evie. Short for Evelyn,” she said. “I’m almost eighteen, but I’m out of high school. I graduated early and I’m in college. Where do you go?”

“Oh. I’m still in high school, got a month left. I need to catch up a course before I can graduate.” Mal wondered if this girl thought she was an idiot. “I do okay, but I had a class I had trouble with.”

“I’m glad you’ve gotten the chance to make it up,” Evie said, and she seemed to really mean it. Then another woman with an acoustic guitar hit the stage, and Mal shuddered. “Not into singer-songwriter?”

“Nope. I like metal.” Evie stuck her tongue out. “What? What do you like then?”

She shrugged prettily. “I like to dance. I loved dance team in school. So I listen mostly to dance music. And I like soul music, when I’m trying to sleep. Or...”

“Or?” Mal raised an eyebrow. “When you have a girl over?” Evie batted her eyes, and holy fucking shit this smart, sweet girl was flirting with her. “You got a girlfriend?” 

“No,” she said, and just then someone else came over to the booth. Mal moved aside, and let Evie do her job. One woman was taking up some time, so Mal decided to go to the book display. She came back with a couple of magazines, and some homemade cookies. The woman at the display was friendly, which was nice.

When Evie was free again, Mal slid one of the cookies over to her. “Want a little snack? How long have you been here?” 

Evie took the cookie, and got out a bottle of water, one of the fancy imported brands. “I put up the booth around ten am. I haven’t had a break. Thank you.” Evie had a long drink of water, then began nibbling the cookie. “I told you I was on the dance team,” she said. “What do you like to do? You look like you’d be into sports.”

Mal laughed. “Kind of. I skateboard. I’ve won three women’s competitions so far. I do it all the time. My godmom had to really stay on me not to skip school to go to the park.” Mal broke a piece off her cookie and ate it. It was chocolate chip, but with a lot of healthy stuff in it like oats and sunflower seeds. It was pretty good. 

“Oh. That’s great,” Evie said. Mal could tell she was surprised. “Do you go up the walls?”

“Do I do vert? You bet. I love it. It’s so fun to get that high up and come back down. Let me tell you, getting twenty feet in the air and landing a trick? It’s the best feeling ever. Nothing can top it.” Mal was grinning then, excited, and suddenly wondered if this beautiful girl thought she was being stupid. So she tried to calm down. “Um, you probably don’t care about this.”

“Oh,” Evie said. “I love it when people get excited telling me about something. Can you tell me more?” Mal felt her heart flutter again, and she wound up telling Evie all about her last competition. 

“What happens if you get hurt?” Mal wasn’t surprised by the question. But she just shrugged. 

“Then I get hurt. I’ve broken both arms at different times, broke a leg, chipped a tooth, cracked a few ribs. Never been knocked out though. I wear a helmet and knee and elbow guards, we all do. But things happen. Landing properly is important. But eventually it happens to everyone.” 

“Oh, I don’t like thinking about you in pain,” Evie said. Mal didn’t know what to say to that. Pain was just pain, to a skateboarder. You shook it off and tried again when you were able. But this pretty girl looked actually concerned. “I don’t think I could do that. I might be a little afraid of heights.”

Mal grinned. “You could do street style, maybe.” They both laughed. “But really, if it’s not your thing that’s fine. I’m an okay dancer, but I wouldn’t want to be in a dance troupe. Too much moving the same as other people.”

“Understood,” Evie said. Then she looked at her designer watch. Mal had pegged the name brand clothes, and it seemed like Evie was fairly well off. “I have to start packing up, the fair closes down soon.”

“I can help you if that’s okay?” Mal reached out then, and touched Evie’s arm. Evie smiled at her and nodded, but didn’t say anything. They packed up in silence. When they were done, Mal stared at her. “I don’t have a pen or paper,” she said. “But I want to give you my number.”

“I’ve got it,” Evie said. She got out a little notebook, and first wrote hers down, giving it to Mal. “Give me yours now.” Mal told her, stuttering a little. She was out of her league, this girl was too good for her. But Evie took it and smiled. “Thank you.” Mal watched as Evie put the piece of paper into her purse. 

Mal stared at her for another minute, transfixed. “I guess you need to go,” she said. “When’s a good time to call you?”

“Usually before ten pm,” she said. “You can call me tonight if you want. But if you’re busy I won’t mind. Just call when you can.” Mal nodded, still staring. Then Evie leaned in. 

It was just a brush of lips against her cheek, but it nearly knocked Mal down. “Holy shit, how are you single?” She said, and Evie giggled. “Okay, I’ll call. Get home safely.” Evie waved at her, and took the plastic tub of stuff to a waiting truck. Mal staggered by on numb legs, knocking into the bookstore booth.

The friendly woman with brushed back hair and glasses smirked at her. “Got the number?”

“Sure did,” Mal said. “Were you rooting for me?” 

“Sure was,” she laughed. “Here, have some iced hibiscus tea. We’re about to throw it out. No charge kid. Good job.” 

“Thanks.” She took a card, and vowed to go by the bookstore soon. Then she said goodbye to Susan (bookstore woman’s name), and headed to the bus stop. 

On the bus ride home, she stared at the little scrap of paper with the number on it. Mal was scared, not something she usually felt. But she couldn’t mess this up. She had to see this girl again. 

She waited a few hours, when she got home. She wanted to give Evie some time to relax. Then around seven o’clock, Mal dialed the number. Two rings. 

“Hey.” Evie’s sweet voice answered. 

“Hey, it’s Mal,” she said, again feeling stupid. 

“Hey. I’m glad you called.” Mal smiled. Maybe she wasn’t being stupid after all.

…

When Carlos started going to the skate park, at first nobody talked to him. Some of them would pose for pictures, but leave without speaking. Carlos didn’t really mind, he was used to it. 

Then one day, a guy approached him. “Are you Carlos?” He nodded. “Hey, I’m Jay. Do you want to come sit with me and my friends? We’ve got a space near the edge, you can get good shots I bet.” 

“Well, okay.” Carlos was taken aback by the friendliness, but he agreed. The boy walked over to a spot where two girls were, one with purple hair and one with blue. Blue girl was nearly sitting in Purple’s lap, and was braiding her hair. Carlos was nearly stunned. Were they gay? Couldn’t be, they had to be just friends. Girls did things like that, after all.

Jay grinned as they stopped in front of the girls. “This is my best friend Mal. And this is Evie, her girlfriend. Mal skates like me, Evie’s an activist.” He turned to Carlos. “And I told you, I’m Jay.”

“Wait. You’re _Jay_? Carlos felt double stunned now. The girls were together, and standing in front of him, being nice, was Jay Amiri, who was one of the best and hottest skaters at the park. “Wow. Um. So you want me to sit with you?”

“Yeah. We’ve got some sodas, and we can get beer after if you want. But right now we’re just going to hang out and skate some. You’re here every day and never talk to anyone. So, are you okay with hanging out with us?”

“Um, yeah. I don’t drink much though. But I’ll take a Coke.” Jay grinned even bigger and handed him a can. 

They had a nice time. Jay was super friendly and asked him a lot of questions. The girls were friendly too, and before Carlos knew it the day had gone by and he’d hardly taken any pictures. He told Jay that, and he looked at the girls. “Take a picture of us, then. Just posed.” 

Carlos nodded, and took the shot. Jay was in the middle, holding his board. Mal looked tough and cool, and Evie was smiling for the camera, her head tipped to her good side. Carlos decided then he would keep this one, even if it didn’t turn out good. These people treated him like an equal, not an annoying hanger-on. 

Afterward, they all walked from the park. They all had places to go, mostly by taking the bus. The girls walked ahead, holding hands. Carlos still couldn’t believe it. “They’re really bold,” he said to Jay.

“I know,” Jay said. “Luckily, most people here don’t care. They’ve learned to ignore it. But at first, I had to let people know they couldn’t harass them. You know?” Carlos nodded. Jay had a rep for violence, but not bad enough to get banned from the park. “But now it’s cool, people got over it. It just sucks that people think because Evie is pretty, she’d give them the time of day. Trust me, she doesn’t care about men one bit.”

“Wow,” Carlos said. “That’s good though. I mean, women are pretty, but,..” Carlos stopped there. He had never, ever told another person he was gay. And he’d only known Jay a few hours. He might just be confirming what Jay already thought but still. “Um. Sorry?”

“For what? I don’t mind at all.” Jay smiled, and then took his hand. Carlos moved away. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“I...” Carlos wasn’t sure how to say it. “It makes me nervous to be touched. Unless I say it’s okay. I’m sorry, it’s not you. You’ve been really nice.” 

“I get it,” Jay said, and dropped his arm. Carlos expected Jay to get angry, so he kept talking. 

“I mean, I got bullied a lot in school, so I don’t know how to handle it when people touch me.”

“Hey, I said I get it,” Jay said, and Carlos steeled himself for the reaction. “My old man liked to scream and throw things. Sometimes I hear someone yell and I feel like running. It happens. You got a right to say who touches you. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Carlos said. “Um, are you staying somewhere close? I don’t live far from here.”

“I’m crashing on a friend’s couch, I don’t really have a place.” Jay squinted in the sun. “Me and the girls want to get a place, but we need more roommates.” 

“I’m living at home, but I want to get away from it.” His mother was never there, but he still wanted to make his own way. “Let me know if you do find anything, I might want to join you. If that’s okay.” Jay paused for a minute. “What?”

Jay looked at him. “I just think it’s really cool you offered to be a roommate when you just met us. Like, didn’t expect that.”

“Oh. Okay. I was afraid you didn’t want me to because I’m, you know. Gay.” Just because a guy was cool with lesbians didn’t mean he wanted to be around gay dudes. 

“No, no. Fine by me. If we’re being honest, I’ve got my eye on a guy right now.” Jay gave him a big, wicked smile then. It made him look really attractive.

“Oh. That’s cool. Thanks for telling me.” Jay looked confused then. Disappointed. Carlos wasn’t sure why, but it was good that Jay was open about having crushes on guys. 

Carlos didn’t think they’d spend much time together after that, but he was wrong. Mal, Evie and Jay accepted him with open arms, sitting with him and inviting him to things. Their acceptance led to him being treated better by the skaters at large, even though they didn’t go so far as to befriend him the way Jay did. 

Carlos was slow to open up, but they were great. They never made fun of his interests, they never tried to pressure him to drink or do drugs. Evie, especially seemed to adore him and would take him shopping and have study sessions with him. 

Jay was the closest to him, though. Jay seemed to really like being around him. Carlos liked it too. Jay would stay close, closer than Carlos normally let people. And when Carlos felt comfortable enough to let Jay touch him, he had Jay practically leaning all over him. It was fun, but a little uncomfortable. By now, he had a huge crush on Jay. 

One day, Carlos visited Jay in the place he was crashing at. It was a dump, with overflowing ashtrays and beer cans piled in corners, but it was empty that day. Jay and Carlos were just hanging out, with the TV on but not watching. 

“I’m glad you came over,” Jay said. “I know we see each other all the time, but mostly with other people around.” 

“Yeah,” Carlos said. “I’m glad too. You’ve been kinda busy, so I haven’t seen you.”

“Well,” Jay said. “We might have a place lined up. You know that preppy kid that skates? Chad?”

“Ugh, yeah,” Carlos said. “He’s kind of an ass.” Jay’s face darkened, and Carlos started to backtrack. “Wait, no, he’s never done anything to me. He just makes stupid jokes sometimes.” He didn’t want Jay to lose housing because Jay decided to defend his honor. 

“Well, his dad has basically given him a house, so he can rent it out. He wants Chad to get into real estate. And he’s offered it to us, cheap rent too. The catch is he’ll be living there too. So, if you think you’re okay with that, would you move in?” 

Carlos almost couldn’t believe it. “Yes. Oh, man. I can’t wait. Do I need to put up a deposit or something? First month’s rent? I think I have it.” He had a little money saved up. “I can live with Chad, if it means living with you and the girls. Especially you.” Carlos did a double take at himself. That was too close to announcing his feelings. “Um, I mean...” 

“Especially me?” Jay was staring at him, his eyes shining and with a hopeful look on his face. Then he stood up. “Come with me.” Carlos stood up, and they walked into a darkened room that was empty. But why were they back there, in someone else’s room? Jay shut the door, and stood in front of him. 

“Jay, what are you...”

“Can I kiss you?” Carlos stared at him, unable to speak. “Please. I’ve waited so long. Can I please kiss you?” Carlos was still frozen, but he nodded. “Yes?”

“Yeah,” he finally got out, and tipped his face up. Jay put a hand on the back of his neck and came in. The kiss was soft, not hard or bruising, and Carlos kissed back, not believing what was happening. He pulled Jay in closer, and Jay moaned into the kiss. Carlos got bolder, running his hands down Jay’s back. 

“God I want you so much,” Jay said when he broke the kiss. “Ever since I first saw you. Just, if you like me, tell me. If you don’t, I won’t touch you again. But I need to know.” Carlos looked at him, trying to make sense of this. 

“I didn’t think you liked me,” Carlos said. “But yeah. Yes. I’ve had a crush on you for a long time. But you always said you had a crush on someone, so I didn’t think you liked me back.” 

Jay looked confused, but then he grinned shaking his head. “Oh C...” he said. “You were the crush.” Carlos felt his mouth drop open as Jay continued. “I’ve been flirting and flirting, and you just didn’t see it. I was starting to wonder if you just didn’t like me that way. But you really like me?” Carlos nodded again, overwhelmed. “Can we kiss more?” 

“Yeah, come here,” Carlos said, grinning. Jay laughed, and pulled him in again.


	18. A Visitor (Comes By)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evie's mom comes by to talk to Mal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: HIV tests used to take at least three weeks, back in the day. Sorry if it seems like I'm drawing it out. I'm actually trying to be accurate.

Carlos had to get up early. He turned over, trying to get out of bed without waking Jay. He’d gotten one leg out when Jay sighed and opened an eye. “Morning?”

“Yeah, I have to go.” Carlos hated getting up. He’d sleep in if he was allowed. But right now, he had no choice. “I’ve got another meeting.” Carlos leaned in and kissed Jay’s cheek. “I’ll be back this afternoon.” Jay clung to him for a minute, then let go.

“Too many meetings,” Jay mumbled, then he fell back asleep. Carlos wanted to join him, but he forced himself to get up and go into the shower. After that and some coffee, he put on his clothes, grabbed his portfolio and left. 

This time, he was having a business breakfast meeting at a diner that had excellent French toast. He didn’t order yet though, as he had to wait on the others. He sipped his coffee and waved when they came in. “Hi. Carlos de Vil.” 

“Like the designer?” Carlos nodded but didn’t say _she’s my mother_. After all, she had given birth to him, and then neglected him for eighteen years. He deserved to make his own name. “Well, it’s good to meet you. We really loved the work you did on your last two projects. We’d like to know if you’d be interested in a shoot that doesn’t involve skateboarding.” 

“That might be nice,” Carlos said. Privately, he wasn’t sure. He was used to filming people in motion, and fashion was so static. But he was willing to give it a try. It was a paying gig, he was sure.

Then the waitress came. Carlos ordered the French toast. The man doing most of the talking had eggs and hash, the other two had pancakes. “I’ve never done straight fashion photography.” He was sure they knew that, but he wanted to make it clear it was new territory for him.

“You did amazing with the one with your skater friends,” one of the others said. “You really knew them?”

“Yes. One is actually my roommate.” Carlos grinned. He’d said this before, to other curious potential clients. Did they think it was odd that he knew skaters? Who knew. They talked a little bit more about what he’d done.

“That picture of Jay Amiri has really taken off,” the main guy said. Carlos had trouble remembering his name. Thank god for business cards. “Did you think it would be so big? He’s got teen girl fans now.” Carlos knew what he meant-the photo was even circulating overseas. 

“No clue,” Carlos laughed. “But he’s always been charismatic. He’s got a lot of personality. And again, we’re friends, so we decided to push the envelope.” He’d told this story a lot too. People seemed to like it.

“You sure did,” one of the other guys said. They laughed, and then breakfast was served. When the meeting was over, Carlos had a gig in a fancy studio. He thought about it as he drove home. He needed an agent.

…

When he got home, he was hoping he could talk to Chad. Chad had the most connections of any person he knew. He might know someone, or at least know of them. But at home, he only found Mal. “Where’s Chad?”

“Gil took him on a real date,” Mal said. “They’re going hiking, and then he’s taking him to lunch.” Carlos knew they had been taking it slow since getting back together. Chad seemed to think that fucking first had been a bad idea. Carlos had nodded and never mentioned that he and Jay, once they finally got on the same page, didn’t wait long at all. It was a lot to tell someone.

“Hey, has the mail run?” Carlos went to look. No mail. “I’m sure my HIV test is gonna be fine, but I’d like to get it already.” 

“Right. If Jay is negative, you should be.” Mal was messing around with something. Carlos went over to look. 

“You’re making jewelry?” Mal nodded. 

“I’m pretty bad at it. But I found some of Evie’s jewelry making stuff. It helps when I miss her.” Carlos went over and hugged her, and she put her head on his shoulder. “Oh, and Jay’s out.”

“He actually got up?” Mal giggled. “Where is he?” 

“Back at his therapist. He’s been working with him before he heads to Japan.” Carlos nodded. Scott seemed to be a good fit with Jay. He had agreed to meet Jay somewhere instead of the center once Jay told him about the picture in the break room. So they were meeting in Scott’s office. 

“That’s good. Especially after the competition last weekend.” Jay hadn’t done terribly, but he didn’t hit the top three. Dave had called him, asked him if he needed a coach, and Jay had to swear to him that he’d do better. 

“I know. They have no idea that he actually did great under the circumstances.” Mal put the jewelry stuff down, and stretched her arms over her head. “I might go to the park,” she said. “Oh, have the pictures you did of me come out yet?”

“Next week,” Carlos told her. “I’m really excited about it. Oh, there might be a small party for the release. Would you want to go?” 

“Huh. Networking.” Mal laughed. “You know what, I’ll do it. Are you going to ask Gil and Harry?”

“Yeah, let’s see if they show up. I think Harry will go anywhere there’s free booze.” The phone rang then, and Carlos went to get it. “Hi, this is Carlos.”

“Hey.” It was Jay. “I’m at Scott’s. I haven’t gone in yet. He wants to know if you can come in for this session too? He said he just wants to hear how I’m doing from your perspective.” 

“Huh. Okay. Give me the address and I’ll get there soon as I can.” Carlos scribbled it down, and then said goodbye. “Sorry, gotta go. Did Jay take the car? Because otherwise this is gonna take a while.” 

“Don’t think so,” Mal said. “Where are you going?” 

“It’s fine, Jay just wants me to sit in on his therapy session. Do you want to come with me? Not for the therapy, but maybe I can take you somewhere after?” 

“We could stand to get some groceries, and I need some new sneakers. Let’s see if there’s a thrift store nearby.” Mal grabbed the jewelry stuff again, and they took off. It took them only ten minutes to get there, so Carlos got in just when Jay got called back. 

“Hello,” Scott said when they walked in. “Is this Carlos?” Carlos nodded and shook Scott’s hand, a little awkwardly. “I’m glad you could make it.” Carlos nodded, and sat down. “Are you nervous?”

“He’s always nervous meeting new people,” Jay said. 

“Yeah, usually need a minute,” Carlos agreed. Scott looked between the two of them. Carlos had a feeling that he didn’t approve of Jay speaking for him. But if that was the case, he didn’t voice it. Instead, he just asked Carlos a few other chit-chatty kind of questions. 

Finally, he said “Have you seen a difference in Jay since he came back?” Carlos nodded. “Can you tell me about it?”

“When he first got back,” Carlos said. “He seemed like he’d aged.” Jay looked surprised at that. “He’s usually optimistic and upbeat, but he just wanted to lie in bed all the time. He didn’t want to tell me what had happened, and for a while, we fought about it. He’s told me and since then we’ve been okay. He’s still really tired though.”

Jay didn’t say anything, but listened. Carlos nodded at him before continuing. “He’s been working so hard to recover from this, but I think he thinks everything can get back to normal. I’m not sure it will. But we still support each other like we always do.”

“Have there been other changes besides Jay seeming tired and withdrawn? Has your sex life suffered?” Scott took notes, looking down at his paper.

“It’s changed,” Carlos said. “Jay hasn’t topped since he got back. He was having a hard time keeping it up, but...”

“But having your prostate stimulated always works for that, right?” Jay interjected, grinning with a slight blush. “Sorry, I’m not used to talking about this.” He covered his face with a hand, and Carlos laughed at him. “But I don’t mind. If Carlos wants to fuck me, that’s more than okay.” Scott looked up and laughed. 

“Well, all right. Glad to see you two came up with a solution.” He looked between them. “You two have a very good relationship from what I can see. I’m glad you can make each other happy. But you have to be careful not to do everything for the other person.”

“But we want to protect each other,” Jay said. “Especially now. I had this happen, and Carlos is really starting to get somewhere with photography. He had a meeting this morning. Why shouldn’t we look out for each other?” 

“That’s good, but I don’t want you to get co-dependent.” Scott looked back up. “Jay’s said you both came from neglectful families.” 

“Right,” Carlos said. “My mom hasn’t contacted me in a few months. She’s having money trouble and since she’s not giving me any, she hasn’t been answering my calls. We’ve never been close. And Jay’s dad is the worst.” 

“Yeah, he did a lot of shit,” Jay said. Carlos listened as Jay told Scott about the neglect Jafar had put him though, including stopping his education and making him sleep on the floor. Carlos reached for Jay’s hand, squeezing it. Jay took a deep breath, and then looked at Scott. “So that’s my dad.”

“What about your other parents?” Jay and Carlos looked at each other and shrugged. “No contact with them?”

“I don’t even know who my mom is,” Jay said.

Carlos nodded. “Dad left when I was six. I get birthday cards sometimes. Haven’t seen him in person.” He went quiet then, and Jay squeezed his hand. “I guess he’s not any better than my mom. If he was good, he would’ve taken me with him.” 

“Yeah,” Jay said. “All of us-our friends we live with-have big time family issues. We lean on each other. I guess that’s why we’ve got functional relationships.” Carlos nodded. “But yeah, I guess we’re all works in progress.” 

“That’s good, that you’re working on it. Are you ready to go to Japan?”

“I don’t know,” Jay said. “I wish I could take Carlos, but that’s not happening. So I just have to do my best.” Jay looked down. “He won’t be there, so that helps a little. Randy, I mean. And I’m looking forward to seeing some of the guys. And I’ve never been to Japan. I bet it’s fun.” 

“I just hope it doesn’t make you worse,” Carlos said. “But I won’t tell you not to go. I know it’s important.” Jay nodded, looking down. “I hope you don’t think less of us,” Carlos said to Scott. “For being closeted like this. It sucks, because now he needs me.” 

“You are taking care of me,” Jay said softly. “You just can’t be with me everywhere.” 

“Well, I spent the first fifteen years of my career in the closet,” Scott said. “And since coming out it’s been much easier. But I’ve counseled athletes before. I know how hard it can be. So I guess you do whatever you can. I do hope one day you’re able to come out, Jay.”

“That would be wicked,” Jay said. Carlos nodded. “But then I’ll owe Arise a lot of money.” 

“True,” Carlos said. “Oh, I have to call Jane. I need a date for a party with the ad agency I did the shoot for. Oh, and Mal wants to come too.” Jay nodded, and Carlos could see Scott watching Jay’s reaction out of the corner of his eye. 

Right on cue, he said, “Do either of you get jealous of the others beards?”

Carlos and Jay looked at each other. “Kind of,” Jay said.

“Yeah, I do,” Carlos said. “And I know Li Lonni has no interest in Jay. But she’s so funny and they get along great. She’s like a girl version of Jay. And I know Jay used to be with women,” Carlos said. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t even bring that up.”

“No.” Jay was turned in his chair, watching Carlos. “No, I’m glad you told me. You don’t have anything to worry about. I’ll probably never be with a girl again. I don’t regret anything, but it’s true. And I like being around Lonni, and she does me. We’re friends. I wish you could be better friends with her.” 

“I just don’t like that she has experiences with you that I should have.” 

Jay was silent for a minute. “Yeah. Same.” Carlos’s eyes widened. “I should be going with you to that party. Jane is a sweetheart, but yeah. Having experiences I should have.” They were silent for a minute. “Sorry Scott,” Jay said. “This went beyond just asking Carlos how I’m doing.” 

“No, I think this is good information to know,” he said. “Talking about it is important. But I think we’re done for now. Jay, I want you to read that book I gave you. Learn some techniques for calming down. I hope it will help you in Japan. Okay? It was good to see you both.” 

“Thanks,” Jay shook his hand, and then went to make an appointment. Mal was still waiting, and when Jay was done, they went to a nearby store. Carlos treated Mal to a new pair of shoes. Then they got takeout for lunch, and drove back home. 

As they ate their Thai takeout, there was a knock on the door. “Jesus, who is it this time.” Mal got up. Carlos heard the door open, and then nothing from Mal. He turned to find her standing frozen, in front of Evie’s mom. 

Carlos turned towards the kitchen. “Jay, come on!” Jay saw what was happening, and they stood behind Mal. 

Evie’s mom was staring Mal down. Her expression was regal and slightly angry. “It’s you, isn’t it? Evie told me. You don’t have to lie for her.” 

Mal stared at her, and Carlos watched as her face crumpled. “Don’t. Don’t take her from me, please, she’s all I got...” Carlos grabbed her hand. Jay put a hand on her shoulder, and glared daggers as Evie’s mom.

“I won’t,” she said, her expression softening slightly. Mal looked back up, disbelieving. “May I come in?” Carlos and Jay has to gently move Mal out of the doorway and let Ms. Grimhilde sit on the couch. Carlos watched with numb detachment as she brushed the seat off before sitting down. The rest of them kept standing, grouped together with Jay in the back.

“Why did you come here?” Mal said. “Are you going to try offering me money to stop seeing Evie? Because I won’t take it.” 

Evie’s mom looked at them. “I admit I thought about it,” she said. “But me and Evie have been talking. She’s insistent on keeping you. If I want to keep her in my life, I have to accept you. Turns out she was keeping a lot from me.” 

“Because you made her feel like dirt every time she didn’t live up to your expectations!” Carlos turned, wide-eyed, at Jay. He was red-faced, and looked like he wanted to grab Evie’s mom by the throat. “She nearly killed herself trying to please you! Why should we even care if she keeps talking to you at all?”

Ms. Grimhilde glared at Jay. “Who are you?”

“Name’s Jay.” Carlos saw that familiar smirk on his face. “Evie’s my friend. Do you want us to introduce ourselves? This is Carlos, and I guess you know Mal. We love Evie, we want her to get well and come home.”

“And that means here,” Carlos said. Jay nodded, still watching Evie’s mom. 

Evie’s mom stared at Jay, then switched her gaze to Mal. Carlos could feel the dismissal. “I want to talk to you. She told me you were another skateboarder. Is that what you do for a living?”

“I work at a skate shop,” Mal said. Carlos could tell she was shaking a little. “I skate, and I win, but the prize money isn’t much. And I’ve done some modeling. Carlos here took the pictures.” Mal glared at her. “So you think I’m a loser because I don’t have money? My mom has tons of money, and she’s the biggest loser I know. So you can judge me on that if you want. But I don’t.” 

“Evie said you worked hard,” Ms. Grimhilde said. “She said it was starting to pay off. She didn’t tell me anything about your mother. Other than you have no contact.” Mal nodded, tears threatening to fall. “Don’t cry. I don’t like it when women cry. It just gets used against us.” 

“Sorry, still don’t really believe that you’re here to make nice.” But Mal wiped her tears. “Did you find the postcards?” Evie’s mom looked down, and nodded. “I bet you didn’t react well.” Ms. Grimhilde was silent. “Yeah, thought so.” 

“I had to come back later, to talk to her,” Evie’s mom said. Then she looked around. “This place needs cleaning, although it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I wish I could tell you Evie was coming back soon, but I’m not sure. She’s trying.” 

“We’re not pigs,” Carlos said. “But yeah, it’s overdue to give this room a dusting. Has Evie gained any more?” 

Evie’s mom sighed. “Staying steady at two pounds gained. I hope she gains more. I hate it when things are out of my control.” There was a pause. 

“Yeah, me too,” Mal said. She looked over at Evie’s mom. “So, you actually love her? Because from everything she’s told me, I was sure you didn’t.” 

Evie’s mom nodded. “I wanted her to be like me,” she said. “I saw how smart she was, and I thought she could help me with my business. But that’s not what she wanted. I hated that. I tried and tried to make her more like me. And she’s beautiful, and maybe I spent too much time focusing on it. He’s right,” she said, and gestured to Jay without looking over. “She wound up hurt. But yes. I love her. She’s the only family I have.” 

“I thought you had a prominent family in New England,” Carlos said. That was in every article about her. Evie’s mom laughed. The sight was unnerving. 

“I’m from Indiana. My family was awful. The worst bunch of drunks you could imagine. I made up a better story and kept my first husband’s name. Good for publicity.” She sighed. “I guess that’s what happens when you base your life on lies. Evie decided that it was best to tell the truth.” 

“Are you going to lay off some of the control then?” Mal watched her as Evie’s mom tried to evade her look. “No, this can’t keep up. You need to stop nagging her about her looks and checking the miles on the car. And don’t pressure her to get married, ever. She doesn’t need the stress. If you really love her, you’ll do that.” 

“I’m working on it,” she said. “I know it’s up to me.” She paused. “Speaking of the car, I wonder if it even still works. I’m assuming none of you drove it.” Mal nodded. “Where is it?” 

“Out back,” Mal said. “Are you going to take it?” Evie’s mom stood up. 

“I might have to have it towed, if it doesn’t run. But if you want it, you can use it until Evie gets back.” Mal stared at her, speechless. That seemed to make Evie’s mom a little defensive. “I mean, it’s just going to waste. If you’re...what’s the word? Partnered? With Evie, I suppose you’re entitled to it.” 

Mal was still opened mouthed and speechless. Jay nudged her. “Come on, take the car. You need to stop taking the bus and getting rides. If she’s offering, take it.” 

Mal blinked then, and laughed. “Imagine me driving to the mall to my job in a Mercedes. Okay, yes. Thank you ma’am.” Then Mal became wary again. “This is too good to be true. Are you going to be checking the mileage with me driving it?”

Ms. Grimhilde sighed. “No. Just please don’t wreck it. Do you have a driver’s license? Mal nodded. “I’m trying to do better. Although I admit right now, I sort of want to sit you down and cut your bangs for you. They’re getting too long.” 

“Um,” Carlos spoke up then. “Please don’t start thinking that Mal dating Evie means she’s another daughter to boss around.” He looked behind him to see Jay with his arms crossed, nodding. “She doesn’t need it, Mal takes care of herself just fine.” Mal went over and put an arm around him. Carlos kissed her cheek.

Ms. Grimhilde looked at him then. “You’re the de Vil boy,” she said. “Evie has told me about you. How are you doing? I know things are bad with your mother.” Carlos was taken aback, that she even remembered him.

“She’s not talking to me,” he said. “I guess she doesn’t want to talk about the IRS, she’s missing my calls. But I’m getting more photography work, so I’m doing okay. I hope I’ll be able to return to school soon.” 

“Evie said you’re smart, and you’ll probably do well.” Ms. Grimhilde picked up her purse. “Do you have the keys for the car?” 

“Upstairs,” Mal said, and went to get them. Jay moved so he was standing next to Carlos.

“Now that Mal’s out of the room, I’m just gonna say it,” he started. “I don’t believe this at all. You coming here, trying to say you’ve changed. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Evie’s mom said nothing, just stared at him. “So if you think that you can control Mal with money or gifts, I won’t let it happen. I’m keeping an eye on you.” 

“I’m trying to change,” she said. “Evie’s holding me accountable. But she said you four were a family. Do whatever you need to do. I won’t bother you.” Jay didn’t move, just stared at her until Mal came back with the keys. 

“Thank you,” she said. “I’m going to check to see if the car starts. Do I go out here?” Mal showed her through the kitchen to the back door. “I interrupted your lunch,” Carlos heard her say, and then she was outside. 

“Holy shit,” Carlos said. “What was that?”

“A trick, most likely. I refuse to believe that bitch is giving up control. This is just another way to get what she wants.” Jay stalked around the room. Carlos watched him, hoping he wouldn’t punch a wall or something. “Anyone that has total control doesn’t just walk away from it. Believe me I know. And so do you.” 

“Maybe,” Carlos said. “But what if she’s telling the truth? It sounds like she’s scared of losing Evie. She said Evie’s all she has.” Jay sat down, not looking at him. “I think maybe we should be careful, but, shit, I don’t know.” Carlos sat down. “If my mom said she was sorry, I would try to work with her.” 

“I wouldn’t,” Jay said. “My dad’s made it clear what kind of person he is. So has Mal’s mom. There’s nothing there. You don’t have to forgive someone just because they ask for it.” Jay hunched over, and Carlos figured he wasn’t just talking about Jafar. “I mean, you don’t.” 

“I know,” Carlos said, voice soft. Jay had his hands clenched, and was rocking back and forth, back strung tight. “But we can’t make that decision for Evie .Or Mal. And I know this brings up a lot of bad memories for you. But please, I’m scared you’re going to hurt yourself.” He’d seen Jay punch things before. It never ended well. 

Jay stood up then, and looked down at Carlos. “I don’t know what to do,” he said. “I think I need to get out of here.” 

“I’ll go with you to the park,” Carlos said, but Jay shook his head. “Why not?”

“Gets too crazy there now. I can’t just be left alone. Look, get your board too. Let’s just go down the street. I gotta do something now before I lose it.” Jay stomped back to their room, and Carlos followed him. In the distance, he could hear the car starting. But then they had their boards and were out of the door. Jay didn’t look back, they just headed down the street. 

Carlos had to work to catch up-Jay was really flying. “Slow down, you might hit something,” he called, but Jay didn’t pay attention. He kept ripping down the street, and had to swerve to miss a mom with a stroller. Carlos heard her scream, and he got off the skateboard and ran. “Jay, stop!” Carlos called after him, and then Jay finally slowed, so Carlos could get closer. 

“Jay,” he said. “Please calm down. You’re acting like you don’t care what happens to you.” Carlos had no idea why Jay was so calm in therapy but now he looked like he wanted to fight someone. “Let’s just go home, we can hang out in our room. But please, you’re close to getting the cops called on you.” 

Jay stared at him, then rubbed his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “Let’s go home.” Then Jay calmly picked up his board. Carlos walked with him, keeping an eye out for cops. He didn’t see any. Jay didn’t say anything until they got home. It seemed empty, at least Evie’s mom was gone.

Jay just went back to their room, pulling his shirt over his head. Carlos followed him, stopping to put his board against the wall in the kitchen, and grab a soda. When he got to their room, Jay was doing push-ups. Carlos locked the door, sat on the bed, and watched him. He did fifty, then flipped on his back and started on sit-ups. 

Carlos knelt on the floor and held Jay’s legs still. “One,” he counted. “Two, three...” When Jay got to fifty, he flopped back on the floor., staring at Carlos.

“I’m so angry. Why am I so angry?” Carlos laid down next to him.

“I guess that was the last straw,” Carlos said. “You’ve been working so hard. Maybe it was just too much. And I wish Evie would come back. I miss her so much.” Jay nodded. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Mal was my first real friend. Evie was the second.” Carlos looked over at him. “I mean yeah, I know a lot of guys to get high and drunk with. But I wouldn’t ask them for anything except pitching in for beer. Evie practically adopted me.”

“Yeah,” Carlos said. She’d done the same to him. Evie had a lot of love to give. It was a shame she didn’t have that love for herself.

“I guess that’s why the other skaters, like Jason, think I’m so weird,” Jay continued. “Because apparently, I respect women just a little too much.”

“You know what, fuck Jason.” Jay looked over, eyebrows raised. “I know you like him, but I wouldn’t tolerate that shit. I hope you told him off.” 

“I told him I didn’t know what he and the others were talking about,” Jay smiled thinking about it. “I told them I didn’t agree, and I didn’t back down. So yeah, they just have to deal with it. I didn’t tell you about it because, you know. The other thing.” 

Carlos rolled over, and got on top of Jay, straddling him. He kissed him, and Jay reached for him, pulling him down and clinging to him. “You’re gonna be okay,” Carlos said, and kissed Jay’s cheek. “I know you have to leave soon,” he said. “But I’ll be thinking about you the whole time. If you can’t call, don’t worry. Just hold on best you can.”

“Okay,” Jay said. “And hey, at least I have a new hobby thanks to Mike. I need to go to the used bookstore and get some new ones.” Carlos laughed. 

“What do you like? I’ll buy you some.” Jay shrugged.

“Eh, dunno. Just as long as the lead characters aren’t perfect and don’t do everything right I’m happy.” Jay kissed Carlos then. After a minute, he pulled back. “I’m gonna miss you so much. I’m going to try, okay? I won’t get drunk every night. I don’t want to be vulnerable like that again.”

“Got it,” Carlos said. “Is there any way I can get hold of you?” Jay shrugged. “Well, you can call anytime. Even one am. I don’t care.” Jay ran a hand down Carlo’s back to his ass. “Oh, so that’s what you’re in the mood for.” Carlos kissed Jay again. 

A few days later, Jay left for Japan. Carlos got his HIV test results in the mail the day after he left, negative. He couldn’t tell Jay about it. He went to the party with Mal and the others plus Jane, and pretended like he wasn’t worried for Jay the entire time. When he got back home, he sat by the phone, hoping for a call. He fell asleep on the couch, waiting for it.


	19. People's Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uma and her boys go to the launch party for the photoshoot. Ir'a a little awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this just before the protests started. I had been blocked and decided to write a short chapter from Uma's point of view. There's some microaggressions here.

“Come on, it’s time to go,” Gil yelled from the living room. Uma didn’t say anything, she was too busy letting Harry line her eyes, then put on the false eyelashes he wanted her to wear. Harry had been invited to the ad agency party, and he insisted on taking her as his date. 

“There my dear, you look amazing,” he said. Harry had his own eyeliner and was wearing his leather pants. “Let’s show them who the real beauty is at this.”

“Harry, we’re not fighting with Mal any more,” Uma said as they left their apartment. Chad was giving them a ride, even though he wasn’t coming in. Gil had not been able to secure another invite, and Uma wasn’t sure he was ready to come to a fancy event with his boyfriend anyway. “I’m actually glad she’s going to be there. It’s kind of nerve-wracking for me. I mean, they didn’t pick me.”

“They didn’t. They picked the white girl, and while Mal did a great job, I tend to be biased towards you.” Harry got in Chad’s car and looked out the window. “I want you to show them what they missed.” 

Uma smiled at that, but didn’t say anything. Harry would always back her up, she knew that. She held his hand as they drove to the place-a bland space in the business center. “Thanks Chad,” she said, getting out. “Do you want us to save you some food?” 

“Nope, I’m going over there to wait on you,” Chad said, and pointed to a diner nearby. “Have fun.” Gil reached over, and kissed Chad before getting out. Uma watched Gil-she worried about both of her boys, even though she was only dating one. Chad seemed nice, but still.

They walked through the door with Harry holding Uma’s hand, Gil behind them. Mal was already there, with Carlos and a girl she hadn’t seen before. Mal turned around and smiled when she saw them. “Uma!” 

“Hey girl,” Uma said, and she went over to give Mal a hug. Mal looked fragile, and Uma remembered it had been a long time since Evie went into treatment. “How you holding up?” She whispered into Mal’s ear. 

“I’m okay,” Mal said. “I’m hanging in there.” Mal pulled back. “You look amazing!” Uma grinned. Mal never gave compliments unless she really meant them. “I’m glad you’re here.” 

“I’m glad I’m here too,” Uma said. Then she looked around the room. There was about thirty people there, most she didn’t know and appeared to be ad execs or something. They were all dressed for a cocktail party, and Uma was the only black person in the room.They were looking at the skaters with a mix of delight and apprehension. “Kind of a staid crowd,” she said, and Mal nodded. “Who can introduce me around?” 

“I can,” Carlos said. “Oh, this is Jane.” The pretty girl in the white dress smiled and shook her hand. Carlos himself looked strained around the eyes, and Uma hoped he could hold it together. “Jane is Mal’s godmom’s daughter.” Uma didn’t know that. “So, I guess I’ll introduce you to the VP first.” 

“Oh wow,” Uma said, and Carlos led her over to a man who looked to be his his forties, with dark hair slicked back. “Gerald,” Carlos said, and Uma was surprised by the use of his first name. “This is my friend Uma. She’s here with Harry. Where is Harry, anyway?” 

Uma looked over, and saw him with Gil, taking to a lady in a tight dress. Uma felt a small burn of jealousy, since Harry was clearly charming her. She turned back to Gerald, who was looking at her with mild interest. 

“I remember your photos. I’m sorry if you felt overlooked, but we only wanted one girl,” Gerald said. Uma smiled, not sure if she believed him. “But I’m glad you made it. Would you like a drink?” 

“Yeah, just a ginger ale if you have it.” Uma didn’t like to drink too much, especially when Harry was definitely going to. Just then, Harry came over and kissed her cheek. “Hi Harry. Have you met Gerald?” 

“Hello.” Harry looked at Gerald through his lashes. Uma loved the look on his face- Gerald was shocked, either because Harry was flirting or because they were a couple. Harry looked over at Uma. “You want a ginger ale, love? I’ll get ye one.” Then he kissed her cheek again, and went to the bar set up in the back. 

“Wow. You date him?” Gerald looked back at Harry. He clearly wanted to say something, but then looked at Uma and Carlos and thought better of it. Uma just smiled. She was already feeling the strain of playing nice, but she could handle it a bit longer.

“Yes, meet my beautiful disaster, Harry.” Harry was back with a can of ginger ale and a cup of ice for her. “Thank you baby.” Gerald gave a small laugh at that, and then chit-chatted with the three of them before moving on.

“Weird crowd,” Uma whispered to Carlos, who laughed. 

“I know. But I’m used to weird crowds.” Uma rolled her eyes. “I can introduce you to more people if you want. That is, if I remember everyone’s names.” 

“You’re the one who’s supposed to be good at schmoozing,” Uma said. Carlos shook his head. “Well, better than me anyway.” 

“Come on, get Harry and I’ll introduce the two of you of you to the other ad folks.” He slipped his arm in hers, and they went around the room. For the most part, they loved Harry and were confused by her. When Uma told them she was also a skater and her photos were in Carlos’s portfolio, they didn’t flat out say that she was lying. But she knew they didn’t believe it. 

So they hadn’t just overlooked her. They had never seen her at all. That hurt. She must have been showing the strain in her face because Gil and Harry both stayed right by her. That got them even stranger looks. 

At one point, Uma wandered off alone to look for the bathroom. She heard a couple of the ad people whispering. “So, what’s going on with them? Is that black girl dating both of the guys? They won’t leave her side. She must be really something if she’s got them at her beck and call.” 

Uma blinked tears out of her eyes and finally found the bathroom. She couldn’t cry, Harry would hate it if she ruined his work on her eyes. She just took deep breaths, trying to get hold of herself. She thought about how Mal complained about not getting respect in skating. She had no idea. 

The door opened, and she turned around to see Harry. “Not crying, are ye?” Uma shook her head, and then one tear fell. “No. You’re not doing that. They don’t deserve it.” Harry came in close, then kissed her. “You are my light,” Harry said. “I love you. I won’t let them make you feel less. Okay, now I have to get out of here. Are you ready to come back?” 

“I kind of want to go home,” she said. But Harry was right, she couldn’t leave yet. “Do they have any food here?”

“Little rabbit snacks. I think we should eat at the coffee shop afterwards. Chad’s already there.” Hary took her hand and led her out. When they got back, Mal turned to see them and smiled. Uma smiled back, honestly glad to see her. She walked over to Mal, and took her hands. “This is kind of stressing me out,” she said, and Mal laughed. 

“I know. I don’t know if I’ll get much out of it, but I hope so.” Mal looked at her, seeing her expression. “Are you about to go?” 

“They can’t chase me out that quick. Nope, I’ll stick around. You want me to stand with you-hey look.” Uma turned to see Harry. Someone was handing him a card. “Look at that.” Uma felt pride, with no jealousy getting in the way. Her baby was getting a break. 

“Wow, wonder what that is,” Mal said. Uma wanted to go over right then, but she held back. Then Gil came over with a beer he’d gotten. 

“That guy’s giving Harry the name of an acting agent,” Gil said excitedly. “Like, that would be perfect for him. He’d be good at it.” Uma had to agree, it would be. Harry grinned big and shook the guy’s hand. Then he came over, and showed Uma the card. 

“Good job, Harry,” Mal said. “I hope you get some work out of it.” Harry smiled, and made a show of kissing her hand. That made them all laugh, and Uma looked around for Carlos. He was talking to Gerald again, but most people were watching them with curiosity. 

One woman walked up to them. “Do you all know each other?” 

“We do,” Mal said. “Uma’s my friend.” Uma nodded, glad that Mal felt that way. She’d never heard her come out and say it. “We used to compete pretty hard, and we still do, but-”

“But we’ve learned how to compete and still be friends,” Uma said, and put an arm around Mal. The woman looked between the two of them, and then smiled back. “Mal has her crew and I have mine, but we’re not fighting.” Then the woman looked confused again. 

“Wait, so both of you...they’re _your_ crews?” Mal, Uma, and the boys all nodded. “Is that normal for skaters?”

“Nope,” Uma said. 

“Not at all,” Harry said. “Most skaters are teenage boys who can’t handle strong ladies.” Uma nearly rolled her eyes-Harry had just turned twenty. “We just happen to be rebels on that front.” 

“Right, they’re dumb,” Gil said. That caused some nervous laughter. “But Uma is great. I don’t want to be in charge, I just want to skate.” 

This conversation was getting more people’s attention. Another woman came over. “When you say ‘in charge’, what do you mean?” Uma shrugged. 

“Mainly just make sure everyone’s good and the rent gets paid on time. It’s like a family.” 

“Yeah, I have a house full of roomies and I love them. I wouldn’t want to live alone.” Mal said. Uma looked around and checked people’s reactions. The women in the room seemed to be the most interested. The older men looked shocked. She figured they really must be aliens to them.

“What about your real families?” One of the women said. They all looked at each other.

“The less said about them, the better,” Uma said. Everyone else nodded. “Except for Jane’s.” She pointed to where Jane was with Carlos. “From everything I’ve heard, her mom’s a doll.” Jane heard her name and came over. “Just telling them that your mother is great.”

“Thanks, she is.” Jane looked a little flustered. “She always tries to support me.” 

“We were talking about parents,” Mal said. She looked at the ad women. “Jane is my godmother’s daughter. I introduced her to Carlos.” Uma nodded, knowing this was the truth. Mal might be leaving out some parts, but that was true. 

The conversation turned to other topics, and Uma started to actually have fun. More people talked to her, and while she kept an eye on Harry, he didn’t seem to be drinking too much. Gil seemed to be enjoying himself, talking to anyone who would approach him. 

At the end of the night, Gerald said goodbye to each of them, and said it was good to meet them. “Here’s my card, I’m not an agent but I might be able to find you help if you need it.” He handed one to each of them, then looked at Uma. “Have you ever acted, or done dancing, anything like that?”

“Not professionally,” she said. She had been in drama in high school, but she wasn’t telling Gerald that. “I’ve focused on skating, but I’m open to new things.” 

“Well, I think you could do well in something like acting or modeling, if you wanted,” he said. Uma didn’t mention how short she was-modeling might not be right for her. “I hope you have a good night.” 

“Thank you. It was good to meet you.” Uma caught up to Harry, and he held her hand as they walked out. “Wow,” Uma said. “That was so weird.” As badly as they had started out, Uma and her crew had managed to make a good impression.

“I think they were disappointed that we weren’t doing ollies and getting blackout drunk,” Mal said. Harry laughed. 

“I know,” he said. “It was hard to resist temptation.” Then they stopped on the sidewalk for a minute, looking at each other. “Um,” Harry said, addressing Carlos, Mal and Jane. “We’re going across the street for some food. I’m pretty sure it’s open 24 hours. Do you want to come with us?” 

“I have to get home,” Jane said, and Carlos nodded. “Carlos took me, and I think he has to be somewhere tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Carlos said. “I’m really sorry. But I have to do another shoot. So I’m just going to take Jane home.” 

“Well, all right then,” Harry said. “Mal, what about you? Chad drove us, so you can just go home with him if you want.” 

“Sure,” Mal said, and Uma smiled. “I really want a cheeseburger now. And some fries.” 

“Yeah, all I ate were those carrot sticks,” Gil said. “I couldn’t even eat the dip.” Gil had a tragic allergy to garlic. Harry laughed and put an arm around him. 

“Okay, it’s settled. Let’s get something to eat. Carlos, Jane, have a good night.” Carlos and Jane smiled. Uma went over to Carlos.

“Thanks for this,” she said. “Even if nothing comes from it, thank you.”

“It will,” Carlos said. “Okay, we’ve gotta go.” Carlos and Jane went to find their car, and Uma caught up with her crew and Mal. The night hadn’t been so bad. Maybe something would come from it. Maybe.


	20. Exposure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evie comes home, and the house gets an unwelcome guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a thrill ride, lots of stuff happens. Thanks to those who read it.

Carlos laid down next to Jay, who was in their bed, only wearing his underwear. “How was the tour?” Jay didn’t answer at first, and Carlos played with Jay’s hair. “You can tell me.” 

“I started to feel like I was becoming two different people,” Jay said, looking at the ceiling. “The day time, everything was amazing. We got to see shrines, and the lights in Tokyo, we met so many fans. I got so much stuff from the fans that liked me. So the days were great.”

“What happened at night?” Carlos figured he had a good idea. 

“I’d lose my mind,” he whispered. “I’d get scared, that it would happen again. Even though Randy wasn’t there. He had to learn that behavior from someone, right? So I’d beg Mike to sit with me as long as he could, before he had to sleep. It was hard to sleep.” 

“Shit. I’m sorry.” Carlos looked him over. Jay looked haggard, but not as bad as he did when coming back from his first tour. This one had been shorter, though. “What do you want, just to rest a while? I’ll tell the others not to throw you a party.” Everyone else was out of the house for now. 

“Just have a cookout, like last time. I think I’ll be able to eat more now.” Jay turned his head to look at Carlos. “How was your launch party? Did you have a good crowd?”

“Yeah, I think it was good for everyone. Harry’s gotten an agent, he tells me. I don’t know how long that’s going to last-the agent doesn’t like the place Harry works. Doesn’t make Harry look good, in his eyes.” 

“He needs to quit it anyway,” Jay said. “That place gets raided every two months.” Jay sat up, stretching his hands overhead. “I still say Harry gets in his own way more than anyone I know, except for Jessie. Did I tell you that he’s trying to get sober and joined some weird church?”

“Nah, you haven’t given me the gossip yet, you’ve just been resting.” Jay had slept a while when he first got home, like last time. Then Carlos had gotten him a glass of water and snuggled him. “So, how are the other guys?”

“Good,” Jay said. “Mostly Mike. Jason is okay, but...” Jay trailed off. “I saw something I shouldn’t have.”

“What?” Carlos didn’t know what that could be. He wasn’t sure if he liked Jason much, but Jay still looked up to him, despite everything.

“I saw him snorting some speed,” Jay said. He sat on the edge of the bed, his hands in his lap. “We were in the bathroom before an exhibition. He saw me and offered me some. When I said no, he basically said that with the touring schedule, eventually I wouldn’t have a choice.” 

“Fuck,” Carlos said. He felt anger rise up that Jason had tempted his boyfriend with that. If they ever met again, he might not be very welcoming. “Promise me you won’t ever do it. Jay, promise me.” Jay didn’t meet his eyes, but he nodded. “You ever done it before?”

“Well yeah, I tried it,” Jay said. His tone was casual, like anyone would have done it. “Before you and me got together. But I really wasn’t into it. I don’t want to get to the point where I’m treating it like coffee. I think that’s where Jason is at. He doesn’t even seem to like it. He complains about not sleeping.” Jay still looked ahead, even when Carlos cuddled up to him. 

Carlos didn’t say anything. Jay liked taking risks, much more than Carlos ever did. It scared him sometimes, what Jay might do out of curiosity or for fun. “You told me not to let you go places that I can’t follow,” Carlos said. “I’m holding you to that.” 

“Okay.” Jay turned his head then, and kissed Carlos, tangling a hand in his hair. “I really fuckin’ missed you.” Carlos smiled. This was still his Jay.

…

Later that night, they had a small cookout party. It was mostly just the housemates, but Uma and her crew were invited. Jay came up to Uma right away. “I’m sorry I didn’t speak to you more at the last cookout. I was just wiped.” 

“I know,” she said, and she gave Jay a hug. “I didn’t take any offense.” Uma knew about what had happened to Jay, of course. And Jay didn’t seem to mind that. But he chose not to talk about it with her. “How are you this time?”

“Not so bad,” Jay said, smiling. Then Harry came up to him, and the smile dimmed a little. “Hey Harry.” 

Harry beamed at him, and wrapped Jay in a hug. “Don’t be standoffish, we’re friends now,” Harry said, and then let go. “If it wasn’t for you and Carlos, I wouldn’t have the breaks I’m getting. I have an agent because of Carlos. And he wouldn’t have gotten to that position if it wasn’t for you. So I owe both of ye.” 

Jay looked a bit confused. “As long as you’re not hitting on Carlos, I guess that’s good.” Harry laughed. 

“Not to worry, besides my lovely Uma, I have someone else that I’m seeing,” he said, eyes twinkling with happiness. Carlos thought _oh, that’s nice..._

“I hate it,” Uma said. Carlos, Jay, and everyone else in the kitchen looked at her. “Harry’s fucking the agent.” 

There was a long silence. Carlos had to fight the urge to cover his face with his hand. What was Harry thinking?

“Love, we talked about this,” Harry said, trying to sound soothing. “Grant’s good looking, he’s rich, he seems to like me. It’s a good arrangement.” He reached for her arm, and she jerked it back.

“He’s twice your goddamn age, you idiot,” Uma said, and stomped out of the kitchen and out the door, slamming it. 

“Oh boy,” Harry said, and moved to follow her. Jay stopped him with a hand on his shoulder..

“Give her a few minutes, I don’t think she left,” he said. Sure enough, Carlos could hear pacing on their front porch. Mal quietly walked out the front door to talk to her. Carlos looked over at Gil, who was shaking his head. Not even Gil thought this was a good idea.

“Let’s go outside, Chad’s out there by himself with the grill,” Carlos said. He gently steered Harry by the arm, with Jay and Gill following. Gil went over to Chad, kissing him on the cheek and then taking over the grill. Gil though he was better at grilling than his boyfriend. 

That left Carlos and Jay sitting on the steps, on either side of Harry. The lights from the porch and the grill made shadows on Harry’s face. “Harry, don’t take this the wrong way,” Jay said, “But have you ever made a good decision in your life?” 

Harry laughed and wiped his eyes. Carlos had never seen Harry cry before. “Well, going home with Uma and stealing my first skateboard were pretty good decisions, I’d say.” 

“Wait, you stole your first skateboard?” Carlos tried not to laugh, but he couldn’t hold it in. Harry laughed harder. “How are you alive and not in jail?” 

“Uma,” Harry said immediately. “I was sixteen when I met her. I had run away from home, and was living in shelters. I was out panhandling when she walked down the street and saw me. She offered me a job at her mother’s restaurant. I only wound up working there three weeks, but I’ve been with Uma ever since.” 

“Damn,” Jay said. “That was a lucky break.” 

They sat in silence for a while. Then Carlos said “Harry. I know you want a guy in your life too, but I’m worried you’re going to lose Uma. She seemed really mad. I wouldn’t want to push her too far.” 

Harry was quiet a minute. “I know,” he said. “This is the biggest thing we’ve ever fought over. She thinks he’s using me. And now it’s tricky, because what if I stop and he lets me go? I don’t want to lose paying gigs. I’ve already secured a commercial.”

Jay put a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Well, if he’s doing this with you, he might be fucking his other clients as well. So maybe if you back off a little, he won’t miss it much.” Carlos wondered if that was true, but Harry seemed to buy it. “Now maybe we can find Uma so you can talk to her. I don’t want her throwing a burger in your face.” 

Harry stood up. “Suppose you’re right,” Harry said. “I’ll go find her, you can stay here.” Harry disappeared back into the house. That left Carlos and Jay watching Gil grill their burgers.

After a minute, Jay spoke up. “Do you think he’ll really stop?” 

“I don’t know,” Carlos said. “I wouldn’t want to be in an open relationship. It seems like a lot of trouble.” 

“Yeah,” Chad said from a deck chair. Carlos had almost forgotten about him. “I’m happy where I am.” Then Chad called to Gil. “Gil, were you ever tempted? I mean, you live with the two of them.” 

Gil flipped a burger. “I’ve made out with Harry, but that’s it. I’m with you guys, it’s too complicated. And I love Uma, but I’ve never been with women, so it wouldn’t be fair to her.” Chad got up and put his arms around Gil, back to front, and kissed his neck. “Don’t distract me too much, trying to cook.” Chad laughed and let go. 

Jay was quiet for a minute, then looked at Carlos. “It just occurred to me, we’ve all become real Hollywood kids,” he said. “I got breaks because of skating, but now you’re a pro photographer, Harry’s acting, Mal did a modeling gig. We’re branching out.” 

“Yep, young and trying to be successful,” Carlos said. He had misgivings about it-the drugs on Jay’s tour, Harry’s complicated sexual issues. There were dangers here. But they were all trying to navigate them. “I hope we all do well, I don’t want Mal to have to work jobs she hates.” 

“She driving that Mercedes to work?” Carlos laughed. 

“Yes, and she won’t tell her co-workers how she got it, and it’s driving them crazy.” They laughed as Gil got the plates of burgers and hot dogs ready. When they got back in, Carlos saw Harry and Uma in the living room, talking quietly. Carlos left them to it. Then they had their late dinner.

Jay and Carlos got to bed around midnight. Jay cuddled Carlos with him. “I still have to unpack,” he said. “You need to see some of the stuff fans made for me. I couldn’t believe it. They made dolls of me.” 

“They did what? You’re right, I gotta see this. But tomorrow.” He felt Jay kiss his neck, and closed his eyes.

…

The next few days were busy, but normal. That made the call Carlos got that more bizarre. 

It didn’t go to message, either. Nope, he answered the phone and there was his mom. “Darling, I have to see you today, it’s very important. Come by the house.” Then she hung up. Carlos stared at the phone, then wrote a note, stuck it on the fridge, and headed out in Jay’s car. 

When he got to his mom’s house, it was dusty. His mom never cleaned, she always had people for that. It looked like she’d fired the maid. The house was dark, his mother had all the shades drawn and very few lights on. He banged his ankle against a coffee table and cursed.

“Darling, is that you? Come into the study.” Carlos followed her voice, and eventually made his way back to a small room. To his surprise, his mom wasn’t alone. His mom looked up. “Darling, this is Mr. Porter. He’s going to be the trustee for what I’m setting up.”

“Wait, you’re setting up a trust? For me?” Carlos wanted to make sure he heard right. Cruella glared at him. 

“Yes. I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked. But dealing with the IRS took all my strength. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. Mother might even be going to prison.” Cruella sucked on her cigarette. “So, I looked into options and found a trust that would work to keep some of the money safe. You’re the beneficiary, of course.”

Carlos looked between his mom and Mr/ Porter, who hadn’t said a word. “Do I actually get to keep the money, or is this just to save some so the IRS can’t get it? You’ve never gone out of your way to help me much before, except paying for school. And now you’re not doing that. You can get mad if you want, but I don’t believe it.”

Cruella just sat in silence for a moment. “I’ve already got places to hide some money for me,” she said. “I won’t be asking you for money from your trust. And anyway, you can’t access it until you turn twenty-five.” Carlos nodded, not surprised. He wouldn’t be paying for college out of that, it seemed. “I’m sorry your college money dried up. I should have kept it safer.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’m gonna ask Mr. Porter a few questions now.” He asked what kind of trust it was, how it was going to be handled, and a few more things. He got a look at what was in it, and it was a considerable amount of money, and also a vacation house he’d never been to. He got a little money per year to maintain it. Then Porter gave him a bunch of things to read, and got his signature. 

When he was done, Carlos stood up. “Thanks mom. I’m glad you thought of me.” He didn’t expect much, but having something to fall back on when he was a little older was good. “I want to tell you something,” he continued. “You might not care about this, but I’m a pro photographer now. I’m even doing fashion shoots. Turned out taking pics of skateboarders was great practice.” 

Predictably, his mother just stared at first. Then she nodded as if she’d known it all along. “Glad to hear it darling,” she said, trying to keep the contempt out of her voice and mostly succeeding. “You’re not in school now, are you?” Carlos shook his head. “I suppose if you’re working that’s fine. You can go back to it. Oh, and neither one of us can change that trust now. It’s safe, money will be waiting for you.” 

“Thanks again mom,” he said. He waited in front of her, and after a minute, she stood up. He was expected another hard, controlling hug, but instead she brushed a hand through his curls.. “I’m sorry I wasn’t around when this was happening,” Carlos said. “Is there anything I can do for you?” 

Cruella chuckled. “No darling, unless you can get me another tax lawyer. I’m afraid my current one is in over his head. And I didn’t want you involved. I know you’re nineteen, but you’re still a boy. You shouldn’t have to hear about this.”

That was his mom. She either treated him as if he was grown or she acted like he didn’t understand anything. He decided not to mention that ignoring him for months was an overreaction. “Okay, but if anything really bad happens, let me know please.” 

“All right,” she said. Then she turned her face away and started chattering to the trustee. Carlos took this as his cue to leave.

…

“Wait, you have a trust now?” Carlos had called an informal house meeting to tell everyone the news. Jay seemed stunned. “You have money and a house waiting for you?” 

“I get them when I’m twenty-five,” Carlos said. “And not a day earlier. So yeah, it’s good but it’s not helpful right now. More in the future.” 

“Those are good though,” Chad said. “It’s a way of making sure you make your own way in life. But you have that to fall back on when the time comes. All the people I know who had those have good lives. I kind of wish my parents had done that instead of just handing me money for every little thing.” 

Nobody knew what to say to that. Chad was getting ready to start school again, and his parents were paying. Carlos figured Chad enjoyed being filthy rich. But he’d learned over the past few months that there was more to Chad than he thought. 

“I wish she’d saved some back for school, though.” In a way, Carlos didn’t really miss school. He wasn’t making a whole lot of money yet, but he enjoyed the chase of getting new jobs. It was exciting, made him feel good. And he didn’t have to study what his mom wanted him to. But he still felt he should be in school, or finish at some point. 

“You can take out student loans, pay them back later,” Mal said. “But I’m really glad for you. I didn’t think your mom cared about you at all.”

Carlos was quiet. “She thinks I’m hers,” he said after a minute. “That’s it. She’s never asked me if I’m dating, if I enjoyed school, only if I was doing well in it. I’m a possession. So now that her money’s about to dry up, she leaves a trust for me. Since I’m part of her, at least some of it stays with a de Vil.” 

“Do you think she’ll ask for it later?” That was Possum. He hadn’t been around much now, but he showed up this morning with a bag of groceries. Carlos shrugged. 

“Maybe. I don’t know. Legally she can’t get it, it all belongs to me. But she might try manipulating me into it.” He felt Jay take his hand then. “She’s probably going to go to jail.” 

“Shit,” Chad said. “I’m sorry.” The mail ran then, and Mal jumped up to get it, hoping for a postcard from Evie. She came back with two of them, and some bills. 

“Hey!” Jay perked up at the postcards. “What does it say? Is she getting better?” 

Mal looked it over, and then started to cry. Carlos got up then, moving to hug her. “Mal, it’s okay, she’s trying hard-”

“She’s coming home,” Mal said, and Carlos stopped dead. “She’s gained five pounds. Her mom and her are working together to help her get better. She’s coming home in a few days.” 

Another beat of silence, then Jay stood up, fist in the air. “Yes! Our girl’s back!” Chad whooped in response, and then they were all up and jumping around, hugging Mal. 

“How?” Carlos couldn’t believe it. “I thought she was still stuck at two pounds. She gained three pounds that fast?” 

“I guess,” Mal said. “Maybe her mom coming around helped. I don’t know. I just want her back.” Carlos held her close, kissing her cheek. “I just want her home.” Carlos hugged her harder, and he could hear Jay already planning Evie’s coming-home party. 

…

Evie did come home three days later, arriving on their front porch with her mother. Mal threw open the door and hugged Evie hard when she saw her. “Oh my God. I missed you so much! Get in here!” Evie let Mal pull her inside. Meanwhile, Evie’s mom still stood in the doorway. “Oh. Oh! You can come in. Sorry!”

Carlos moved to the door to let Evie’s mom in as Mal hugged Evie to death. “Hi,” he said. “Thank you for bringing her by. Can I get you anything?” Carlos looked over and yep-Mal was kissing the hell out of Evie in the living room.

Ms. Grimhilde looked a little taken aback at her daughter kissing another girl. “Yes, may I get a drink from the kitchen?” She sat Evie’s bags down, and followed Carlos to the kitchen. “Goodness. I’ve never liked PDA much, and that’s my little girl. More information than I needed.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Carlos said. She didn’t seem to be openly homophobic about them, so Carlos decided to sit with her until Evie and Mal came up for air. “What can I get you? We have beer, milk, Cokes, and I think vodka.” 

“No cold water?” Carlos shook his head. “I’ll take a Coke.” Carlos got her one, and she sipped it slowly. “I’m so glad she’s doing better,” Evie’s mom said. “I still have to watch myself around her. Apparently she can never diet again, so I’m trying not to watch what I eat as well. I don’t want to set a bad example.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Carlos said. He sat next to her. “I’m really glad that you’re being so accepting of her and Mal. They’re my best friends.”

“I just don’t want the tabloids to get a hold of it,” Evie’s mom said. “I swear, if anyone at that clinic breaks client privilege, I’ll sue them to to the ends of the Earth. I sent Evie there to get better, not for people to gossip.”

Carlos had to think about that for a bit. “Yeah, it would be low for someone to tell on her when she’s there to get help,” he eventually agreed. It was strange, Evie’s mom wasn’t even talking about her reputation being damaged. She just said she didn’t want Evie to be hurt. “You’re being a lot better about all this than I expected you to be.”

“I know,” she said simply. “It’s taking a lot of practice. I always tried to be a perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect everything. And now I’ve got three ex-husbands and a daughter with an eating disorder. I think I’ve missed the mark.” She took another sip of her soda. “But when I learned to listen to her, she got so much better so quickly. I suppose it really was me all along.” 

“Don’t blame yourself,” Carlos said softly. “You tried to give her the life you didn’t have, right?” Ms. Grimhil de nodded. “It’s okay. You can fix it.” Carlos didn’t say anything else, because then Mal and Evie entered the room, Evie fixing her hair and Mal trying to sutbly wipe lipstick from her mouth. 

“Hi,” Mal said. “Sorry if we got carried away.” Ms. Grimhilde looked slightly offended, but she said nothing. “I’m glad Carlos got you something, are you hungry? We’re about to have a party for Evie.” 

“I don’t want a big gathering,” Evie protested, just as Jay walked in from outside, sweaty, shirtless, and holding his board. Jay saw Evie and dropped the board to grab her in a hug, twirling her around. “Jay, ew! You stink!” 

“There you are, we haven’t seen you in so long!” Then Jay looked over and realized Evie’s mom was in the room. He stiffened up immediately, staring at her. After a minute, he cleared his throat and said, “Hi,” very formally. 

“Jay, it’s okay,” Mal said, her voice nervous. Then she looked at Evie’s mom. “He’s just protective.” 

“I know,” she said. “He told me he would be.” Then she stood up. “I don’t want to crash your party. Don’t have too many people and get the police called, please. I don’t want to bail my angel out so soon after she left the clinic.” She went over to Evie and started fussing with her hair. Evie laughed and tried to duck away.

“We only invited a few people,” Carlos said. They hadn’t had a big blowout party since Jay got signed. Nobody seemed to miss them either. Maybe they were all growing up. Jay stood slightly in front of him, like he was trying to protect Carlos from her. 

“Yeah,” Mal said to Evie. “Uma and her crew, and Jane and Lonni. It won’t be big, I promise...” She trailed off when she saw what was happening. Evie had moved back, and her mother wound up standing there, hands curled into frustrated little claws. 

Carlos looked at Jay, wary. Was she going to yell at Evie? Make a scene? Everyone else seemed to wait too, until Ms. Grimhilde dropped her hands. “Okay. I won’t mess with your hair.” She stood there a minute, staring at Evie, seeming shaken but not angry. “I guess I’ll leave. Call me tomorrow, I’ve got some time in the morning. I need to get ready for a meeting anyway-” 

Evie stepped forward then, and hugged her mom around the waist. Evei’s mom went still with surprise, but then put a hand on Evie’s back. “I’ll call you tomorrow mom. Thanks for driving me here. I’ll see you soon.” 

“Okay. Let me know if you need anything.” And then Evie’s mom walked quickly towards the door. Carlos followed to see her out. “Goodbye,” she said to him. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he said. He hadn’t really done anything. He’d just been decent to his friend’s mom. But maybe she didn’t expect that. Carlos shut the door, moved some of Evie’s suitcases over, and went back to the kitchen. Now, Jay had a beer and was sitting at the table, furious. 

“I told you,” Jay said. “She can’t change. She got mad because Evie tried to get her to back off. That bitch just wants to be in charge all the time...”

“Jay,” Evie said, and he shut up. “She’s trying. I know she is. So please just give her a break. And anyway, it’s not your problem. She’s my mom. You don’t have to fight my battles for me.” Evie put her hands on her hips, staring him down. “I can take care of myself, thanks.” Jay stared at her, and then dropped his eyes.

Mal stood at Evie’s side. “Guys, let’s not fight on Evie’s first day back,” she said quietly. “I’m just glad to have everyone here. And I hope Evie’s right. I want things to be good between her and her mom.” Mal put her arm around Evie. “My mom’s a lost cause. But if Evie can get along with hers, that’s great.” 

“I guess,” Jay said, still not looking up. “I just don’t want to see Evie hurt anymore.” He stood up then. “I’m taking a shower before anyone shows up.” He took the beer bottle with him, and after a minute they heard the water running. 

“Well, that’s kinda weird,” Mal said, just as there was a knock on the door. 

…

The party was like the last one, only a few people and laid back good times. The main difference was Jay got trashed in a way Carlos hadn’t seen in months. He seemed to be avoiding most people as well, sitting off by himself, beer in hand. Carlos didn’t know what to do. 

“What’s going on?” Carlos whispered to Jane. “He seems really mad.” 

“I don’t know, I thought you would,” she said. “I don’t really know him, not like you. Do you think you can talk to him?”

“I’ll try.” Carlos moved so he was sitting next to Jay in the living room. “Hey,” Carlos said. “Do you want to go downstairs? Maybe we should talk for a minute.” 

At first, Jay didn’t even seem to hear. Then he said “Okay,” and stood up. They walked down the stairs, Jay unsteady. Carlos led him to the couch. Jay sat there, not saying anything.

“What’s going on?” Carlos said. “Have you seen Scott since you got back?” Jay shook his head. “Why not?”

“Because I feel like I’m not getting better,” Jay said. “Only reason I sleep at night is because you’re there. And I’m just so tired. Everything’s changing, and it’s mostly good things. But I still can’t handle it.” Carlos held his hand. “I mean, you still love me, so that’s still there.”

“Right. And Evie’s getting better. She’s standing up to you, to her mom. She’s stronger now, and she was already strong. That’s good Jay, that’s good.” Jay scooted down in his seat, and put his head on Carlos’s shoulder. 

“I should see Scott,” Jay said in a whisper. “I’ve got a little time. Then I’ve got another competition.” Carlos kissed the top of Jay’s head. Jay giggled. “Like I do to you sometimes.” 

“Right. We take care of each other,” Carlos said. Then they heard a knock on the door. “Huh? Are the cops here?” They hadn’t invited anyone else, he was sure of it. Carlos headed upstairs, Jay behind him. Carlos opened the door, and stared. 

“Hi,” Jason said. “I thought I’d come over, Jay gave me the address. Are you having a party? It’s not someone’s birthday, is it?” Carlos looked at Jay, wondering how they were going to handle this. Jason looked like he’d been up for a couple of days. His eyes were red, and he was moving a lot, shifting from foot to foot. He was talking fast too. “Hey Jay!” He sidestepped Carlos and went up to Jay for a hug.

“Hey,” Jay said, sounding as confused as Carlos was. “We’re having a party for Evie, it’s kind of a small gathering. I can get you a beer, though.” 

“I can’t come in? Wait, I met Evie. She’s hot. The party’s for her?” Jason tried to get around Jay, who was still holding on to him. Carlos had a minute of pure terror. Jason had just crashed their nearly all queer party. This wasn’t going to end well. 

Carlos decided to beat Jason to the rest of the party, and went to the kitchen. There, Evie was sitting in Mal’s lap, and Gil and Chad were laughing about something. “Jason Okai’s here,” Carlos said, and everyone looked at each other.

Chad was the first one to react.“Oh,” Chad said. “I’ll let Harry and Uma know.” He got up, and Gil left with him. Evie got up too, and got to the doorway of the living room about the same time Jason did. 

“Hi!” Jason grinned at her. “I just dropped by, I can leave in a little while...” Carlos was watching Jason carefully, since he seemed like he was speeding hard. You never knew what a speed freak would do. Evie was smiling at Jason in a strained way, while Mal quietly slipped behind her. Jason didn’t seem to notice, and kept talking. 

Then Harry, Uma, and Lonni all came in from the backyard. Uma and Harry looked curious more than concerned, and Lonni was grinning. That distracted Jason from trying to flirt with Evie. “Lonni! Hey chick!” He moved around Evie and hugged her. “Having seen you since Zurich, how you doing?” 

Lonni hugged him back. “I’m good! I’ve got a part time job, and I’m thinking of starting school.” She kept chatting to him, and by then Jay was in the kitchen. Carlos looked over at him, hoping that Jay could think of some way to either get Jason out of there or otherwise control the situation. 

Luckily, Mal stepped forward, and started talking to Jason next. Jay did get Jason a beer, trying to get to to slow down. Jason was talking a lot and not listening too well. Eventually, some of the others just went back to their party, since Jason wasn’t really paying attention. 

“I’ll leave soon,” Jason said, slurring. “I didn’t mean to crash. It’s a small party too.” Jason stumbled into the living room again, and that was when he noticed the ACT-UP post above the couch. “Oh hey. That’s cool.” 

Carlos felt himself let out a deep breath. Jason might be homophobic, according to Jay, but he didn’t seem like a complete asshole. Then Jason turned to Jay. “I just wanted to see someone, I haven’t slept in a bit.” 

“You can rest downstairs if you want.” They didn’t really have a guest room. Jason looked over at Carlos, seemingly noticing him for the first time since he came in. 

“You’re Jay’s best friend,” he said, and smiled. “You took those photos! Man, you two are crazy!” He laughed then, then came over and wrapped Carlos in a hug. Carlos looked over at Jay, who was trying not to laugh. Carlos glared at him-this wasn’t funny. Eventually though, he hugged Jason back, thumping his back a little. That got Jason to let go.

“Okay, okay,” Carlos said, smiling. “Do you think you can sleep a bit? I’m not trying to push you aside, but you seem kinda tired.” Jason slowly let go, and got another bleary look at Carlos. 

“You know, maybe,” Jason said. “Downstairs? Hey Jay, can you sit with me? Just see if I can drift off.” Carlos saw Jason’s hands shaking. “Fuck too much speed,” he said. Jay started leading Jason downstairs, and Carlos went with them. “I was going to quit in between tours, I promise,” he said to Jay. He probably forgot Carlos was even listening. 

They went downstairs again, and Jason took off his shoes and shirt. Carlos pulled out an old blanket, and Jason wrapped himself in it while he chattered to Jay. He seemed to be trying to talk himself down into tiredness, so Jay just sat there. Carlos got up and got Jay some coffee, so he could keep up. Jay was still pretty drunk. 

He talked about Randy a lot. It was hard to follow, but Carlos got enough of it to know that Randy was trying to poison Jason’s opinion of Jay. “I mean man, it doesn’t make any sense,” Jason said. “He hero-worshiped you, like he did me at first. Kinda still does. Now he’ll talk about what an asshole you are, but he won’t tell me why. I know something happened, but neither of you are talking.” 

“We just had an argument, that’s all,” Jay said. Carlos had to fight not to say something. He just had to let Jason talk. 

Eventually, Jason did drift off, sleeping in a sitting position. Jay got up then. “I think we can leave him down here,” he said. “And see what’s going on upstairs.” Carlos left a lamp on, and they left Jason to crash downstairs. When they got back up, there was pizza. 

With Jason forgotten, they got to spend time talking to Evie. She told them about the clinic, and ate two pieces of pizza and a piece of garlic bread. “You seem really happy,” Jay said. “You’re really feeling better?”

“I’ll have to work on it for the rest of my life,” she said. “But I think I can do it. It’s going to be tough, but I’ve got good people looking out for me.” She took Mal’s hand then, smiling at her. “And mom’s really tried to help. I think this really scared her.”

“Seems kinda fearless to me,” Jay said. “But you’re right, I’ll mind my own business.” Jay had another piece of pizza. 

“You didn’t see her before she became famous,” Evie said. “She worked all the time, until she broke down. It was pretty scary.” Evie twisted the ring on her finger. “Maybe that’s why she wanted me to marry young, so I wouldn’t have all the responsibility.” 

“That’s not very smart,” Gil said. “You can’t depend on one person.” Gil got up then. “I might leave,” he said. “I have to work tomorrow.” Chad got up too, and they went out the front door to where Gil was parked on the street.

“Well, we all showed up together, so that’s us too,” Uma said. Harry got up and kissed Evie’s hand while Mal rolled her eyes. “It’s good to see you again, love. I hope you keep getting better. Our scene wasn’t the same without you. Even though you don’t skate.”

“Please,” Uma said. “You and me are wearing five pieces of her jewelry between us. It’s safe to say she contributes a lot.” Uma then leaned down to give Evie a hug. Mal showed them to the door, high-hiving Uma on the way out. 

“How long do you think that Jason will sleep?” Carlos said. Jay sighed. 

“Could be a long time. Crashes can be up to eighteen hours or more. We should put a glass of water down there, but I’m afraid It’ll wake him up.” Carlos nodded. He wasn’t happy about their extra guest, but Jason was in no shape to drive home. Jay stood up. “I guess the party’s over. Let’s clean up. Not you Evie, it’s your party.” Evie giggled. 

“I missed you too, Jay,” she said. Carlos realized he hadn’t hugged her yet, and went over to do so. Evie hugged him back, then looked at him. “You did a lot while I was gone, I heard.”

“Yep,” he said. “Working hard, lots of hustling. It’s been good.” Carlos smiled at her. “I’m just glad you’re doing better. Are you going back to school?”

“Yes,” she said. “Soon as I can. And I’m getting a job-me and mom both agreed it was best. I need to stand on my own feet.” 

“There’s a bead store near the skate shop,” Mal said. “Why don’t you try there? You know more about jewelry than they do, I’ll bet.” Mal kissed Evie on the cheek. “Want to come to bed, baby?” Evie grinned and let Mal take her by the hand, waving at Carlos and Jay as she left. 

“Well, they’re getting laid,” Jay said, and Carlos snorted. Really, his boyfriend was so crude. Carlos got up and started actually cleaning, as Jay didn’t move from his seat. When Carlos was done, Jay got behind him, hugging him. “Ready for bed?” 

“Let me get ready, I’ll meet you there.” Carlos put the dishes in to soak, then went to brush his teeth. When he got to bed, Jay was already there and asleep. “Guess I’m not getting laid,” Carlos grumbled. He fumbled with the door lock, but was more distracted by Jay’s buff sleeping body. “Come on, scoot over,” he muttered as he pushed Jay’s sleeping body aside to make room for him. 

Jay didn’t wake up, he just snored as Carlos pushed into bed with him. “Goodnight,” Carlos said, even though Jay couldn’t hear. Then he snuggled down and fell asleep. 

It seemed like only a minute before someone was banging on the door. Carlos sat up, and saw that it was morning. And someone else was awake. Carlos was wearing a pair of underwear and a t-shirt, so he didn’t open. “Who is it?” he said. 

“Hey, did I pass the bathroom?” Oh shit. Jason. He’d almost forgotten about him. Was the door locked? Carlos braced against it a little. 

“Uh, you passed it. Just go down the hall, it’s about halfway down. I don’t want to open the door, I’m in my underwear.” That made Jason laugh. 

“Come on, I see naked guys all the time. But okay.” Then there was the sound of footsteps walking away. Whew. Carlos went to lock the door, and then-

“Hey, where is Jay’s room?” Jason had pushed his way in. Carlos couldn’t think of a thing to do. He just watched as Jason’s eyes, went from him, to Jay (sitting up in bed, squinting at the noise), and then at their beds. One messed up and rumpled, one not slept in. 

“Jason,” Jay said, trying to handle the situation.“Please be cool.” He was holding his hands out, trying to calm Jason.

Jason looked at the two of them again. “Holy shit,” he said. “No wonder you never spent any time with Lonni, holy shit.” Then Jason’s face screwed up in anger. “Randy said you were a pervert, I didn’t believe him. What did you do?” 

“I didn’t do anything! Ask him what he did!” Jay staggered out of bed, wincing from the pain of his hangover, and took off after Jason as he headed down the hall. Carlos closed the door behind him, and then leaned on it. 

Shit. What were they going to do?


	21. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay and the rest of the house deal with Jason, and the fallout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jay's POV here, takes place immediately after the last chapter. Some abusive and homophobic language here.Minor violence too.

Jay ran down the hall after Jason, his head feeling like it would split open from the drinking last night. “Jason! Fucking chill out and talk to me! I can explain.” Jason stopped then, and faced him. Jay stumbled to a stop. “I didn’t do anything to Randy. I swear to fuck I didn’t. I would never. I’m with Carlos, yeah. Only him.” Jay stared at Jason, who looked like he was disgusted that Jay was even standing that close to him. “So you wanna ruin my career before it even starts? You could. But I’m not hurting anyone.” 

“How old is he?” Jason snarled. It took Jay a minute to catch up. “Is he younger than you?”

“By three months,” Carlos said then, slamming the door behind him. He had put on a pair of Jay’s shorts, and was standing behind him, glaring. “And I was eighteen when we got together, we both were. Jay’s not a perv.” 

“You look younger,” Jason said, his eyes darting between the two of them. He didn’t run for the door, though. “I can’t believe you’re queer. I mean, Carlos is an obvious fag. But I thought you were my friend.” Jay saw the color drain out of Carlos’s face, and was this close to punching Jason. But then the bathroom door opened. Lonni came out, disheveled and a little damp.

“Hey,” she said. “I fell asleep in the bathtub.” She rubbed her eyes. “Who’s queer?” 

Jason pointed at Jay. “He is! Your boyfriend is!” 

Jay turned to watch as Lonni cracked up. “I know,” she said. “Jay’s my friend. I was doing him a favor, and him me. He keeps my parents from asking too many questions.” Jay looked back at Jason, who looked like his jaw was going to hit the floor. 

“You’re fucking kidding me, Lonni’s a dyke? What about everyone else? Is everyone in this house fucking gay?” 

“You better believe it.” Jay couldn’t help it, he grinned. Mal, Evie and Chad had all come from downstairs. Evie was standing in front in a bathrobe, hands on her hips and a not-taking-your-shit look on her face. “And if I were you, I’d be real careful how you phrased some things.” 

Jason looked between both groups of people, and then back at Jay. Jay could catch Jason deciding he didn’t want to fuck with Evie right then. “Why is Randy talking shit about you, then? You say you didn’t touch him, why is he doing this?” Jay sighed, wishing he didn’t have to do this.

“I know you won’t believe me,” Jay said. “So ask Mike. He heard everything.” Jason really looked confused then. After a minute, he stomped off to look for the phone. Jay went over to Carlos and hugged him. “Fuck I hope Mike’s home.” 

“He better be,” Carlos muttered. Then they heard Jason on the phone, giving Mike the third degree. Jay didn’t even listen to the words, so much as Jason’s tone. He heard him start out furious and go to stunned in a few minutes. When the talking stopped, Jay walked into the living room to see Jason standing there, staring at the walls.

“Mike told me,” he said. Jay nodded, looking straight at him. “I always just tried to take Randy’s side, since he was just a kid. He was always alone. But now...I can’t believe it’s true.” 

“It’s true,” Jay said. “He made a move on me, and I had to shove him off. He didn’t like that. I think that’s why he ran into me-even though he’s the one who wound up getting hurt.” Jay walked into the kitchen. “I’m too hungover for this,” he said. “I need some water, and coffee.” Jason followed him, moving between Evie, Mal, and Chad.

“I’ll make you some,” Evie said. She stalked past Jason, glaring at him. Jason had his eyes on the floor then. Jay sat at the table, guzzling a glass of tap water. “And someone’s going to have to catch me up,” Evie added. “I don’t know much about what’s going on. I just got back.”

“Shit,” Mal said. “We couldn’t tell you. We could only send positive messages. Okay, come back upstairs with me, babe.” Evie left the coffee maker, and Mal took her arm. 

Jay watched Jason’s face. He looked confused more than angry. Then he looked at Jay. “Can I sit down?” 

“Make him stand,” Carlos said from the hall. He was angrier than Jay had ever seen him. “He can’t sit at our table.” Jay tried to say something, but Carlos shook his head. “He can’t insult us like that and then act like it’s over.” 

“Carlos, we’re still trying to talk, okay?” Jay looked back at Jason. “You can sit down. I want to finish this.” Jason looked back at Carlos, who was now in the doorway, Lonni peeking behind him. He sat down. “I couldn’t say anything about what Randy did,” Jay said. “I knew nobody would believe me. I just got lucky that Mike heard.” 

“Mike said more,” Jason said, voice hushed. “Randy tried something with him too.” Jay felt a pain in his stomach to go with the one in his head. Jason looked back up. “Did you know that?”

“He didn’t tell me, but I guessed.” Jay got up-the coffee was ready. “Do you want some?” Jason shook his head. “Carlos, Lonni?” Lonni came out of the hall, moving carefully around Carlos.

“I need to go, let me find Jane. I think she crashed upstairs.” She went over to Jason, and stared at him for a minute. “No hard feelings,” she said. Jason nodded, looking ashamed. Lonni waved at Jay and left the room. Carlos kept glaring from the doorway. 

“Mike said that’s why you were sick on tour,” Jason said. Jay nodded, handing Jason a cup the way he liked it. “Shit. I’ve known Randy since he was twelve. I always felt bad for him, and I always wanted a younger brother. Now it looks like I was defending the wrong person.” 

“Well,” Jay said. “You weren’t wrong, really. I think he was probably abused. I can’t prove it, but I think so.” Jay sipped his coffee. “So, you gonna tell everyone? Get my sponsorship pulled, so I’ll have to work fast food to pay it back? That’s what would happen.” Jay heard the front door open as Lonni and Jane left the house.

Jason was silent for a minute. “All I ever knew were those gross old men that always hang around,” he said. “And the guys in West Hollywood. I never thought about people I knew being like that.” 

“Why the hell would anyone tell you?” Carlos had taken a few steps closer, and was now looming over Jason. “You’re a bigoted asshole, far as I can tell. I don’t even know why Jay likes you.” Jay tried to interrupt, but Carlos kept going. “You think you can just accuse the most important person in my life of being a child molester, in our house? Call him names? If you do decide to expose us, you better fucking watch your back!” Carlos was yelling by then. 

“Babe,” Jay said in a soft voice. “Please calm down.” He stood up then, and moved around the table to stand behind his boyfriend. “Just go back to our room, okay? Let me handle this.” Carlos turned to stare at him, tears in his eyes. “It’s okay.” Carlos turned around and ran down the hall, slamming the door. 

Jay watched the door for a moment, than sat next to Jason again. “I’ve never seen him that mad,” he said. “Look. I’m still willing to be your friend. If you don’t expose us, we can just forget about this. But this is my family you’re fucking with, if you do. We all got breaks because of me. Do you get it?”

“Okay. I won’t,” Jason said. “That would be too low. I know it’s hard to get sponsors. But there’s a lot that I don’t understand. You could have any girl you wanted.”

“Yeah. And for a while, I did.” Jay grinned. “But that’s over. I saw Carlos and, well. Nobody else has even compared since then.” Jason didn’t say anything. “I don’t know how else to explain it to you,” Jay said. “I know I could date women if I wanted, but this is so much better. I’m loved and I’m happy. It’s not wrong or weird just because it’s a guy.” 

“You really love him?” Jay nodded. “And all your friends? They’re gay too?” Jay noticed that Jason wasn’t saying ‘queer’ anymore. He was pulling the hate back. He figured it was a good sign.

“Yeah,” Jay said. “That’s how it turns out. Look, I’ll answer questions if you have them, but understand this is our lives. Okay?” Jay stood back up. “I need a hangover breakfast.” He looked back over at Jason. “Have you eaten recently?” 

“Um.” Jason said. “I can’t remember. I guess I’m doing too much speed. I’m not on it now.” Jay figured as much. “I’ll take something. Maybe not too heavy.” Jay got food and started making eggs and toast. As the eggs sizzled, Evie and Mal came from downstairs, dressed. Evie’s eyes were red.

“Can we eat too?” Mal said. “Or should we just go get breakfast? It seems like you two worked things out.” 

“Sure,” Jay said. He got more eggs, and Mal came to help, putting bread in the toaster. Evie got a pot and put two eggs in to boil with a timer. Jay got a glass of orange juice and handed it to Jason. “Here. This might help.” He’d heard vitamins were good for drug withdrawal. Anyway, it couldn’t hurt. 

Jason sipped the orange juice, and wound up eating a bowl of cereal and two pieces of toast. They all ate mostly in silence, with Evie occasionally asking for updates on what happened when she was gone. Jason said nothing. After he finished, he got up.

“I’m really sorry,” he said to everyone at the table. “I won’t spread any rumors or fuck your lives up. Thanks for fixing me breakfast. I should probably go.” He looked over at Jay. “I’m willing to still be friends if you are. And thanks for telling me about Randy. I might need to talk to him.”

“Yeah. I can’t stand him now, but he still needs a friend,” Jay said. “But you know, call before you come next time.” Jason laughed, and started for the door. 

Then the bedroom door opened, and Carlos ran down the hall and tackled Jason. Jay watched in horror as he knocked Jason to the floor and punched him. “Carlos, no!” Then he and Mal were dragging him off of Jason. Jason just sat up, holding his jaw and looking terrified. 

“Don’t invite him back! Don’t ever invite him back! I’m not forgiving him!” Jay could hardly hold on to him. “He talks about you like that and you just let it go?” Jason got off the floor and made his escape, Carlos still shouting at him. “That’s what an obvious fag can do to you!”

“Babe, babe, stop,” Jay said. “Please stop. I had to get him to not expose us. He’s not that bad of a guy, he’s just-”

“He called us fags,” Carlos snarled. “He called Lonni a dyke. He accused you of being a molester and you still want to be friends with him.” Carlos wrenched out of Jay’s arms and turned to look at him. Jay had never been afraid of Carlos before, but right then, he was. “You disgust me.” Then Carlos went back to their room, leaving Jay standing there. 

“Carlos...” he tried to walk to the door, but he was so stunned he couldn’t move. “Carlos!”

“Let him be alone a little,” Mal said quietly, taking his arm. “He’s always been a little jealous of you being friends with Jason. He’ll get over it. Let’s you and me go do something today, I’m not working.” Jay looked down at himself-he was still in his underwear. 

Evie got up and knocked on the bedroom door. “Sweetie, Jay needs his clothes.” There was a minute, then the door opened long enough for a change of clothes and Jay’s Vans to be thrown into the hall. The door slammed again. 

Jay stood there, looking at his clothes on the floor. “He’s never done this before,” he said. “Mal, what do I do?”

“Get a shower, get dressed, and come with me,” she said. “I got overtime this week, I’ll take you to the movies.” Jay nodded, too numb to argue, and stumbled into the bathroom. He had to fish a few of Lonni’s barrettes out of the tub, but he got a shower. Then he got dressed and let Mal take him out in the Mercedes. 

…

They were gone most of the day. They saw a silly horror movie, then they went out to eat, Jay paying. Jay couldn’t stop thinking about Carlos, but Mal insisted they stay out until late afternoon. “Don’t worry,” she said. “He’s probably calm by now.” They drove back. 

When they walked through the door, Jay started looking for Carlos immediately. He found him in the basement, on the couch. He was still angry, and worse, he was drinking. He never did that. “Carlos, baby,” he said. “Don’t be angry at me. Jason just had some wrong ideas. Isn’t it better to talk him down and correct him?” 

Carlos finished the beer he had and threw the can across the room. Jay jumped. “You’d have forgiven him even if he didn’t,” Carlos said. “We never should’ve gotten fake girlfriends. As soon as we committed to that lie, you became really invested in it.” 

“No, I haven’t,” Jay said. “I know it’s fake, I know it’s something I’m forced into. But you think this is fun for me? If I could, I’d take you everywhere I go.” Carlos didn’t look at him. “Babe, I love you. And I’ve never seen you get drunk when you were angry, and it’s scaring me.” 

“I’m scared for you all the time,” Carlos snapped. “You left me and then you got hurt. And then you have to go back. And Randy’s probably healed by now, or close. He’ll be back on the tours. I’m always scared. Fine, you get some of what I go through. I don’t even care right now.” 

Jay sat moved closer, and sat down in a chair a distance away. “I didn’t know how scared you were,” Jay said. He was trying really hard to hold it together. Usually he was the one who lost his temper. “But I have to do my job. I didn’t know this would happen either, and, I don’t want to get hurt. You’re making it sound like I don’t care about my safety. You know that’s not true.” 

Carlos moved so he was lying on the couch. “I don’t trust any of your skater friends now. Not even Mike. And you always just want to hang out with the guys, even though you know they would talk about me if they met me.” Jay closed his eyes. 

“I’m sorry if you feel left out. But I have to get along with them. As much as I can. Having enemies is a bad idea when you’re stuck in the same van. And nobody before today has ever said anything about you, not where I can hear. They all thought you were a crazy genius because of the photos.” 

“Well, you’re not an obvious fag, are you?” Jay blinked back tears at the cutting scorn in Carlos’s voice. “Jason was surprised it was you, but not me. They never are. And I know we’ve talked about this before, but it doesn’t hurt any less. You had the luxury of coming out when you were ready. I didn’t.” 

“I know. But I can’t change that. And Carlos, you’re really hurting me so please can you stop?” Carlos stared at him then, still hazy from the beer, but he didn’t say anything else. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry if you think I’m putting you last, I’m not. I love you so much.” 

Carlos didn’t say anything. After a minute he turned his head away and closed his eyes. Jay figured that was it, and he went upstairs. 

Jay didn’t know what else to do. He sat alone in his and Carlos’s room, and read for a while. He might’ve cried more too. After a couple of hours, he went back downstairs to fry to find Carlos. He heard retching, and hurried down. 

Carlos was kneeling on the floor, throwing up. Jay went to him, and Carlos just moaned. “Didn’t eat anything today,” he whispered. “I was too mad to eat.” 

“Shit,” Jay said. “Do you need help getting upstairs?” Carlos nodded, and Jay guided him up the stairs to their room.

“Nobody gives a shit about me,” Carlos muttered on the way up. “You’re the star, I’m just your stupid goth friend.”

“Nobody thinks that,” Jay said, feeling an ache in his chest. Carlos had been holding a lot back. “You’re amazing. Everyone here loves you. Okay, here’s our room.” Carlos staggered in and went to his bed, collapsing on top of it. Jay watched him a moment, and then went to clean up the puke. 

They slept in separate beds. Jay tried to sleep in their bed, but it wasn’t easy. He would for a while, but he had nightmares about Randy. He even had one where Carlos broke up with him, and he woke up shaking. 

He got up around four am, and went back to the kitchen. He took a book with him, and drank coffee and read until dawn. 

He heard some noises from their bedroom, and brought a glass of water with him when he went back to check. Carlos was curled in a ball on the bed, gagging. 

“Hey, hey,” Jay said, voice soft. “Can you drink this? This might help.” Carlos grumbled something he couldn’t make out, and sat up.“How much did you drink?”

“At least six beers,” Carlos mumbled. “And no food.” Jay grimaced, that was a lot for a non-drinker.

“No wonder you’re sick.” Jay sat on the edge of the bed and gave Carlos the glass. He wound up having to steady it-Carlos’s hands were shaking. “There,” he said. “Feel better?” 

“Don’t know,” Carlos said. “What did I say to you last night?”

Jay sighed. “A lot of stuff. It was pretty harsh. But I guess you had to get it out.” Jay took the glass away, and walked to the nightstand. “You said you were scared. And that I put my skater friends above you. I don’t.” 

Carlos was silent. “It feels that way sometimes,” Carlos said. “And if you hadn’t stopped me, I would’ve kept hitting Jason until I knocked him out. I might not have stopped then.” Carlos looked up at Jay, hurt and anger in his face. “Jay, he was in our house.” 

“I know baby, I know.” Jay pulled Carlos in carefully, not wanting to hurt him. “But please don’t think I was taking his side. I wanted to make him understand. And I think it worked.” Jay held him, Carlos’s head on his shoulder. “If Jason apologized, would that help?”

“I don’t know,” Carlos said. “Just talking about him is making me mad. I got years of that treatment at school. I’m not going to take it as an adult. You tell him that.” Carlos sighed. “But I punched him. I have to apologize. But I still feel like he deserved it. At least one.” 

“I know. I’ll have to call him, but I won’t force you to apologize until you’re ready.” Carlos let Jay hold him a little bit longer, then pulled away and went to the bathroom. Jay sighed. Carlos would probably apologize to him soon. 

Carlos spent most of the day either sleeping or watching movies alone downstairs. He would talk to Jay and Evie a little, but mostly seemed to avoid everyone. Jay was worried, but Mal told him to give him space. 

“He needs to wind down,” she said. “I know what it’s like, to get angry like that. Like I didn’t care what happened to me as long as I got revenge.” 

“Just glad he’s got some time off,” Jay said. Carlos’s schedule was picking up. Having his own money made him more confident, and Jay wouldn’t want him to screw up and miss a shoot. “Is this my fault? Have I really caused this to happen by being friends with Jason?”

“You just wanted to get along with your hero,” Mal said. “You couldn’t have predicted this. Just let Carlos decompress. Has he eaten anything?”

“He had some dry cereal. He was afraid milk would make him throw up.” Mal thought for a minute, then went to get some food started. It turned out to be grilled cheese and soup she’d thrown together out of veggies and broth mix. It smelled pretty good. 

Jay went downstairs. “Mal’s fixing dinner,” he said. “Could you eat something?’ Carlos looked pale and tired, but he turned off the TV and got up. 

“The gossip shows had some stuff about Evie’s mom,” he said. “They don’t seem to know about Evie’s time in the clinic. At least not yet.”

“Good,” Jay said. Carlos was still being standoffish. The only time he had hugged Jay was that morning. Jay wanted to grab him in a hug, but he didn’t think it was a good idea. He just went back up with Carlos, and they had dinner with Mal and Possum, the only two other people at home. 

“Where’s Evie?” Jay said. He hadn’t gotten a real chance to talk to his girl. 

“Going to look for a job,” Mal said proudly. “She’s trying the bead store first to get some work experience. I hope she can find something related to public health soon.” 

“I think the bead store’s good,” Carlos said, around spoonfuls of soup. “She’s a sophmore, she might wait until junior or senior year to get an internship or something.” Jay didn’t know much about school stuff, so he let Carlos and Mal talk. 

“I want to tell you guys something,” Possum said suddenly. “I might be moving out soon.” 

“What?” Jay did not see that coming. “Why?”

“I’m going to live in a group home, for adults with mental illness,” Possum said. “I think it’ll be a good place for me. It’ll make it easier to stay away from drugs, and I can live off my disability easier.” 

“Wait, you’re mentally ill?” Mal looked horrified. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Possum looked down at his bowl.

“I dunno. It was just easier for you guys to think I was going to a crack house or something. I know that’s what you thought, Mal.” Jay went around the table to put his hands on Mal’s shoulders. She was staring at Possum, stunned. “And even with that, you seemed to accept me. If I told you I was schizophrenic, would you still?”

Jay could feel Mal’s shoulders shake, but she didn’t outwardly cry. “Yeah, I would,” Mal said. “I’m sorry. If I made you feel that way. Excuse me.” She left the room and ran upstairs. Jay took a few steps, but didn’t follow her. 

“You could’ve told me,” Jay said. Carlos nodded. “But I get it. It’s a big thing to tell someone. So, every time you left, you were...what?”

“Going to the welfare office, trying to get mental health help from the city. It sucks, by the way. I’ve been on good medications for a while now. Since I was doing okay, they recommended for me for the home, if I wanted to.” Possum gave him a slight smile. “It’s really a good place. It’s about eight to ten people.”

“Where did you go when you were out for a few days, though?” Carlos looked over at him. Possum shrugged.

“The beach, sometimes visiting friends. I know I never gave you guys any warning or explanation, but it was just easier for me to go off, you know? Sorry about that.” Possum ate the rest of his sandwich. “I’m just waiting for a spot to open up, someone’s going to go live with their family out of state. That’s all I know.” Then Possum finished his food and washed his dishes while Jay stood there. 

Carlos looked at him. “You were right. Things are changing too fast.” Carlos washed his dishes next, then turned to Jay. “Do you want to get out of here?” 

“Yeah,” Jay said without even asking where. Ten minutes later they were in the Pontiac, and Carlos drove them to the beach. Carlos backed into the parking space, and then they both sat on the trunk, staring at the sun setting over the water. 

Carlos didn’t say much, just stared into the water. After a few minutes, Jay spoke up “I won’t ask you to apologize to Jason. You do that if you want to. But I kind of hope you’ll apologize to me.” Carlos didn’t say anything. “I know you don’t remember some of it, but it still hurt to hear some of the things you said.”

Carlos didn’t look at him, but after a minute he nodded. “What did I say?” 

“Well, ‘you disgust me’ was probably the worst,” Jay said. “I never thought I’d do something to make you ashamed of me. And I still think I did the right thing, I didn’t know what else to do. But that...it’s gonna hurt for a while.” 

“I’m sorry,” Carlos said. “I haven’t been that angry in a long time. I wouldn’t do that normally. And I don’t know what else I said when I was drunk, but I know I was mad about a lot of things.” Carlos wrapped his arms around his knees. “Maybe I need to start seeing Scott too. I thought I was over some of the shit I went through. I guess I’m not.” 

“Does anyone get over anything? I don’t even know anymore.” Jay wondered if he should tell Carlos about his trouble sleeping last night. He decided not to. “But it’s okay. You said you were sorry, so I can put it behind me I hope.” 

“Good.” Carlos talked more, about how alienated he still felt, even with their family. “I feel like I got lucky, sometimes. And that one day you’ll all realize I’m not worth it, and move on. And I’d be alone again.” 

“We won’t,” Jay said. “I won’t, Evie wont, Mal won’t. We love you. You’re so important to us.” 

Jay watched the people on the beach. As it grew darker, the tourists left, but some people started pulling up. Jay watched as a few guys sauntered causally into the public bathroom. “Carlos, look. We might need to head out.” 

It took Carlos a minute, but then he laughed. “Uh-oh. Yeah, let’s go.” They got in the car, and Carlos drove away. Jay clocked what he thought was an undercover police car as they left. “I don’t want to get picked up ‘cause they thought we were gonna have sex in a beach bathroom.” 

“Although, think if we did,” Jay said. “We could have all those guys drooling.” Carlos reached over and lightly shoved him, making Jay laugh. “What, you never think about it?”

“No, I do not think it’s sexy to imagine random strangers watching me blow my boyfriend,” Carlos said. Jay noticed his cheeks were a little pink though. “And they wouldn’t just want to watch. I know you wouldn’t like that.” 

“Nope. But I might like them seeing what they can’t have.” Carlos snorted, and Jay couldn’t stop grinning. They were laughing and joking like normal. The rest of the drive home was lighthearted. 

They slept in the same bed that night, drained from all the emotions, but at least they were touching. “I’ll have to talk to Jason tomorrow,” Jay said, and Carlos grumbled. “If he ever comes by again, I’ll make sure you have plenty of warning.”

“No talking about Jason in our bed,” Carlos said, and Jay laughed. Carlos kissed him then, his hands exploring Jay’s chest. “I just want to forget about it,” Carlos continued. “I’ll have to deal with you leaving again soon enough. So...let’s just pretend it’s not coming? Just tonight?” 

Jay cuddled Carlos closer to him. He wished he could say something so Carlos wouldn’t be scared, but he couldn’t. “Okay,” he said, and Carlos kissed his chest, resting his head on it.


	22. Admitting Fault Is the First Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos says he's sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, sorry this took a while.

Carlos woke up the next day to Jay gone and the sound of skateboard on wood outside. Looked like everything was back to normal, he figured as he went to get his planner. He was sure he had things to do. Then he heard another voice and his blood ran cold. 

“If that’s Jason I swear to God, this time I’m knocking out a tooth,” Carlos muttered as he pulled on some clothes and shoes and then ran out the back door. As he went down the steps, he saw Jay with someone he hadn’t seen before. “Hi. Is this Mike?”

“Um, yeah.” Jay looked abashed, and he should be. “I’m really sorry that he’s over here so soon, but he asked if he could come by after that call, and he has to go to Brazil soon...”

“Fine,” Carlos said. He looked at Mike, who seemed to be looking away from him. Did Mike know about them? He decided to assume he didn’t. “Hey Mike. I’m Carlos. I’m gonna make some coffee, do you want some?”

Mike still didn’t look up, but he nodded. “Creamer and sugar, please,” he mumbled at the ground. “Good to see you.” Carlos wasn’t sure about that. Jay had always said that Mike didn’t outwardly show much emotion though, so he was probably just being him. 

“Okay. See you in a bit.” Carlos went back inside, cursing Jay for testing him like this. They had just had a big blowup about his skater friends, and now here was another one. He fixed two cups of coffee, and brought them outside. 

“Here,” he said, handing Mike his cup. Mike nodded in response. Then he turned to Jay, holding a cup just the way he liked it.

“Oh hey, thanks-” Jay said, hand reaching out. Carlos lifted the cup to his lips and drank half of it. 

“There’s more inside,” he said, and left Jay standing there. He knew that was petty, but it made him snicker anyway. 

It was a while before Jay and Mike came inside. By then Carlos had gotten showered and dressed and was back to seeing what he needed to do for the day. There was no shoot today, but he did have a meeting, and he needed to get his film developed, and maybe go for a haircut. He got his shoes on and left their room.

Jay was in the kitchen, watching him warily. Mike was drinking his coffee. Carlos couldn’t read his expression. “Okay, I need to do some stuff,” he said. “Bye Jay. See you Mike,” he said. He walked out, then came back. “Hey, do you need me to drive you anywhere today?” 

“I don’t think so,” he said. Jay gave him a crooked smile then. “Just go have a good day. I’ll see you tonight.” Carlos smiled then, then headed out. His hair was getting too long, better see to that first. He left, not worrying about Jay’s company anymore. 

…

The day wasn’t bad. He got his hair cut and then bought a new shirt. Then around two pm he met an ad agency for an interview. The amusing part was, it was the ad agency he was still employed at. He got through the entire interview, and they had no idea. He laughed all the way home. 

When he got there, Mike was gone and Jay was still outside. Carlos didn’t go out yet, instead fixing himself a late lunch. After a while, Jay came in. “Hey,” he said. “You want something?” 

“No,” Jay said. “That was kind of shitty. I was telling Mike how nice you were and then you did that. I gotta admit, it was funny though.” 

“Yeah, I guess that was kind of childish,” Carlos said. “I wasn’t ready for another visitor. Mike seems okay though.” He went to the table with his sandwich. “Did you tell him about us?” 

“No,” Jay said. “I’m pretty sure he knows. But this way I’ve got deniability. I have no idea if Jason told him, even though he didn’t say anything on the phone. I just want to have friends, Carlos. You shouldn’t feel intimidated because of that.” 

Carlos didn’t say anything. He knew he shouldn’t hang onto it, especially not where Mike was concerned. But Jay had an entire other world he wasn’t a part of. But then, so did he. He was meeting a lot of people in photography, and Jay didn’t know them. It was all so complicated. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “It just reminds me of when we had those big parties and I always shut myself out. But we’re past that now, and things are a lot calmer. But other skaters still intimidate me.” He sipped some of his Coke. “Like, I love skating. I love the energy, and the way skaters are so fearless. Fashion models are so boring in comparison. I’m doing the shoots, but it’s not the same.” He paused a minute. 

“Yeah, it’s shitty that skaters aren’t always nice to you,” Jay said. “They would always ask why you weren’t at the parties, but at the same time...”

“They’d make fun of me,” Carlos said. “I don’t miss most of those guys. I mean, Gil can come over any time he wants-”

“Thanks,” Gil said. Carlos jumped-he didn’t even know Gil was over. Gil laughed. “Sorry. I got here when you were out.” 

“Wow, look who appeared out of nowhere,” Jay said, laughing. “Should we fix you a plate?” 

”No thanks. Chad’s taking me out to dinner. He’s paying this time.” Gil looked good that day, with a tan and glowing skin. Chad showed up then, and put his arms around Gil. 

“Hey Chad,” Jay said. “Are you taking Gil somewhere nice? You should treat him.” Chad kissed Gil’s cheek. 

“I am. I got some money from my parents-they’re giving me more since I’m starting school in a month. So we’re going to a restaurant on Melrose.” Carlos tried not to roll his eyes-Chad was such a rich boy sometimes. 

“Just take him to a place that’s actually good, not only full of famous people,” Jay said. 

“I am.” Gil kissed Chad then, and left the room. Chad sat down. “Can I ask you guys something?” 

“Um, sure.” Carlos had no idea what it could be.

“Should I come out to my parents?” Carlos’s eyebrows hit his hairline. He looked over to Jay, who looked just as baffled. 

“I don’t know if you’re asking the right people,” Jay said. “I never did that. Carlos either. It’s kind of a tough subject, I don’t think we can make that decision for you.” 

“Yeah,” Carlos said. “And your folks still hold the purse strings. They’re going to be paying for school and giving you money. I’d wait a bit, until you get a job if you can. I know they’re not really that close to you.” 

“Yeah, they like my sisters better,” Chad said. “Maybe I should wait. Gil isn’t pressuring me, but I know he thinks I should.” Carlos frowned. Gil’s dad had disowned him for being gay. He knew what could happen. Still, Carlos could understand wanting to be open. 

“Don’t rush into it,” Carlos said. “That’s the best advice I can give. I never bothered because mom wouldn’t care.” 

“My dad would have beaten the shit out of me,” Jay said. “And I wouldn’t have told him anyway, because I didn’t think there was anything to tell. Denial is something else.” Jay got himself a beer. “You know, I’m about the only one who isn’t a current or ex-rich kid.” 

Carlos looked over. He didn’t think Jay even cared. He didn’t know what to say about it. Maybe it did mean there was a difference between them. He didn’t know. “Mal won’t get any of her mom’s money. That’s what emancipated means.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Jay said. “I didn’t mean it like that, that you guys think you’re better than me. But...I don’t know. I should just shut up.” Jay got up then, going back to their room. Carlos heard the door shut. 

“Excuse me,” Carlos said. “Have a good time on your date.” Carlos followed Jay into their room. Jay was doing sit-ups, so Carlos didn’t try to talk to him yet. When he was done, Jay sat on the bed. “Are you mad about something?”

“Just stressing out,” Jay said. He took a few strands of his hair and started braiding them. “There’s a lot going on, and I guess I’m feeling the pressure. If I fail, I’ve got nothing to fall back on.” 

“You’ve got us,” Carlos said. “We won’t let you fall. And until last week I figured I would get nothing from my mom. It was a lucky break. So please don’t feel jealous of that. I can’t even think about it right now-it’s not even real to me.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t feel jealous, I swear. Um, I have an appointment with Scott tomorrow.” 

“Good,” Carlos said. “Want a ride?” Jay nodded. “Have you gotten your driver’s license yet?” 

“Forgot about it,” Jay said. “Too much going on.” Jay looked over at him. “I’ll get that done and you won’t have to take care of me all the time.” Carlos moved closer to him. “You’ve got your own life.” Carlos rested his head on Jay’s shoulder. 

“Still with you, though,” he said. Jay smiled. They sat silently for a while.

…

Jay had another competition coming up, and then a short tour. About a week before he had to leave, he asked Carlos if he would make up with Jason. “You don’t have to, but he really is sorry. I’ve been talking to him, and he doesn’t want any bad blood. Would you?”

Carlos thought about it. “I don’t know, I’m still upset a little. And I don’t know if I want to do it here. Is there somewhere else we can talk about this?” 

“Maybe. Jason’s got his own place now. We can talk there.” Jay looked over. “Would you really do it?”

Carlos looked at the wall. They were downstairs, and Carlos had been developing film. “Yeah. I feel like I owe him an explanation. He probably didn’t deserve all of that.” Carlos wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth. “I can try.” 

“Okay,” Jay hugged him. Then he called Jason to set up a meeting. 

That Saturday, they met at Jason’s. He had an apartment in a pretty good area in the suburbs. Jay knocked on the door, and Carlos hoped that Jason wouldn’t be high. Nothing good could happen if he was. He already felt nervous about meeting at Jason’s place. This wasn’t going to be easy.

The Jason that opened the door seemed sober, tired, and smaller. Normally he was larger than life. “Hey,” he said, and let them in. “It’s kind of a mess, sorry. I need to clean before I leave.” He looked at Carlos then. “Um, hi.” 

“Hey. Your place doesn’t look that bad,” Carlos said. Jason gave him a tentative smile, obviously not trusting Carlos. “Look, I came here so I could apologize. I went too far.” Carlos looked over at Jay, who nodded encouragement. “Is there anywhere we can sit down?” 

“Yeah, I got a picnic table outside. Do you want a beer?” Carlos shook his head. “Oh, okay. I’ve got Dr. Pepper.” Carlos nodded, and they went outside. Jason didn’t have much furniture, so the picnic table was his only one. 

For a minute, they sipped their drinks. “So, Jay told me what I said really upset you,” Jason said. “I mean, I know that, but, I was really surprised and mad. I thought Jay had messed with Randy, and I just...you kinda got hurt in the crossfire. I’m sorry.” 

Carlos was quiet a minute, trying to think of how to say it. “I got that a lot growing up,” he said. “My last year of high school, I couldn’t even be in classes with other kids, I took all my tests alone. And when you said that in the place where I felt safe, I just...” Carlos didn’t know what else to say. “I mean, you ever see the bullied kid in your school lose it and go apeshit?” Jason nodded, realization in his eyes. “That’s what happened.” 

“Yeah,” Jay said. “And then we had the biggest fight we’ve ever had.” 

“I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have. Some to you, and some to Jay.” Carlos looked back up. “But I’m sorry. You were trying to be the bigger person when you were leaving and then I jumped you.” 

“I really didn’t see that coming,” Jason said, and he laughed. “Like, you got me good!” Jason reached over to play-punch him on the arm, and Carlos flinched before he could stop himself. “Hey,” Jason said. “I’m not gonna hit hard.”

“Sorry, I’m not great with people touching me,” Carlos smiled to cover his nervousness. “I’m sorry about that. Don’t worry about it, it’s not you.”Jason looked confused, but dropped his hand. “But I really am sorry.”

“That’s good,” Jason said. “Me too. How much time do you have today, do you want to get some pizza or something? I can’t cook for shit. I need a girlfriend.” Carlos decided not to comment on that. Jason could take care of himself if he wanted, but he didn’t seem to know that.

But he let that go, and then Jason had gone back inside to order. “You’re doing great,” Jay said. “I’m proud of you.” Carlos smiled faintly. “Does Jason look okay to you? He told me he’s been clean for a week.”

“He seems normal. You’d know better than me.” Jason came back then. 

“Pizza should be here in half an hour. I’m really glad you guys agreed to stay a while. I haven’t talked to a lot of my friends. I know they’ll just offer me crank and I don’t want any.”

“You trying to quit for good?” That was Jay. He was watching Jason intently. “I don’t want you to get hurt or wind up in prison.” 

“I don’t know,” Jason said. “I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep.” Jason looked between them. “Man, I never knew two guys who were dating before. Can I ask some questions?” Carlos felt a little weird, but looked over at Jay. Jay shrugged.

“Depends,” Carlos said. “Give us a try.” 

“Okay. I don’t want to be offensive, but...which one of you is the girl?” Carlos felt his face go red as he tried not to laugh. Jay didn’t even try-he was cracking up. Carlos made the mistake of looking over at Jay, and then he was laughing too. “I mean, someone has to be, right? Isn’t it Carlos?”

“What do you mean?” Carlos said when he could get his breath. “Do you mean, am I doing the dishes? Or are you asking if I’m the one with my legs in the air?” Jason made a horrified face, and Carlos laughed harder. “Because the answer to both is we take turns.” He held his hand out for Jay, who slapped it. 

“More like, it shifts,” Jay said. “Lately, Carlos has been giving it to me. We’re in a relationship, things change all the time.” Carlos nodded, and laughed again as Jason took that in. He looked freaked out and kind of curious at once. 

“Wow. I did not think that question through.” Jason shook his head. “Now you guys think I’m an idiot.” 

“Nah, you just made an assumption, lots of people do it,” Carlos said.. “I get it, I know what I look like. The girls get that too, like, people think Evie can’t be gay because she likes makeup and hair stuff so much.”

“When in fact, she’s twice as gay as I am,” Jay said. “She’s got no interest in men at all. Zero.”

“Uh-oh. Did I come on to her when I came over. I don’t even remember.” Jason laughed. “I know she thinks I’m an asshole from what I said that morning anyway.” 

“She forgave you,” Jay said. “Okay, you got the most awkward question out of the way. Anything else?”

Jason got a lot more serious. “Are both of you okay?” Carlos didn’t have to ask what he meant.

“Yes,” Jay said. “I get tested pretty often, since sometimes they have false negatives. At least, I did when me and Carlos got together. I got tested after the...thing. With Randy. I was so drunk I just wanted to be sure.” Carlos took Jay’s hand under the table. 

“I’ve talked to him,” Jason said, voice dropping to a whisper. “He said you were lying. And Mike was lying. And that you all wanted to get him.” 

“I hate to hear this,” Jay said. “I think he needs help.” Jason nodded. 

“Yeah,” Jason said. “I know most skaters are crazy, but this is a lot worse than usual.” Jason played with a necklace he was wearing. “I talked to Jessie. He’s really off the deep end. Keeps talking about Jesus.” 

There was an awkward pause. “Anyway,” Carlos said. “We’re both negative and we’re safe. So that’s fine. We got really lucky.” 

“I got lucky,” Jay said. “You weren’t going out at night trying to pick up like I did.” Jason looked over at him, puzzled. “Before we got together,” Jay said. “Not after. But yeah, used to roam the streets, looking for whoever. I regret it a lot now.”

“It was the only way he could escape his dad,” Carlos said softly. Jay nodded, not looking at either of them. 

“Well,” Jason said. “You did always say your dad was a son of a bitch, so.” Jason didn’t seem to be judging. “I can’t say anything, you’ve seen what a whore I can be.” Jay smiled. “Do you think it would be easier if you were with girls?”

“I know it would be,” Jay said. “I wouldn’t have to hide, or worry about getting blackmailed, exposed, any of that. But it’s worth it. Carlos is worth it.” Carlos hid his face, getting embarrassed. “Don’t, you know I’m crazy about you.” 

“I never thought two guys could be in love,” Jason said wonderingly. “Most guys are such assholes.” Carlos knew what he meant, so he didn’t say anything. “Anyway, I’m going to get money for the pizza guy. You don’t have to chip in since I was a dick last time.” He got up and went inside. 

“Still okay?” Jay said to him. Carlos nodded. “We can leave whenever you want. Do you have to go anywhere today?” 

“Nope. You need to get in shape for the next competition though.” 

“Ir won’t take much. But yeah, can’t gain weight, it’ll throw everything off.” Carlos snorted-Jay never gained weight. “Maybe we’ll just have some pizza and then I can practice in the backyard for a while.” Carlos nodded, and then Jason was back. The pizza arrived soon, and Jason brought it back to them.

“Okay,” Jason said. “To burying the hatchet. Let me get paper plates and more drinks.” 

Jay grabbed a slice before he got back, making Carlos roll his eyes. Jay was a goof.

…

Two days before Jay left again, Carlos did a shoot. It was fashion, with tall models with boring personalities. It wasn’t anything like skating or shooting his friends. He tried not to seem detached, but he probably did. 

When it was done, he went to lunch with someone who he was thinking about hiring as an agent. “So, you’re doing sports and fashion photography?” He nodded. “Well, I’ve got more fashion clients, but I know some people in skateboarding too. We might be able to make this work.” 

“Thanks,” Carlos said. “I started in skateboarding, and I want to still be involved in it.” They chatted some more. 

“You’re really only nineteen? That’s wild.” Carlos nodded. “Well, your mother was in fashion, right?”

“She was, but I did most of this on my own,” he said, keeping his voice neutral. He didn’t want this guy to think he was anything like her. “She did pay for my cameras, but that’s basically it. I didn’t go to many of her events.” That was a lot of info, he thought to himself, for someone who didn’t want to talk about it. “Anyway, I hope that you’ll consider me as a client.”

“Oh, you’re on your way up, I think you’d make a great client.” Carlos grinned, relieved. Then they had dessert, and Roger promised to send him a contract in the mail. He headed back home in Jay’s car.

When he got home, Chad was drinking a beer and glowering. Mal and Evie were in the kitchen with him, making some cupcakes. Was it Jay’s birthday? No, that was next week. But he’d be gone. “Hey, are those for Jay?”

“Yeah,” Chad said. He put his beer down, and looked downcast. “Sorry Carlos, I got something to deal with.”

Evie looked over. “A friend of Chad’s sister saw him out with Gil,” Evie said. “She told his sister, and she wants to tell their parents. She hasn’t yet.” 

“Why? Does she hate you?” Carlos couldn’t see how that could be a good idea. Chad shook his head.

“Somehow she thinks they’ll take the news better from her than me. She’s the baby after all. But I told her not to, I’ll figure this out on my own.” Chad finished his beer and stood up. “I need to go see Gil, I want to see what he has to say about it. I think he’s home.” He walked out then. 

Carlos watched him go. “Chad asked me how to come out to his parents,” Carlos said. “But this is pretty fast.” 

“I agree,” Mal said. “I told my godmother, when I was sixteen. I just wanted her to know since I was coming to live with her. She said ‘I know’ and hasn’t brought it up since.” Mal went and got some eggs. Evie did most of the baking, and Carlos thought he even saw her take a finger licking of batter. 

“Where’s Jay?” Mal pointed to the back door. Carlos went out and found Jay shirtless, lying back on their half-pipe, just taking in the sun. “You don’t need to do that, you’re already tan.”

“I want to look good for the next tour,” Jay said, grinning. “I’m not actually dreading this one. I mean, if Jason can come around, maybe I can have a tour without freaking out. Anything’s possible.”

“That’s my Jay,” Carlos said, grinning. “I missed your optimism.” Jay sat up, squinting in his direction. “You’re going to have birthday cupcakes today.” 

“I know,” Jay said. “Mal told me I would and I know better than to argue when her mind’s made up.” Carlos sat next to him. “Hey,” Jay said. “It’s a North American tour, time zones won’t be as crazy.” Carlos nodded. “And oh, they’re gonna get MTV Sports out, so I might be on TV. Nor bad, huh?” 

“Not bad,” Carlos said. “You saw Scott, right?” Jay had another appointment, after the one Carlos had taken him to.

“Sure did,” Jay said. “I want to put this behind me, but that might not be possible. So I’m just going to do the best I can. Randy’s not back yet. He’s healed physically, but Jason said he’s...not himself. His agent got him a shrink.”

“Damn.” Carlos felt sorry for Randy for the first time. Imagine your agent doing your parent’s job for them. “I actually hope it works.” He didn’t know if it would make Randy a better person, but it might change his behavior. 

“Me too. I’ll probably never trust him again, but he deserves a second chance. He’s only sixteen.” Jay looked ahead. “I’m glad you made up with Jason,” he said. “You didn’t need to do that.”

“I kind of did,” Carlos said. “I really didn’t want to come between you and your friend.” Carlos figured that Jason wasn’t so bad, although he couldn’t see them ever being as close as Jay was to him. “You really think he won’t say anything?”

Jay paused. “All I can do is take his word for it. He talked to me a little bit at his place, when you were outside. He said he’d look out for me. I think he cares enough about us being friends that he won’t snitch on me. I’m not his best friend by any means, but I don’t think he’d really hurt me.” 

“I guess not.” Carlos smiled at him. “Okay. I hope you do good on this tour. Make me proud.” 

“Yep,” Jay said. “You and me against the world, right?” 

Carlos thought about the spiraling success both of them were having, and the time it meant that they were apart. He thought about how their home was changing, people coming back and people leaving. It was tough.

“You and me against the world,” he said back, and Jay smiled.


	23. Reel To Reel Is Living Rarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal gets a big break, and Uma gets a heartbreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was time for another Mal chapter. The title is from "Dreaming" by Blondie. I've been playing the Green Day version a few times a day for a week.

Mal was having a quiet day. She had the day off, and while nobody much was there, she was keeping busy so she wouldn’t dwell. Evie was at her new job at the mall, Carlos was off being a photography whiz kid, Jay was on tour. Chad was at his parents house for a few days.

And Possum was gone. He’d packed up, gotten a hug from Carlos, and then Chad drove him to the Greyhound station. She’d said goodbye to him, but it didn’t ease her guilt. She should’ve been kinder to him while he was here. 

Oh well. So much for not dwelling. 

She got a dusting rag and started fixing up the living room. She needed to make this place look nicer. Having some down time would be chance to do that. She’d already taken out the garbage and cleaned the kitchen counters. You never knew who would come over. 

The phone rang then, and Mal put the dust rag down. “Hi, skater house, this is Mal speaking.” 

“Hi!” A way too cheerful voice was on the other end of the line. “My name is Denise Ridley, and I wanted to talk to you. You’re the skater, right? The female champion?”

“Uh yeah, that’s me.” Mal seemed a little stunned. “May I ask why you’re calling?”

“Oh!” Denise laughed. “I’m a talent scout I haven’t worked with skateboarders before, but we saw your modeling work. You left a message with an agent I know, but he didn’t really have time for a new client. So he sent it to me. Have you ever been interested in TV?” 

“Wow.” Mal laughed. “I might be. Is there anywhere we can meet? I’d like to talk about this. I have a car, I can meet you anywhere.” They worked out a place to meet, and then Mal was grabbing her Vans and heading out the door. She was still driving Evie’s mom’s Mercedes. Ms. Grimhilde just got her daughter a new car and gave the title to her. Mal thought about selling it, but she didn’t need money that badly. Plus it would be rude. 

Mal blasted Metallica the whole way there to calm her nerves. The meeting was at a hot dog and burger place not too far from them. Mal walked in and saw a young woman, maybe five years older than her, wave excitedly. 

“Hi,” Mal said, walking right over. “I’m Mal. It’s good to meet you.” Mal tended to be moody and rude, but he wouldn’t do that to this woman. She actually seemed okay. “Have you ordered?” 

Denise handed her a card. “I know they take Visa here. Just get yourself whatever you want, and I’ll get a Diet Coke and some fries.” Mal didn’t question it, just got herself a cheeseburger and Coke and Denise’s order. 

When they got their food, Mal asked her. “So, are you an acting agent?” Denise dunked one of her fries in ketchup. She was the type who kept her fries and ketchup separate. 

“Some. But mostly it’s TV personalities, like announcers or talk show hosts. There’s some openings now for TV anchors for new sports, like skateboarding. I know MTV Sports and ESPN are looking for more people. Would you be interested?” 

Mal nearly spit out her Coke. “Wow. Wow! That could be a lot of fun!” Mal laughed. “I’m so tired of working retail, I’d probably jump at the chance.” 

“See, I hoped you’d like that. You don’t get nervous talking to crowds or cameras, do you?” She shook her head. “And you’ve got a bold personality. How’s your vocabulary? You don’t swear too much, do you?”

“Like a sailor,” she said with a grin. “But I can work on that if it means I never have to sell skateboard wheels again.” 

“Just remember, live TV is just that,” Denise said. “Have you ever been snowboarding?”

“Only once, my friend Chad took me and Jay out one time. I did okay at it. I just didn’t get a chance to try it again. I liked it a lot though.” Mal felt bubbly, excited. Denise really knew how to set people at ease.

They talked a bit more. Yes, Mal knew a little something about some of the other extreme sports, or was willing to learn. They talked a bit about TV, and Mal asked some questions. She really didn’t know anything about it, so she just asked the basics. 

“Is there anything about you that might cause a scandal?”

“Since I stopped getting into fights with Uma, I don’t think so,” she said. Denise looked at her like a teacher who wasn’t buying her bullshit. “What?” 

“We can’t talk about this here,” Denise said. “Bring your food, I can drive you to my office.” Mal raised an eyebrow, but went. They wound up at a new office building a half mile away from where they ate. Mal sat in a cheap chair in front of Denise’s desk. “I think you know what I want to talk about. Everyone I talked to about you mentioned that you had a girlfriend.”

Mal paused, then smiled. “You know, sometimes I forget how weird straight people get about girls dating girls,” she said. Denise’s eyes widened. “Look,” Mal straightened up in her chair. “I actually don’t want any exposure, since my girlfriend is fixing her relationship with her mom.” 

“Okay, then we agree-”

“But I don’t know if I can fake-date anyone, just because the guys I know are all already taken,” Mal said. “How about we just either play it coy or lie through our teeth?”

Denise paused for a minute, then smiled. “You’re going to be a handful. I like it. Okay, you don’t have to sign anything but look this over.” 

…

“Look up.”

It was a few days afterward, and now Evie was doing her makeup. Mal did what she said, and Evie lined her eyes. “Okay, nice. I guess.”

“You don’t like doing my makeup?” Evie had always jumped at the chance before. If it was Halloween or just a fancy night out, she liked making Mal pretty.

“I just feel a little weird about this,” Evie said. “I’m fixing you up to go and stand in front of some TV execs, and I have to make you look like a regular TV host. I bet they’ll hate your hair.” 

“I told Denise I was keeping it,” Mal said. Evie moved to the other eye. “She didn’t fight me. She’s actually been pretty nice so far.” 

“Because she wants to make money off of you, don’t forget that.” Evie found a light colored blush and swept it across her cheeks. “I wonder how much they’ll let you be yourself. I know you’ve been asked to straighten up.”

“Evie...” Mal looked at her. “We talked about this.”

“I know we did. I know it’s a good idea, and I know you think you’re doing it for me. Maybe you are. But I don’t have to like it.” Evie glared at her, then walked over to the mirror to look at her own makeup. 

“I just want you to have control over when you come out,” Mal said. “I don’t care what anyone thinks, they’d be stupid to think I’m straight anyway.”

“Never underestimate how stupid some people can be,” Evie said. She fumbled around and picked up a lipstick. “Let’s try this one. And I know you’re concerned about my mother getting angry. And she would. But that’s her problem.” 

“She’s not ready for you to be out.” Mal regretted saying that as soon as it was out of her mouth, because Evie looked like she was going to explode. “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. But she’s trying to protect you.”

“Me, but also herself,” Evie said in a cold voice. She went back over and fixed up her makeup. Then she went and finished Mal’s lips. “There you go. I don’t know if we should dress you casual or like a sports announcer. Who are you auditioning for again?” 

“MTV Sports. I don’t think they’d mind if I wore skater pants and a tank top.” Mal looked at her makeup. “Wow, that looks great. Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.” Mal frowned -Evie was still being distant. “Now, go to your audition.”

“You’re not coming with me?” Mal looked stunned. “But I need you.” 

“No, you should do this one alone. I need to look over stuff for school anyway-I’ll be back soon.” Evie went looking for her bag, and Mal didn’t know what to say. Normally Evie wanted to be with her for everything. 

“Are you mad at me?” Mal said, and Evie turned to look at her. “Do you wish I’d said no?” Evie stared at her for a minute, and then looked down. 

“I don’t know,” she said. “I want to help you, because I want to see you get what you want. But this whole thing makes me nervous. Not just about us being closeted either.” Evie walked back over to her, and looked at her a minute. “It’s just, I’m still trying to get my eating under control, and all this stuff happens. And I’m so proud of you. I am. It’s just a lot at once.” 

“Okay. Long as you’re proud of me. I still wish you’d come.” Evie shook her head. “Okay. I’ll do my best. I love you.” Evie smiled at her then, and got her purse. 

“Wear the purple top over your tank, it’ll go well with the shoes,” she said, and then headed downstairs. 

Mal listened to her rustle around, and then the door closr. She sighed and got the purple top.

…

Mal had to circle the bock three times before she was sure she had the right place. The office was so nondescript, it could have been anything. Part of her was sure she was being set up, or it was actually a porn shoot. _Paranoid. You’re being paranoid._

When she finally parked, she took a deep breath, and walked in there head held high. She was Mal, three time women’s champion, goddammit. Nothing could intimidate her. She went inside, and registered with the receptionist, who looked at her like she was something the cat dragged in. 

She had to wait for a while, reading a copy of Spin magazine until she was called. There were a couple of other girls, but she didn’t know any of them. They looked like models, not skaters. Other than the one nearest to her saying she liked her hair, they ignored her. 

When she was finally called, they just shoved a script at her. “Here, read this and then you can test in front of the camera. You have five minutes to study and two minutes to test. That good?”

“Sure,” she said, smiling at him. That got him to actually look at her, which was nice. Maybe she’d make an impression on someone. 

She quickly read her script, and went over it in her head. Good thing she had always been a fast reader. Did she have to memorize it? Then she got called, and stood in front of the camera. There were three people behind it. “Okay, we’ve got the teleprompter if you need it, but look at the camera and let us have it,” yelled one of the three men watching. 

So there was a teleprompter. It was TV after all. She looked at the camera with a slight smile, and started. “This is MTV Sports, and here’s the news.” She rattled off the news about a snowboarder she had met once, and more about skating. It was kind of nice, since she had a connection to what she was talking about. She concluded with “That’s the news, and I’m Mal.” 

The three men didn’t say anything to her, but whispered among themselves. Finally the one who spoke before said “That’s really good. We’re not sure yet, but can you stay and then do another one? It’s between you and another girl.” 

“You were good,” one guy said. “You weren’t scared at all.” Mal smiled. “Okay. We’re gonna have the other girl come in and then you can go after. Get some water if you want.” 

“Thank you.” Mal headed back, taking a deep breath. Before she went into the waiting room, she saw the girl who liked her hair. The girl saw her and Mal gave her a thumbs-up. If she had to lose, losing to someone who was friendly wasn’t the worst thing. 

Waiting again felt like torture. She did sip some water so her voice would be clear. But now the butterflies were in her stomach and she didn’t know how to stop them. She mouthed some Metallica lyrics to calm herself, getting a strange look from the receptionist. 

The second time was easier. She was a little more animated, remembering this was MTV and they’d probably expect that. When she was done, they guys whispered again.

“Okay!” The guy who spoke before grinned. “Very good. We’re going to ask you to come back next week, we just want to run this past the New York crew. Are you okay with that?” 

Mal beamed. ‘Yes, thank you.” She couldn’t stop smiling, and she shook everyone’s hands before heading out. She got an appointment for next week. When she got in the car, she drove out of the parking lot, and screamed along with James Hetfield, and fuck it if anyone looked at her funny.

When she got home, she was too restless. Nobody was home yet. She wound up getting her board and heading for the skate park. It was a hot day, so she was sweaty by the time she got there. Some of the skaters noticed her and yelled greetings. She grinned. Then a tall man in a white shirt came up to her.

“Miss Mal, how are you?” That was Aziz, polite as always. 

“Doing good, had an audition but I probably can’t talk much about it. How are you? Haven’t seen you around.”

“That’s fantastic, congrats, I had to go back home for a while,” Aziz said, become serious. “It wasn’t fun for me. I like LA too much. Nobody cares what you do here.” 

Mal thought about what she’d heard, about his family being prominent. She had no idea what was true and what wasn’t, but it was clear at least that he had rich parents. “Well, maybe you can make arrangements to stay,” she said. “I wouldn’t mind sharing a city of millions with you.” 

Aziz laughed. “I don’t know why people say you’re mean. You’re actually very nice.” 

“Shhh! Don’t blow my cover!” They laughed more and she said, “Come on. Let’s skate doubles. You’d make a good skate partner.” Aziz followed her to the biggest bowl, and they spent the rest of the afternoon showing up everyone else. 

Mal wound up giving Aziz a ride back to the place he was staying. He didn’t ask about the Mercedes, which Mal liked. She might’ve actually told him the truth if he asked, but still. When she got home, Evie was back. She had fixed a small meal for herself-grilled chicken and raw veggies. She was eating about five times a day, small balanced meals that she designed to keep her energy up. She looked up when Mal came in. “How was it?”

“Good!” Mal ran up to her and hugged her from behind. Evie laughed and swatted her off. She was pretty stinky. “It’s between me and someone else. I’ve got a good feeling about it. Did you do your stuff for school?”  
“It was good. I just needed to let them know I’d be back after another semester or two.” Mal frowned. Evie shrugged. “I’m still trying to get well. The stress of school will be too much now. I can work part time, but I have to focus on recovery. I really wish I could do it, but I just can’t.” 

“I guess I’m used to you doing everything. You’re such a hard worker.” Evie nodded, taking a bite of her chicken. “But now you’re trying to take care of yourself.”

“I know. And it’s so hard.” Evie’s eyes filled with tears, and Mal sat next to her, holding her hand. “I miss going to school and volunteering. I miss spending all my time on others. But right now, I have to look after myself. I don’t want to die.” 

“You weren’t going to die!” Mal said, shocked. “I mean, you weren’t?”

“They tested me right before I went into the clinic,” Evie said. “I was low on vitamins, and they were concerned about my heart muscle. So no, I wouldn’t have dropped the next week. But, it wasn’t a good situation.” 

Mal felt her eyes fill with tears. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I didn’t know,” Evie said. “Not until I was away and couldn’t contact you. I just knew I was weak. I’m glad I asked for help when I did. I hated doing it, but I’m glad I did.” Mal whined and pulled her into a hug.

“Don’t ever feel bad about asking me for help. That’s what I’m here for. I want to help you.” She pulled back to kiss Evie, one hand cupping her cheek. “I love you. You’re my girl. Don’t forget that.” Evie smiled through her tears, and nodded. 

The door opened then, and Carlos came in. He looked tired, and he just got himself a soda from the fridge, barely looking over. “Sorry to interrupt,” he said, voice low. “I’ll go back to my room.”

“It’s okay,” Mal said. Carlos was worried about Jay being gone, but he was also working his ass off. He didn’t always enjoy the shoots either. “Did the shoot go badly?”

“Just a lot of egos. I’m not equipped to handle that very well. I had to yell a couple of times. Not my style.” He looked closer at them. “Shit, were you crying? I’m sorry, I’ll leave.” He got up, but Evie was shaking her head. 

“It’s okay sweetie. We were just talking about things. Mal has some good news.” Evie beamed at her. 

“Yeah, I might get the MTV gig. They had me audition twice, and it’s between me and someone else. Nothing for sure yet.” Mal watched as Carlos hung his mouth open, then saw a huge grin take over his face. 

“That’s amazing. I’m glad you did so well. I really hope you get it. Do you want me to call Uma and her crew? We could have a party.” Mal shook her head. “No party?”

“I don’t want to jinx it, nothing for sure yet. I will call Uma though. I want her to know about it.” Mal got up. “I can get some movies though. We should have a family movie night. As many of us that are here, anyway.” She counted in her head, and it was really only everyone that was in the room.  
“Sounds like fun. Call Uma though. Maybe she’d like to come over.” Evie took another bite of her food, and Mal reined in the urge to ask her if she ate her other meals. Evie was clear on the fact that it was her recovery, so Mal needed to leave her to it. It was hard to trust. 

Mal went into the living room and got on the phone. Three rings. “Yeah?” It was Uma.

“Hey. I just wanted to tell you that I had a good audition. And to ask you if you wanted to come over for movie night.” There was a long pause. 

“Not now,” Uma said, in a flat, emotionless voice. “I’m glad for you, but now isn’t a good time. There’s a lot going on here. I don’t want to see anyone. But thanks for thinking of me. I’ll call you back later.” Then she hung up.

Mal stared at the phone for a minute. When she came back to the kitchen, Carlos and Evie were chatting about what movies they wanted to watch. “Uma said she didn’t want to come over. It sounded like something was really wrong.” Carlos and Evie stared at her. “What do we do? Do we just leave her alone? Or should we go over?” 

They were quiet for a minute, and then Evie said. “Maybe call her back, and ask if she wants to talk about it. But if she says no, tell her it’s okay. Maybe she just needs to know you’re thinking of her.” 

“Don’t ask me,” Carlos said. “I’m not that good with people.” 

Mal thought about it. “I don’t want to pester her,” she said. “But maybe I could call back, or leave a message.” Mal went back to the living room, and stared at the phone for a minute. Then she called. 

“What?” 

“Hey,” Mal said slowly. “I know you said you wanted to be left alone, but you sound pretty upset. Is there anything I can do to help? I mean, you helped me.” There was another long pause. 

“I don’t know,” Uma said, and Mal noticed with astonishment that she sounded close to tears. “I told Harry to get out today. I don’t know if anyone wants to be around me.” 

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry Uma. Look, we’ll come get you. You can spend the day with us. We’ll rent the stupidest movies we can find, and you can stay over long as you want. You don’t have to be alone, okay? Let us come get you.” 

“I don’t know, I’m...okay.” Mal heard a sniffle. “Yeah, come get me out of here. I can’t look at these walls anymore.” 

“We’ll be over in ten minutes. See you then.” Mal hung up, and yelled to the others. “Uma and Harry broke up. Get in the car, we’re going over to see her now.” 

There was a gasp from Evie, and then she and Carlos met her in the living room. Mal got her keys. “Come on, she needs us.” Nobody argued, they just went to get her. 

…

“What happened?” They had Uma in the basement, with a lot of super cheesy horror movies, snacks, and beer. Evie was sitting on Uma’s side, Mal on the other. Carlos was sitting in a chair near the couch, with the remote. 

“I found out he was still seeing Grant on the side. I think that Grant was manipulating him into it, or threatening him. Harry seemed ashamed about it, which isn’t normal for him.” Uma wiped her eyes. “But that doesn’t matter, because he promised he’d quit. And then he didn’t. Poly relationships only work when everyone follows the rules. If you lie, you’re out on your ass. That’s how it is.”

“I can see how honestly can be the key to that, yeah.” Mal squeezed Uma’s hand. “But I don’t think you should make excuses for him.”

“Right,” Evie said. “He knew what the rules are, and he broke them.” 

“Agreed,” Carlos said, fast-forwarding through some boring exposition on the TV. “He must be stupid to risk losing you.” 

“Harry’s never been good at calculating risk,” Uma said, and teared up again. “I just miss him so much.” Evie hugged her, making hushing noises. Mal looked over at Carlos, who nodded. 

“I know you miss him,” Mal said. “But maybe Harry can learn from this and come back. He needs to grow up, I think.” Evie nodded, still holding Uma. 

“I hope he’s somewhere safe. He never had anyone look after him until he met me.” Uma moved out of the hug, and stared towards the TV. “His father didn’t care about him, and the house was a nightmare. Lots of fights. I met him when he ran away. I did everything I could to give him a home and something stable. I’m scared he’s going to be homeless again.” 

Carlos sat up in his chair. “You need to take care of yourself right now. Let Harry sort himself out. You’re not responsible for him, Uma. He’s responsible for himself. I mean, I love Jay, I’d do anything to help him. But ultimately he has to take care of himself.” 

“Yeah,” Mal said. “Same with me and Evie. I love Evie with all my heart, but I can’t run her life for her. And she lets me know if I try to.” Evie smiled at her. “Harry has to learn to take care of himself.” Mal looked at Uma, who seemed doubtful. 

“I know you’re right. But it made me feel good to take care of him. I always made sure things were good for him. The open relationship was fun for both of us, but I agreed to it because of him. Maybe that was a mistake.” 

“I guess I can’t say,” Mal said. “I never felt like trying it. And um, this is none of my business, but it looked like Harry was the only one taking advantage of it.” 

Uma looked at her, and then barked out a laugh. “Nope. I just had the sense to be subtle about it. I had a few guys on the side, even a girl occasionally. But I wasn’t as open. Harry needs people to love him, and he needs attention, and he confuses the two.” 

“Wow. I didn’t even know you liked girls.” Mal raised an eyebrow. “Now I kinda want to know who the girls were, but that’s not important. Anyway, you can come over as much as you want. I know it must be hard being in the house alone. Where’s Gil, by the way?”

“He’s actually with your friend. Chad invited him to something with his family. Personally, I think it’s way too soon, but I didn’t tell Gil he couldn’t go.” Uma took a sip from her beer. “Gil doesn’t need a lot of watching over. If he’s in a secure place and has friends, he’s fine. He wouldn’t even have to be part of a crew really, but he chooses to.” 

“That’s good,” Evie said. “He’s made you his family, so that’s not going to end. Even if he decides to live somewhere else. You don’t have to worry about that.” Mal nodded. 

“You know, I never thought about why you had a crew,” Mal said. “I guess it was for the same reasons I did. I can’t stand to be alone. And I just want everyone around me to be happy. Sometimes I think I failed.” 

“No,” Carlos said. “You didn’t.” Evie looked over at Carlos, and then at Mal.

“He’s right. You need to stop beating yourself up over what happened to Possum. That wasn’t your fault. He’s somewhere that can give him the help he needs.” 

“Um,” Uma said. “Possum? The quiet person in your crew? What happened to him?”

Mal looked away. “He moved into a group home. It turned out he had a mental illness and he was keeping it from us. I just thought he was a waste case, and the whole time he was dealing with something really hard. And I judged him about it.”

“She’s blaming herself,” Carlos said. “But he didn’t say anything about it to us either. He’s not holding a grudge. Mal doesn’t need to feel bad about it.” 

“Carlos is right,” Uma said. “And it’s not like he’s disappeared. You can go see him, right?” Mal nodded. “So he’s still a member of your crew. He’s just living elsewhere See, it works for this situation too. Just don’t give up on him.”

“I won’t,” Mal said. She made a promise to herself to call the home later, and see if he was all right. “Thanks.” 

“No problem,” Uma said. “Wow, I actually forgot about Harry for a minute there.” Then her face crumpled. Mal pulled her into a hug, whispering that she would be okay. 

…

“Do you think we did any good?” Mal and Evie were doing the dishes. They had taken Uma home after a while. She was a little drunk, but she swore she was okay to be alone. Mal still wasn’t sure about that. But Uma had insisted. 

“We gave her a shoulder to cry on, and we made sure she had something to eat,” Evie said. “And we told her she did the right thing, which she did.” Evie dried the dish she had and put it in the rack. “I wish she’d agreed to stay. We have a free room now.” 

“Yeah,” Mal said. She had called the group home, and Possum wasn’t there. Apparently he was taking some classes to help him get a job. She left a message. “I just hope she’s okay. I told her to call me if she needed to.” 

“Yeah.” Evie looked out the window. “I’m angry at Harry for putting her through this. Sometimes it seems like he only thinks of himself. Uma swears he’s good to her, but. That was a crappy thing to do.”

“I am too. She didn’t deserve it. But maybe he will grow up, if he really loves her.” Mal wiped her hands dry, then grabbed Evie in a hug. “I know you don’t like everything I do,” she said. “But I love you. And I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m proud of you too,” Evie kissed her cheek. “I wasn’t angry, I just thought it would be best if you went on the audition alone. And it worked out. Just go back next week and do your best..” Mal smiled. 

“I will. Thanks.” Mal could see Evie’s point now that everything had turned out well. “I guess we’re both learning to stand on our own. But I’ll still help you.” 

“Of course,” Evie said sweetly. They kissed, and then Evie went back to cleaning the kitchen. Mal sat down at the table, watching her.


	24. Jumping Out Of My Flesh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys duck an outing scandal, and get a call for help.

Carlos was in bed with Jay, head on Jay’s chest. Jay had come home from the tour last night, and they were still in bed. Carlos had made sure to leave his schedule open for a couple of days. He was going to spend this one with Jay. 

“Mmm,” Jay said. “It’s good to be back home. I did okay this tour, but it was still kinda hard.” Jay kissed the top of his head. “I missed you a lot.” 

“Did you have problems sleeping? Anxiety?” Jay hadn’t said anything when he got home, he just dragged Carlos back to their room. “You seem okay, compared to the other times.” Carlos moved so he could see Jay’s face better.

Jay didn’t answer right away. “I guess I did better. Jason and Mike were big helps. They stuck by me. Jason asked me to room with him, because he wanted to stay off speed. He didn’t act weird or anything about me being queer.”

Carlos was slightly annoyed by that, but he knew what Jay meant. Straight boys often acted like being closer than ten feet from a gay person was threatening. If Jason was sharing a room with Jay, that was a level of acceptance that Carlos wouldn’t have thought was possible. “It’s great that he’s being cool,” Carlos said. “So, does he consider you a good friend now?”

“I guess so,” Jay said. “He said he trusted me more than anyone, even Mike. Mike’s the most trustworthy person there is, because he never lies. But me and Jason had a blast.” 

“Did Jason help you?” Carlos wondered if Jason was just taking advantage of Jay, letting Jay help him but not helping back. It wouldn’t surprise him, a lot of skaters were selfish, when it came down to it. They’d be your friend, but only in the most shallow way. Mike wasn’t like that, but a lot of people were. 

“He did. He asked me questions about how I was doing. If I couldn’t sleep, we’d watch movies together. He even went with me and Mike to get some books-Jason barely even reads. He would get skater zines instead.” 

“That is pretty good.” Carlos knew he was jealous of the time Jay had with his skating buddies. It wasn’t fair, but it was the truth. But if Jason was really being a friend, he couldn’t have a problem with it. “Does he ever ask you about us?”

“Sometimes. He asks questions about gay sex. He doesn’t ask me anything like that about you. Which is a smart move on his part. I mean, you’re mine, he can’t just pry like that.” Carlos rolled his eyes at that. Jay could be so possessive. “But he seems to think gay men have a lot more sex that I personally have.” 

“Of course he does. And you’ve told me he picks up a lot. He better not get on a high horse about it.” 

“He doesn’t. Okay, that’s enough talking about Jason. Did I tell you my birthday party was filmed by MTV Sports?” 

“What? No!” Carlos laughed, and Jay’s face crinkled up in delight. “Do you think they’ll show it?” 

“Maybe some of it. We had cake after a run in Tuscon. The band JXA were there too.” Carlos knew that band in passing-Arizona hardcore skate punks. Jay had some of their records. “They came to the party and threw some of the cake around. They also brought booze, I don’t think MTV will air that part since most of us are underage.” 

“Did you drink any of it?” Carlos was worried now. Jay did like to drink, even though he’d slowed way down after what Randy did to him. 

“I had some-they had tequila, and I do like that. Mike watched out of me. I only had two because I didn’t want him to have to babysit me.” Carlos smiled, and kissed him. 

“I’m proud of you. And wow, MTV. You’re really moving up.” Jay grinned and kissed him again. 

“I know. It’s really weird. Now, let’s stop talking for a while. I want you.” 

“Horny bastard.” Carlos was smiling as he rolled on his back. Then Jay nibbled his neck, and he didn’t say anything else. 

…

The next day, Carlos got an irate call from Jerry. “I need you and Jay to get down here. And if you can bring your girlfriends, that would be great. We need to have an emergency meeting.” 

“Um, I don’t have anything scheduled for today, so sure.” Jerry was lucky he’d caught him. “And we can call the girls. But what’s the problem?” 

“There’s something you guys need to see, We’re going to meet to work out a response to it.” Then Jerry hung up. Carlos hung up, wondering what got into him. He sighed, and called Jane. 

“So you have no idea what’s happening,” Lonni said. She was sitting next to Jay, and Jane was in the passenger next to Carlos. “Do you think that Jay’s been outed? Because that’s what this sounds like.” Carlos tried not to worry, but he had to agree with Lonni. It didn’t sound good. 

“Maybe everything will be okay,” Jane said. “Jay can always deny. I just hope he isn’t being blackmailed.” Carlos nearly swerved into traffic. He hadn’t even thought of that. “Carlos, be careful!”

“Yeah, don’t kill us before they fire me,” Jay said. Carlos looked at Jay through his rear view mirror. Jay looked pissed and upset, and Lonni had a hand on his arm. Carlos was glad for it, not jealous for once. He knew she really liked Jay, and he could use the support. 

They finally got to Arise, and piled out of the car. They saw the owners and Jerry sitting at a table, looking sour. “Hey, we got here as soon as he could,” Jay said. “What’s the problem?” 

Jerry pointed at the empty chairs, and pulled out a couple of copies of a Xeroxed zine. “I need you guys to read this. We’re trying to come up with a response, but we want to make sure this is a lie. Look this over.” Carlos looked at the cover-it was a Queer punk zine. These were really starting to take off in the punk scene. The cover had large letters that said “Skating Special Issue!” Uh-oh. 

He flipped through it. In the middle was a confessional from someone who claimed to have gotten fucked by Jay late one night in the back of a car Jay had broken into. It was very detailed, including describing Jay’s cock. Carlos flash backed to what Jay had told him about going out to pick up. Was this one of those times? 

He didn’t know what to say. When he looked over at Jay and Lonni, he was surprised to find them gasping in laughter. 

“Oh my God!” Lonni was wiping tears from his eyes. “Holy shit. At least he’s saying you’re good, baby.” Then she laughed so hard she nearly fell out of her chair. 

Carlos looked and Dave and the rest. They didn’t seem to think it was very funny. He cleared his throat. “I guess we can safely say this is a fake,” Carlos said. “No way would Jay be laughing this hard if he had something to hide.” 

Jay nodded, wiping tears out of his eyes. “That’s right. I can say with total honestly that never happened. I vote we ignore it. Nobody’s gonna read this anyway. I mean, it’s a zine. There’s what, five hundred of them at the most?” 

“It sets a bad precedent if we ignore it,” Dave said. “What if someone else does the same thing?” 

“No, I think Jay is right,” Carlos said. “Ignore it, or make a joke about if if anyone asks. Everyone in the scene thinks Jay is this really vain guy, so it would fit he if denied but acted flattered.” Jay and Lonni both nodded, Lonni with a hand over her mouth to try to muffle the giggles. 

“Well, okay. I suppose you’d know your audience better than we do,” Dave said slowly. “But there’s something in there about Carlos too. Basically, says you became really close with Jay really fast. They think there’s something to it.”

Carlos shook his head, looking Dave in the eye. “I don’t need to read that. I’ve gotten that ever since Jay and Mal befriended me.” Dave looked shocked, but Carlos didn’t flinch. “I know how people see me. Most of the skaters would beg me to take their pictures and then talk about me, call me queer. So you know, that’s what they think. And I know the pictures we took-” He looked over at Jay then- “I know that doesn’t help. But Jay and Mal are two of the best friends I’ve ever had. They’re the real thing. It doesn’t matter what other people say about it.” 

“That’s right,” Jay said, now serious. Lonni was vigorously nodding her head behind him. 

Jane took his hand then, something she never did before. Carlos welcomed it, because he knew she was sincere in supporting him, no matter the circumstances. She’d passed the test, she was one of the people who could touch him without asking. He smiled a little at her, then turned back. “So, anything else?” 

“I can’t believe how well you two handled that,” Jerry said as he walked them to the car. “You really handled that like pros.” 

“We are pros now,” Jay said, smiling at him. “And I was telling the truth. And honestly, we thought it might be something worse. This wasn’t such a big deal. And I hope this doesn’t happen too much, since I really just want people to focus on my skating.” 

Carlos looked over at Jay. Was he telling the truth, that he never did what the author of that said? Carlos honestly couldn’t tell. Jay was so good at charming people sometimes. Jerry seemed to be buying it, at least. 

“Well, that’s great guys. Here, go get a good meal on me. Take your girls out.” Jay grinned and took the money. Carlos said goodbye to Jerry, walking with Jane. He was still shook up by the experience, but Jay was laughing it off. 

“I’m gonna take us to that pizza place,” Carlos said. Jay wasn’t listening, instead laughing while Lonni did dramatic readings from the story about him. Carlos took a deep breath, and saw Jane looking concerned. “Hey Jane, can you drive for me? My hands are still shaking.” She nodded and jumped out of the car. Carlos got out and let her have the driver’s seat. He was heading for the passenger, when Jay opened the back door. 

“No, come here. I’ll sit in the middle,” Jay said. “Are you really upset? What’s wrong?” 

“We nearly got outed, is what’s wrong,” Carlos said. “And you got us out of it like a champ, but it still bothers me. That could’ve been so bad. Jerry probably expected you to beg to keep your job. And you treated it like a joke. And it worked.” 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jay said. Jane had fixed the mirrors so she could see, and carefully pulled out of the parking spot. “I expected a lot worse, so for that to happen? It really was funny. And now we’re fine, if anyone brings up that zine, all I have to do is laugh and say ‘You really think that?’ And I’m in the clear.” 

Carlos nodded, looking out the window. He couldn’t think of anything to say. Jay softly touched his knee. “Baby, are you upset? What’s wrong?”

“Did it really happen?” Carlos didn’t know why it bothered him. But the idea that Jay could lie that easily, even if it wasn’t to him, was weird. And if he had done it, that was another problem. The story didn’t mention condoms. Jay had tested negative, but still..,

“Hey.” Jay turned so he was looking Carlos in the eyes. “I didn’t do it. I know it sounds close to some of the things I did do. But I don’t remember it, and he got some details wrong. I was never in that neighborhood, for one thing. I never broke into a car. And um, I never did it with someone that age. Mostly if I did guys, they were older than me.”

Carlos felt a little crash in the pit of his stomach. He knew that on some level, but he never liked to think about it. Jay put an arm around him, and Carlos blinked, trying to get a hold of himself. “It’s okay,” Jay whispered. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine. And now we’re going to go out and celebrate getting through our first outing scandal. Hey Jane, where are you taking us?” 

“Well,” she said. “I honestly have no idea which pizza place Carlos is talking about, so I’m just going to the area around the mall, there’s a lot to choose from there. Is that okay?”

“Yeah that’s good,” Jay said, still with a gentle arm around Carlos. “We’ll pick when we get there.” Carlos nodded, wiping his eyes. He caught Lonni looking over at him. Seeing her serious was always a surprise, but she was staring at him with concern. 

‘I don’t know how much I can eat,” Carlos said. “But I didn’t have breakfast. I’ll try to eat something.” 

“Are you feeling sick? If you’re getting a migraine we can just go home.” Carlos shook his head. 

“No, I’m just anxious, I’ll be fine.” 

“Hey,” Lonni said. She dug through her purse, coming up with a prescription bottle. “You can borrow some of my Xanax if you’re feeling anxious. I keep it for when I’m too wired to sleep.” 

Carlos was struck speechless for a moment. Jay looked shocked as well. “That’s really nice of you, but no. If I change my mind later, I’ll let you know. I didn’t know you took Xanax.” Carlos didn’t really take stuff like that, especially not from someone he didn’t know all that well. 

“I only take it just as they prescribe it. I don’t want to abuse it. But I’ll share if you’re having a tough time.” Lonni didn’t seem to think this was unusual at all. “I just have a hard time calming down sometimes. Sleep is hard.”

Jay smiled then, his concern abated for now. “You know, having someone to keep you warm at night helps a lot for sleep problems.” He pulled Carlos closer for that. Carlos scoffed and shoved him. Then they got to the place Jane had picked, and she parallel parked perfectly.

“Wow, you’re a good driver,” Carlos said on the way out. Jane ducked her head, embarrassed. 

“Well, it’s a good thing to do right. People in LA drive so crazy. Okay, we’ve got sushi, tacos, Thai, and pizza. What does everyone want?”

They argued about it for about five minutes, then went with Jay’s choice for tacos. 

…

“You know what,” Jay said when they got home. “I think we should get our fake girlfriends some nice gifts. They really helped us out here.” 

“You know what, I agree with you,” Carlos said. “What kind of thing did you have in mind?” 

“I think I’ll take Lonni shopping,” Jay said. “I’ve got money from the tour, I’ll let her get whatever she wants. Within reason, I’m not paying for a car.” 

Carlos laughed. They were on their bed again, sitting up, and Carlos had his head on Jay’s shoulder. “That’s a good idea. I think I’ll take Jane out and get her something nice. Maybe even some jewelry, nothing too extravagant. She really helped me keep calm while we were in that meeting.” 

“I saw her touch your arm,” Jay said. “I thought it would make you more nervous, but you didn’t react at all. I think you liked it.” Carlos wondered if jealously was rearing its head again. “I guess it’s good if she makes you feel calm.” 

“Yeah. She is good for that. She’s just so sincere about everything. And she’s Mal’s sister, more or less. So that’s good too.” He figured he’d take some of his photography money and let Jane pick out something she wanted.  
“Yeah, we gotta get nice gifts for our beards,” Jay said, laughing. “Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.” Carlos kissed him then, cutting off his laughter and turning it into a moan. 

“I love you. I’m glad you seem to be doing okay.” Jay hugged him. 

“I think it helps knowing Randy is getting help. And that he’s far away from me.” Carlos looked up at Jay-he hadn’t mentioned Randy since coming back. “I know I’ll have to face him eventually.” Jay scooted down, lying on the bed. “I just wish I could forget about it. It’s a lot better now, but it doesn’t go away.” 

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help.” Carlos snuggled down with him, and made a mental note to remind Jay to see Scott. Jay pulled him closer, and they stayed like that for a long time. Eventually, they heard the front door slam. 

“Anybody here? I got it!” It was Mal, loud and excited. Jay whooped, and they scrambled off the bed. Mal was in the kitchen, and they both reached her at the same time. They grabbed her in a hug, and stayed that way until Chad and Gil came through the door.

…

“That’s amazing,” Gil said for the fourth time as they put together a tiny impromptu party for Mal. Carlos had called Lonni and Jane, and Jay Mike. Evie was at work but would be home soon. Mal had called Uma, but she didn’t want to come. “I’m really glad for you.” 

“Yeah, it’s great,” Chad looked tired. He’d been spending most of his time at his parents, and it looked like it was wearing on him. He hadn’t said much about it, except that he was now out and had introduced Gil to his family. About their reactions to this, he hadn’t said much. 

Mal, for her part, seemed stunned. “I’m going to on TV,” she said, awed. “I have no idea what I’m doing.” 

“Just be yourself,” Gil said. “Get up there and show them who Mal is. That’s what you should do. Everyone will respect you that way.” 

“Most of them do anyway,” Jay said. He was getting beers and putting frozen fries in the oven. They had already ordered pizza. They didn’t have any ground beef, so there was no cookout this time. 

“Thanks,” Mal said. “I just want to do a good job. I put in my notice at work.” Jay whooped and Chad and Gil started clapping. “I know, I was so happy. My boss couldn’t believe it. I mean, did he think I’d stay there forever? Be selling skateboards in my 30’s?” Mal drank some of her beer. “Fuck that.” 

There was a knock on the door, and Carlos went to get it. It was Jane and Lonni. Jane had a cake, and Lonni had a bottle of cheap vodka. Carlos went and got the cake from Jane and hugged her. “Thank you so much for today,” he said. “I’m going to take you out, get you something. You really helped me.” 

“Same for you, Li,” Jay said. “I needed you to be there and show those guys how stupid that zine was.” 

“Wait, what zine?” Mal looked at Carlos. “What happened?” 

That led to Jay, Carlos, and Lonni all trying to tell the story at once. Lonni even whipped out the zine she’d taken with her. When they were done, everyone was laughing. “Good job!” Gil saluted them with his beer. “I can’t believe it worked, but good job. They really backed off on it?” 

“Right. I’m just going to deny if anyone asks, which they probably won’t.” Jay went back to his chair, leaning it back. “But we’re so lucky the girls could come with us. If we’d come in together alone, it would’ve just made us look like a couple.” 

“Which we are, but that’s not the point,” Carlos said, and everyone laughed. There was a lot of excited chatter and laughter, and then the phone rang. “Hang on, I’ve got it.” 

Carlos turned down the stereo, and got the phone. “Hey, Carlos.”

“Hey.” Carlos didn’t place the voice at first-it was weak and reedy. “Carlos. It’s Harry.” 

“Harry, hey.” Nobody had seen him since Uma had thrown him out on his ass. “What’s going on?” 

“I need you to come get me, please.” He heard Harry take a deep shuddering breath. “I know where I am. I need someone to get me.” 

“Wait, what’s wrong? Harry, are you in danger?” He said that loud enough that Jay, Gil and Chad came running. “Harry, are you okay?”

“Dunno. I’m in an apartment Grant owns. He’s been giving me a lot of drugs. Nobody’s here now. I’ll give you the address if you can get me. It’s not far, maybe you can get me before anyone gets back.” Carlos put the phone against his chest and yelled for a pen and paper. Gil took that moment to grab the phone from Carlos. 

“Yeah? You sure that’s the address? Okay, we’re coming. Just stay calm.” Gil had produced a pen and paper and got it down. “I’m going to come with them. I can be extra help if they need it. Okay, we’ll be right there.” Gil handed Carlos the address. It wasn’t far, but traffic might be heavy.

They found the apartments a lot sooner than they expected to. Gil told them shortcuts. When Jay asked how he knew, Gil said ‘I used to deliver pizzas. I need to start doing it again, it was good money.” They found themselves at a small, sterile looking apartment complex. “Okay, apartment 104.” Gil ran ahead, and rang the doorbell. 

Carlos was behind Gil when he saw the door open. Harry was there, with red eyes and a hopeless expression on his face. Carlos had never seen him that way. He had deteriorated so much in just a few weeks. “Hey. I want to go.” 

Gil grabbed him in a hug, picking him up, and started carrying him to the car. Chad held the car door open for him.“Get any of his clothes or things if he has them,” Gil yelled over his shoulder. Carlos sprinted in, wondering if this was breaking and entering. The others were behind him, and they grabbed Harry’s clothes and boards before running back to the car. 

“Why did we have to do this so stealthily?” Jay yelled from the back. Harry was in the passenger, eyes blinking slowly as Carlos drove them towards home. “Harry, what’s happening?”

“I didn’t want Grant to find me,” he slurred. “He’d been getting rough, demanding. I don’t know what I’m going to do. He had me on a lot of pills, I don’t have any on me now. Not even sure what some of them were.” 

Gil was seated right behind Harry, and he leaned forward. “Do you think he was going to do worse?” Harry nodded. “Do you know what?” Harry shook his head. 

“I’m so tired,” Harry whispered. “I just need to sleep. I haven’t slept in a while.”

“You can stay with us,” Jay said. “We have an extra room now. You can crash for a while.” 

“Okay,” Harry whispered. “I only got one job out of it too.” Then he passed out. Carlos got them home five minutes later, and Gil and Chad carried Harry in while Jay got the door. 

Mike had shown up in the time they were gone, and when he saw Harry he looked honestly terrified. “What happened? Is he okay?” Jay went over and stood by him. 

“That’s Harry, we had to get him out of a bad situation. I don’t think he needs a doctor. But we’re gonna put him in my room until he wakes up. Then we’re fixing him a bedroom upstairs.” Jay looked over at Mal. “Harry’s going to stay a while, until he gets a handle on things.”

“Of course,” Mal said. Carlos opened the door to their room, and instructed Chad and Gil to put Harry on his unused bed. Harry muttered and turned on his side, then snored. Carlos hoped he would wake up before he and Jay went to bed. 

When they got back, the party seemed to have calmed down, although most people were still there. Gil wound up finding a deck of cards, and started a game at the kitchen table. Lonni, Jane and Chad joined him. Everyone else went to the living room. 

“Four months ago if someone told me I’d have Harry Hook sleeping in my bedroom, I would have laughed. And then punched them,” Jay said. Mal laughed. Mike was sitting on the couch, not on the floor with the rest of them. 

“Should we call Uma?” Carlos looked at the others. “Even if she doesn’t take him back, she deserves to know that he’s safe.” They looked at each other.

“I’ll make the call,” Mal said. She got up, and went to the phone. She spoke softly, but Carlos could hear her. “Uma, Harry is with us. He called us for help and we got him. Yeah, he’s pretty out of it. He’s asleep right now. He’s going to stay for a while, as long as he wants. You don’t have to come see him until you’re ready to. No, we don’t think he needs a doctor, but we’ll see when he wakes up. Okay. Thank you.” 

“What did she say?” Jay had his arm around Carlos, as if he forgot that Mike was in the room. Mike for his part was looking at a book he’d brought with him. Leave it to Mike to bring a book to a party, Carlos thought. He would have done it too a few months ago. 

“She said she’s glad we got him, but that she’s not sure she wants to see him right away,” Mal said. “I don’t blame her. I know she’s really hurt.” She flopped down next to Carlos and he put an arm around her. 

“You guys really are close.” Carlos looked over at Mike, who had put his book down. “I see why Jay calls you his family. I know some people say it, but I can never see it.” Mal looked surprised, then smiled. 

“Yeah. We stick together.” Mike nodded seriously, then went back to his book. If he had any other opinions about Jay’s arm on Carlos’s shoulder, he didn’t voice them. Carlos decided he liked Mike pretty well. 

After a minute, Carlos got up and got some food. There was pizza, and some takeout from a burger place too. He fixed two plates and brought them in. Jay took his, and they ate in silence, still on the floor. 

When Jay was finished, he wiped his mouth with his hand. “Let’s watch some movies,” he said. He turned to Mike. “You want to go downstairs? We’ve got our VCR setup down there.” Mike shook his head, and stood up. 

“I should go home,” Mike said. “I need to study some for a test, and my parents want me to spend some time with them. They don’t get to see me much. Thanks for inviting me, even if it didn’t turn out the way you planned. I’ll see you soon, Jay.” 

“Okay.” Jay walked him to the door, and they talked on the porch for a while. Carlos put their plates up as Evie came through the door. Mal ran up and hugged her. 

“I got it!” Evie squealed, and they hugged in the middle of the room. Carlos watched them in the doorway as they kissed, and then sat on the couch as Mal caught her up one what happened today. Evie looked more and more serious as she went on. 

“So the boys had to deny a gay rumor, and Harry is staying with us? Wow.” Evie looked at Mal. “Well, we have a new roommate. Do you think he’ll pay rent?”

“If he has any money after all that,” Jay said, shutting the front door behind him. “And if he doesn’t, it doesn’t matter. He’s probably only going to stay until he gets back on his feet.” 

“He can probably get his old job back,” Mal said. “But that’s not important right now.” Mal held Evie’s hand. “I’m actually glad he’s here,” she said. “I like having another person around.” 

“Me too,” Carlos said. “I’m glad he called me.” Then Carlos went into the kitchen where Lonni, Jane, Gil and Chad were playing a card game he didn’t recognize. “Does anyone want to go downstairs? We have some movies. 

“I think I will,” Gil said. “I want to stay here until Harry wakes up. I haven’t heard from him since he left. He didn’t call me.” Chad put a hand on Gil’s arm. “I know he just didn’t want to risk getting Uma on the phone, but I’ve missed him a lot.” 

Lonni got up. “I might need to go home,” she said. “Unless Jane wants to stay, since she’s my ride.” 

“I’m fine either way,” Jane said. “I do need to study. I’m glad we helped you today.” 

“I am too.” When Jane got up, Carlos held his arms out and got a hug. “I mean it, tell me when you want to go shopping. I’ll get you something.” 

“Okay,” Jane said, blushing a little. “You’re a really good friend. But maybe don’t get me anything too expensive, mom still thinks I have a boyfriend.” 

“Yeah,” Lonni said, walking past them to talk to Jay. “Maybe you could just give me money to go on a date? I have a girl I’m seeing now.” 

“There you go,” Jay said, and gave her a high five. “Who is it? Do I know her?”

“Yeah,” Lonni said. “I’m dating Jane.” 

Jay and Carlos looked at each other. Carlos spoke up first. “Great. But Jane, aren’t you asexual?” 

“Yeah, mostly,” Jane said. “But I like Lonni, and it’s not really a big issue.” 

“I mean, I can do myself if she’s not in the mood,” Lonni said. Jane laughed, covering her face. “Mostly we cuddle and watch movies. Turns out sex isn’t everything to me.” 

There was a pause, and then Jay grinned. “That’s great news.” He got out his wallet and handed Lonni some money. “Do you need more/”

“I don’t think so,” she said, smiling at him. “Thanks Jay. You’re a good guy.” They hugged, and Carlos squeezed Jane’s hand. They really were great people, and Carlos was glad for them. Then they left. Carlos watched them go. 

Mal went over to him. “I knew you’d like Jane,” she said. “Can’t believe she’s dating Lonni, but I approve.” Carlos nodded. 

“Maybe they’ll balance each other out.” Lonni was reckless, smart, but without a lot of direction. Jane was shy. This could actually work out great, like him and Jay. “I’m gonna go check up on Harry.” It hadn’t been long, but he might need something. 

“Yeah, go see if he’s okay.” Carlos nodded, then walked through the kitchen and down the hall. Should they have checked on him sooner? He seemed fine when they put him to bed, breathing okay. He opened the door.

Harry was in bed, on his back, and his eyes were opened. When Carlos came in, he blinked, confused. “Hey,” Carlos said. “Do you know where you are?” 

Harry looked around. “This your room?” Carlos nodded. “I don’t remember much. I remember the call, but not much after. You really came and got me. I didn’t think you would. But I couldn’t call Uma. I couldn’t just do that to her after she threw me out. She wouldn’t deserve that.” 

Carlos moved closer. Harry was shaking a little, and he was sweating. “Do you need anything? Are you withdrawing off something?” 

“Probably. Yes. I’m not sure what all he gave me. But I was doing some coke, and speed. Other stuff too, to help me sleep. It’s only been a few weeks, so I’ll probably be fine. I don’t think I need to go to the hospital. But I’d like some water. Is Gil here?” 

Carlos reached over and touched Harry’s shoulder. “Yeah he is. I’ll tell him you asked. Let me get you some water.” Carlos left the room and found Gil in the doorway facing his room. “He’s awake, he asked to see you.” That was all he had to say, and Gil had crossed the hall in two strides and then closed the door behind him. 

Carlos got the water, hearing Gil ask rapid-fire questions. He couldn’t understand the words, but Gil was obviously concerned. Carlos knocked before opening the door. Gil was seated on the bed, holding Harry, rubbing his back. 

“Hey,” he said quietly. “Here’s the water. I can leave if you want.” 

Harry pulled out of the hug. “No, it’s your room, right? Thanks.” He gulped the water. “Gil told me you agreed to put me up. Am I staying in here?” 

“No,” Carlos said. “We’re going to fix you a room upstairs. You get back on your feet. Maybe you can get your old job back.” 

‘Dunno, they get in trouble for having underage bartenders sometimes,” Harry whispered. “But I’m sure I can find something. I don’t want to put ye out.” 

“You won’t be,” Carlos said. “We can handle a month or two without rent if we have to. We just want you safe. Are you hungry?” Harry shook his head. “Okay. I’ll go fix your room.” He left then. Harry seemed better than he would have thought when they first got him. He was lucid at least.

Jay looked over when Carlos entered the living room. “Is he awake?” Carlos nodded. “Good. I’ll make up the bed.” Jay kissed his cheek, then headed up the stairs. Carlos sat down, tired. A lot had happened today. 

Later, they brought Harry upstairs to see his new room. They had gotten his stuff and put it up. Harry looked at it for a minute. “Thank you. But this is a lot of space. I never liked sleeping alone.” Harry looked down then, and Carlos thought he saw a tear. “Oh well. I deserve it. Thank you again. I guess I’ll go to bed.” Harry sat on a chair in the corner, and started taking off his boots. 

Gil went over and ruffled is hair affectionately, and then went back downstairs to talk to Chad. Carlos and Jay left then. “I want to go to bed now too,” Carlos said as they went down the stairs.

“Okay, get some rest. I’ll help clean up.” Carlos headed to their room and shut the door. He wound up stripping to underwear and collapsing in thier bed. It was still fairly early, but today had been too much. He hoped they were really helping Harry. Eventually, he drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I messed up a little-MTV Sports didn't exist until 1992. But 1989 was sort of when alternative was beginning to become bigger. So it's not entirely out of place. If I set this in 1986 it would be. The title is from Jane's Addiction, since I became convinced they're Harry's favorite band in this.


	25. It's A Family Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay decides to try to find his mom.

Jay woke up to an empty bed. Carlos had a bunch of stuff to do, including a shoot later, and he’d left before Jay even got up. He sat on the side of the bed and stretched his arms over head. He was about to do his exercises when he heard someone using the half-pipe outside. Was Chad out there? He got dressed and stumbled out the back door. 

Harry was there, and Jay just watched as he tried to get enough air. His skating was choppy, still better than most but not what he could normally do. After a while, he stopped and saw Jay for the first time. “I’m shit,” Harry said. “I’ve lost me touch.” Harry looked over at him. His usual bravado was gone, and he looked wan and thin. It had been about five days since they got him, and he’d just gotten over detoxing. 

“You’ll get it back,” Jay said. “You’ve had a rough time, but it wasn’t that long. It can’t erase everything.” Harry picked up his board, and went to where Jay was sitting on the stairs. 

“I didn’t even ask if I could use your pipe,” he said. “We haven’t talked much.” Harry had been sleeping a lot. 

“You live here, you can use it.” Jay had never spent much one-on-one time with Harry before. “How are you feeling?”

“More alive, I guess,” Harry said. “Has Uma called?” 

Jay took a minute to decide what to say. “Mal’s in contact with her, not me. So maybe you should ask her when you see her.” Harry closed his eyes. “Hey, I’m sorry. I just can’t help you with that too much.” 

“I thought I knew how much I depended on her. But then she threw me out.” Harry looked like he was trying not to cry. “I was selfish, trying to have everything. And now I got no job, no agent, no Uma. I’m just a loser.” 

Jay hesitated, but then slowly put his arm around Harry. “You can get a lot of that back,” Jay said. “I don’t know about Uma, but it’s only been a week. Just work on yourself. That’s what I’ve been doing. You just have to try to get better.” 

“I know something happened to you,” Harry said, and Jay held his breath. “I don’t know the details, and I won’t ask. But yeah. Maybe you’re right. A lot of people, I’d think they didn’t mean it if they said shit like that. But you, I guess you’d know.” 

“Thanks for not asking,” Jay said. “It’s been hard. I need to call my therapist. He helps a lot. I can give you the number if you want.” Harry nodded. “Have you had anything to eat? I can fix us something.” 

“Might be nice,” Harry sighed. “I heard Carlos fixing himself breakfast, but I didn’t want to get in his way.” Jay wasn’t sure what Harry meant. “I mean, I don’t want him to be uncomfortable around me. I know I made him uncomfortable before. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was having second thoughts about me being here.”

“No, we just all want you to get better.” Jay was lying a bit. Him and Carlos had talked about the possibility of Harry getting handsy with one or both of them. Harry was a flirt and impulsive at his best. And now he was adrift and lonely. “I’m glad you called us.” 

“I can’t believe it worked,” Harry said. Jay stood up and headed for the kitchen. Harry followed him. “I haven’t eaten much. I might fry some bread and have an egg with it.” Harry moved slowly around the kitchen while Jay started some coffee. “I’m still surprised Carlos wanted to help me. But I couldn’t think of anyone else to call.” 

“We’re here to help, okay? Don’t worry about it.” Harry didn’t say anything, just melted some butter in a pan, then added two slices of bread. He fried the egg in another pan. Jay gave him a plate, and then fixed himself some toast. 

“What are you doing today?” Harry asked after he’d finished his food. Jay nibbled at his toast with peanut butter.

“Not much. Call my therapist and schedule an appointment. Maybe go shopping a little-I’ve got some money. Carlos has the car, though.” Everyone with a car had gone, it seemed, leaving just him and Harry. 

“Maybe someone will come home. Evie only works part-time, right? I don’t know. I’d like to stop starin’ at the walls, get out of here for a while. Otherwise, I’ll just keep wishing Uam would call.” Harry shook his head. “I’m so tired.” Then he took his plate and washed it. 

Jay put his plate in the sink, and then went to the phone. He made his appointment, then wrote down Scott’s number and gave it to Harry. “Here’s the number for the gay center he volunteers at too,” Jay said. “I couldn’t go there more than once because, you know. Getting too known.”

“Closeted for work, yeah.” Harry didn’t seem to be judging him. “Thanks for this.” Harry put a hand on his arm, and for a minute it looked like he was going to come in for a hug. He stopped himself though. “I’ll take a shower,” he said. 

Jay watched him go, and then went back to his room to do his morning exercises, listening to the water run as Harry cleaned up. When he was done, he changed clothes and thought about what they could do. He really didn’t want to leave Harry here. He was depressed and fragile, and said he hated being alone. 

When Harry was done, Jay had the answer. He had the door to his room open so he could see Harry come out of the tiny bathroom, towel around his waist. “Hey,” he said. “Let’s take the bus and go to the beach.” 

“I don’t have swim trunks,” Harry said, but they filled a bag with towels and stuff, and went to catch the bus. The trip took over an hour, at which point they were both sweaty and tired. But when Jay got to the beach, he was smiling. 

“See, not many people here even,” Jay said. Harry stood on the sand, squinting at the ocean. Jay took off his shirt, now just in his shorts. “We can run on the beach if you want.” 

“Dunno how much running I can do, but okay.” Jay put their towels down, hoped nobody stole them, and they both jogged down the beach. 

Jay loved running on the beach. He wished he was barefoot, but sometimes nasty shit washed up on California beaches. After a while, he looked back to see Harry stopped, trying to catch his breath. Jay jogged back. “You okay?”

“Better than I’d thought I’d be,” Harry said. “Still slow though.” Harry straightened up and smiled at him. “Thanks for taking me out like this. I needed to get out of the house.” Harry looked back at the waves. “I love the ocean, always have. One day I’m going to have a boat, all mine.” 

“I hope you do,” Jay said. “I didn’t learn to swim until I left my dad’s. I never got to do much outside the shop. Now I can surf a little and it’s great.” 

“Did Mal teach you to swim?” Jay nodded. “Can’t believe she’s been so good to me. I never thought she’d want me here. I know her and Uma are friends now.” 

“She’s your friend too,” Jay said. “She’s not taking any sides.” Mal had never said anything bad about Harry being there. “Come on, let’s go see if our stuff’s still there.” 

…

When they started back home, it was nearly five o’clock. They had spent a little more time on the beach, then went to a little shack of a restaurant that had fish tacos. Jay had wanted to get a beer, but Harry was trying to stay away from booze too, so he didn’t. 

Harry was in better spirits by the time they walked through the door. Carlos was there, and Jay came over for a hug. “We spent the day at the beach,” Jay said. “Getting out seemed like a good idea.” Carlos pulled him in tight, and then kissed him. 

“I’m glad you had time to have fun, I’m exhausted.” Carlos sat down at their big kitchen table. “The shoot wasn’t bad, it was just hot. We were outdoors. The models were good though. Have you ever met Brian? He’s a surfer. He was really cool to work with.” 

“That’s good.” Jay went and got three Cokes out of the fridge. Carlos and Harry both took one, and they sat down. Harry was quiet as Carlos and Jay chatted. After a while, he finished his Coke and stood up. 

“Think I’ll go back to bed,” he said. “Thanks for taking me out.” Then he walked out, leaving his soda can on the table. 

“Is he okay?” Carlos said softly when Harry was upstairs. 

“I think he’s trying to be better. He’s going through a lot.” Jay sipped his Coke. “He’s going cold turkey, and he’s missing Uma. He said he’s trying to keep his distance from you, because he doesn’t want you to think he’s coming on to you.”

“I thought he might be,” Carlos said. “I always thought he was so confident. And now, seeing him this vulnerable...” He trailed off, looking down at the table. 

“Yeah,” Jay said. “I think that’s what I’d be like if you ever left me. I depend on you so much.” Carlos looked up then, surprised. “You know that, right?” 

“I guess,” he said. “But I don’t know. For the first six months we were together, I just kind of thought it was a fluke. Like I was yours, but that I didn’t really deserve it. You’re so much cooler than me. But I wouldn’t leave you, unless you told me to go.” 

“Did you think I’d just cast you aside?” Jay could hear the tremble in his voice, but he couldn’t help it. “Carlos...I might never have become who I really was if it wasn’t for you. I was lying to myself, trying to be what other people wanted me to be. But I couldn’t do that after I saw you.” Jay got up, and moved to Carlos’s side of the table. “You were so beautiful and so sad. I couldn’t stand to see it.” 

“I know,” Carlos whispered, one tear rolling down his face. “You’ve been telling me that ever since we got together. It just took a little while to really believe it.” Jay kissed the tear. 

“And look at you now,” Jay said, smiling at him. “You’re doing so well. We just don’t see each other as much as we used to. And that sucks, but we’re finally making money. You’re free from your mom, and I know you like that. And I’m here with you. I won’t just dump you someday. What am I gonna do anyway, pretend to be straight? After everything? Fuck that.” 

Carlos laughed, wiping his eyes. “Okay. Good to know.” Jay kissed his cheek again. 

“You’re mine,” Jay said. “Mine, mine, mine.”

“Possessive fucker,” Carlos said, grinning at him. 

“Sure am.” Jay pulled him in for a hug. 

…

Later that week, Jay went to see Scott. “How are you, Jay?” Scott stood up when he came in, and Jay shook his hand, smiling at him. 

“I’m pretty good. A lot’s been going on.” He sat down. “I had a short tour, and I think I did okay. I tired to do those breathing exercises you taught me. There’s been a lot of drama too.” 

“Did anything bad happen?” Jay sighed. 

“Had a couple of close calls with outing,” Jay said. “We handled them though. I just wanted to go along and not think about them. But they scared Carlos a little. And made him angry. Like, I’ve never seen him that angry.” 

“Tell me what happened,” Scott said. Jay told him about Jason and Carlos punching him, and then the zine and his company freaking out. “That happened pretty close together. Is it effecting your relationship?”

Jay was quiet for a minute. “Maybe,” he said. “Carlos gets insecure. He’s worried that I might forget about him, which is crazy. I’d follow him anywhere. He’s the only person who loved me. Besides Mal, she was my friend. But Carlos is something special. He just can’t see it.” 

“How are you handling it? Are you fighting?” Jay shook his head, then reconsidered. 

“A little. I’d never seen him drunk before, and he did that after the thing with Jason. But mostly we try to talk about it. I don’t know where we learned how to do that-our parents hated us. It’s not like we were raised with good coping skills, you know?” 

‘Maybe your relationship means enough that you do what you need to,” Scott said. “I’ve seen other people who do well despite bad circumstances, but most need help. Speaking of, do you want to talk about your father today?” 

“Okay.” Jay talked a little about his upbringing, getting heated just thinking about it. “Don’t ask me to try to reconcile with him, I don’t want to. I just want to leave him in the past.” 

“I don’t actually think that’s the answer for everyone,” Scott said. “But, have you ever thought of looking for your mother?” 

Jay sat there, stunned. “You know, I’ve never thought about that before. I’m twenty now, I’m an adult. I can look for her if I want. But I don’t know where to start-wait. I have my birth certificate. I took it with me when I left.” Mal had reminded him to do that so he’d be able to prove who he was. “I have it at home. There’s a name for the mother. I’ve got that.” 

“That’s a good start,” Scott said. “I warn you, it won’t be easy.” 

“That’s okay. I’ll take my time. There’s no rush. Maybe she’ll want to see me, maybe she won’t. I already know I can’t control how people react to me sometimes.” Jay was talking a good game, but his hands were shaking thinking about it. “I don’t hate her for leaving. I figure living with Jafar must have been awful for her.” 

“I hope you can find her. I’ll give you some places to start looking, like the Social Security office.” Jay was already thinking of other ways to get the word out. What was the point of minor celebrity if you couldn’t use it to get what you want?

…

Jay told his housemates about possibly looking for his mom over dinner. They were not as supportive as he’d hoped. 

“Why? Your mom could’ve found you if she wanted to. Or taken you with her.” Mal looked over at Evie. “This is a bad idea, right?”

“Maybe,” she said. “But on the other hand, maybe it’s good to know. Just don’t get too involved too soon.” Jay figured that was pretty good, although he’d hoped for more from Evie. She was still talking to her mom, and they seemed to be getting closer. He figured he couldn’t give her a hard time about that anymore.

“It’s my mom, how do I keep from doing that?” Jay felt uncomfortable, everyone was staring at him. 

“She might be addicted to drugs, she might just want you for your money,” Carlos said. “But if you really want to do it, go ahead.” 

“You should do it,” Harry said, looking up from his plate. They were having dinner together, and had gotten Chinese. Harry had a huge serving of chicken fried rice in front of him. He’d been eating steadily and not talking. “At least find out once and for all if she’s worth it. I met me mom, and while we didn’t get on, I don’t regret her finding me.” 

“Your mother found you?” Jay hadn’t heard of this before. 

“Little bit before I ran away. She tracked me down, my dad had taken me from her. So we met up, She’s very religious, and she wanted me to go to her church and I didn’t want to. But I called her when I settled with Uma. She sends Christmas cards.” 

“Huh. Thanks for telling me.’ Jay didn’t know what to say to that. Then, Chad and Gil came in. “Hi guys,” he said, smiling as Gil came over to hug Harry. “We’ve got extra egg rolls if you want them.” 

“We ate,” Gil said. “We got fast food after I had an interview. Chad’s trying to help me get a job.” 

“He does that,” Carlos said, grinning. “Good for you.” Gil beamed. 

Chad sat down, smiling tiredly. “Yeah. When I introduced Gil to my parents, they had mostly calmed down on the shouting and threats. They were polite to Gil. But they wanted him to get a steady job.” 

“Why did they want that?” Mal was staring at them, frowning. 

“They just don’t want their son dating a bum,” Gil chirped, not looking upset at all. “And I need a job, so I agreed.” 

“You’re not a bum,” Chad said. “But yeah, after they got over the gay thing, they went straight to their ‘but he’s not rich’ thing. At least my mom said she was glad I told her.” Gil reached over and squeezed Chad’s hand. “They give me a headache.” 

“Funny you say that,” Jay said. “I was telling everyone I was thinking of trying to find my mom.” 

Chad looked at Jay without saying anything. Maybe he wasn’t sure if Jay was serious, who knew. “Okay,” Chad finally said. “Let me know if you need any help. I might know some people who can make it easier.” 

“Chad, the great facilitator of the house,” Mal said, and they all laughed. Chad looked perked up after that. 

“Good to have a role, besides landlord,” Chad said. Jay reached over the table and gave Chad a high-five. Then he noticed Gil and Harry talking softly. Gil was nodding, and had a hand on Harry’s shoulder. 

“Okay. Just head by the place and make sure she’s not alone too much,” Harry said. Then he looked up. “Sorry. I just want her to be okay.” They all looked around. Evie looked like she could cry. 

“Of course,” Mal said. “I need to call her, actually.” 

“Or you could come with me,” Gil said, standing up. “I just need to head by and see if we need anything there.” He turned to Chad. “I’ll come back tonight so we can sleep together.” Chad nodded, and Mal went to get her purse and keys. They left a few minutes after. 

The rest of them finished up and Jay cleaned the kitchen. It was quiet, with Chad going downstairs to watch movies. Harry wandered off, and that left Jay and Carlos. After a minute, Carlos spoke up. 

“Did Scott give you the idea of finding your mom?” 

“Yeah,” Jay said. “I hadn’t considered it before. But it might be a good thing to do.” 

“You’ve already gone through so much though,” Carlos said. “What if it goes badly? I don’t think you need more disappointment.” 

Jay sighed, pushing his hair back with his hands. “Then I still tried.” 

“You never talked about her much, only Jafar,” Carlos said. “I didn’t think it bothered you.” He was still seated, watching as Jay moved around the kitchen, restless.

“It did when I was young,” Jay said. “And then I got angry, because she left me with that monster. But at the same time, she got free of him. And I couldn’t be mad about that. Maybe I should blame her more. I don’t know.” He sat down then, pulling his chair up close to Carlos’s. “I just want to know if she’s okay.” 

Carlos turned towards him, and pulled him in for a hug. “Hopefully, she wants the same for you. Okay, you should do it.” 

“Good. Thank you.” Jay kissed Carlos’s cheek. “I want your support, you know. In everything.” 

“You got it,” Carlos said, pulling back and smiling at him.


	26. Disappointments and Date Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos gets annoyed at Jay, but then they try to have a date, Meanwhile, Harry is still adjusting to his new life without Uma.

Carlos was in the kitchen, fixing himself another large cup of coffee. He was tired and pissy, and he turned around when he heard someone else enter the room. “What?”

Harry raised an eyebrow. “You’re in a mood,” he said. “You’re not working today?”

“Nope. Got the whole day off.” Carlos took a sip of coffee, then added another sugar. “You want some?” 

“I’ll get it, thank you.” Harry carefully moved around him. “Never seen this side of you before. Are you always cranky when you wake up?” 

“Yeah, some. But I’m also mad at Jay.” Carlos went through the cupboards, looking for some bread. 

“What did he do?” Carlos, looked over at Harry, surprised. Harry had said it in a low voice, like he was going to kick Jay’s ass at first chance. 

“He went out with his friends,” Carlos said. “He said they were going to surf. But this is a day off for me, and I don’t have them much, and I’m just pissed off that he’d leave me for them. Like I don’t get jealous of the time he spends with them anyway.” 

“Oh dear. I like Jay a lot now but that’s a shitty move.” Harry sipped his black coffee. “You going to be all right?” 

‘Yeah, I’ll find something to do.” Then Carlos brightened. “Hey. Mal’s starting her new job today. I bet she’s really excited.” 

“I didn’t even see her leave,” Harry said. He sipped more of his coffee. “I’m going to get out,” he said. “I’m going to see if there’s anyplace hiring that’s within walking distance. I need to find a job and I don’t want to depend on you all for rides.” 

“Oh. Okay, if that’s what you want.” Carlos was going to ask if Harry wanted to do something, to keep both of them distracted. But Harry was doing better, and wanting to get something so he could pay rent. Carlos would have to hang out with himself, it looked like. 

“Yeah, let me get my shoes.” Harry left the kitchen. A few minutes, he was out the door. Carlos ate some toast for breakfast, then got the keys. At least he had the car. 

He came back hours later. He’d done some shopping, looking at new clothes, and then going to a record store and coming out with imported rare Depeche Mode records. He was thinking of a place to put them when he found Evie and her mom in the living room. They were drinking tea and chatting. “Oh, sorry. I can leave if you’re talking.” 

Evie’s mom looked up and gave him a smile. “Carlos, it’s good to see you,” she said. “You’re not interrupting anything. At least, I don’t think so. Is everything all right, Evie?”

“Yes, thank you for asking.” Carlos knew that Evie appreciated her mother not making assumptions. “We got back from therapy, and we were going to do our nails for fun. We can do that upstairs if you want. Did you get new records?” 

“Yeah.” Carlos held them out for her. “I might go right back out after I put these up, I need to get groceries, is there a list?” 

“I think there’s one on the fridge. We’re going upstairs now.” Evie stood up and gave Carlos a hug. He hugged her back hard, smiling. “Okay, have a good rest of the day,” she said, kissing his cheek. Ms. Grimhilde smiled at him as she passed. Evie’s mom still seemed to have a soft spot for him. 

Carlos put up his new records, and got a pen. He looked at the list, then checked to see what else was there. As he did, the door opened. Jay came in, shirtless, smiling, and smelling like salt water. “Hey! I had a great day, I caught a few waves, we had some laughs.” Carlos looked him over, and Jay caught his expression. “You’re pissed at me, huh?” 

Carlos tried to stay mad, but he couldn’t hang on to it. “Not anymore. Come here.” Jay went over to him and gave Carlos a big hug. “We can still do something with my day off. I could even take you out.”

“Oh wow. We never really have dates.” Jay kissed Carlos’s earlobe, then sucked it in his mouth. Carlos had to hold the moan in. “Or we can go back to or room.” 

“Um,” Carlos said. “We’re not alone, Evie’s mom is upstairs with her.” 

Jay pulled away and made a face. “Great. I’m getting cockblocked by that witch. I almost want to pull you in the bathroom and be extra loud. Eh, fuck it. Did Evie look happy?” Carlos nodded. “In that case, I’ll take a shower. Find a place for us to go while I get ready?” He kissed Carlos on the mouth, then disappeared into the bathroom. 

Carlos sighed, wanting to go and take a nap. Instead, went to their bedroom and thought about places they could go. When Jay got back, Carlos looked at him. “You know that place you met Jerry at?” 

“Yeah,” Jay said. “Oooh. You gonna take me on a date there?” 

“Yeah, if you want.” Carlos was smiling just thinking of it. “I’ll take you out, buy you dessert, anything you want. We get one of the booths, even.” Jay had told them about the curtains, so they could eat in private.

“Oh yeah, those booths are great.” Jay was grinning. “Okay, I’m going to dry my hair. Maybe braid some of it. I’ll be ready soon.” Jay went back out, and soon Carlos heard the dryer start up. He changed clothes to something nicer, and fixed his hair too. 

After a few minutes, Jay came out with his hair fixed half-up, half-down. He looked handsome and Carlos fell a little harder. “That looks amazing.” 

“Thanks. You’re wearing those tight pants.” Carlos smirked at him. “Little shit. Now I just want to take you to bed. But you said you were paying, so...”

“I did?” Carlos was laughing though. “Of course I am. I asked you. Let’s take the car.” 

They got there quickly, but had to find a parking space. When they got in there, they got a strange look from the hostess, probably because of Jay’s hair. Or maybe his nail polish. Jay dressed the way he liked to dress, and fuck what anyone thought. Of course, they were going in together, as well. 

The hostess recovered and seated the two of them in the back, not in a booth. Oh well. They got comfortable, and ordered dinner, talking about things that were going on in the house. Then Jay looked past him. “Huh.” 

“Who is it?” Jay didn’t look angry, but curious. 

“Jerry. He’s got another skater with him. Looks like I’ll have someone else with me. Or to replace me, but I don’t think so.” Jay drank from his water glass. They had decided not to order wine, in case they were carded. “I’m glad the lights are dim back here.” 

“Yeah, don’t want him to see us either.” Jerry might get weird about them being on a date. Or defensive about him trying to sign someone else. “Let’s just try to enjoy our dinner, okay?” But Carlos knew that Jay might be watching what was going on. 

He was right. Jay acted normal most of the time, but then he’d mention that the skater, who he didn’t know, was drinking a little too much, might be sloppy. “Let’s hope he doesn’t sign right away.” Jay left it alone then, and looked back at Carlos. “Hey, where did Harry go?” 

Carlos smiled, glad that he was putting Jerry out of his mind for now. “He left to go get a job. He was still gone when I got back.” Carlos hoped he was still looking and hadn’t gone to find drugs. Or Uma. Mal and Evie kept in touch with Uma, and far as he knew, she wasn’t ready to see him.

“I hope he gets one, there’s a few places nearby. He needs something to do.” Jay ate his ravioli. Carlos had veal piccata, which was really good. “I’m not worried so much about him paying rent right now, but he can’t keep hanging around the house.” 

“Yeah,” Carlos could see Jerry and the kid now, and had a sudden thought. “Hey, what if that skater knows you. And sees us on our date.” Jay didn’t say anything at first, but then he looked at his own nail polish, and then back at Carlos. He took a few more bites of his food, then stood up. 

“I’m going to go outside for a bit. You tell the waitress we need it to go. Get us dessert to share too if you want. But I’m gonna get out before something happens.” Then he walked out. Carlos sat there a few minutes, cursing Jerry for being there and fucking up their date night. Then he signaled the waitress. 

A few minutes later, he took a to-go bag out of the restaurant and found Jay in the passenger seat of the car, reading a book. “Where’d you get that one?” Jay looked up and smiled. 

“Got it at the used bookstore. I keep it here in case something happens and I’m bored,” Carlos handed Jay the food, and got the car started. “Did you get dessert?”

“Yeah, I got you chocolate cheesecake and me regular cheesecake.” Carlos was angry, that their date had been cut short. Maybe they should go to gay restaurants, but no. Then Jay might get noticed. God they were fucked. 

“I guess we’re just going back home?” Jay sounded disappointed. “We didn’t even finish our entrees.” 

“Well, we don’t want our dinner to go bad. But we might be able to stop somewhere quick.” They got in and drove around. “I already bought records today, but we can go in if you want,” Carlos said as they saw a Tower Records.

“Mmmm, nah. Maybe some other time. I could use some nicer clothes, but that’ll take too long. Let’s just go home I guess. We can finish eating, I’m still hungry.” Carlos nodded, and they went back home. 

Mal was there when they got there. “It was such a long day,” she said. “I learned about TV today. It took a while but I’m so excited!” She hugged both of them, then went upstairs. 

“Evie’s mom’s with her!” Jay yelled.

“Okay!” She said, laughing. Carlos heard the door open and Evie squealing. Jay shook his head, and put an arm around Carlos. 

“At least she gets along with her, I guess. Let’s eat.” They went back to the big kitchen table, and ate their food. It had cooled off a little, but they didn’t bother heating it up. They were feeding each other bites of their cheesecake when Harry came in. 

“Hello boys,” he said, and posed, pulling up his shirt. Carlos cracked up-Harry was wearing a shirt from the video rental store down the street. “They hired me on the spot. Seems like someone walked out an hour before I got there. I got a job, lads!” 

“Great!” Jay got up and high-fived Harry. “Glad you got something steady. Did they put you to work right away?”

“Yep, showed me how to run the register, left me on it an hour, and then had me putting back videos for a few hours. It’s not as social as bartending, but I like it. Got my schedule, working four days this week.” 

“That’s great.” It wasn’t a lot, Carlos knew, but Harry needed something. It would help him, keep him steady, hopefully. And Harry looked happy. 

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Carlos went to get it, and there was Ums. She looked tired, and like she’d lost some weight. “Hey. I need to talk to Harry.” Carlos moved out of the way, and she stood in front of Harry, who was now speechless. 

“Um, hey,” she said, her voice shaking a little. “I have to tell you something, and it’s not good news.” 

Harry sniffled, but seemed to try to hold it in. “Okay, go ahead.”

“Grant’s been calling,” she said. “Says you still have a contract. He’s been nasty about it. He says that technically you never fired him. You’re going to have to get in touch with him, but I don’t think you want him to know where you are, do you?” 

“No,” Harry said, his voice breaking. “I’ll get some help with that and take care of it. If he calls you again, you tell him to fuck off. You don’t need to deal with that.” Harry stared at the floor, and when he looked up, there were tears in his eyes. “Um, I got a job,” he said, trying for a smile and tugging his shirt so Uma could see the store brand.   
“Oh. Good.” Uma smiled at him. “I’m proud of you. Um, I have to go now.” Uma looked like she was about to cry too. They stared at each other, and then Harry held out his arms. Uma hugged him, and Harry sobbed before letting her go. She left, and Harry watched her, devastated. 

“Why did she come?” Harry said after he’d sat down. “She could have called me.”

“Maybe she just wanted to see how you were,” Jay said. “I know she misses you too.” They were sitting on each side of Harry. Harry was crying, and they each had one of his hands. “Hey, it’s not hopeless for you two. I think she might take you back.” 

“Nobody knows that for sure,” Harry said. “I just want to get drunk and pick someone up. That way I won’t have to think about it. But I guess I can’t.” Jay shook his head, then let go of Harry’s hand to he could pull Harry into an embrace. 

“You just need to keep going,” Jay said. “You’ve got a job, you’ve been clean for nearly two weeks now. Don’t worry about finding someone else, or picking up. Now’s not the time.” Harry blubbered into his shoulder, and Jay looked at Carlos over Harry’s shoulder. Carlos nodded, since Jay seemed to be looking for confirmation that he was right.

“I’ve never been without sex this long,” Harry said. “It’s driving me mad.” Jay didn’t let go, but he did look slightly worried. “Don’t worry,” Harry said, and he pulled back. “I know you two aren’t the kind to play around with others.” 

“Guess we’ve made that clear,” Carlos said with a smirk. Harry laughed, wiping his eyes. Then Carlos watched as Evie, Mal and Evie’s mom came downstairs. “Sorry. Uma stopped by to talk to Harry. She’s already gone.” 

“Are you okay?” Mal said to Harry. He nodded. 

Ma. Grimhilde stared down at Harry. “Do you stay here now?” She didn’t sound thrilled about it. 

Harry wiped his eyes, smearing his eyeliner. “Yes, they were kind enough to let me rent a room,’ he said. “I’m Harry.” She nodded. 

“Guinevere. You should wash your face and hands if you’re done crying.” Evie made a face behind her mother’s back-she sounded pretty harsh. Harry didn’t seem to take it personally, and just got up. 

“Think I will. And maybe go to my room. I could use some rest, I go in tomorrow at nine.” He stretched his arms over his head, and looked at Evie’s mom. “Good to meet you, I’ve always enjoyed watching your show. Even when we only had thirty dollars a week for groceries for the three of us. It was nice to see things to aspire too. Good night everyone.” Then he walked away, Guinevere staring at his back.

“Do you think he’s telling the truth about watching my show? I know sometimes people in those circumstances do.” She didn’t seem offended, but wondering if Harry was messing with her. It could be hard to tell if you did know him.

“He might be,” Carlos said. “Your show’s on daytime TV, I bet lots of different people watch it. How did your nails turn out?” 

Evie smiled and held her hands out. “Mom did a great job. We did this to have some fun while we talked about my future. We’re trying to figure out if I should go back to school next semester or not.” 

“I vote for no, for the record,” Mal said. “I think it can wait another few months. I don’t want Evie getting overstressed again.” 

“Yes, and mom wants me to go,” Evie said, sitting down on the couch next to Crlos, making him more closer to Jay, who took his hand. “I’m somewhere in the middle. So we’re talking about it.” Evie’s mom took the cue to sit down as well, in a chair on the other side of the stereo sat in the corner. 

“I guess you shouldn’t go until you’re sure,” Ms. Grimhilde said. “But at the same time, I’m afraid you’ll forget things. And I don’t want you to waste time.”

“She’s recovering, it’s not wasted time,” Jay said with some heat in his voice. Carlos squeezed his hand. “Sorry, I just don’t see how more pressure is going to help anything.” 

Guinevere looked at their hands, and then at Carlos. “Huh. Evie never came right out and said you and Jay were partnered, but I guess it’s not a surprise.” She stood up. “May I get something to drink before I go?” 

“Do you want me to get it for you?” Carlos let go of Jay’s hand and stood up, while Jay glared at him. Carlos glared back-he couldn’t help it if Guinevere’s presence brought out old polite habits. He went to the kitchen. “We have bottled water now, we started keeping it for you.” 

“Yes, thanks. I’m not picky about brands.” Carlos wasn’t sure he believed that, but he took a nice glass bottle of water out of the fridge and handed it to her. “Do you need anything else?” She shook her head. “Okay, I’ll go back then.” He walked to the living room where Jay was pouting. 

For a while, they just chatted. Mal talked about her day more, and Evie about hers. It was getting dark, and they were all winding down. Evie’s mom just sat alone in the kitchen, for some reason. Maybe she needed a break. After a while, she came back. 

“Well, I should go,” she said. “I have shooting tomorrow. Evie, talk to me when you can. Mal, are you having any trouble with the car?” She shook her head. “All right, let me know.” Evie stood up and her mom kissed her on the cheek before she left.

“She never used to be affectionate at all,” Evie said as she watched her mom drive away. “She’s changing. I know Jay can’t see it, but I can.” 

“I hope you’re right,” Jay said. He got up and stretched. “Okay, I got up super early to surf, and I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” Carlos didn’t say anything, but he followed him to their bedroom. He saw Mal smirk at Evie, but said nothing. 

They went to their room, and Carlos turned on some music to drown out any sounds. Jay took the tie out of his hair, shaking it out. Then he started taking everything else off. Carlos did too, until they were standing naked in front of each other. 

“Seems like we don’t get enough time,” Jay said as he pulled Carlos in. “I know you get pissed when I spend time with my friends.” 

“Maybe I just need more friends,” Carlos said, and moaned as Jay started kissing his neck. He put a hand in Jay’s hair, trying to hold him in place. 

“Mmm, no, want more,” Jay said. Carlos let go and Jay slid to his knees. 

“Our bed’s right there,” Carlos said. Jay smiled and shook his head. 

“I’m fine right here,” he said, and Carlos threw his head back as Jay touched him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I wonder why Jay and Carlos have the only downstairs bedroom. (I know why-it's because I can picture the lower floor much easier than the upper). Everyone can hear them!


	27. Attractions and Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal is working hard, and feeling distant from Evie. Meanwhile, Jay's on the road again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a mention of a violent crime here. The skater I based Jessie on is in prison for life, so that gives you an idea.

**Mal**

Mal had been working hard. Her new job meant that she got there early and worked late, doing news bits about sports and what the producer called ‘lifestyle pieces’. Basically, gossip. She didn’t have any problems with the content or the hours. And once she got used to the cameras, it was pretty easy. 

The producers loved her, since she didn’t have much of an ego about it. She had an ego about her skating, but not this. Her only issue was with the makeup artist trying to make her look like every other MTV person. That didn’t sit well with her. She did say yes to a few false lashes, though. 

After one long day, she was coming home around seven pm, and walked in to find the house quiet. “Evie?” She heard rustling upstairs. “Babe?” 

“Yes,” she said, and Mal headed upstairs. She found Evie at her vanity mirror, making a bracelet. She looked up briefly, then back down. “How long were you there today?” 

Mal sat on their bed. “About ten hours. I did so many news reports, so many takes. We had sushi for lunch, which I don’t even like. But it was a good day, just long. What did you do?” 

Evie smiled, putting the bracelet down. “I worked six hours at the bead shop, then I went and bought a skirt. Mom called, and we talked a few minutes. Everyone else has been in and out I just missed you.” 

“I know. I’m working really hard.” Mal remembered something then. “Shit! Did Jay leave today?” 

“No, that’s tomorrow,” Evie said. “You’ll get to see him tonight, unless he decides to stay in bed with Carlos like the last two times.” 

“Damn them for being happy, huh?” Mal was so proud of both of them. They were getting over all the things they’d been through. “Hey, you haven’t kissed me yet.” Mal held out her arms. 

Evie smiled and came over. The kiss was sweet, but too brief. “Evie, is everything okay?” Mal didn’t know what was going on. “Did I do something?” 

“No, I just never see you.” Evie gave her a sad smile. “And I’m still adjusting to the house and what everyone’s up to. Everything’s going so fast. And I can’t visit you on set, which I hate. But I want you to be okay, and to do well. I’ll work out my own problems.” 

“Is it because I work so many hours?” Mal didn’t feel reassured by what Evie said at all. “I know it’s a lot, and I’m hungry and so tired. And we never get to spend time together.” Mal was starving, she did need to eat. But if she did that, she would get drowsy and sleep instead of spending time with her girlfriend. 

“Maybe it is the hours a little bit,” Evie said. “And come downstairs if you’re hungry, we’ll find you something to eat. I can see what we have and I’ll fix dinner for you.” 

“Thanks, but I don’t know if I want to yet.” Mal tried to pull Evie in, but she slipped out of her hands. “Evie?”

“No, you need to eat. Meet me downstairs.” Then Evie left, while Mal stood there in confusion. 

What was going on?

…

**Jay**

Jay was back out on a short tour. They were in Mexico, with the usual crowd. Meaning him, Jason, and Mike were spending a lot of time together. That was fine by him, but Jason was a little drunk, and wanted to ask questions when they were in their room.

“So like, you do the same things with Carlos and he does them to you?”

“We’ve told you this,” Jay said, a little exasperated. “We both get each other off. One person doesn’t just do everything. At least we don’t. You’ve starting to ask a lot of questions about queer sex, man. I’m going to start wondering.” 

“Oh no. I’m not ready for that,” Jason said, running his fingers through his short dark hair. “It’s just fun to talk about. I know you got no interest in me, so I can ask.” Jay nodded, because that was true. His hero-worship of Jason had worn off. He couldn’t see Jason sexually at all now, Mike either. “And if I asked Carlos he’ll kick my ass again.” 

“Kick your ass for what?” Mike had walked in without knocking, which was something he did surprisingly often if he liked you. Jay and Jason shared a look. “Or is that something I shouldn’t ask?”

“Carlos hit Jason in the jaw once,” Jay said carefully. “For calling him names.” Mike didn’t press further, and soon they changed the subject. Jay was glad. He was ninety five percent sure that Mike knew about him and Carlos, but he was fine with never talking about it if that’s what Mike wanted to do. 

Then the tour manage came down the hall, yelling for everyone to get their boards and meet in front of the van, so that was that. 

The rest of the day was fun. Jay did a short set, and then skated doubles with Mike. It was a hot, pretty day, the fans were crazy, and there was a stage for punk bands. Fuck, he loved Mexico. 

“You love anywhere you can drink legally,” Mike said later, rolling his eyes. 

“Fuck off, I’ve had two beers.” Mike snortlaughed. Now that Mike was losing his inhibitions around Jay, he could be kind of annoying sometimes. “And anyway, that’s all I’m doing. We’re traveling tomorrow, right?” 

“Yeah, not far.” They were in Mexico City, but were heading a few places in central Mexico. Jay had heard some places might be dangerous, so they were keeping to areas that were known to be safe for travelers. “I hear there’s gonna be like, a festival. So we’re just part of it.” 

“Cool.” Just then, Jason came running over to them, looking panicked. “Jason! What’s wrong?” 

“I got bad news,” Jason said. “I swear I just found out. Jay, Randy’s here. His manager and him just showed. He’s been added on for tomorrow, so he’ll be traveling with us.” 

Jay dropped his beer and bent over double, his stomach cramping immediately. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry. Look, take deep breaths…” Jay could hear the panic in Jason’s voice, and under it, he could hear Mike talking to him gently as he moved Jay to a bench nearby. 

Mike sat with him as Jay tried to get a hold of himself, but his stomach was twisting. Jason had run off, but he was back soon with a bottle of horchata. “Here, this should help, drink this slowly.” Jay sipped some of it, and he let the rice and cinnamon drink soothe him. “Better? I’m really sorry.”

“No,” Jay said, and coughed. “I’m glad you told me. It’s better than seeing him out of nowhere. His manager is with him?” 

“Yeah.” Jason put a hand on his rm to steady him. “I’ll keep you away from him if that’s what you want. Mike too.” 

“Thanks,” Mike said. Jay looked at him, wondering if Mike was okay. He looked the same as he always did, but more tense around the eyes. “I don’t want to talk to him.” 

“I don’t think I do either,” Jay said to Jason. “But if you talk to him yourself, that’s fine.” Jay still believed that Randy needed a friend in his life, and he hoped Jason could do it. 

“I will. He might not talk to me though. He thinks I’ve taken your side. And I kind of have, but at the same time...he’s Randy. I’ve known him for so long. I just want him to get better.” Jason looked away, and Jay wondered if he was going to cry.

“Hey, we know that,” Jay said. “It’s okay.” He drank more of his horchata, already feeling better. “Where do we go now, back to the hotel?” 

“We can,” Jason said. “I want to watch the kids skating over there, though.” There was an area for the local kids to skate, and it was a pretty good setup. 

Jay looked over at Mike. “You want to stay or go back with me?” He kind of wanted to be in his room in case Randy was around. 

“Let’s go back,” Mike said. Jason thumped Jay on the back, and then left them to find a bus. 

…

_Mal_

Mal had another long day of filming, then another, then a day off. She wanted to spend it with her friends, but everyone was busy. So she went to the skate park. 

That was a mistake. 

She noticed a bit change in energy when she got there, people were glaring at her, or smirking. She had skated down, the way she always did, but someone passed her and hissed “Where’s the Mercedes?” What the fuck?

She found Aziz, and waited for him to stop skating. “Hey man, why is everyone acting weird?”

He smiled at her, polite as always. “Oh. Your first clip appeared on MTV yesterday.”

“Great!”

“And now everyone thinks you’ve sold out.” 

“Oh. Shit.” Mal hadn’t really entertained that as a possibility. “Sold out what? My prize money was a fourth of what the guys get. Wanting to put gas in my car is selling out now/” She was suddenly too pissed to skate. “Well, this ruins my day.” 

“They’re being stupid. And some skate zines are talking about it too. I won’t tell you details because I don’t want you to shoot the messenger.” Aziz walked with her, one hand on the middle of her back. “If you want, we can go back to your place and watch TV or something.”

“Maybe.” He seemed sincere, but Mal didn’t know he he was trying to come on her. “Maybe you can skate back with me at least. You know I’m dating someone, right?” 

“Yeah, people have told me,” Aziz said casually. “Wait, you thought I was going to try something?” He looked over at her, and Mal shrugged, embarrassed. “I wouldn’t do that. I don’t bother people like that, and I was told you’d knock my head in anyway.” 

“I mean, you’re attractive, far as I can tell,” Mal stammered, and Aziz laughed. “Okay, I’m being an idiot, you told me you knew.” They walked out of the park and skated to Mal’s place. “You wanna come in and get something to drink?” 

“Yes, thank you.” Mal got him a Coke, their booze had been running low. They sat at the kitchen table and Mal drank her Coke as well. “You really don’t need to worry about it,” Aziz said. “They’ll get over it, and it’s just petty bullshit anyway.” 

“Thanks. You’re a good guy.” She sipped more of her soda. “Why don’t I ever see you with anyone? You don’t date?”

“I’m being a good boy,” Aziz said. “My parents are great people, but they have some hangups about me dating. Which is weird, because I know that they married for love. But then they got in power, and now, all the old traditions sound like a great idea to them.” Aziz shook his head. “This is why I want to stay in LA. I don’t care about what they have, really. I would suck at politics. I’m interested in zoology.” 

“Sounds great to me,” Mal said. She realized some of the rumors about Aziz seemed to be true. “You should do what you want. Nobody should be forced into something. Hey, I need to get dinner started, it’s my night to cook.” Her, Evie, and Harry had been trading off cooking duties. “You can stay if you want.” 

“Inviting me to dinner? Okay.” Aziz smiled at she got up, and Mal felt some butterflies as she passed him. What was that about? She barely knew Aziz. Did he make her nervous, somehow? She went to put some music on to cover the silence, grabbed the little cookbook Uma had gotten her, and got the hamburger out. 

…

**Jay**

Jay was in his room with Mike, playing cards, when heard Randy’s voice down the hall. Jay didn’t even know he’d gotten up before he found himself in the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. _Shit._ He was reacting very violently. Maybe not seeing him for months gave him a false sense of security. 

‘Hey,” Mike said. “It’s okay. He’s passed our room now.” Jay tried to get a hold of himself. He was shaking and breathing hard, but he opened the door. Mike gave him a crooked smile and a pat on the back. Mike wasn’t a hugger. 

“Thanks,” Jay said. They left their card game and sat on Jay’s bed, Jay with his arms wrapped around himself. “How are you?” Mike stiffened up, and Jay remembered that Mike might not know Jason told him. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Jason told you.” It wasn’t a question. Jay nodded. “It’s okay. And I deal with it...like I always have.” Mike turned his face away. “I don’t remember much, not because I was drunk, though. If I don’t want to remember something, I just don’t. But I remember enough to know what happened.” 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” Jay said. Mike didn’t look over. “I’m really grateful, you know, that you’ve helped me. Just let me know what I can do to help you.” 

“You never make fun of me for being quiet and studying,” Mike said in a whisper. “You’re nice, open-minded. You don’t really have to do much else.” Mike turned to face him, brushing a few tears away. “Can I ask you something?”

“Is it about Carlos?” Jay had a feeling, and he was right, going by Mike’s blush. 

“He’s yours?” Mike said it matter of factly, but with a little hope in his voice. Jay knew Mike could be lonely, and he probably wanted someone in his life. 

“Yeah. I’m his, too. Goes both ways.” Mike smiled big enough to nearly split his face. “Okay, now you and Jason know, but it doesn’t get any further, okay? I can’t trust some of these guys.” He couldn’t imagine what Jessie would do if he found out. He’d taken to trying to lead prayer groups before skating. He didn’t have many people joining him.

“No, it’s okay. I mean, I’m not gay myself, but. You should be happy.” 

Jay laughed a little. “I really am. Past few months have been hard, but we’re making it.” They sat together in silence for a while. 

“Wait, is this why Carlos punched Jason?” Jay cracked up. “Oh, shit!”

“He almost took Jason’s head off,” Jay said, still laughing. “It was terrifying at the time, but now it’s really funny.” Mike laughed too, and Jay almost forgot about Randy. 

The next day though, they were all in the van together. Randy still had his manager with him, which was...weird. He didn’t say a word to anyone. Jay decided to not look at or talk to him for the entire ride. If he had to talk to him later, he’d deal with that when it happened. 

His stomach hurt, though. He kept sipping some of the apple flavored soda Jason had given him, and hoped it would go away. He caught Randy staring at him a few times, despite him trying not to look back. It wasn’t a fun trip. 

When they got there, the festival atmosphere cheered Jay up. It worked on the rest of the skaters too. The ride had been tense, nobody knowing how to break the awkwardness. But then they got their boards and went to the skate setup, and it was almost normal.

Jay should’ve watched his back better though, because when he was checking out the half-pipe, he heard “Hey,” behind him. He turned around. 

“Randy, I really don’t want to talk to you,” he said in as calm a voice as he could. He could feel his hands shake. “I don’t want to give you a hard time, but I’m not interested in having a conversation.” 

“I’m sorry,” Randy said. “What I did was wrong. I had to go to a mental hospital. I’m not doing well.” 

_You’re getting what you deserve,_ a mean voice in Jay’s head whispered. He decided not to voice that. “I hope you’re doing better now, and one day I might forgive you. But for now, I can’t. And you better apologize to Mike too.” He made himself look Randy in the eye, and he kept his voice steady.

“He won’t let me,” Randy said. He really did look like shit, flat and tired. Was he on medications? Jay thought he might be. Randy let out a shaky breath. “Okay. I said what I needed to, I’ll leave you alone.” 

“Bye Randy.” Jay walked away, went to the bleachers, sat down, and had a minor breakdown. He curled on himself and shook until he felt a hand on his back. He looked up to see Jason’s face twisted in anger. 

“I told him not to do that,” Jason said. “But he swore his shrink said he needed to take responsibility for his actions. He coulda done it without scaring you.” Jay took a deep breath. 

“I know he felt like he had to, but I wish he hadn’t,” Jay said. Then the first of the skaters went up, and Jay let himself zone out, watching people skate. He didn’t want to think about Randy anymore. When it was his time to skate, he just let his mind blank out and did the best he could.

The rest of the day was fine. Randy didn’t talk to him, and his manager was back to babysitting him, it looked like. Fine by Jay. Mike said nothing about Randy, but he stuck close to Jay for most of the day after that. 

They didn’t get a hotel, instead piling back in the van to go to the next place. Jay fell asleep as soon as they started moving.

…

**Mal**

Mal finally had a day off, which was good. She had planned to spend it catching up at home, but then Harry came to talk to her that morning. 

“I have to have a meeting with Grant,” he said. “I don’t know why he wants to do this in person. I have Chad’s lawyer friend, but could you come with me?” 

Mal turned off the stove. “Sure. I’ll just have a sandwich for breakfast. We can go whenever you want.” 

“No, you can have breakfast, I wasn’t rushing.” Harry got himself a cup of coffee. “I’m too nervous to eat. We’re meeting in the lawyer’s office, I didn’t want to see him at his.”

“Probably a good idea.” Mal was glad to have something to focus on. Evie was being distant, and she didn’t know why. They hadn’t had sex in days, and Evie was spending more time at her mothers. Mal didn’t know what she’d done wrong. 

And while that was happening, Aziz had called a few times and they had hung out once. She liked hanging out with him, he was a nice guy. Outside of her housemates, she didn’t have many positive relationships with men. Was she interested in him? 

She pushed that aside. That was stupid. So instead, she finished breakfast, got her things, and her and Harry went to the lawyer’s office. She hoped this wouldn’t take long, she didn’t want to spend her whole off day in an office.

They didn’t. The lawyer Chad got them didn’t actually have to do much, or Mal, but they were there while Harry officially fired Grant. Grant seemed annoyed that he wasn’t alone with Harry. Mal’s stomach twisted thinking about that, knowing that Grant manipulated Harry. But he didn’t have a chance then, so it was over soon. 

“Thank you,” Harry said when they stopped for burgers. “I just wanted a friend with me. The lawyer was great, but I know you.” 

Mal popped a few fries in her mouth. “I’m glad you asked me. You’re living here now, so I want to help.” Harry smiled at that, wistful. 

“You accepted me better than I expected. I thought you’d take Uma’s side.” 

Mal shook her head. “I can see both sides. Has she talked to you?”

“She’s left me messages on the phone,” Harry said. “But I think she calls when she knows I’m out.” Harry started at the table for a bit. “Let’s take this with us, I want to go back home.” 

“Got it.” Mal wrapped up their food and they got in the car. On the way there, she started thinking about Aziz, and Evie, and how confusing everything was. “When we get home, I want to ask you something.” 

“Oh. Okay. Why not here?” Harry didn’t sound put out, so Mal figured this was good. 

“Well, it’s pretty personal, but-Harry, how did you know you liked boys and girls?” 

“Oh. That didn’t take long. I think I was twelve when I got in trouble for kissing both a boy and a girl when we were in band room.” 

“You kissed a boy and a girl? Wait-you were in band?” Harry glared at her and she laughed so hard she almost missed the exit. 

“Shut up, I was very good at clarinet,” Mal cackled. “Anyway, why are ye asking?” 

Mal quieted down, not looking over at Harry. “I don’t know. I’ve felt some attraction, to a guy. It’s really confusing, since that’s never happened to me before.” 

Harry didn’t say anything at first. Mal was wondering if she had offended him. Then she heard in a soft voice, “Is it me?”

Mal laughed. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you, I swear.” She kept laughing, and heard Harry’s laugh join in with hers. “I didn’t expect that, sorry. No, someone else.” 

“Wait now,” Harry said as Mal drove. “You’ve been spending time with Aziz. He flirting with you now?” 

“I don’t know about flirting,” Mal said as she turned onto their street. “He said he knew I was involved. He’s just been a friend, and now I think I’m finding him attractive. It’s really strange.” 

“Well, at least you know it’s on yer end,” Harry said. “You can watch out for it. Why are you spending so much time with him, anyway? He’s a nice bloke, sure. But why?”

Mal pulled the car back behind the house. She put it in park, and sat there. “Mal?” Harry sounded a little nervous. Mal grabbed the neck of her t-shirt and pulled it over her face as she started crying. “Mal, hold on-”

“Evie’s pulling away from me,” Mal said between sobs. “I don’t know what to do, she only talks to me a little, she spends so much time with her mom or doing other things. It’s like she doesn’t need me anymore. I don’t know what to do, I can’t handle it.” She kept crying, even as she felt Harry put an arm around her. 

“It’s all right,” Harry said, crooning into her ear. “She’s probably just busy, maybe you should talk to her. I think that’s a good idea eh?” Harry pulled her in for a hug, rubbing her back. 

“I’m afraid too. What if I talk to her, and she breaks it off? I can’t go on without her, I can’t.” She kept crying. Harry kept whispering to her that it was all right, that Evie still loved her. After a while, she calmed down, and they went inside. 

Just her luck, Evie was home when they came in through the back door. She was in the kitchen, reading a book and looked up when they came in. “Hi, I got home early- Mal, what’s wrong?” Mal tried to move past Evie, but she blocked the doorway. “Mal, talk to me.” 

“Maybe the two of you should go upstairs to talk,” Harry said. Mal turned to give him a grateful look as Evie took her hand and led her to their room. She felt her feelings freeze in her throat, and didn’t think she could say anything. 

Evie closed the door to their room and stood in front of it, crossing her arms. “Mal, talk to me.” Mal backed up, not knowing what to say. “Did I do something?” 

“Are you going to break up with me?” Mal didn’t plan on blurting that out, and from the look on Evie’s face, she wasn’t expecting it. “You don’t want to talk to me, we’re not having sex, and I don’t what’s going on. Is it because of my job?” 

“What?” Evie stared at her. “I haven’t...we haven’t had as much time together, and I’ve been tired. Do you really think I want to leave you? I risked my mom cutting me off because I wouldn’t leave you, remember?” 

“Then why won’t you talk to me!” Mal started crying again. “Is it your mom? And...I have to tell you something. I’ve been attracted to someone else. But I haven’t done anything! I’m so confused.” Mal dropped her hands and flopped on the bed. 

Evie stood in place for a minute. Mal didn’t look over, expecting her to leave. Then she felt Evie’s hand brushing through her hair. Mal didn’t move, didn’t look over, even when she felt the bed dip as Evie sat next to her. 

“Come on, sit up,” Evie said. Her voice was gentle, but Mal could hear the steel in it. Msl slowly pulled herself up until they were sitting side by side. “You really think that I’m going to leave you?” 

“I dunno. Maybe.” Mal answered in a soft voice. “We haven’t had sex, and I barely see you. And you choose to spend so much time with your mom. And I don’t hate her at all, I really don’t anymore, but...I just don’t have you home like I did.”

“I’m actually home a lot. But you haven’t been.” Mal covered her face. “No, it’s okay. You’ve been working really hard, and I’ve just been giving you space to get used to it. And I’m still having to work so hard on myself, so I’m going to therapy and spending time with my mom.”

Mal didn’t say anything, just hung her head while Evie played with her hair. “I guess I haven’t been focused on sex,” she said carefully. “Because I’m still trying to be okay with this body. Now that I’m recovering. I didn’t mean to leave you out.” Mal looked up, and Evie gave her a sad smile. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like this. I didn’t know you’d take it so personally.”

Mal felt a stab of guilt for that. She was being clingy, demanding. Evie was just trying to grow and maybe Mal was holding her back. “I thought the worst was happening. That you were outgrowing me.” Evie shook her head, and leaned in for a kiss. 

The kiss was sweet, and Mal relaxed a little After a few minutes, Evie pulled back. “Are you all right now?” Mal nodded. “So tell me about this girl you’re attracted to! Is she pretty? I won’t be jealous if she’s pretty.” 

“Uh, that’s another thing.” Mal ran a hand through her hair. “You know how I’ve been hanging out with Aziz some?” Evie stared at her, her forehead wrinkled up. “He hasn’t done a thing, been a complete gentlemen, but I guess I just found him...”

“Charming? Not bad for a guy?” Mal couldn’t help it, she giggled. Evie pulled her in for a hug. “Oh sweetie. You were just lonely.” Mal figured that was probably it. She wasn’t bi, she didn’t think. Aziz was just a friend. 

And everything would be fine, because she’d never do anything about it. Evie kissed her again, and Mal forgot about it.

…

**Jay**

“So where are you all going after this?” Jason was lying on his bed, head hanging over the side. Jay and Mike were on Jay’s bed, Mike reading a book. Jay was tossing wadded up paper into the wastebasket. 

“Well, there’s that competition in three weeks,” Jay said. “So we got that.” 

“True.” Jason sighed. “I am so bored right now. I kind of want to get a bottle of tequila just to have something to do.” 

“I know what you mean, but we better not.” They were flying back tomorrow, and flying with a hangover was the worst. And Jason didn’t need to be drinking that much, since he might do speed if he was drunk. “I kinda want to get back home.”

“Yeah, to your baby,” Jason said, giggling like a ten-year-old. Jay threw a paper ball directly into Jason’s face. “Hey! Fuck off. I’m just jealous ‘cause I’m single.” That got a laugh out of everyone. “But seriously, what do you want to do?”

“Well, I can tell you guys this.” He saw Mike put his book up. “I’m trying to find my mom. I don’t even remember her, she’s been gone so long. I hope you guys don’t think I’m idiots for this.” 

“No,” Mike said. “If that’s what you want. I mean, I don’t have any experience with things like this, but yeah. Go for it.” 

“Yeah, defiantly,” Jason said, stretching his arms up. “I mean, if you don’t have any expectations, maybe it won’t be a disappointment if it doesn’t turn out good. I think you should try.” Jay grinned. He had great friends. 

Just then, he heard panic and shouting from Shane the tour manager. “Everyone stay in your rooms! You fucking hear me? Everyone stay where you are!” There was a thud from his fist hitting the wall. 

“What the fuck?” Jason flopped off the bed and stood up, going for the door. He got it partially open, and Shane stood in front of it. “What happened? Why can’t we leave?” 

“The cops have been called,” Shane said. Jay sat up, horrified. Shane never seemed fazed by anything, but his face was white. “Jessie’s in big trouble. Don’t leave your rooms. If they see you out, you might go to jail. They might think you did what he did.” 

“Wait. What did he do?” But Shane just shook his head and left. Jason shut the door and ran to the window. They all crowded in front of it to see Jessie get dragged into a police car. He was screaming something that Jay didn’t understand. It looked like he’d found something, coke or speed. But this was more serious than simple possession, had to be. 

“Oh fuck. Did you hear that?” Jason’s face was frozen in an expression of horror. 

Jay had a typical Californians limited grasp of Spanish, but he shook his head. “That cop, just now. He said Jessie killed someone.” 

They all stood there in stunned silence. Finally, Jason broke it.

“I’m not having fun anymore.”


	28. Aftereffects (But We Have Each Other)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay gets back from Mexico and tries to readjust.

Carlos drove to the airport alone to get Jay. He had been delayed a couple of days after what had happened. It was all over the news: a skateboard champion had murdered a girl and left her body in the desert. Carlos couldn’t believe it. Jessie had sounded like a piece of shit, but not on that level. 

When he got to the airport, Jay was waiting outside. Carlos helped get is stuff in the car and then they got in without a word. He sneaked a look at Jay as he pulled out. Jay looked exhausted. 

When they got on the interstate, Carlos said “Are you okay?” 

“Not really,” Jay said. “The cops thought the other skaters had something to do with it at first. Everyone got their rooms searched. A few guys got busted for drugs. But they couldn’t find anything on me, Jason and Mike. We hadn’t left the room all day, and there were witnesses to that.” Jay’s voice sounded tired. 

“Did you talk to Arise?” 

“Oh yeah. Jerry gave me a lot of good advice for dealing with the police and press. Basically, disavow Jessie as much as possible. Which wasn’t hard.” Jay went quiet for a while. “What if this ruins skating? And then I’ll have nothing after working for it, after lying for it, after...” Jay stopped there. “After what happened.” 

“I know, I know Jay. But I don’t think this can stop anything. Jessie’s just one person, skating’s a lot bigger than him. I know you’ll be fine. You had nothing to do with this.” Carlos was talking a good game, but inside he felt like pins and needles. What if this did backfire on Jay somehow? 

“I hope so.” Jay was quiet most of the way back. When Carlos turned onto the road they lived on, he suddenly spoke up. “Oh, and Randy was there.”

“Goddamn son of a bitch,” Carlos swore, trying to keep his eyes on the road. “What happened?”

“He apologized,” Jay said with a sigh. “I told him I couldn’t forgive him yet. He didn’t look too good.”

“Good.” Carlos had no more sympathy for Randy. He was sure Randy’s life sucked, but that didn’t change what he’d done. “I hope he stays away from you.” 

“Me too.” They parked in front of the house and went inside. The house didn’t seem to have many people, except for some noise in the basement. They put Jay’s luggage in their room, and then went downstairs to find Harry down there with a boy Carlos had never seen before. “Hey.”

Harry looked up from the magazine he was reading, ignoring the movie playing. “Hi. This is Sean, my friend from work. We’re just watching some new releases before he has to go home.” 

“Yeah,” Sean said. He looked about eighteen, with badly dyed blond hair cut in a preppy way, and he was wearing a polo. A little more clean-cut than Harry’s usual type. “Harry told me about you two, said that Jay was a star skateboarder.” 

Jay laughed. “I don’t know about that,” Jay grinned. “But I just got back from tour. It’s good to meet you. Hey, I’m hungry, does anyone want to order pizza?” Carlos watched Jay, and he could tell that he was acting happier than he felt. But at the same time, he was being really friendly to Sean. 

They all agreed on pizza, and then Carlos went upstairs to place the order, checking the messages while he did. There were a few from Jerry, a couple from Evie, one from Uma, and one from his mom. 

“Hello darling,” she said. “Good news, I’ve only got probation. I’ll be home for the holidays if you want to come.” Carlos had never spent a holiday with his mom, she always chose to travel without him. “I hope you’re doing well. Call me when you can.” 

Carlos stood there for a minute, not knowing what to say. Did she really want to see him? Who knew. He didn’t know his mother at all. After a minute, he ordered the pizza and then went back downstairs. 

Jay was seated in the chair closest to Sean, and making conversation. He looked concerned when he saw Carlos. “My mom left a message,” Carlos said. Jay’s face immediately darkened. “We can talk about that later. And Jerry has left you some, you better let him know you’re back.” Carlos figured he'd tell Harry about Uma's message later.

“Yeah,” Jay said, and jogged up the stairs. 

Carlos sat down where Jay was. “So you’re Harry’s co-worker?” Sean gave him a sweet smile, and they talked a bit. Carlos thought that Sean was smart, nice, and sheltered. Was Harry sleeping with him? Trying to get over Uma? He wasn’t that much younger, but he seemed too innocent to Carlos. 

Jay came down later. “Hey, got a meeting tomorrow about what happened with Jessie. They just want to check in with me, I think.” 

“Oh, I saw that on the news,” Sean said softly. “That’s really scary.”

“Jessie was always a cunt,” Harry said, and Sean giggled. “He was. We got into a fight and that basically killed my skating career. But still, never thought he’d do that.” 

“I don’t know exactly what happened, and I don’t want to,” Jay said. “If he did it, he can rot.” Harry and Carlos nodded. Sean seemed a little shocked. But he said nothing, and after a while, Harry changed the movie. 

After an hour, Carlos heard more noise upstairs. “I think that’s Evie,” he said. “I know she’s going to want to see you, she was worried sick.” Jay got up and hugged Carlos before going upstairs. Carlos heard a loud “There you are!” and smiled. 

“Good, think she’s making dinner tonight,” Harry said. Then he looked at Sean. “Do you need a ride home?” 

“I can call my friend,” Sean said. “I know you don’t have a car.” Sean got up. “Can I use your phone?”

“Yeah, I’ll show you where it is.” Carlos went upstairs with Sean. Sean made it quick. 

“I’m gonna be on the porch,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind me coming over.” 

_This kid is too sweet,_ Carlos thought. “No problem. If you want to come by again that’s fine. I didn’t know Harry had any friends from his job.” 

“Mostly just me,” Sean said, grinning. He had a cute gap between his teeth. “Thanks.” Then he went outside. 

Carlos went back downstairs, having a few questions for Harry. Harry was now lying on the couch, lazily watching the movie he’d put in. 

“New friend, huh?” Carlos was trying for casual, but he was sure Harry knew what he meant. 

“I’m not fucking him,” Harry said. “I’m trying to do a good deed.” Harry stretched his hands over his head. “Poor little bunny has no gay friends, so he figured out I wasn’t straight and started following me around. I’m just being a friend to him. He’s far too innocent and confused for me to even want to touch him.” 

“Confused?” Harry sighed.

“He thinks he may be straight someday, that it’s a phase. I tried telling him I thought the same thing, but he knows that I like women too, so he thinks maybe that could be him. Maybe it could, but I’ve seen no evidence of it.” Harry moved to sit up. “I just hope he doesn’t want more, I don’t want to have to turn him down.” 

“Maybe he won’t.” Carlos wasn’t sure. Harry was dangerously attractive, and a sweet young thing like Sean might be tempted. “But he can come by, if he doesn’t gossip.” If Sean had any sense, he’d be able to tell that everyone in the house was gay as Christmas. 

“Right. I had a little talk with him that everyone here had their own lives and didn’t want rumors. He took me seriously. He still lives at home, so he knows a thing about being careful.” Harry stood up, and hugged Carlos. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I mean, I guess so. I’m worried about Jay, and I can’t believe my mom called, but I’m okay.” He hugged Harry back, and Harry rubbed his back before letting go. “Thanks.” Carlos meant it, the hug had been affectionate, but there was no desire behind it. Harry had gotten over his attraction, it looked like. 

“No problem. I’m going to go upstairs and see if I can help.” Harry went upstairs, and Carlos thought about following him. But he was tired, worn out from all the worry. He laid back on the couch and fell asleep. 

“Hey babe.”

Carlos opened his eyes, squinting against the light of the TV. Jay was leaning over the couch, brushing his knuckles over Carlos’s face. “You fell asleep. Do you want something to eat? I can warm up dinner for you.” 

“Sorry,” Carlos said. He swallowed against a dry mouth. “Yeah, maybe eat something in a minute.” Jay leaned further and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “How are you?”

“Better now that I’m home,” Jay said, smiling softly. “You’re so amazing, Carlos. Did you fall asleep because you were worried?” Carlos nodded. “I know. It’s a lot to deal with. And on top of that, your mom calling.” 

“I wonder how she got out of going to jail,” Carlos said. “Maybe her lawyer wasn’t so useless after all.” He struggled to sit up. ‘I’m sorry, I should have been with you, you nearly had the cops on your ass, you could’ve gone to jail, why are you worried about me?” 

“Because you’re mine,” Jay said softly. Carlos felt a shiver down his spine. “I care about you. And yeah, it was scary, but we got lucky. The manager and everyone else on the tour all said the same thing.”

“What was that?”

“That Jay, Jason and Mike spent all their time together and were too boring to even leave the hotel if they didn’t have to,” Jay said, his face splitting into a grin. “So the police didn’t even question us more than taking our names.” 

“Oh. Good.” Carlos looked up at Jay, smiling. Jay kissed him again, then straightened up. Carlos got up, and they went upstairs. There were some leftover salad, pizza, and grilled chicken, so Carlos had some of all of it while Jay talked about his trip.

…

The next three days, Carlos had work. Jay did too, going to Arise to get schooled on how to handle the PR disaster that was Jessie’s arrest. When Carlos got home, Jay was often still out. 

“I might be interviewing Jay soon,” Mal said when he caught her at home for once. “I told them that Jay was my best friend, and they said ‘that’s no problem, it might help’. Mal shrugged. “Jay said he’s okay with it. So I guess, whenever they want us to shoot it.” 

“Good.” Mal would do her job, Carlos knew, but she wouldn’t be mean about it. “I know you’ll do a great job.” Mal smiled. “Where’s Evie?”

“I think she’s at therapy,” Mal said. “I hope she comes home soon.” Mal went into the kitchen, and Carlos could hear her rummaging around. He was bored and not hungry, so he went out the back door, stopping in his room to get his board. 

He did some skating before the sun set, just to keep from being rusty. He started when he heard someone else in the backyard. “Hey.” 

“Chad?” He hadn’t seen him in a while, between Gil and school. Chad was taking classed by then, and seemed happy. “What’s up?” 

“Just thinking about things,” Chad said. “It’s good to get out. Nice to see you on your board too. I was hoping you hadn’t forgotten how. I might have.” 

“I doubt that,” Carlos said. “Really, are you doing okay?” 

“I just needed some quiet time,” Chad said, a soft smile on his face. “I really can’t complain. Gil’s gotten a job and he’s doing well at it. He still doesn’t really like being indoors all day though. He wanted to be a lifeguard.”

“Maybe next summer,” Carlos said. LA didn’t have much in the way of seasons, but it was October now. “Sorry he doesn’t like it.” Carlos wondered if there was something off with Chad. He didn’t really like to be alone much. 

“He likes being useful,” Chad said. “He just wants to help. So he’s a great assistant.” Chad stood up. “I think I’m gonna go out for dinner by myself. Unless you want to come with me.” Carlos thought about it for a minute, then nodded. He still didn’t want to eat much, but Chad might need some company. “Okay.” They left the house together. 

When they got back, Jay was downstairs, laid back on the couch. “Hey,” Carlos said. “You okay?”

“I am,” Jay said. “I got a bonus from Arise for being a good employee, you know, for keeping my cool during a crisis.” He flashed a roll of cash. “Didn’t even give me a check, just this.” 

“Holy shit.” Carlos laughed. “How much you got there?” 

“Let me see.” Jay removed the rubber band and started counting the bills. “Two thousand, in twenties. I’m glad they didn’t give me hundreds, my bank would’ve thought I was up to something illegal for sure. I think I’m gonna hide this in our room. Or some of it, anyway.” 

“Take some to the bank.” Jay didn’t have much in the way of debts, but he could still stand to save some. “It’s great that you got that.”

“Yeah, they said I was being very mature about everything. I think I’m just in shock.” Jay stared at the money, then started rolling it back up. “I don’t know if there’s a good way to handle someone you’re on tour with doing...that.”

“Have you talked to Mike and Jason?” Jay nodded, still not looking up. “How are they?”

“Mike’s upset, hiding a lot at home. But he told me about the new book he’s reading. He seems like he’s mostly okay. Jason’s not so good.” 

Carlos felt a shiver down his spine. “Is he using?” 

“Yeah, some,” Jay said, shaking his head. “He told me he doesn’t even want it, but everything’s freaking him out. He went on a whole tirade about how he didn’t like Jessie, but he knew him, and he couldn’t believe...” Jay trailed off. “He’s not doing well.” Jay paused, putting the rubber band back over the roll. “How are you?”

“Still debating if I should call mom back.” Carlos sat next to Jay, who immediately put an arm around him. “I guess I should at least let her know I got it.”

“Yeah. At least do that. But don’t go over unless you feel you can handle it.” Jay scratched Carlos’s back, and he felt some of the tension her kept there disappear. “You know, if you do visit, I can come with you.” 

“Wait, you would?” Carlos couldn’t even imagine Jay wanting to be around his mother on purpose. “You’d do that for me?” 

“Yeah. You shouldn’t face her alone.” Jay didn’t even act like it was a big deal. “I’ll go with you, and hold your hand under the table. Maybe she won’t be awful if I’m right there.” 

“She never cared about who overheard before,” Carlos said. “But sure, maybe. I’d like it if you came.”

“Then I want to come,” Jay said, smiling. “I just love you so much. We do everything together, much as we can.”

“Much as we can,” Carlos repeated. “Yes. I like that.” Jay grinned, and pulled him in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try to be wrapping up my wips soon. I still love the boys, but a new fandom is getting my attention. But I want to finish as much as I can, so don't be upset.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never skated. I'm learning from videos and skateboarding sites. Bear with me.


End file.
